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Author Topic: Dating Advice, sort of.  (Read 5297 times)

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Offline JamieD

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  • Posts: 259
Dating Advice, sort of.
« on: August 19, 2007, 04:16:06 AM »
I need to make this quick, because then I need to get to bed.

I recently opened up a Match.com account and I am getting a lot of people interested, a lot of whom clearly don't meet the criteria I am asking for. I am still very nice though and offer to talk. Anywho, this guy named "Dean" says he really likes what he sees and wants to take me out. Now, Dean is white and I have never so much as kissed a white or latino guy. Every single partner I have ever had whether it be dating, LTR, sex hookup, whatever has been atleast 1/2 black. My profile explicity states that I am into men of colour ONLY! There is no two ways about it.
So when Dean asks to take me out I tell him I am not attracted to white guys. I do tell him however that he is handsome. He insists that he take me out anyway though AND that he pay for everything. Whilst on this "date" I am constantly offering to pay for my portion of things, but he refuses.

Fast forward to today. Dean and I are supposed to go to Six Flags on Sunday yet I have not heard from him since our "date". I call him, and he doesn't answer. Then he sends me this email telling me how I used him and how I should not have accepted a date with someone who I knew I wasn't going to be attracted to. He goes on to call me some rather vulgar names as well such as "Nigger Lover". He's extremely upset with me. I wanted him and I to be friends and I never made any motion to suggest otherwise and he is just going berzerk.

Am I wrong to have accepted a "date" from someone I knew I wasn't attracted to? I mean, I DO want to be friends with him and I thought I made it clear before hand that I wasn't interested in anything other then a friendship. I feel bad, no one has ever accussed me of using them before. I am not like that. I have my own money and I don't need anyone to provide for me. I offered numerous times to pay, but I am not going force someone to let me pay if they absolutely insist.

P.S. If it helps the story at all we went to Ruth Chris Steakhouse, and I ordered a bunch of Martinis in addition to me strip steak and steak fries. I am an expensive date.

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2007, 04:28:26 AM »
Oh dear JamieD, lol.  I have been on Match as a serial dater many times, lol!  I find that if someone doesn't quite fit the "criteria" you have in your mind, you can let them down easy in an email.  If they continue to email you back being insistent, then you block their ass.  However, I have felt rather open-minded this year and have gone out with a few men who didn't fit my ideal "type."  Usually, they were older and I felt that the age difference was a strain.  I met some of these dates anyway, and there was a good rapport, so I am glad that I stepped outside of the box on occassion.

I believe that on a first date, you shouldn't be too extravagant (Ruths' Chris?  C'mon, Jamie, save it for a more special time......), because then the other person may be seeing you through rose-colored glasses, when you're not too sure about where you are headed yourself.  I see it as a way of leading someone on....Don't hide behind a nice meal.  Do something simple where your TRUE self is evident (and not in the bottom of a martini glass), and the other person can get to know you first.  This guy Dean is prob kicking himself because he wined and dined you after you honestly told him that he wasn't your "ideal type."  He's just pissed at himself, and needs to grow up, really. 

So, whenever you accept a date from a "less than ideal," be prepared for hurt feelings on their part.  I mean, its true.  Everyone is looking for love and for a connection, and there are a ton of weirdos on the dating sites.  Kudos to you, though, for being honest and up front with the guy from the get-go.  At least you did that -- he shouldn't be beating up on you so much through a damn email now.  He just feels "had" and is obviously a whiner, so just try to cool him off with a polite email or phone call back. 

I wouldn't go to Six Flags with this guy anyway, since his feelings are all over the place at this point.  Besides, its supposed to rain anyway on Sunday.   ;D

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline carousel

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2007, 04:37:05 AM »
For some people, taking you out on a date and paying for it all, means that you are up for something more than being friends.  That's right, steak + martinis= butt fuck.

His behaviour since has shown him up to be a racist pig.  I can't see that you can do much in the circumstances, except rack it up to experience and walk away.

Offline thunter34

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  • His name is Carl.
Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2007, 11:57:45 AM »
Ick.  Feel bad?  Hell, no.  The freak meter is going off the charts with this one.   Block him and be done with it.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline JamieD

  • Member
  • Posts: 259
Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2007, 12:46:41 PM »
Thank you, Cindy. I did step out of my box, it's not like there is NO possibility that I would date someone outside of the race I normally do. I just generally only find myself attracted to that. I am open minded to other possibilities, but it has yet to happened.
Yeah, it did rain. I am going to go tomorrow with another friend of mine.  :)

Carousel,
I was explicitly straight forward with everything. I told him before we met that I was not putting out if he paid for dinner and he said he had no expectations of that.

Thunter34,
I feel bad because he feels like I used him. No one has ever accussed me of that before and it hurts that someone would think I would do that to them. That's not the type of person I am at all.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2007, 01:00:05 PM »
Thunter34,
I feel bad because he feels like I used him. No one has ever accussed me of that before and it hurts that someone would think I would do that to them. That's not the type of person I am at all.


What he feels is irrelevent.  It boils down to what you did or didn't do in reality.  Only you know that, but based on your description it sounds like there was no deception.  Your profile states your tastes.  If he didn't read it thoroughly, shame on him.  You restated your preference and he insisted on taking you out anyway.  If he is dissatisfied that you didn't magically transform into who he expected to, tough luck.  If he expected you to simply drop your pants in exchange for a steak dinner, really shame on him. 

If he has resorted to such epithets as "Nigger Lover"...really, really, really shame on him.

If after hearing such base language from this person, you think he deserves any more time or thought from you...

well, that part would be a shame for you.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline tester8888

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  • Posts: 182
  • 32,wm, gay, hiv neg at 7 weeks, friend is newly +
Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2007, 03:40:49 PM »
He took you on a date, he didn't get what he wanted, and now he is lashing out at you.  It's called projection in psychology.  He feels like a failure and wants to make you feel as bad as he does.  Hopefully he won't succeed.  When I first moved to Little Rock, I got asked out on one of my first ever 'gay dates', by a gorgeous guy and was so excited.  We ate a popular gay restaurant and then went back to his apartment.  Exchanged a kiss, and then he said, "so are you ready for me to fuck you now".  I was shocked.  He was just a player.  I left right then and there and never spoke to him again. LOL
Have met many guys, broken hearts and had mine broken too.  That's just the nature of the game, and it's a shame that not everyone can be mature about it.
Here is a cute little pick-me-up:     http://youtube.com/watch?v=iz71mZen68I
Jason
7 weeks post exposure, tested HIV Negative.

Be Kind To Everyone You Meet, For You Do Not Know What Battles They Have Fought That Day.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2007, 09:38:07 PM »
Jamie~~

I see no point in you beating yourself up. You told him what your preference was from the beginning, his fault for still wanting to take you out to dinner. It sounds like to me, he was hoping those martinis would change your mind. Since he is obviously racist, it is funny he would want to bed you since you had some black dick up in ya. Kind of a contridiction if you ask me. And you don't need anyone like that as a friend and just think if you would've went to 6 Flags and saw a cute black boy, he might of tried to push you out a ride or something. You're better off, sweetie.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline JamieD

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  • Posts: 259
Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #8 on: August 19, 2007, 11:33:06 PM »
QA-

 :D That's funny. (about the pushing me off a ride)
I don't think he is a racist, he just said that cause he was angry. I really feel bad, though. I know I am not the type of person who uses people. I don't know if we know any common people, but I don't want him telling people that he went out with someone who uses people. I dunno.... that just REALLY hurts my feelings that someone would say that about me.

Offline tester8888

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  • 32,wm, gay, hiv neg at 7 weeks, friend is newly +
Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2007, 11:38:51 PM »
A date is where you go out to get to know someone and to have fun. Period.
A Hook-up is when you meet someone for sexual gratification. Period.
To Thine Ownself Be True.
No matter what he thinks or says to others, a simple retelling of the story will make it apparent to anyone who hears it.
Gawd, I hate being single, and thrust back out on the meat/meet market.
Good Luck!
7 weeks post exposure, tested HIV Negative.

Be Kind To Everyone You Meet, For You Do Not Know What Battles They Have Fought That Day.

Offline milker

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #10 on: August 20, 2007, 11:22:39 AM »
I have experienced the same thing, and ended up being insulted and called "user and taker" by someone I repeatedly told I'd love to keep him as a friend but there was no physical attraction, and in return kept giving me presents and invite me everytime we went out. When I told him that this had to stop because there was something wrong in this "friendship" he went totally bezerk, including threatening suicide etc.. Once I decided he was a freak it was very easy to totally ignore him.

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline puertorico2006

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #11 on: August 20, 2007, 11:27:12 AM »
I don't think you took advantage at all.....

If someone invites you out on a date they usually hope they will get laid but honestly you always run the risk of not getting any action as it has happened to all of us on occasion....

You said that you offered to pay a portion during the date and he didnt let you....In reality even if you deep down inside knew that he wasnt going to let you pay anyways at least you offered so its his problem....

In my opinion a "date" is when two people get together to get to know each other and sometimes it doesnt go farther than just being friends....wanting to get to know someone regardless of race or if they meet your criteria doesnt mean you took advantage of someone. Dates can go either way even if you arent each others "types" lord knows ive ended up going on more than one date and sometimes several dates with guys that dont meet my criteria and its good because you realize you might be able to meet someone outside your idea of your ideal person

-josh
(who has decided he has no "type" because they vary so much, but does know what he likes/dislikes)
Infected Probably: may 2005
Diagnosed: 11/2006

11/28/2006 CD4:309 / VL: 1907 No meds yet
12/27/2006 CD4:339/  VL:1649 No meds yet
  4/28/2007 CD4:550/  VL:1800 No meds :-)

Offline David_CA

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #12 on: August 20, 2007, 11:42:38 AM »
This thread makes me think back to my single days.  I was way too easy / cheap (so what else is new  ;) )!  I never had anybody buy me dinner for sex.  I either put out during a hook-up or went on a mutually paid for date.  Damn!

David (who has been known to work for his dinner)
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline thunter34

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #13 on: August 20, 2007, 11:48:53 AM »
This thread makes me think back to my single days.  I was way too easy / cheap (so what else is new  ;) )!  I never had anybody buy me dinner for sex.  I either put out during a hook-up or went on a mutually paid for date.  Damn!

David (who has been known to work for his dinner)


*sigh*  Me, too.  I couldn't hold out long enough to score a Happy Meal.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline David_CA

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #14 on: August 20, 2007, 12:14:25 PM »

*sigh*  Me, too.  I couldn't hold out long enough to score a Happy Meal.

Unless, of course, the trick WAS the Happy Meal.
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Buckmark

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #15 on: August 20, 2007, 12:28:36 PM »
P.S. If it helps the story at all we went to Ruth Chris Steakhouse, and I ordered a bunch of Martinis in addition to me strip steak and steak fries. I am an expensive date.

I thought you were a fiscal conservative?   ???

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #16 on: August 20, 2007, 01:02:17 PM »
There are so many freaks on dating sites, I stay clear of them. 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline puertorico2006

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #17 on: August 20, 2007, 05:31:58 PM »
There are so many freaks on dating sites, I stay clear of them. 

Although I agree with your statement I have to add that there are so many freaks at bars, clubs, and church (not that I go to church) that you can't avoid them either way....

I take my chances and hope that whoever i give my number to doesn't turn out to be a psycho calling every 20 minutes....
Infected Probably: may 2005
Diagnosed: 11/2006

11/28/2006 CD4:309 / VL: 1907 No meds yet
12/27/2006 CD4:339/  VL:1649 No meds yet
  4/28/2007 CD4:550/  VL:1800 No meds :-)

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #18 on: August 20, 2007, 05:42:00 PM »
Josh-
  It's been years, I mean years, since I've been in a bar or club.  Since I'm in recovery, the two don't mingle very well.  If I do go to one, usually four or five of us in recovery go.  As for the church thing, at the one I go to my pastor is a lesbian who has been with her partner for 30+ years, so that should tell you something about the church. 
    I hope you don't meet a psycho either dear.  Good luck.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline JamieD

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #19 on: August 20, 2007, 05:45:35 PM »
I thought you were a fiscal conservative?   ???



And this means what? I am more then happy to pay for my own food, or others as well. My grandparents take me out to eat all the time, does that make me not a fiscal conservative? That's stupid. I see no relationship between the two. I didn't ask for it to be paid for me, and I made numerous attempts to pay for my own food. I am not going to force someone to allow me to pay.

I am ignoring you for that stupid comment. And I am using "GreaseMonkey" to block you, not the forum blocker so please don't try to contact me otherwise.

Offline JamieD

  • Member
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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #20 on: August 20, 2007, 05:48:40 PM »


You said that you offered to pay a portion during the date and he didnt let you....In reality even if you deep down inside knew that he wasnt going to let you pay anyways at least you offered so its his problem....

-josh
(who has decided he has no "type" because they vary so much, but does know what he likes/dislikes)

I made more then one attempt, and came armed with cash incase he decided he didn't want to pay at all, so I could have paid for the both of us if I had to. I offered to take him out to make it up to him, and he refused.

Offline David_CA

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #21 on: August 20, 2007, 08:55:37 PM »
And this means what? I am more then happy to pay for my own food, or others as well. My grandparents take me out to eat all the time, does that make me not a fiscal conservative? That's stupid. I see no relationship between the two. I didn't ask for it to be paid for me, and I made numerous attempts to pay for my own food. I am not going to force someone to allow me to pay.

I am ignoring you for that stupid comment. And I am using "GreaseMonkey" to block you, not the forum blocker so please don't try to contact me otherwise.

Jamie,

The comment BuckMarkTX made was (I believe) referring to your comment about being "... an expensive date."  Ordering a bunch of martinis and an expensive meal LOOKS like you were taking advantage of the guy KNOWING that he was going to pay for it.  You did say "I am not going to force someone to allow me to pay."

I'll offer one small bit of advice... before you start blocking people, make sure that you'll NEVER need any advice or suggestions they may have.  I've been posting on these forums for over a year and a half and have never felt the need to block anybody, even those who post comments I don't like.  However, I will say that I generally don't receive such comments (you know, reaping what one sows and all).  Good luck.

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline JamieD

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #22 on: August 20, 2007, 09:05:14 PM »
I still don't understand what that has to do with being a fiscal conservative. I go out to eat on expensive meals, and buy expensive clothing all the time. I can do it cause I manage my money well.

So because I consider myself to be a conservative that needs to be brought up on every topic? Reap what I sow?

Offline David_CA

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #23 on: August 20, 2007, 09:21:31 PM »
Reap what I sow?

OK, so I'll say it as plainly as I can.  I'm nice to people on the forum.  I don't tell people they make stupid comments.  I'm helpful when I can be.  I treat others respectfully.... that's the part I sow.  I get treated well, others help me, they're nice to me, people don't generally make comments to me that I don't like, etc... that's the part that I reap. 

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
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  Atripla started 12-01-2006
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05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
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02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline puertorico2006

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #24 on: August 20, 2007, 10:43:44 PM »
Its the off topic forum, we all crack jokes in good fun...dont take anything said here to heart  ;D ;D (most things anyways).,...many forum members love to poke fun and use sarcasm as a form of humor..it probably wasnt meant to offend you
Infected Probably: may 2005
Diagnosed: 11/2006

11/28/2006 CD4:309 / VL: 1907 No meds yet
12/27/2006 CD4:339/  VL:1649 No meds yet
  4/28/2007 CD4:550/  VL:1800 No meds :-)

Offline Buckmark

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #25 on: August 21, 2007, 12:10:17 AM »
My comment was simply intended as a playful poke, taking into account Jamie's other thread on conservatives and liberals.  In retrospect, given the somewhat heated discourse of that other thread, I can see how referring to it here could be construed as mean-spirited, rather than humorous.

Of course, since I've already been put on ignore, Jamie will never get to read this.  Like David, I myself have never found it necessary to block or ignore anyone -- even folks who offend me or with whom I disagree in the extreme.

Regards,

Henry


"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #26 on: August 21, 2007, 12:17:33 AM »
I fail to see how Henry's comment could be taken as offensive. Matty the Damned often disagrees with the Old Texan Queer, but one accusation that can never be leveled at Henry is that he's mean spirited or seeks to belittle others.

Jamie, whilst you can place those you don't agree with on ignore you do yourself an enormous injustice. You simply cannot block out those things in life which offend or discomfort you without stripping your experiences of any substantive value.

MtD

Offline Buckmark

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #27 on: August 21, 2007, 12:28:19 PM »
Quote
Matty the Damned often disagrees with the Old Texan Queer...

Matty, I think this is the first time you've referred to me using a term of endearment!   

I'm feeling the love...   :-*

Cheers,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline Bucko

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #28 on: August 21, 2007, 03:52:59 PM »
Let's see if I've got this right:

1) Someone whom you met on a dating website and who is outside you comfort zone asks you out on a date.

2) You accept his offer for dinner because you are hungry, I guess.

3) You have him take you to an expensive restaurant where you order food and alcohol in copious quantities because you can.

4) You allow this man, in whom you have no romantic interest, to pay for the entire evening because you're an "expensive date".

5) You are now upset because he now considers you an opportunist?

Exactly how often do you date "friends"? And why shouldn't your "date" feel misled by your willingness to be wined and dined in the pursuit of friendship?  Equating your willingness to be pampered by someone you met on a dating website with the generosity of your grandparents is more than slightly disingenuous, don't you think?

Look, you got a free meal at someone else's expense. If he called you on it, so what? It's not as if he'll see you again anyway.

Did I behave the exact same way as you when I was in my 20s? Of course! Would I do it now? Nope.

Brent
(Who has learned as he's aged)
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline Dennis

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #29 on: August 22, 2007, 10:07:26 AM »
Somthings not adding up here.  I've been dealing with some sort of food illness the past few days so I may be missing something.

Why is someone who already has a boyfriend on Match.com?

Offline JamieD

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #30 on: August 22, 2007, 10:27:08 AM »
Somthings not adding up here.  I've been dealing with some sort of food illness the past few days so I may be missing something.

Why is someone who already has a boyfriend on Match.com?

It's okay, Mr.Daft.
This post is a few days old. I got back with a former ex of mine. The only reason we broke up was because he moved to Georgia, and he moved back to my area a few days ago. Does that satisfy your curiousity?

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #31 on: August 22, 2007, 10:31:59 AM »
Jamie-
  I'm not sure why you continue to frequent this site when all you seem to have to say to people are rude comments.  Do you treat people in person like this?  I really doubt it, because most people who are vocal when you can't actually see them are not like that in public with other people, for fear of getting their ass kicked.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline David_CA

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #32 on: August 22, 2007, 10:44:36 AM »
Somthings not adding up here.  I've been dealing with some sort of food illness the past few days so I may be missing something.

Why is someone who already has a boyfriend on Match.com?

That's what I was wondering.
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline JamieD

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #33 on: August 22, 2007, 10:45:03 AM »
Jamie-
  I'm not sure why you continue to frequent this site when all you seem to have to say to people are rude comments.  Do you treat people in person like this?  I really doubt it, because most people who are vocal when you can't actually see them are not like that in public with other people, for fear of getting their ass kicked.

In most of my threads now I have been being "attacked" (not violently, obviously) or bombarded with sarcastic answers. When I see something that even resembles sarcasm I snap back. I was perfectly sweet to everyone before everyone started giving me crap for not being a left wing nutter.
And no, in real life I am as sweet as pie. My friends parents are constantly telling their kids they wish they acted more like me. At my job the old ladies always tell me what a gentlemen I am. Customers are always calling in to compliment my performance. I have my bitchy days though.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #34 on: August 22, 2007, 10:50:40 AM »
I was perfectly sweet to everyone before everyone started giving me crap for not being a left wing nutter.

Not really.  You started baiting philly right after you got here.


http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=13529.msg167864#msg167864
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Dennis

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #35 on: August 22, 2007, 10:51:35 AM »
How did I attack you, Jaime?  I even prefaced my post by stating that I've been battleing a food illness for the past few days and may have missed something.  As a matter of fact, this is the first time since Sunday night I've read any thread in great detail.  You posted something requesting advice and I requested clarification on a matter that I think is quite relevant to the discussion at hand as I consider cheating on a mate rather shady. 

I honestly hope you have a good day, Jamie.

Peace,
Dennis

Offline JamieD

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #36 on: August 22, 2007, 10:52:24 AM »
Not really.  You started baiting philly right afer you got here.


http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=13529.msg167864#msg167864

I accussed him of being a troll. That's not baiting. When someone responds to your thread with a completely irrelevan answer and they have over 3000 posts that makes me think they are a troll.

Offline David_CA

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #37 on: August 22, 2007, 10:52:41 AM »
And no, in real life I am as sweet as pie. My friends parents are constantly telling their kids they wish they acted more like me. At my job the old ladies always tell me what a gentlemen I am. Customers are always calling in to compliment my performance. I have my bitchy days though.

Awww, you sound real sweet. (said in a REALLY Southern accent)

David (who never says anything sarcastic)
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline thunter34

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #38 on: August 22, 2007, 11:00:38 AM »
I accussed him of being a troll. That's not baiting. When someone responds to your thread with a completely irrelevan answer and they have over 3000 posts that makes me think they are a troll.

I would have thought creating a thread to accuse someone of being a troll would amount to baiting.

But I am bearing in mind that you are someone who found it necessary to put Henry....Henry, of all people...on ignore.

That's like being arch enemies with Elmo or something.

I get that you say you only snap when you see anything ''that even resembles sarcasm".  But I think that is where the problem lies, bud.  You are too quick to read sarcasm into almost any post and snap at people who don't deserve it.  It's also not very wise to get smart alecky with a moderator. 

Just saying this as a caution.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Iggy

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #39 on: August 22, 2007, 11:02:52 AM »

That's like being arch enemies with Elmo or something.

Just for the record - Elmo is a crack addicted whore who owes me $50

Love,

Big Bird

Offline Ann

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Re: Dating Advice, sort of.
« Reply #40 on: August 22, 2007, 11:03:34 AM »
Jamie,

Maybe you should refrain from posting when you're having a "bitchy day". I do!

You were given a warning in another thread at 2:57:58 PM (my time) and you came into this thread at 3:27:08 PM (mt) and said this:

It's okay, Mr.Daft.
This post is a few days old. I got back with a former ex of mine. The only reason we broke up was because he moved to Georgia, and he moved back to my area a few days ago. Does that satisfy your curiousity?

Let me remind you of what another poster said to you:

OK, so I'll say it as plainly as I can.  I'm nice to people on the forum.  I don't tell people they make stupid comments.  I'm helpful when I can be.  I treat others respectfully.... that's the part I sow.  I get treated well, others help me, they're nice to me, people don't generally make comments to me that I don't like, etc... that's the part that I reap. 

David

David's words say it all. Treat your fellow forum members as you wish them to treat you. I have yet to see a member who treats fellow forum members with respect be given a hard time.

Sure, there's a lot of sarcastic comments flying around these forums as a whole. But there's light-hearted sarcasm and there's sarcasm that is just plain bitchy, nasty and mean-spirited. It's the latter that has no place here in this place of SUPPORT.

I'm sorry Jamie, but I'm going to have to give you a time out. I gave you a chance after warning you in the other thread, but coming into this thread with the same attitude gives me no choice.

This is your first time out and it will last seven days. You will still be able to read, but you will not be able to post. Please take advantage of this and read our Welcome Thread - the whole thread - so we can avoid this happening again.

Ann

PS - I've just read the responses that were posted while I was writing. Jamie, calling someone a troll IS flame-baiting. If you'd read the Welcome thread, you'd know this. I'm sure you've been asked to read the Welcome before now.


And this thread is locked.

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