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Author Topic: I wasn't nervous, I wasn't scared..................  (Read 1957 times)

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Offline Sdgirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 247
I wasn't nervous, I wasn't scared..................
« on: July 02, 2006, 09:29:28 PM »
So here is how the story began…….

About a week and a half ago, I was having an IM session with Zephyr.  I could tell that something was wrong, but it is SO difficult to articulate feelings on an instant message session.

My first instinct was, “she needs me”…..so I said that I would book a flight to come down and see her that very same weekend.  She was SHOCKED that I would do that….she didn’t know me too well!   ;)

As it turned out, while I was talking to Zephyr, Shane was on another IM session and I was relating my conversation to him and my concern.

As fate would have it, Zephyr’s weekend got booked so I planned to come the next weekend, July 1st.  Turns out Shane was going on a business trip and would be in Seattle and wanted to join me……
 
So, reservations were made and the arrangement was that I would meet Shane at the airport and we would drive to see Zephyr.

Now let’s be clear, I didn't “know” Shane other than our telephone conversations, the forums and IM’s.  I didn't “know” Zephyr other than our telephone conversations the forums and IM’s.  So I am going to meet “virtual” strangers AND sharing a room with one of them!

I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t scared.  Shouldn’t I have been???

I meet Shane at the rental car terminal, I knew who he was as soon as I saw him and vice versa.  I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t scared.  We hopped in the car and started chatting away like we had just seen each other yesterday.  Never once did I think “I don’t even know this person.”  In fact, the comfort factor made it almost surreal.

We arrived in Placerville, excited with anticipation of meeting Zephyr.  When she met us at the hotel, we all embraced in one big hug.  I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t scared. 

From that moment on, we spent the next 24 hours pretty much all glued together.  Talking, eating, sharing and basking in the comfort of each other with reckless abandon. 

At one point we were at Zephyr’s house (which by the way is ADORABLE), and Shane and Zeph were at the computer attempting to post our pictures on the forums (great computer, REALLY sucky dial up connection) and I was lying on the floor at their feet.

They were chatting away and I was half listening so god forbid I didn’t miss anything and I remember thinking “I can’t believe I am here, I feel so comfortable, totally at ease.”

Here is the thing…………..I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t scared. I didn’t have to be.  These people were my family.  We are bonded together by something that no one could ever understand unless they were part of our “AidsMeds” family.  I didn’t have to be scared, I didn’t have to be nervous.  Our love for each other was a given not an unknown.  It wrapped around you like a blanket and made you feel safe. 

Now that I am home, I am overwhelmed by my short but monumental visit.  I feel full, satisfied, and content.  This is a feeling that I have not experienced since February 21st, 2006 at 7:48am. 

It is a good feeling my friends…………….incredibly good.

Lisa
« Last Edit: July 02, 2006, 09:42:29 PM by Sdgirl »
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves.."Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?"

Offline livingpositively

  • Member
  • Posts: 369
Re: I wasn't nervous, I wasn't scared..................
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2006, 09:35:59 PM »
Lisa,

I couldn't have, and I didn't, say it any better.  That was beautifully articulated.

I'm so, so glad we had the opportunity to do it.

Love ya,

Shane
4/6/07   CD4 450, % 23, No VL
2/19/07 CD4 487, % 26, VL 47,500
1/4/07   CD4 357, % 27, No VL
10/3/06 CD4 500, % 26, VL 18,000
7/6/06   CD4 530, % 29, VL 83,800
4/6/06   CD4 555, % 28, VL 13,000

Offline The Canuck

  • Member
  • Posts: 628
Re: I wasn't nervous, I wasn't scared..................
« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2006, 09:46:01 PM »
Hi Lisa,

Thanks for sharing the '' before..now..and then '' of your meeting with Zephyr and Shane. Too bad you can't make it to Montreal.

All the best,

The Canuck

Offline zephyr

  • Member
  • Posts: 459
    • Zephyr L.T.N.P. Foundation, Inc.
Re: I wasn't nervous, I wasn't scared..................
« Reply #3 on: July 02, 2006, 10:37:45 PM »
Dear Lisa!

  I'm pretty choked up right now, your post is beautiful, just like you are. I'm missing both of you badly (especially with knowing Shane got stuck in Sacramento after all...) :'( even though I know I could pick up the phone and hear your voices...it just wouldn't be the same as having you both here!

  Family is the word, and comfort and ease is the truth of it. My life is all the better for having found friends like you two, and that's a precious thing in our world.

  Forgive me for my brevity...my emotions are close to the surface, and my bed beckons.

  So glad you arrived home safely, dear lady...and Shane, good luck on the trip tomorrow, honey!

  With much love,

  Zephyr :-*
"It is character that communicates most eloquently."

Offline OzPaul

  • Member
  • Posts: 410
  • a very blessed 29 year ltnp
Re: I wasn't nervous, I wasn't scared..................
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2006, 11:13:48 AM »
Hi Lisa

Thanks so much for the moving and thoughtful thread about your recent journey North to meet to of our 'family ' members.
I too had a similar experience/encounter recently when meeting Zeph and the 'mighty Minh' while at the NIH a few weeks ago. It seemed so natural that we were gathering, a meeting of kindred spirits. I too had no doubt or fear. In retrospect it was as moving and comfortable a first meeting (though it seemed like a reunion) as I have ever had the pleasure of, literally.
Kudos on you (and Shane) for having the strength of your spirit and clarity of love in your heart to journey north !!! It is through acts such as this, bold, adventurous and giving adventure that we can receive so much.

with Peace and Love
Paul

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: I wasn't nervous, I wasn't scared..................
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2006, 11:38:32 AM »


I tell Rasheen all the time, " How can something so beautiful, come from something so ugly?"

  What I mean is if it was not for HIV Rasheen and I would not even know each other....

  I am really happy that you had this experience... 

Thomas
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: I wasn't nervous, I wasn't scared..................
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2006, 06:16:42 PM »
"Here is the thing…………..I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t scared. I didn’t have to be.  These people were my family.  We are bonded together by something that no one could ever understand unless they were part of our “AidsMeds” family.  I didn’t have to be scared, I didn’t have to be nervous.  Our love for each other was a given not an unknown.  It wrapped around you like a blanket and made you feel safe"

Hi Lisa

You just described how I felt last year inToronto...thank you for sharing your wonderful visit..there is still so much we have to be thankful for..to quote my Grandmother:

"There is no such thing as strangers..only friends we haven't met yet"

Thanks again for sharing Lisa.

Hugs
Jan :-*

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: I wasn't nervous, I wasn't scared..................
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2006, 06:23:23 PM »
LISA!

Cool for you guys!  I so blew off your visit, and even had time for a phone visit, but suffice to say, this is now my third day in a row without nausea, and hopeless diarrhea; so been making good here at home.

I am so utterly overjoyed that you were able to make this hookup, and I think there is going to be more of this as our family grows nationwide, and world wide.  What power this place has over us, and most of us give it over freely.  Gee, what a concept.

This account took me there, and thanks.

In Love and Support.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Sdgirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 247
Re: I wasn't nervous, I wasn't scared..................
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2006, 07:51:48 PM »
I have heard the word "powerful" in this thread used a lot and that is so apropos for my visit with Shane and Zeph.

I am filled with a renewed energy............I have there love and courage pumping through me and it will sustain me.

My hope is that I get to meet many of you (not in Montreal unfortunately, can't go) but soon.  We are all only a car, train or airplane ride away from each other.  There is nothing to stop us now!

Lisa
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves.."Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?"

 


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