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I wasn't nervous, I wasn't scared..................

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So here is how the story began…….

About a week and a half ago, I was having an IM session with Zephyr.  I could tell that something was wrong, but it is SO difficult to articulate feelings on an instant message session.

My first instinct was, “she needs me”… I said that I would book a flight to come down and see her that very same weekend.  She was SHOCKED that I would do that….she didn’t know me too well!   ;)

As it turned out, while I was talking to Zephyr, Shane was on another IM session and I was relating my conversation to him and my concern.

As fate would have it, Zephyr’s weekend got booked so I planned to come the next weekend, July 1st.  Turns out Shane was going on a business trip and would be in Seattle and wanted to join me……
So, reservations were made and the arrangement was that I would meet Shane at the airport and we would drive to see Zephyr.

Now let’s be clear, I didn't “know” Shane other than our telephone conversations, the forums and IM’s.  I didn't “know” Zephyr other than our telephone conversations the forums and IM’s.  So I am going to meet “virtual” strangers AND sharing a room with one of them!

I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t scared.  Shouldn’t I have been???

I meet Shane at the rental car terminal, I knew who he was as soon as I saw him and vice versa.  I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t scared.  We hopped in the car and started chatting away like we had just seen each other yesterday.  Never once did I think “I don’t even know this person.”  In fact, the comfort factor made it almost surreal.

We arrived in Placerville, excited with anticipation of meeting Zephyr.  When she met us at the hotel, we all embraced in one big hug.  I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t scared. 

From that moment on, we spent the next 24 hours pretty much all glued together.  Talking, eating, sharing and basking in the comfort of each other with reckless abandon. 

At one point we were at Zephyr’s house (which by the way is ADORABLE), and Shane and Zeph were at the computer attempting to post our pictures on the forums (great computer, REALLY sucky dial up connection) and I was lying on the floor at their feet.

They were chatting away and I was half listening so god forbid I didn’t miss anything and I remember thinking “I can’t believe I am here, I feel so comfortable, totally at ease.”

Here is the thing…………..I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t scared. I didn’t have to be.  These people were my family.  We are bonded together by something that no one could ever understand unless they were part of our “AidsMeds” family.  I didn’t have to be scared, I didn’t have to be nervous.  Our love for each other was a given not an unknown.  It wrapped around you like a blanket and made you feel safe. 

Now that I am home, I am overwhelmed by my short but monumental visit.  I feel full, satisfied, and content.  This is a feeling that I have not experienced since February 21st, 2006 at 7:48am. 

It is a good feeling my friends…………….incredibly good.



I couldn't have, and I didn't, say it any better.  That was beautifully articulated.

I'm so, so glad we had the opportunity to do it.

Love ya,


The Canuck:
Hi Lisa,

Thanks for sharing the '' then '' of your meeting with Zephyr and Shane. Too bad you can't make it to Montreal.

All the best,

The Canuck

Dear Lisa!

  I'm pretty choked up right now, your post is beautiful, just like you are. I'm missing both of you badly (especially with knowing Shane got stuck in Sacramento after all...) :'( even though I know I could pick up the phone and hear your just wouldn't be the same as having you both here!

  Family is the word, and comfort and ease is the truth of it. My life is all the better for having found friends like you two, and that's a precious thing in our world.

  Forgive me for my emotions are close to the surface, and my bed beckons.

  So glad you arrived home safely, dear lady...and Shane, good luck on the trip tomorrow, honey!

  With much love,

  Zephyr :-*

Hi Lisa

Thanks so much for the moving and thoughtful thread about your recent journey North to meet to of our 'family ' members.
I too had a similar experience/encounter recently when meeting Zeph and the 'mighty Minh' while at the NIH a few weeks ago. It seemed so natural that we were gathering, a meeting of kindred spirits. I too had no doubt or fear. In retrospect it was as moving and comfortable a first meeting (though it seemed like a reunion) as I have ever had the pleasure of, literally.
Kudos on you (and Shane) for having the strength of your spirit and clarity of love in your heart to journey north !!! It is through acts such as this, bold, adventurous and giving adventure that we can receive so much.

with Peace and Love


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