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Hello everyone,

I basically just wanted to introduce myself here and also get some feedback.  I tested positve in late November 2002 (though I'm sure I was infected betweeen 1994/1995).  Recently got my lab tests - <50 vl, 248 CD4 - which is relatively good, though I've been fighting a sinus infection.  I'm also in recovery from alcoholism (just over 8 months sober!) and I quit smoking 2 weeks ago.  I have wanted to take some action to take care of myself, so quitting those two things were at the top of my list. 

With all the "Aids At 25" stuff in the media I've been obsessing about it, though, reading the CDC's MMWRs of those first few cases, the media's crappy coverage back then, the way this disease turned into a political game for some.

On the one hand, I'm extremely grateful I have the ability to get my meds and that I don't have to take but 2 a day (Sustive/Truvada).  A big deal when I think about my friend who died in '94 and all the pills he had to take.  And I have been reading about the horrible first years of the epidemic and how far we've come.  On the other hand, I can't help feeling 'tainted' or 'damaged'.  I know it's just a mind-trick, but sometimes it gets me down.  I guess I just needed to reach out to others who know the feelings I'm feeling and to get some encouragement.  Recently the fear of being positive has resurfaced and I need help dealing with it.  Not only for the biological aspect of being positive, but the social aspects as well (will I ever find love again? I know, it's silly).  And out here in the West (I live in Phoenix) it seems that people's attitudes are still stuck in the '80s - I'm originally from Atlanta and the East Coast seems to have a different attitude, more compassionate (maybe it's just me).

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent - I hope to get to know some of you here!


Hi Chris,

Welcome to the forums!!!  Vent away, that's what the forums are here for (among other things).  We all get down sometimes.  You'd probably be human not to feel that way.  But it's good to rely on friends and loved ones to help pull you through those feelings (and professional help when necessary).


hello Chris and WELCOME to the forums!


Thanks for the welcomes!  :) 

Indeed things have changed over the past 25 years....
and your feelings of being tainted are normal for us poz folks.  Depression runs very high in HIV positive people and I dare say the impact it has on our lives makes it a challenge for us all.  There's nothing silly about our love lives.  It's an intrical part of our existence and in my opinion a very necessary one.  But whether you're in Phoenix or Mobile Alabama or anywhere around the world the search for a partner/ soul mate can be a much more difficult task when you're HIV+.  Personally I take it one day at a time.  I lost my partner a year and  a half ago but being a hopeless romantic, I often find myself hoping I'll meet some else.  I believe it's important to maintain a positive attitude toward all things in life but sometimes that's a tall order.  Again Welcome to the family and I think you'll find this place as supportive and educational as I have....... :)


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