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Author Topic: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?  (Read 3194 times)

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Offline JeffreyM

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  • 11:11
Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« on: August 25, 2007, 02:40:43 AM »
Hi Everybody, I'm 2 1/2 years single from a long term relationship.  The last part of it was loveless. 16 years living with the virus.  I have just started dating this spring and am 43.  I went for over four years without love, sex, or any contact with another human being.  I am a very kind hearted guy, some friends say I'm too kind hearted.  I have been with a few guys since dating and have went to third base. I am not the type who can just jump right into bed with somebody and go all the way, I'm thinking I should, but really do not want the empty feeling if it's a one night er, because I get over emotional.   Should I just fuck around for a while or hope to meet Mr. right and keep "dating".  I keep thinking I need a bad boy, they are usually gr8 in bed, but turn out to be creeps.  The nice guys like me and they are good to me, but they get boring very fast.   
I have a difficult time  having just sex without intimacy. Whadya think?  Thanks  and HUGS, JeffreyM   
« Last Edit: August 25, 2007, 02:43:48 AM by JeffreyM »

Offline mjmel

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #1 on: August 25, 2007, 03:15:23 AM »
Do whatever is Right.  :D

xxx,
Mike

Offline puertorico2006

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #2 on: August 25, 2007, 04:52:29 AM »
Id defiantly choose to be a Tramp.....

Just kidding....I don't see anything wrong with doing both (tramp and serving for mr right)....

I think you should just enjoy yourself, sleep with who you feel ike sleeping with, and if someone nice comes along, get to know them and see if it might turn into something more....

-josh
Infected Probably: may 2005
Diagnosed: 11/2006

11/28/2006 CD4:309 / VL: 1907 No meds yet
12/27/2006 CD4:339/  VL:1649 No meds yet
  4/28/2007 CD4:550/  VL:1800 No meds :-)

Offline BT65

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #3 on: August 25, 2007, 07:41:25 AM »
I used to think nice people got boring real fast, but that was because I was a chaos junkie.  As far as going four years without sex, it has been like five for me, so don't feel bad.  Of course, I'm probably much older than you are, not sure.

Just do what you want to do.  You'll probably know when Mr. Right comes along.  Don't sell yourself short!
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Buckmark

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #4 on: August 25, 2007, 08:25:36 AM »
I keep thinking I need a bad boy, they are usually gr8 in bed, but turn out to be creeps.  The nice guys like me and they are good to me, but they get boring very fast.
I hear this a lot from my friends who are gay (and also from my friends who are straight women).   They're attracted to the "excitement" of a bad boy.  But they want to "settle down" with a nice guy.  Often, they hope that the bad boy will somehow magically transform into a nice guy.  Then they are disappointed when the bad boy remains a bad boy, and treats them badly.  Duh.

Perhaps you should re-evaluate what is important to you in a relationships, including (but not limited to) where a guy lands on the "bad boy" / "nice guy" scale.  What attracts you to each type?  I really don't think it has to be either / or.  It is more about finding the right guy for you.  But you also have to do some work to figure out what the right type of guy is for you, and what you really want in a relationship.

Quote
I have a difficult time  having just sex without intimacy. Whadya think?

I think you have answered your own question.  If sex without intimacy leaves you feeling empty, then "fucking around" probably isn't the way you should go.  There's no one right answer here.  Only an answer that is right for you.

Regards,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline MoltenStorm

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  • Poz & Fabulous
Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #5 on: August 25, 2007, 12:03:35 PM »
I'd say have a good time and just keep an eye out for that "Mr. Right." There's nothing wrong with having a few "Mr. Right Nows" along the way.
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline pozguy75

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #6 on: August 25, 2007, 12:06:27 PM »
Hi Everybody, I'm 2 1/2 years single from a long term relationship.  The last part of it was loveless. 16 years living with the virus.  I have just started dating this spring and am 43.  I went for over four years without love, sex, or any contact with another human being.  I am a very kind hearted guy, some friends say I'm too kind hearted.  I have been with a few guys since dating and have went to third base. I am not the type who can just jump right into bed with somebody and go all the way, I'm thinking I should, but really do not want the empty feeling if it's a one night er, because I get over emotional.   Should I just fuck around for a while or hope to meet Mr. right and keep "dating".  I keep thinking I need a bad boy, they are usually gr8 in bed, but turn out to be creeps.  The nice guys like me and they are good to me, but they get boring very fast.   
I have a difficult time  having just sex without intimacy. Whadya think?  Thanks  and HUGS, JeffreyM   

go on..be a tramp!
Dx 2005
ATRIPLA

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,002
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #7 on: August 25, 2007, 12:10:27 PM »
go on..be a tramp!

Tramps have more fun, and Ardon Masters should know! ;D

Seriously, you need to think about why you frame this as an either/or situation.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #8 on: August 25, 2007, 12:24:13 PM »
Girl, you're a big ol' mo...it's your birthright to be a tramp.

Offline tester8888

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  • 32,wm, gay, hiv neg at 7 weeks, friend is newly +
Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #9 on: August 25, 2007, 12:28:21 PM »
I have always enjoyed the 'friends with benefits' / fuckbuddy scenario.  If we are single then we mess around.  You have the intimacy of the friendship but not the commitment of a relationship.  Just left a 5 yr ltr, and much preferred the ltr.  But when single, def enjoy my fwb's more than spending hours online trying to find a quickie, that will pretend they don't know you next time they see ya.  It does all get quit complicated doesn't it~?~!   LOL, have fun along the way            ;)
7 weeks post exposure, tested HIV Negative.

Be Kind To Everyone You Meet, For You Do Not Know What Battles They Have Fought That Day.

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #10 on: August 25, 2007, 12:56:32 PM »
Hi Jeffrey/aka "MY GAY"~

I can empathize with your situation.  Granted, I had been dating neggies all year long until recently, you know that, and I was terrified of disclosing IF a guy seemed like Mr. Right (which wasn't often, trust me).  It seems that you are pretty up front about your status, so I don't believe disclosure is an issue for you.  That being said, you KNOW what has happened with me recently.  I met a pos guy and I am excited beyond belief.  And yes, he is a "bad boy" of sorts, and that is exciting, he has me on my toes.  What I am trying to say is, I held out for so long being a serial dater and felt empty because I didn't have the intimacy I desired.  I agree with what some of the guys have posted here.  Why not go along dating and being a little more intimate?  Its such a rush and a confidence-booster, maybe that's what you need right now.  The dating in itself is your search for Mr. Right.

You know what's funny?  Here I have met Stone and I am STILL all worked up over the same things I was when I was dating neggies, lol!  I ask myself, "Will he stick around?  Is he Mr. Right?   Is he really attracted to me?  What does he want/need from dating me?....."    I think it just comes down to us being emotional beings.  We can't help it.  You and I are a lot alike in the relationship department, I know.  We think about the same things and they matter a lot to us. 

I say keep dating and try to be a little bit stronger mentally.  Don't be so hard on yourself, even though it can be tough sometimes.  I had the angel and devil thing going the whole time I was dating the neggies and it drove me nuts.  I have found that I missed out on a lot, disclosure issues aside.  Sure, I wonder where things will go with Stone, but remember what I always say, "No one will know you exist unless you try."  I say get out there and try.  Get a slightly thicker skin and enjoy yourself!  It will be a little awkward and emotional at first, but in the meantime, you will be getting ever-closer to the one who is right for you!

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #11 on: August 25, 2007, 01:08:38 PM »
My last partner was a Bad Boyô and somehow I whipped him into something long term... it can be done.  Once I got below the surface he actually could out-diva me most of the time.

Otherwise I'm loathe to dispense romance advice as my track record is not particularly stunning unless you value shacking up with tricks that have live chickens running around in their South Bronx apartment, which are used for Santeria sacrifices.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Pilot

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  • Posts: 126
Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #12 on: August 25, 2007, 01:28:48 PM »
I have always wanted to be a tramp or is that trampoline.. anyway, go for it and have a good time...by the time Mr Right comes along you may have forgotten what you were waiting for.

Offline puertorico2006

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #13 on: August 25, 2007, 01:48:00 PM »

Otherwise I'm loathe to dispense romance advice as my track record is not particularly stunning unless you value shacking up with tricks that have live chickens running around in their South Bronx apartment, which are used for Santeria sacrifices.

Lord philly you sure know how to pick them  ;D ;D ;D

-josh
(who is suprised he has actually also had a trick who had live chickens running around but it was a house not an apt)
Infected Probably: may 2005
Diagnosed: 11/2006

11/28/2006 CD4:309 / VL: 1907 No meds yet
12/27/2006 CD4:339/  VL:1649 No meds yet
  4/28/2007 CD4:550/  VL:1800 No meds :-)

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #14 on: August 25, 2007, 02:01:32 PM »
Well, he had an entire shrine next to the door with the statues and candles... little bowls of dried corn with blood dripped on them.  Can you believe he tried to tell me that the live chicken was for his grandmother to make soup?  Barbara, please.  I might be white boy but I was not born yesterday.

And let's not even go into the small diamonds that he had appliqued to his top two front teeth.  After that we all called him "Glitter Mouth" and thank goodness it was a one-nighter.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #15 on: August 25, 2007, 02:07:31 PM »
Well, he had an entire shrine next to the door with the statues and candles... little bowls of dried corn with blood dripped on them.  Can you believe he tried to tell me that the live chicken was for his grandmother to make soup?  Barbara, please.  I might be white boy but I was not born yesterday.

And let's not even go into the small diamonds that he had appliqued to his top two front teeth.  After that we all called him "Glitter Mouth" and thank goodness it was a one-nighter.

The curse he put on you appears to be working ;D seriously all things Santeria scares the shit out of me.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #16 on: August 25, 2007, 02:13:49 PM »
The curse he put on you appears to be working ;D seriously all things Santeria scares the shit out of me.

omg... I've LONG thought one of my Santeria contacts put a curse on me, but assuredly it was this one even though I also once scored an actual Santeria priest too.  But Glitter Mouth was VERY bitter with me for not continuing his charade.  Very.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline BT65

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #17 on: August 25, 2007, 04:11:33 PM »
 :D :D :D "Glitter Mouth" :D :D
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline JeffreyM

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  • 11:11
Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #18 on: August 25, 2007, 06:26:19 PM »
Thanks to everybody for responding to this.  Your words have given me food for thought. I think that because I am sort of new to having sex with different people again that I thought I had to be one way or the other. Well my Gemini mind is splitting in half again as usual.  I have a tendency to overthink EVERYTHING, to the point of making myself crazy.  I really appreciate all of your responses. I think I will as Cindy recommended get a little tougher skin,  maybe stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, have some fun while making sure there is a connection for intimacy along with sex,  in my quest and ultimate success in finding Mr. Right. ;D 

« Last Edit: August 25, 2007, 08:50:41 PM by JeffreyM »

Offline Bucko

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    • The Spin Cycle
Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #19 on: August 26, 2007, 05:06:40 AM »
Thanks to everybody for responding to this.  Your words have given me food for thought. I think that because I am sort of new to having sex with different people again that I thought I had to be one way or the other. Well my Gemini mind is splitting in half again as usual.  I have a tendency to overthink EVERYTHING, to the point of making myself crazy.  I really appreciate all of your responses. I think I will as Cindy recommended get a little tougher skin,  maybe stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, have some fun while making sure there is a connection for intimacy along with sex,  in my quest and ultimate success in finding Mr. Right. ;D 

But while you're doing that, you'll fuck like a whore during Fleet week, right?

Brent
(Who can out-slut everybody, except maybe Jeromy)
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #20 on: August 26, 2007, 11:05:49 AM »

(Who can out-slut everybody, except maybe Jeromy)

Well, we all know that when you write "top" in a manhunt profile you instantly have a 100-card advantage so that's not a particularly useful assessment.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Carolann

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #21 on: August 26, 2007, 11:19:17 AM »
This remind me of a birthday card I once got.

Grandma has just blown out the candles on her cake (without her dentures of course). Her little grandson asks her what she wished for. To which she responds:

I wish I would have fucked every man I ever met. 

What a tender moment.

The key to life is to have the least regrets as possible, as I think having no regrets is impossible.

In all seriousness, have fun, be safer, and did I say have fun?

Carolann, who did manage to have a little fun in Mexico, or a maybe a lot.

CA

Offline Iggy

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #22 on: August 26, 2007, 11:49:03 AM »
I think you have answered your own question.  If sex without intimacy leaves you feeling empty, then "fucking around" probably isn't the way you should go.  There's no one right answer here.  Only an answer that is right for you.

I gotta go with the gentleman from Texas.

Though I want to add one can be a hell of a great whore even within a monogamous relationship

Offline JeffInNYC

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #23 on: August 26, 2007, 11:52:00 AM »
Though I want to add one can be a hell of a great whore even within a monogamous relationship

Thats beautiful..it really is...the ultimate in intimacy.
But then again, that might require finding a Mr. Right and not a Mr. Right Now.
But I love the concept of being a total whore with the right person.
« Last Edit: August 26, 2007, 11:56:26 AM by JeffInNYC »

Offline Iggy

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #24 on: August 26, 2007, 12:01:34 PM »
But I love the concept of being a total whore with the right person.

I had that with my last relationship and I do believe that is what I will have with the current one.

Offline pozguy75

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Re: Wait for Mr. Right, Or Be A Tramp?
« Reply #25 on: August 26, 2007, 12:34:40 PM »
I had that with my last relationship and I do believe that is what I will have with the current one.

Is the BF going to whore you out too?? Hm sounds like income potential to me... ;D
Dx 2005
ATRIPLA

 


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