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structuredjen:
My bf has his first offical doctors appointment scheduled in a couple weeks. The lab work for his cd4 and viral load has been completed.  He's already gone to the lab and picked up his results.  CD4 310, VL 50,000.  He tested positive August 2.

I asked him when the appointment was so I could get the time off work, and although he did give me the day and time - he ended it "Would you be dissapointed if I rather go alone?"

Dissapointed?  I was devestated.  But I realize I tend to be emotional, especially lately.

I want to go.  There is nothing more important to me right now than his health.  If it were me, I know I'd want him there, but it's not me and I remind myself of that.  I feel hurt that he doesn't want me to go, and I'm upset that I won't get to talk to the doctor and hear first hand what he has to say.

But then I step back, and re-read what he wrote.  He didn't say, "I don't want you to go". He simply asked how I would feel.  I did respond that I would be disappointed but whatever he wants to do is okay.

In the end, I just want to be there for him.  Whatever makes it easier on him is what I feel I should do.  At the same time, he's my partner, my love.  His future is our future.  I want to be there.  It's important to me.  At the same time, I don't want to add stress or make him uncomfortable by letting me come along.

What do you do?

thunter34:
Girl, let him go alone!  If there is a time somebody might seriously just want some "me time"- this is it. 

His asking "how you would feel" about it is a very gentlemanly way of saying he might wish to do this by himself.

I say give him the time and the space.  Once it settles in some, he may wish to have you come along.

But for now let him have any personal time and space he needs.

This is so not about you- it's about him right now.


Ann:
jen,

If I were you, I'd let him go alone and wouldn't make him feel like it was a bad thing. There will be plenty other doctor appointments to come - plenty - so it's not like you'll never get the chance again. Let him have his space. A doctor's appointment is a very private, personal thing, at least it is to me. Let him get to know the doctor on his own terms - and he'll probably be happy to have you come along at some point in the future. For now, let him call the shots. It's HIS illness, at the end of the day.

Ann

I see Timmy beat me to it... :)


structuredjen:
Thanks for the advice- It's exactly what I needed to hear-

It's just hard forcing myself to sit on the sidelines right now.  :(




comino:

--- Quote from: structuredjen on September 07, 2007, 02:29:55 PM ---Thanks for the advice- It's exactly what I needed to hear-

It's just hard forcing myself to sit on the sidelines right now.  :(






--- End quote ---
The fact that you are there for him through this by default makes you totally in the game, don't think for a second that you are in the sidelines.  I can only guess but I assume that your continued support is something your bf is truly thankful for.  As it's been mentioned before during this period sometimes it's better to be alone to process don't take it personal.  Thank you for continuing your support of your boyfriend.   I know that when I was going through the initial period having friends and loved ones made all the difference.  Sometimes I forgot to thank them so in case he does, know that we appreciate what you are doing and he does too
 ;D

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