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If only I could pick my family...

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Queen Tokelove:
I wish I could pick my own family. Let me try to give you all the breakdown. I was adopted when I was 12 but still had ties to my biological family, my mother's kids which there are 5 of us, 4 girls and 1 boy. But sadly we have never really been a family, always dysfunctional. I don't really get along with my 2 oldest sisters. I was living with my oldest sister when I found out I was poz, the health dept came to my house. She suggested that I tell my other sister which was the biggest mistake of my life, she told everyone she could and then later on my oldest sister decided to chime in. Thus began my issues with disclosure.

Let's jump ahead a bit shall we? My one sister raised my son. Why? At the time, I was having problems, that is the short version. In March of this year, I get a letter in the mail from the courthouse, saying they were having a hearing about custody of my son which was news to me. I went to the hearing and they gave me temporary custody of my son. Ever since then both sisters have always had stuff to say about how I raise him. My son has more freedom than the average kid his age but he is very mature for his age too. I don't make him out to be an angel but all in all he is not a bad kid.

Over the weekend, my son got jumped by some other kids. I was at home and had my phone turned off, sleeping. A friend of my son's was trying to get ahold of me but when she couldn't at first, she gave the police my sister's number. Big mistake but she didn't know any better. Because I give my son freedom, she says I treat him like he is my room mate and not my son. Her solution when he would get in trouble was ground him like he was doing jail time. And I am not exaggerating my last statement. My son and I have very good communication, I always tell him he doesn't have to lie to me about anything. My sister hears stuff from who knows then wants to yell at him when she doesn't even know the full story. Now moving to today, my sister knew about him getting jumped but was telling people he was beat out of his clothes til he was naked which was not true. The truth was they took his pants off of him and took his money, cell, and shoes. When I told my son this, he took it upon himself to call my sister and confront her about it. I guess it got heated and he hung up on her. She leaves him a message saying that she was the one who raised him and he should act like he appreciates it. Now that he is with his AIDS infested mammy who doesn't know how to be a mother. And when she sees him on the street, she is going to treat him like a man, as in get physical.

I warned my son that she will try to embarrass him wherever she sees him and I know more than likely she will use the fact that I am poz to do it. I don't think his friends know at all, that is not something, you would tell your friends, ya know. I am feeling for my son cause I know how she operates. I feel totally useless and am quite upset. I should be use to it cause she has done it to me most of my life. My son doesn't deserve it.

Thanks for listening to me vent. I know I could've vented in the main forum but sometimes feels like it's a charity case.

Hi Queen~

I know from previous posts that your sis is a piece of work.  Everything I read here just echos "insecurity" in my head.  Sounds like she is into calling attention to herself and looking like a big shot, trying to take the credit for a lot of things.

You should know that just because you and your sister have different views on how to raise your son, doesn't mean that you are wrong in what you are doing.  I believe that you know this already.

The fact that your sis wants to get physical with your son on the streets is assinine!  It also sounds like there is no way to avoid her.  Hell, she even sounds like she may seek the two of you out just to spite you.  Its good that you and your son have such an open relationship, because if and when your sis finger-points at your son, and uses your status to try and humiliate him publicly, I believe it could be very difficult for him.  Sure, he knows she's "impossible" but still, that kind of emotional hatred cuts deep.

Can you run and hide in the same town?  No.  Can you try a peace offering with your sis and hope for some good changes?  Unlikely.  Can you pick up and move with your son and maybe start fresh somewhere else?  Would you even consider that?  It may be just what you need.  It would definitely be quieter.  That choice, is up to you.

I'm here if you need to vent some more, and I still have a pretty high kick if you need back-up!

Love You!


Queen Tokelove:

You just don't know how bad I wish I could move out of state and start somewhere else. But it is just not financially possible. I hide enough being in the house the way I do. I mean I go over friends' houses but never really goes out to socialize. She will not seek me out but she will go out her way to embarrass my son. I know it will be very painful for my son and I wish I could spare him that and am worried what could happen when it does.

Hi Queen!
Just a little something to help you get through.

Dear Lord,

I thank you for this day. I thank you for my being able to see and hear this morning. I am blessed because you are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and you keep on blessing me. Forgive me for this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you.....

I ask now for your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and everyday to clear my mind so that I can hear from you. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over,and it's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray you listen to me heart. Continue to use me to do your will continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak......

Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know you intimately. I pray for those who don't believe.

But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers and for each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, and love and joy in their homes and in their hearts. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in his hands to fight.

Queen, I know that it might be hard for you because this is your sister, but just know that no weapons that's formed against you shall prosper.

Love always Camry.


That was a nice post.  Its so hard to be grateful and patient when the world seems to be "dumping" on us!  I will pray for Queen, too!

Good vibes your way, Queen!  (Don't eat any asparagus tonight, OK?)



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