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Lab Results Not Good

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lovingwife:
It's been awhile since I've been here. My husband is either putting up a really good front or he is just blessed. His C4 count in March was 18. Now it's 22. His viral load is over 250,000. The meds he was on made him run a very high fever so his doctor took him off everything, other than preventative antibiotics, until the fever was under control.

He doesn't talk much about his disease. He made a comment about increasing his life insurance. Other than that, I think he is still in denial. Thing is, he doesn't seem "sick" to me. His numbers are horrible compared to what I have read on here. Is he just lucky? I find that he is more tired lately, but other than that he doesn't tell me how he feels.

He is my second husband so he has been a father to my 3 children since 2001. What do I have to look forward to? Sex is non existant. He just doesn't even want anything to do with it anymore which makes me feel unattractive (which I am not). Is he just giving up on the marriage? I am so depressed lately I wonder if it's even worth it anymore to stay married.

Ann:
Hi LW,

How long has it been since your hubby was taken off the meds? It sounds like he was on abacavir, but there are many other drugs to choose from and he needs to get started back on a regimen as soon as possible.

Once he starts on a combo he can tolerate, there is no reason to think that his numbers won't improve, but this isn't going to happen until he's back on meds.

You and your husband are both very new to this and it does take time to adjust. Not having an interest in a sex life is a very common reaction from one so newly diagnosed. Communication is key in a situation like this, so please try to get him to open up about how he's feeling.

It may also help if both of you read through all three condom and lube links in my signature line. He may simply be terrified of passing the virus on to you, but the good news is that condoms have been proven to prevent hiv transmission, when used correctly and consistently. There is no reason why you cannot safely have a sex life.

I would also like to suggest you try counseling. Couple's counseling would be best, but if he will not go, you can still go on your own. You need some support too and a counselor's office is a place where you can talk about your feelings in safety and privacy. I highly recommend you try this before giving up.

Hang in there and make sure he gets back to the doctor for a new combo. It really does get better!

Hugs,
Ann
xxx

SecretKeeper:
LovingWife,
I can certainly relate to your frustration.  My husband's numbers haven't been "bad" yet and our sex life is okay (still getting used to the condom thing), but I also feel that there are days that my husband isn't feeling the best and doesn't tell me.  (And I've read posts on here from people who had terrible numbers and were fine and had good numbers and ended up with cancer.  After hearing that I try not to obsess over the numbers too much - they are in fact, just numbers.)  We're kinda in the same boat in a lot of ways ... My husband and I have been married since 2001 as well, we have 2 children, and I am negative and feel like I'm looking in from the outside.  I guess I just wanted to tell you not to give up.  One thing I've learned in the few months that we've been dealing with this is that this website can provide tons of information and support AND my feelings on my situation change day to day.  As far as the sex situation - I've read that hormone changes can occur which can mess with your man.  If I were you, I'd ask or have him ask his doctor about it.  As for the depression goes - vent it out!  I've went on a couple rantings on here which has helped me and it's also opened doors for my husband and I to talk more openly about what's going on.  Good luck with everything.

lovingwife:
Dear Ann and Secretkeeper,

Thank you so much for your replies and kind words. Ann to answer your question about his meds. He was started on Truvada and Kaletra. So those are the two meds that are not agreeing with him system at all and at times landed him in the hospital with a high fever. His doctor just switched him to Reyataz and Norvir. He hasn't gotten them filled, yet, but hopefully this combo will work.

I'm not giving up, I'm basically just living day to day right now. He had talked to his doctor about his libido and blood work was done to check the testosterone level. That came back all normal. I've pretty much given up on sex. It's not that he's worried about infecting me because one night when I was drunk we had sex unprotected. The next day I was furious at him for not stopping it. Now I have to go get tested...again. I even told him that if I didn't know any better I would think that he was trying to infect me, but I think it was just plain stupidity on both parts.

I really appreciate you both responding. I come on here every now and then to see how his numbers compare to others and to read the post from the wives who are going through the same thing as me. He apparently was infected for ten years and I hold some resentment that he could have infected me and I have children who need me, not a sick mom. I already have heart problems and a pacemaker. I certainly don't need any other medical problems. I'm sorry to ramble. As you can tell I have many issues going on over here and as far as counseling, he won't go. I can barely get him to talk to me.   :'(

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