Main Forums > Living With HIV

Since diagnosis, what ONE thing do you know you have to let go of?

(1/6) > >>

CalvinC:
Good lord help me, I'm up here in Sudbury, about 400 K north of Toronto. But the day was beautiful and my family is wonderful (oddly enough, though, my one sister-in-law hugged me but did not, for the first time ever, kiss my cheek. I noticed. I recently informed them I am poz. Hmmmmm)

So, alone, I visited my parents' grave, told them what had happened to me, cried some. I was thinking about loss, and I told them I lost my boyfriend. Then I remembered that he really wasn't my boyfriend, though we dated a couple of months, and then he left me the day after I told him I tested poz. A person like him, so self-concerned that he never even sympathized with my plight, can't be, I realized, the thing I miss (or if in some deep place he is, he won't be much longer).

I said that I missed the old Andrew, the lonely guy whose loneliness lead him into unsafe places, not because I want to be him again, but because he's dying or dading away and he needs someone to look after him. Which is another way of saying I wanted my parents to help me put him to rest as I need to move on. I'm going to miss him: that old Andrew was 47 years of my life. I miss him because he was part of me and lead me to where I am today, for good and ill. But I'm changing, and he's being left behind.

Andrew (not sure if that made sense, and looking forward to getting back to Toronto tomorrow)

Sdgirl:
SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life:
Calvin, if you choose to look at yourself like that, you wind up like that... Don't go that route... Turn around and dont get lost in the forest...
 :)

Love

CalvinC:

well, maybe I should qualify my commet: what do you miss but know it really isn't worth missing.....

CalvinC:

Sex.....well, YES and no......

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version