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Negative feedback on having babies

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HealthyMomma:
The other day I was giving my toddler and bath and was thinking how cute she is and how happy I am that I got to be her mommy. Then I remembered something the nurse that tested me for HIV said to me. After I found out I was poz, I decided I was still gonna have a baby. She told me that having a baby was not a good idea and I should reconsider. That hurt my feelings but several weeks later was still in the mindset to have kids eventually. She told me that having kids was one of the worst things I could do and that it would be selfish of me to do so. I moved and thankfully dont have to see that bitch anymore. My docs here are WONDERFUL and my little girl is negative. Even though she is healthy and I know I made a good decision by becoming a mother I can't help but get her nasty comments out of my head from time to time. How is it that a nurse can be so uneducated and cruel? Just wondering if anyone here has had similar issues where they got negative comments about getting/being pregnant because of their HIV status?

Ulong:
I had a Gyn who was just dying to do a hysterectomy. If I had agreed, I think he would have done one on the spot with any available instrument. Really, every time I was in for a regular pap smear he would thrill me with new and different ways to get my uterus out of my body. His motivation was clearly to have me "fixed", the first time I met him he told me I had a 75% chance of having a baby who was HIV positive. Thank goodness I blew him off and still have all my equipment, even if I haven't used it for childbirth. Just goes to show--- having a medical degree doesn't mean you aren't a judgemental ass. Or that you have a brain, I mean, 75%? What was he smoking when he made up that statistic? Must have been a damn good drug connection.

HIV is so different from other diseases, everyone (doctors, nurses, the mailman, grocery store bagboys, etc.) thinks they have a right to tell you how to live your life. Do you think that nurse would have told a 42 year old woman she was selfish to have a baby because of a slightly higher risk of Down's syndrome? No.

Sounds like you've filed her comment where it belongs, under "mouthy statements from weenies that mean nothing". That's where it belongs. But it is hard to hear that crap, even when you know it's garbage. I know exactly what you mean when you say it's stuck in your head. I hate it when that happens.

cjc:

--- Quote from: HealthyMomma on September 01, 2007, 10:13:14 AM ---The other day I was giving my toddler and bath and was thinking how cute she is and how happy I am that I got to be her mommy. Then I remembered something the nurse that tested me for HIV said to me. After I found out I was poz, I decided I was still gonna have a baby. She told me that having a baby was not a good idea and I should reconsider. That hurt my feelings but several weeks later was still in the mindset to have kids eventually. She told me that having kids was one of the worst things I could do and that it would be selfish of me to do so. I moved and thankfully dont have to see that bitch anymore. My docs here are WONDERFUL and my little girl is negative. Even though she is healthy and I know I made a good decision by becoming a mother I can't help but get her nasty comments out of my head from time to time. How is it that a nurse can be so uneducated and cruel? Just wondering if anyone here has had similar issues where they got negative comments about getting/being pregnant because of their HIV status?

--- End quote ---
                                                                                 Hello, I was  thinking about how best to respond to your post. i have a young child(4 yo) but was negative when I had him. So, I think it should go like this. Everybody has an opinion and that nurse should have kept hers to herself, very unprofessional. It was your decision and I'm really glad she(your baby) was negative. They sure do light up your life. I am very sorry you had to deal with that and glad you moved so you have  more professional providers.  Cristy

shotis:
hey as a nurse myself l feel that t times we tend to think things in stereotypical manner, not thinking of  other people's feelings. l mainly work with people with ms (multiple sclerosis) most of them are young and vibrant, they want to achieve things that l find impossible for someone in a wheelchair to do. But l have never took it upon me stop them or discourage them or even judge them on their capabilities. l think this nurse should have stuck her opinion elsewhere, she is not God to people what they can or cannot do. we have the right to life and all that comes with it as much as she does. You were not supposed to be subjected to those comments from someone who should suppoeting health wise. Those are the kind of people who perpetuate stigma amongt poz people.

Dragonette:
Although the doctor who diagnosed me was very religious, the first thing he said to me was "you can still have children". I think that's amazing as I am sure it contradicts his personal beliefs.
And ever since then I have had mostly encouragement, and I really think that if I come across idiots like said nurse, or the kind of people that criticize you for even being in a relationship with a neg let alone having kids, I have built up a strong base not to care (I hope). But not everyone is fortunate to encounter supportive people right at the start. I've been really lucky.

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