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Author Topic: difficult friend  (Read 2646 times)

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tendai

  • Guest
difficult friend
« on: August 15, 2007, 05:36:49 AM »
hie ladies


i thought it best if i got female advice on this. see i have a male friend we've known each other since high school but i we only became friends when he started dating my best friend when we were doing A levels.  he and my friend broke up when her other boyfriend visited her at school and there was almost a messy confrontation. then we went to the same college and kept in touch after that when we started working.

so when i started working i was all alone and things were difficult and i'd turn to him sometimes and he would help me out. i was stranded once and i spent the night at his place and we shared a bed and he didnt take addvantage of me. he helped me find a place to stay with his uncle for a couple of months and then later (separate incident) he got me a place at the house he lived with his wife and kid. i had my own separate room where i paid my own rent and all.  anyway i got kicked out of that place and went off on my own and i havent bothered him with those kind of things again coz i was more stable financially.

we still kept in touch hanging out clubs, bars, going fo rmovies and all.  so all this time he's been saying he;s in love with me and wants to be more than friends and i kept telling him no. because though he;s a wonderful person caring , dependable, responsible and all. but i dont feel that way abut him. i know if i have sex with him our friendship is over cos i'd be doing it for the wrong reasons and i'm notinto him like that.

now whenever we got out he gets tipsy and starts " why wont you let me, am i that repulsive?  am i so unworthy? i want to sleep at your place, you're my second wife, its not fair, u called me that day crying and i helped you, we shared the same bed and i did nothing to you, today u called me and i'm here with you though i could be somewhere else, u're so evil..." and he goes on, reminding me of all the things he did for me and how patient he's been with me. i lost my temper and asked him if he wanted payment for all the things he did and said that if he spending time with me is such a terrible burden on him then i wont call him anymore.  he apologised and changed the topic.  though he did start with the 'i want to spend the night at your place' thing again and i said my landlord doesnt allow me.

i told him my status thinking that it would make him stop asking me for sex.  he made  a lame attempt at pretending he also was positive but we both knew it was rubbish coz he and his wife arent the type to be sleeping around.  i think he thinks i'm so desperate for sex that i should be flattered by hi s repeated 'offers'.  i'm finding myself irritated by this and i think it best to stop seeing him altogether but i dont want to seem like an ungrateful bitch. anyone have any tactful words i can use to tell him once and for all.  thanks all

Offline cjc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,011
  • Sweet Girl
Re: difficult friend
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2007, 08:47:00 AM »
Hello Tendai, He probably is not going to stop asking. He wants you and sometimes We want what we want.  This is my suggestion but maybe some of the other ladies will have some , too.   Since you are better off financially, buy him  a nice thank you card and a gift certificate , Give it to him and stop talking to him.  That way, he can't use the" I've done this and that for you "cause people will use anything to get what they want.   Good luck and if I think of anything better I will let you know.    Cristy

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,050
Re: difficult friend
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2007, 05:54:42 PM »
I know a person who tried to use those same guilt tactics with me.  I don't talk to him anymore.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline zachysmom

  • Member
  • Posts: 112
Re: difficult friend
« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2007, 10:01:52 PM »
Sorry to hear that he won't let you be just friends. If it continues just stop talking to him.
You said he had a wife and kid, maybe u should tell him you'll tell his wife? that might help.

best of luck,
Nicole
From Russia with love,
Nicole

tendai

  • Guest
Re: difficult friend
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2007, 09:01:28 AM »
thanks for the responses. its been a while since i last saw him but he did phone me last week saying his family was away and he was lonely. just told him "oh shame too bad just find something to do to occupy yourself'.  if he does ever start again with that i will tell him to stop it or we cant be friends anymore.
thanks so much again. sorry i was so late responding..

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,918
  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: difficult friend
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2007, 04:44:57 PM »
He referred to you as his "second wife"?

Drop this "friend" and fast!
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

tendai

  • Guest
Re: difficult friend
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2007, 03:08:39 AM »
We have this thing here in Zimbabwe where 98% of married men have mistresses and these mistresses are called "small houses".  The wife is called the "main house".  So he goes calling me his small house when he gets drunk and it does make me feel uncomfortable. besides if i were ever to be anybody's wife or 'house' i want to be the one and only.

Nicole i tried threatening him that i would tell his wife but he said "go ahead she knows already". so i dont think it would help.

 


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