Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
September 01, 2014, 05:14:28 PM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 23364
  • Latest: andy1
Stats
  • Total Posts: 636822
  • Total Topics: 48338
  • Online Today: 229
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 5
Guests: 149
Total: 154

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Finding out new BF is Pos  (Read 5245 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline robbo

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Finding out new BF is Pos
« on: August 22, 2007, 04:38:06 AM »
I recently met a guy online. We talked a couple of weeks online before finally deciding to meet. Just in conversation we hit it off really great. I was quite impressed with him. Before meeting we discussed that fact that nothing would happen between us that night. So no need for awkward first time jitters, no expectations other than to meet, hang out, talk and continue to get to know each other. So we meet, hit it off incredibly well. As the night went on, we found ourselves cuddled up on the couch watching a movie. At some point a kiss happened, then another. This did eventually lead to sex. So much for sticking with the planÖ.  During sex he was the top, and we didnít use a condom. I did end up spending the night. And the next day he wanted me to stay. I did need to leave to take care of some things at home, but I did come back a couple of hours later, and we hung out all afternoon into the evening - it was a great day. That evening, he said that he needed to talk to me about something important. He told me he was being treated for HIV. Hearing this I felt my world start to crumble. All I could think of was what happened the night before. I wanted to kill him for putting me in this position. I cursed myself for allowing it to happen. The anger I directed at myself was made even greater because I had just gotten my results back the day before we meet from my yearly test. It was negative, but the memory of the anxiety of waiting for the results was still in my mindÖ. I shouldnít have let it happen.
I listened as he spoke. He apologized for letting it happen. He had no plan of anything happening between us until it became clear if we were going to hit it off. And if we did, he would then tell me (before we ever did anything). He got caught up in the moment, just as I did. He went on to tell me that there was a chance he was misdiagnosed. Lots of details, but basically he was diagnosed from a CD4 reading of 398, no virus was found in the sample. Doc immediately started him on treatment. All labs since, normal cd4 levels, and still zero VL. More test need to be done.
But in any case, a relationship is forming between us. And for now we need to go on the assumption that he is positive. As for the incident the first nightÖ He didnít cum in me, and he doesnít pre-cum, add to that he has never had a VL of anything other than Zero - Iím not panicked. I know my odds are fine, but I also understand that the chance of exposure was still there.
Because itís apparent to both of us a relationship is growing, he sent me a link to this forum to view the discussions of pos and neg couples. I have spent many hours reading though posts, and checking out the Lessons section of the site. Iíve learned a lot, but there is still a lot of confusion in my head. Everyday he asks me what information Iíve looked up, and what questions I have for him. He also invited me to come and talk to the nurse that takes his blood work. My gut feeling is he is being honest with me about everything including test results, but of course I have considered the posibility that he may be trying to soften the blow by telling me there is a chance he was misdiagnosed. Itís a lot to take on. And unfortunately it isnít something I can talk with my friends about. Iím sure their reactions would be over-reactions in concern for my well being. Plus I need to respect his privacy.
Any and all advise would be appreciated.
Thanks.
« Last Edit: August 22, 2007, 06:37:22 AM by robbo »

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,286
Re: Finding out new BF is Pos
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2007, 09:02:03 AM »
You need to retest. 6 weeks and 13 weeks or just wait out the 13 weeks. Always use condoms. no exceptions.

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: Finding out new BF is Pos
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2007, 04:43:01 PM »
I'd be interested to know what treatment was offered with a starting point of cd4 398 vl undetectable ?

And yes you need to be tested at 13 weeks, you were at risk.

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjasô

Offline tester8888

  • Member
  • Posts: 182
  • 32,wm, gay, hiv neg at 7 weeks, friend is newly +
Re: Finding out new BF is Pos
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2007, 12:17:01 AM »
I had a similar experience as yours that has unfolded over the past few weeks.  Founding a new relationship, sleeping together, and thinking both were hiv negative.  About 2 weeks into relationship, he showed me a letter he had got in the mail from the Health Dept., which turned out he had HIV, diagnosed from a blood donation he made to Red Cross a few days before we had met (story condensed due to fact I ramble too much).  In my case, he refuses to entertain any notion of any kind of an intimate relationship, which has been hurtful.  Hopefully you two can continue to be together and be very safe in your intimate encounters.

I do have to take issue with the fact, that I think anytime someone has any kind of a communicable disease (whether it be hiv, hep, mono, strep throat, herpes, etc, etc), they/you should disclose it to you/them prior to intimacy, so that you/they can make an informed decision.  I know I may catch some flak for saying this, but no one has the priviledge to take away someone's right to make an informed decision.  I have no doubt that I have slept with people who did not disclose, and that's my fault for going to places like bath houses and bookstores; but the point is, if you are establishing a relationship with someone, then you need to found that on open communication.  I hope that you all have had a good discussion about the importance of this.  I think it's the hardest part of a relationship.

This website is a great place.  I came in here with the pall of 'omg, I may get hiv!'.  I was ignorant on many, many, many things.  My 6 week test will come up the first-second week of September.  In the first days, I could not wait to get those test results so I would know.  Now, I already know that they will probably be negative and do not angst over it.  I admired the stories that I read hear.  Enjoyed some of the personalities that I met on here.  Had fun is some of the off-topic forums.  And have been very happy to have found this wonderful place.  I am sure that you will too.  Learn what you can about not only hiv technical stuff, but about the things that are important to someone with hiv in daily life, relationships, and etc.  If you are going to be dating someone with hiv, he will need you to know all of these things.  I know that I have learned much here.

Good luck to you
Jason

7 weeks post exposure, tested HIV Negative.

Be Kind To Everyone You Meet, For You Do Not Know What Battles They Have Fought That Day.

Offline robbo

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Finding out new BF is Pos
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2007, 07:54:51 AM »
 :)  Thanks for the additional information.

I already have another appointment scheduled with my doctor in three months, so i will have her do the HIV test again.

As for the medications, from what he told me, and sorry I can't remember the names of the medications, the first doctor's approach was extremely aggressive. The strongest medications there were. He said the side effects were horrible. When he had to switch doctors, the second ones feeling were completely different because of never having a VL. Now he is on the least aggressive.

tester, I did read some of your other posts as I was exploring these forums, and I do agree, he should have told me before we went that far. But at this point it's water under the bridge. As for me, my feelings for him continue to develop. With that, there's the normal excitement of the situation - a developing relationship. But there is also the underlying fear. Fear not because of that first night. But on what dating someone who is HIV means. At times it's quite high. The panic usually only lasts a few minutes, something else pops into my head and the focus on the negative subsides. I am a little scared, I must admit, but this is all still very new to me, and a little overwhelming at the moment. I am glad he pointed me here. It's good to know I have a place to express my feeling and concerns. I usually speak to my x-wife about everything. We split 5 years ago. Last year I came out to everyone, including her and our son. We have remained very good friends and talk about everything. But this seems to be the first thing I can't talk to her about.

He told me last night that he made his next appointment with the nurse I mentioned.  It's on Tuesday, so I am going to see if I could take a day off to talk to her. He said he asked her if she would mind talking to me. She said not at all, but he does have to sign a release to allow he to. I'll have to start jotting down the questions I have or else I will forget the moment I'm talking with her.

Thanks.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2007, 07:57:36 AM by robbo »

Offline robbo

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Finding out new BF is Pos
« Reply #5 on: August 27, 2007, 09:00:43 PM »
Well the relationship continues to grow  :) . My feelings for him are quite strong. We spent this entire weekend together, from Friday until this morning. There is a closeness there that I havenít felt in quite some time. Even though, I still find myself worrying about the situation. Iíve continued to learn more and more about his condition.  Most of the time we are together, the thought doesnít cross my mind. I find that when Iím alone I worry about it much more.  I just wish there was more information available about pos/neg couples.  ??? 

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: Finding out new BF is Pos
« Reply #6 on: August 27, 2007, 11:09:19 PM »
robbo, the information is simple. Use condoms. I don't have Ann's link handy but look in the Am I Infected forums, look for her posts and click on the "Condom Info" link. There are many neg/poz couples.

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjasô

Offline robbo

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Finding out new BF is Pos
« Reply #7 on: August 28, 2007, 07:26:29 AM »
I will definitely check it out.

I should have also been a little clearer in my post. The fear isn't just for my own well being, I understand the basics about using protection. But it's for his wellbeing also. I finding myself getting angry at his x for doing this to him.

I'm sure that given time all the different emotions and concerns will settle down. They are just exaggerated at the moment because I've never been faced with this situation. And only know that I'm facing it, have I really taken steps to educate myself about what having HIV really means.

Thanks to all here for being a sounding board.

Rob

Offline redhotmuslbear

  • Member
  • Posts: 605
  • A genuine certified freak of nature, and a hot one
Re: Finding out new BF is Pos
« Reply #8 on: August 28, 2007, 11:44:47 AM »
He went on to tell me that there was a chance he was misdiagnosed. Lots of details, but basically he was diagnosed from a CD4 reading of 398, no virus was found in the sample. Doc immediately started him on treatment. All labs since, normal cd4 levels, and still zero VL. More test need to be done.

Ummm..... This doesn't sound right.

398 is well below a normal CD4 level, and it seems far-fetched for there not to be a detectable level of virus present.  "Treatment" is anti-retroviral medication; and a doctor would be careless and insurers would balk at payment for drugs if there was not a history of detectable virus.
"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." - BF Skinner
12-31-09   222wks VL  2430 CD4 690 (37%)
09-30-09   208wks VL  2050  CD4 925 (42%)
06-25-08   143wks VL  1359  CD4 668 (32%)  CD8 885
02-11-08   123wks off meds:  VL 1364 CD4 892(40%/0.99 ratio)
10-19-07   112wks off meds:   VL 292  CD4 857(37%/0.85 ratio)

One copy of delta-32 for f*****d up CCR5 receptors, and an HLA B44+ allele for "CD8-mediated immunity"... beteer than winning Powerball, almost!

Offline robbo

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Finding out new BF is Pos
« Reply #9 on: August 28, 2007, 01:14:29 PM »
Hi Redhot, I hear what your saying and as I have continued to learn more I do wonder why a doctor would make this diagnoses without some sort of solid evidence. As for insurance companies, they don't ever see results of any tests, they only know that a test was done. They must rely on a doctors expertise. So two options are possibilities, the doctor acted in hast and there may be a misdiagnoses (but maybe not) or the guy I'm seeing is trying to minimize my worries.
either way we are going away for the weekend, and I plan on doing a lot of talking about the subject and his history with it. If he's minimizing he needs to stop.
« Last Edit: August 28, 2007, 05:39:43 PM by robbo »

Offline ozzie

  • Member
  • Posts: 57
Re: Finding out new BF is Pos
« Reply #10 on: September 05, 2007, 06:02:17 PM »
My boyfriend is negative. We have been together for 3 years but I feel bad because sometimes he worries about it. I know how it feels to be in that position of do i have it or not? we have protected sex all the time but still... its not easy.  :-[
good luck with your test and your relationship!

Offline robbo

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Finding out new BF is Pos
« Reply #11 on: September 05, 2007, 06:43:53 PM »
Thanks for the support. There are times he picks up thats somethings bothering me. I try not to show it beause I don't want him to feel bad.

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.