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Author Topic: I just want to call it quit sometimes  (Read 5618 times)

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Offline Jerry71

  • Member
  • Posts: 955
  • {Lexiva, Norvir, Complera} Still Breathing!!!
I just want to call it quit sometimes
« on: September 08, 2007, 12:57:55 AM »
I can not take it no more.

This damn disease!

I just wish I could just take a break form the every day pill taking. I am sitting here with all the words going through my mind and can not type.

Living alone is so depressing. I have no one to talk too. I only come on here to read the threads, and post when I can. Today has not been a very good day for me. I have started back smoking again. Seems like it is the only thing I can do right anymore.

The last few weeks I have been in hiding staying in my home not going anywhere not spending what little money I get each month with my SSI check. Then comes the bills half my money is spent on them. I just feel so fucking useless sometimes. I met someone I thought was a very nice guy come to find out all he wanted to do was spend all his money on crystal meth. He got we hooked on it and I can remember I went four days without sleeping or eating. He did not fucking care just as long as he got his fix that was all that mattered to him. He had no car so I was his only means of transportation. So the past few weeks I have been threatened by him calling me at all times emailing me and wanting to know where I was. I basicall have just kept quite and just blew him off.

I'm sorry I just needed to vent. I'm just so fucking tired of being used.

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,918
  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: I just want to call it quit sometimes
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2007, 01:05:14 AM »
Hi Jer~

Sorry you're down in the dumps, seems to be going around.  Must be the heat, huh?

I feel like you, I was holed up in my house from last Saturday until Thursday, trying not to go anywhere and spend any money.  I know it sucks. 

As for ignoring the meth guy, good choice.  You don't need to be around that shit.

I have spent far too much time alone this summer, being unemployed has drastically lessened my time with people in the outside world.  It may sound nerdy, but back in early May and June, I made myself go for walks.  Go ahead, stick your tongue out at me, lol!  I went on these walks, and if anything, it was just a distraction.  From what I recall, you live on your parents' land, down in beautiful southwestern Virginia.  Get out there and just walk.  I know it sucks to be doing shit alone, but the walk will clear your head and make you feel better.  It did for me.  Brought my cholesterol down, too!

We don't live that far apart, so maybe sometime we could meet.  You prob aren't that far from Skyline Drive.  We could go get lost in the caverns sometime!  How far are you from Warrenton?  I'll have to mapquest it. 

Thinking of you!

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: I just want to call it quit sometimes
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2007, 01:10:16 AM »
Jerry,

less than one week before AMG! Relax until then. There are more fun things to do like finding matching socks than dealing with meth addicts.

Can't wait to meet you.

Milker (who will check if you have matching socks)
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,092
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: I just want to call it quit sometimes
« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2007, 01:11:58 AM »
Cindy I think Jerry lives way down in SW Virginia... long way away from you and closer to TN/NC.

Jerry, keep that meth head away from you :)  Sorry you're having a bad night/week and I hear you about money being tight from SS.  Just keep thinking of that trip to SF you're about to take and all the good company you'll be keeping.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Dan J.

  • Guest
Re: I just want to call it quit sometimes
« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2007, 01:15:53 AM »
Jerry,

You are too good of a guy to be used by an asshole like that.  I'm sorry you are feeling down in the dumps today.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jerry}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I know it's hard living in the country without any close friends nearby. Just think, this time next week YOU will be in S.F. having F.U.N.  I can't wait to see you!

 :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

Dan

Offline Jerry71

  • Member
  • Posts: 955
  • {Lexiva, Norvir, Complera} Still Breathing!!!
Re: I just want to call it quit sometimes
« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2007, 01:17:44 AM »
I just feel so shitty posting my problems. Cindy I walk when I get the chance to until my feet go numb damn pn.

I guess I try to hard sometimes to make my family happy. Try and not get into trouble hell they will not let we even have friends over then again what friends.

Matching socks! L O L I'm just a plain white sock boy.

Offline xyahka

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  • Posts: 778
  • Dance together!! aha!! aha!! I like it!!
Re: I just want to call it quit sometimes
« Reply #6 on: September 08, 2007, 01:18:50 AM »
I wish i would live in the States, i would join you (Jer) and Cindy for a walk, that would be great!! Dr asked me to walk to low my cholesterol too.

Jer, relax, AMG is near and i am sure you will have a great time there. Everything will be ok.

Juan Carlos
13/03/07 1er diagnóstico /Peso: 79kg
19/04/07 CD4: 494 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 80kg
19/07/07 CD4: 659 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79.5kg
06/03/08 CD4: 573 (después de meses muy deprimido) /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79kg
17/09/08 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 84Kg
06/02/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 85Kg /HCV: Neg /HBV: Neg.
07/03/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg / Gym 3días/semana y Natación 2días/semana.
12/05/09 CD4: 470 /Cviral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg.
08/07/09 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 77Kg.
09/12/09 CD4: 510 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg. No medicinas aún
10/01/10 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
15/05/10 CD4: 320 /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
01/02/11 CD4: 291 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
05/05/11 CD4: 366 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
27/07/11 CD4: 255 /CViral: 138000 /Peso: 78kg.

Disfrutando y aceptando una nueva vida...

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,918
  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: I just want to call it quit sometimes
« Reply #7 on: September 08, 2007, 02:25:11 AM »
Matching socks! L O L I'm just a plain white sock boy.

Don't let JeffreyM see that post, that's his fettish!  LOL
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Jerry71

  • Member
  • Posts: 955
  • {Lexiva, Norvir, Complera} Still Breathing!!!
Re: I just want to call it quit sometimes
« Reply #8 on: September 08, 2007, 01:11:57 PM »
Feeling much better today! Just hate having those damn virus days.  >:(

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,348
Re: I just want to call it quit sometimes
« Reply #9 on: September 08, 2007, 03:53:55 PM »
Hey love,
You'll be in the best of company.
Soon. Soon. Soon.
Em

Offline DCGUY2007

  • Member
  • Posts: 315
Re: I just want to call it quit sometimes
« Reply #10 on: September 11, 2007, 01:45:03 AM »
Jerry,

I can totally relate. I too also had a friends who I discovered is using Meth. I can never tell when he calls if he is on meth or not. It gets so I don't know who I am talking too. I don't use Meth and decided the best thing to do was just keep my distance from this guy. Although I don't have many friends and feel lonely a lot I'm realizing I don't need someone in my life who is doing Meth. I feel bad for him but I can't solve his problems. I definitely hope you feel better soon

Offline joyluckclub

  • Member
  • Posts: 136
Re: I just want to call it quit sometimes
« Reply #11 on: September 11, 2007, 03:13:28 AM »
Jerry,

I understand that loneliness.  But, I've learned its better to be lonely THAN lonely and have to deal with someone else's shit!  I'm glad you are taking care of yourself by being selective in the people you let into your life.  Good for you!

I'm proud of you.  It takes courage to say, "I'd rather be alone than be with someone who is bad for me"
"Honey, be who you is"  Madea.........

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,697
Re: I just want to call it quit sometimes
« Reply #12 on: September 11, 2007, 05:06:15 PM »
Jerry, you should know by now that we do not put up a CLOSED sign when someone is having a bad virus day. We're here 365/24/7.

I do think it's kinda cheating to always wear white socks. I mean, what's the test to doing that? I actually think unmatched socks are kinda fun.

When you're in SF, I suggest you go wild and buy some freaky sock colors just to wear when you're having a bad virus day. OR a good one.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

 


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