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Author Topic: I don't know what to do(any help here?)  (Read 3111 times)

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Offline Paulette

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  • Posts: 112
I don't know what to do(any help here?)
« on: September 11, 2007, 12:05:27 PM »
let's start at the beginning, I got involved with a beautiful,loving, caring man(Well that's what i thought at the time) i had finally found my prince, we were married July 2001 and i felt like i was on top of the world. Well  I was dx:11/7/2003
I can still remember that date, it's one I'll never forget. because my whole world as i knew had changed, the man of my dreams turned out to be a nightmare who had knowingly infected me with HIV, he knew of his status before we got married, because come to find out he had buried his first wife(Whom died of PCP) i had no knowledge of any of this until after my own Dx:. I felt like our whole marriage was ONE BIG FAT LIE.  I brought charges against him and now he is serving a five yr sentence and is up for parole(after only two yrs ) and all that anger is starting to take hold of me again, because he is type of man that will only get out and do it again. I've wrote a protest letter and even started a petition to keep him behind bars where i feel he needs to stay, but at the same time I'm feeling a little guilty, because i do love him, but i don't trust. and  even after our divorce he still says he loves as been saying that all along. am I wrong for wanting him to pay for what he did?
I have HIV; it doesn't me;)

Offline cjc

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  • Sweet Girl
Re: I don't know what to do(any help here?)
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2007, 01:05:43 PM »
let's start at the beginning, I got involved with a beautiful,loving, caring man(Well that's what i thought at the time) i had finally found my prince, we were married July 2001 and i felt like i was on top of the world. Well  I was dx:11/7/2003
I can still remember that date, it's one I'll never forget. because my whole world as i knew had changed, the man of my dreams turned out to be a nightmare who had knowingly infected me with HIV, he knew of his status before we got married, because come to find out he had buried his first wife(Whom died of PCP) i had no knowledge of any of this until after my own Dx:. I felt like our whole marriage was ONE BIG FAT LIE.  I brought charges against him and now he is serving a five yr sentence and is up for parole(after only two yrs ) and all that anger is starting to take hold of me again, because he is type of man that will only get out and do it again. I've wrote a protest letter and even started a petition to keep him behind bars where i feel he needs to stay, but at the same time I'm feeling a little guilty, because i do love him, but i don't trust. and  even after our divorce he still says he loves as been saying that all along. am I wrong for wanting him to pay for what he did?
                                                                                 Hello Paulette. I have no answers for your questions but wish to welcome you to the forums. Sorry you have to be here but hope you stick around and gain some insight and healing. There are many good people here and much good information.    Cristy

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: I don't know what to do(any help here?)
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2007, 01:34:44 PM »
Paulette~

You're not wrong for feeling the way you feel.  My late husband knowingly infected me as well, but we were in love and I married him after the fact.  I knew he was scared, I knew he had no one, so maybe my situation was slightly different.  Love conquered but he eventually paid the ultimate price and died in '96.  When I disclose to people, they often can't believe that I tested pos and THEN put it all together regarding David, and THEN agreed to marry him.  Our bond was strong.  Yes, I have days where I get overwhelmed and I am angry, I am scared about what my future may hold.  It has been a long time now, and I know I can't change the past.  What's done is done. 

You should do whatever you feel you need to in order to help you deal with this.  Just keep in mind that its a rollercoaster of emotions in dealing with this virus, but you probably already know that.  Please don't neglect your own health by channeling all of your energy into dealing with your ex, tho.  Be selfish and put yourself FIRST.

I suggest you also read "By Way of Introduction" in the Women's Forum, too.  All of our stories are in there.  Most of us have had really horrible pasts, dealing with HIV is never easy.  Please know that you're not alone.

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline BT65

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  • Posts: 9,975
Re: I don't know what to do(any help here?)
« Reply #3 on: September 11, 2007, 02:34:47 PM »
Paulette-
  I was infected by my first husband and tested positive in 1989.  I'm sure he didn't know he was infected because he was such a chronic alcoholic, he was rarely ever in touch with reality.  He died when I was in treatment in '89, three days after my diagnosis.  I was angry.  Very angry.  I guess you have to do whatever you have to do to feel safe.  But, like my metal friend Cin said, don't put all your energy toward your ex.  There's nothing you can do to change him-nothing.  I understand you still love him, but if there's no trust, can there be a "good" relationship?  I don't think so. 

Welcome to the forums, though.  I hope we hear more from you.  The people on here are really the greatest.  I wish you peace-
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline HealthyMomma

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  • Posts: 128
Re: I don't know what to do(any help here?)
« Reply #4 on: September 11, 2007, 10:50:25 PM »
Welcome! Sorry we have to meet under these circumstances but glad you are here! You are not wrong for wanting him to pay for what he did! He knew before he was with you so it never should have happened! I wish you the best! ~Nicki

Offline Dragonette

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    • NotPerfectAtAll
Re: I don't know what to do(any help here?)
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2007, 03:55:09 AM »
Hi & welcome,

I am glad the guy is behind bars. This story is so common here, so many women are knowingly infected by someone who knows his status in a LTR. I have not been thru that, but when I read it I get so angry. I know reality is more complex like Cindy pointed out, but I still get mad.

Having said that, you got more of a justice than most people, the fact that the guy was convicted and was in jail says a lot. It can't have been fun for him.

Do you really think he'd do it again? That is beyond creepy. All the more reqason to stay away.

Take good care of YOURSELF,
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Paulette

  • Member
  • Posts: 112
Re: I don't know what to do(any help here?)
« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2007, 10:22:46 AM »
Thank-you Ladies for you comments and yes i do believe he will do it again for he has already buried his first wife with this disease and before me; i found out that he slept with two others who are afraid to go get tested and to stand up and do any thing about it, and he never told them about his status and one was is own brother's wife, the other was his best friend's wife and never used protection with either of them. So that makes me wonder who all else that i don't know about that he has exposed.I didn't find any of this out while we were together, he is really that type of person. he has no regards or respect for  anyone but his own self.
I have HIV; it doesn't me;)

 


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