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Hello. I just tested positive, so i want to introduce myself and share my story

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Movingon:
Hello to you all. Well this is the hardest thing i have ever done. I tested positive 4 weeks ago and i think i am now over the initial shock, but now scared to death with what the future holds. I am male , heterosexual, living in Asia (hong Kong) and have never been sick, hardly ever been to see a doctor , and still feel great. I am fit, i work out most days, i walk everywhere, and since being diagnosed i have quite smoking, hardly drink, i eat very healthy , but i dont have a very strong mind, which i know is a problem. I just think worst case scenario all the time. I think i am going to die.

I am married, my wife tested negative and is a great support to me. I have informed my boss, and 1 close friend. My family dont know yet, as i have been advised to get a grip of myself first and learn to live with this before i tell them, as apparently my hold on the situation will help my family to deal with it.

I have only had one set of lab tests so far, CD4 284, v/l 98,000 - so my infectious disease doctor says its likely i have been infected for about 5 years. I will need to start medication soon i think, but before that i have to go back again in 3 weeks to do lab tests again. I was extremely stressed out and emotional when i had my lab work done, so i am hoping that they might get better. But given what has happend to me in the past 4 weeks, nothing would surprise me now

My biggest fears are about the meds themselves, i think. I have heard some horror stories about the side effects , but i want to remain active and able to hit the gym or walk around in the parks etc. Also, me and wife really want to have kids, i have heard of sperm washing , but i think its a long shot. I just feel like my whole life has crumbled.

My doctor suggested Kaletra and Combivir, which i have heard are old, but tried and tested meds. Does anyone have any feedback or experience with these drugs ? 

I slept around alot during my 20s, protecting myself most of the time, but not all the time . I have also participated in rough contact sports all of my life, and have been punched and kicked more times than i remember. Infact, i have been to the hospital more times for stitches to my head, face, mouth and body more times than i have had a common cold !

Thats basically it, my story, i am shot scared and dont really know what to do. I work out to keep fit, and to lower my slightly high cholesterol, but now i have even been told that regular works outs can be counter productive ! So what am i supposed to do ? sit a home and get stoned and drunk ? i mean, this would make me happy but is it good ?

so many questions, so many fears, and i would really appreciate some sound advice from some people who have been here, done it, and bought the T Shirt !

Thanks alot for reading and listening, and hopefully replying

milker:
Hello lost,

thank you for sharing your story. Take a deep breath. Your numbers suggest that you may go on meds soon, and your fears are understandable. But you seem like a guy that is uplifted about life and you shouldn't change that. Many will chime in about your expected regimen and give you help. What I feel from your post is that you're a strong guy, with strong support from the people you disclosed to, so those are very good signs.

I'm glad that you found those forums, because sperm washing, family issues, have been talked about before and you will find many answers to your questions already. Use the search button and type "sperm washing" and feel free to ask questions. We are a very open group and no question will be left unanswered.

Milker.

Movingon:
Thanks for your reply. I am not sure how strong i am. I know i am physically strong, infact i reckon i could get in the ring with Tyson right now, even if he is old and not as good as he used to be. Its my head that isn't strong. I love my life and i wont want to die, its as simple as that. My life went form being the happiest i have evern been cos i got married, then bang, 6 weeks after our wedding day, i tested positive. Most marriages are tough at first, but add this in to the puzzle and you have a shit fight on your hands. I just need some help to underdtand that things will be ok. I mean, i hear of people living for 25 years plus with this, but i also hear of people dying quickly - wo whats one supposed to think ? I'm in my early 30,s and feel like i wont see 40

milker:
There are happy couples where one is hiv+ and the other is not. You will see your 40s, and your 50s and your 60s, and your 80s. If you don't, I doubt HIV will be responsible for it. In 2007, soon to be 2008, medication allows you to live your life almost as you envisioned it in the first place. There will be road blocks, but you will overcome them.

Milker.

xyahka:
Hi there, i agree with Milker, you can be optimistic about future. You will live for a long time if you look after yourself.

Talk to a nutritionist and to your Dr about your exercise routine, you still can do exercise but perhaps you might need some adjustments.

About mental strength... we are what we think we are. If you keep on telling you ... you are weak... you will be weak. Trust a bit more on yourself, you know... you have faced and almost overcame a Hiv diagnosis... to me that means you are strong. Like all of us who are still living despite this virus. Hope for the best and it will happen... and if something bad appear you will be able to change it into something good, you'll see.

check around and you will find lot of answers to your questions and feel free to ask.

hugs,

Juan Carlos

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