Main Forums > Living With HIV

Since diagnosis, what ONE thing do you know you have to let go of?

(1/6) > >>

Good lord help me, I'm up here in Sudbury, about 400 K north of Toronto. But the day was beautiful and my family is wonderful (oddly enough, though, my one sister-in-law hugged me but did not, for the first time ever, kiss my cheek. I noticed. I recently informed them I am poz. Hmmmmm)

So, alone, I visited my parents' grave, told them what had happened to me, cried some. I was thinking about loss, and I told them I lost my boyfriend. Then I remembered that he really wasn't my boyfriend, though we dated a couple of months, and then he left me the day after I told him I tested poz. A person like him, so self-concerned that he never even sympathized with my plight, can't be, I realized, the thing I miss (or if in some deep place he is, he won't be much longer).

I said that I missed the old Andrew, the lonely guy whose loneliness lead him into unsafe places, not because I want to be him again, but because he's dying or dading away and he needs someone to look after him. Which is another way of saying I wanted my parents to help me put him to rest as I need to move on. I'm going to miss him: that old Andrew was 47 years of my life. I miss him because he was part of me and lead me to where I am today, for good and ill. But I'm changing, and he's being left behind.

Andrew (not sure if that made sense, and looking forward to getting back to Toronto tomorrow)


Calvin, if you choose to look at yourself like that, you wind up like that... Don't go that route... Turn around and dont get lost in the forest...



well, maybe I should qualify my commet: what do you miss but know it really isn't worth missing.....


Sex.....well, YES and no......


[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version