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Author Topic: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women  (Read 45377 times)

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Offline emeraldize

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HeHeHe, ole Moonlight said
You ought to start a Part III thread
Use that title you PM'd me
All the GFs will think it's funny

So, now Part III starts down its road
Faster for each of us to download
Offering clean slates for our tales
And, witticisms that result in gales

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2007, 10:59:16 PM »
~Rap for Em~

Hello, Sister Em, GF of mine
I think its really cool
How you write in rhyme
Told you in that other thread
"You go girl and show it"
Keep posting here
Cause you're a poet and didn't know it!

Hee hee, can you tell the full moon is gone and I don't have a date tonight?  LOL
Mr. Researcher is set for tomorrow, although I haven't heard from him since early yesterday.  I wish I wasn't so nervous, he's 51.  I just hope he looks good in person, lol!  Worst case, I am attracted to his mind!

Job interviews went well today.  The one this morning for an AP position went very very well, I was interviewed by three women at one time.  I decided to be my funny sarcastic self.  I think they were very impressed.  I did really well during a 45-minute phone interview last week with one of the girls.  So, wish me luck, I may have to leave my nocturnal life soon and go back to a day job!

Mr. Good Zip Code from last weekend just called.  He is doing well, thinks it was cool I bought him dinner last Sunday.  Least I could do after the expensive date at the "spook house" on Friday!"  Alas, unemployment and funds won't last forever......sigh.

*Edited to add....*  Received an email from Poz.  Seems our "rareguy" in CT has been deleted, lol.  The stupid dumb f***!  Girl power! 

~Cindy

« Last Edit: August 03, 2007, 11:12:43 PM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline zachysmom

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #2 on: August 03, 2007, 10:59:57 PM »
I can't wait to tune in... ;D :D ::)
Emer,
You do have a way with words.......

This is like the Harry Potter novel, the anticipation is killing me.....

Nicole
From Russia with love,
Nicole

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #3 on: August 03, 2007, 11:09:04 PM »
I am going to read all of Parts I and II to celebrate!  I have come a long way in a few weeks with the support of all of you GFs. 

And to those of you who are "Guests," sign in and join us!  Unless you're a guy, of course.  This place is healthy and understanding.  Wow, sometimes I just feel GOOD!

Part I: "dating" ---- http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=12526.0

Part II:  --- http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=13850.100


Thank you GFs!

~Cindy
« Last Edit: August 03, 2007, 11:13:31 PM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2007, 02:31:54 AM »
Threads of Our Heads? I had to read that line over a few times. Thought I was seeing things. What is this thread to be about, Em? I need to know so I can stay on topic, you know I always got something to say... ;D Unless it is a continuation of part 2 and is a dating thread then I may just be watching from the bleachers. I have been getting freaking idiots. One had the nerve to ask me would I change? Change what, I say. Change your religion.. It was more like I almost lost my religion and was going to call him everything in the book but the child of God.. ;D

(who is dog sitting Boo instead of talking to her Boo)
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline cjc

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  • Sweet Girl
Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2007, 09:22:52 AM »
Hello Sisters .  Good idea to start a new one, the second one was getting too long again.  Not much new here.Still  talking to those 2 fellas,  but no dates so far. I start back to work next week and am so glad.       Antway, I'll check back in later.  Cristy

Offline cjc

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  • Sweet Girl
Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2007, 03:07:11 PM »
*Edited to add....*  Received an email from Poz.  Seems our "rareguy" in CT has been deleted, lol.  The stupid dumb f***!  Girl power! 

~Cindy
Hello, looks like he reregistered immediatly cause I believe the same person sent me flirt at 2:33 today. Here's the thing:rareguy, 31
new haven, Connecticut

Last logged in: Aug 4, 2007 2:33 PM
.He must have reregistered.  ML, what do you think.
  :)    Cristy
« Last Edit: August 04, 2007, 03:09:44 PM by cjc »

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #7 on: August 04, 2007, 03:59:26 PM »
Hi Cristy~

It sounds like it.  Do me a favor and email personals@poz.com with the info.  They can look at the link of the flirt to your screen name.  Wait until he sends you the baseketball link, lol!  Ask him if he was 22 when that was taken, lol!  Better yet, just block his ass!

GFs~  PLEASE post names of scammers here so we can all share notes and be in the loop!  Thanks!

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #8 on: August 04, 2007, 04:27:12 PM »
Hmm...

I suppose this is probably as good a place as any to post about this, because it's probably the closest I'll get to online dating. ;D

Last night I had to send an email (in my capacity as a forum moderator) to this guy from the Am I forum who tried to create a new account. (apparently thought he'd get different answers with a new name. ::) ) I was using Outlook and I forgot to use the drop-down list to change the sending email account to the forums account. The email got sent via my default, private Yahoo email account.

Yikes!

About twenty minutes after I'd sent the email, my partner and I were sitting   sprawled out on the couch watching telly. It was our eighth anniversary and we'd been out to dinner, so we were doing our couch-whales imitation. ;D

Anyway, the computer, which is behind the couch, was still on and I was logged into Yahoo, as per usual. Suddenly I got a YIM notification noise, followed by "hello sexy" come through the speakers. Other half was not amused and I was confused. I showed him that it was not from an approved contact and clicked on the reject button. Then I had to try to convince him that no, I never normally get unsolicited contacts because I always show as offline and because I don't give my addy out to ... ok, I'll be nice and say strangers.

It wasn't until later when I went to move the email I sent out of my sent folder to my admin folder that I realised my STOOOOOOPID mistake of using my personal email address.

~shudder~


I'm seriously considering getting a new private email account.

My hat's off to you ladies who brave the internet dating game. I think I'm a little too long in the tooth to dip my toes into that particular pool and those of you who do have my respect and admiration. I wish you all luck! Your stories have me glued to these threads.

Group hug!  :-*

Ann
xxx

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #9 on: August 04, 2007, 05:21:00 PM »
Hi Ann~ 

Nice to see you here!  Sounds like you got a "leg humper," what with the immediate "Hi Sexy" on YIM!  I am dealing with a pos one right now.  I think he has the mind of a 12yo and he is very needy, also 6'5", what a picture THAT paints.  This is all via IM as he lives many miles away, thank goodness.  I just can't seem to "shake" him, lol!  I love the IGNORE feature and the stealth settings on Yahoo!  I say just block this guy on your messenger and wait and see if he leaves you alone before switching your email address. 

Going out with a neggie tonight, older guy by 14 yrs, Mr. Researcher as I call him.  He told me this morning that he wrote himself an Rx for an inner ear infection from scuba diving?  My, my, I have found myself a doctor, and he was being private about not letting that piece of info out until we had corresponded more.  Wish me luck, I don't know how our worlds will get along, but I do tend to do better with intellectual types, and I'm sure he knows all about HIV  ;) .  I'll see where the conversation goes tonight.......

Ann, congrats on eight years with your sweetheart, that's so nice to hear!  Thanks for posting!

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #10 on: August 04, 2007, 06:35:42 PM »
Hi GFs~

Got another SCAMMER!

"smilhb4k"   40-something in Denton, MD   Shows a white guy who likes R&B and is a Native American?  Um....NOT.  I can tell by the grammar in the email that its the same stupid shit down there in Nigeria again.  "Rareguy" must have morphed into this one!  LOL  Let me know if he wants you to "CHATT (double T) with him now."

Dumb and dumber

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #11 on: August 04, 2007, 06:52:01 PM »
It's good to see you post, Ann. I think everyone gets a kick out of the dating threads. I wonder how many parts it's gonna be? The only date I have is with the comb today. I am taking down my braids today and will prolly start rebraiding sometime tonight. With hopes of being done sometime tomorrow night. It is a process. The things I do for beauty and not one man to worship me....I just wanted to check in with you all before I go back to the comb.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline cjc

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  • Posts: 1,011
  • Sweet Girl
Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #12 on: August 04, 2007, 09:17:00 PM »
Hello Ladies. Not much new here. Ann, that was interesting.  ML, hope you have fun on your date. You go , girl. I got 1 from that guy "smilhb4k" ,too. I blocked him. I blocked the other one "Rareguy"  as well since I couldn't figure out how to contact the staff.                     queen I feel for you, having your hair redone.  Oh well, time for bed. Later,   Cristy

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #13 on: August 04, 2007, 10:00:17 PM »
Hello!

Just got home and now to get caught up a bit.

GQ--just to be clear -- Threads of Our Heads is supposed to sound like Day of Our Lives. So, that can include dating, updating, whatever anyone wishes---no limitations on content from my perspective, but we do all seem interested in the dating topic.

I'm not dating, at least not for another week until Bakery Man comes into town and sets one up. Until then, I'm just drafting, like a racer, in the exhaust fumes of you, ML, CJC and the lucky few who have some LTRs.

ML, you get more dates---you could handle this thread single-handedly!!

I like learning about this scammer crap and Ann, thanks for letting us know how easily we can all f up and drop the addy facade---yikes, on your anniversary no less.

Well, time to go. Wrist wreck already. Doesn't take long some days.

Em

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #14 on: August 05, 2007, 12:27:22 AM »
Hi GFs~

I emailed Poz about "rareguy" appearing again, I blocked Denton Maryland Native American as well.  I'll email Poz on that one, too.  I just feel bad for the ladies who aren't in the forums and don't know any better.  Then again, if you get pulled in that deep with all of the warning signs in your face.....go figure, still its a shame, but this is the price we pay for a free website!

OK, I am shaking in my shoes after my date tonight -- in a good way!  That only means one thing.....I like Mr. Researcher and I have immediately started to feel I'm not worthy.  Dammit, I hate this cycle of me cutting myself down so as not to feel worthy enough to get close to someone.  Why does this happen?  Gee, maybe so I won't have to disclose?  LOL  I know better!  Shit, I just have to force myself to walk the walk and see this guy again.  I mean, I like him, I WANT to see him, its just that he is a doctor.  I think this is like a lightning strike from the heavens above, like God himself giving me a wake-up call.  I think God is saying, if anyone will understand you, it may very well be this man.  He is so nurturing, which I just adore, we talk about medicine and diabetes, how the human body works....He is a world of information and I am so intrigued, I can keep up with him intellectually.  We were on the phone as......

.........time out, Mr. Hot Short Norwegian just called, he's out of town in Seattle on business......oh goodness he's so cute, haven't talked directly with him since our date two weeks ago, just phone tag, talk about timing.....I fessed up and told him I had a pet name for him, he likes it, lol............

OK, so Mr. Researcher and I were on the phone as he was pulling into the parking lot, says he's in a tiny red car.  He pulls up in a gorgeous burgundy Mercedes 2-door.  He was handsome and immediately took my hand and walked me into the restaurant.  It was nice because he wasn't trying to be all macho like Mr. He Knows (49yo) from a month ago.  We're IMing now, I'm going to see if we can get together tomorrow, too.   ;)   He's great to talk to.  His last relationship of 4 years ended last New Year's, as did mine with my exBF.  This guy has the same birthday as my father, how ironic.  No wonder I think he's so cool!  LOL  More soon!

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #15 on: August 05, 2007, 12:49:21 PM »
Yet another winner!  He is "william01" from Albany NY, and makes over $150K in the construction industry?  Not!  With his post-graduate degree?  Not!  He can't spell "Sweety" correctly and as you can see below, his English sucks!  I may just sit tight and see if I can get this one to actually WAIT at Western Union for me.  He has a "pic" of himself with his daughter.  People like this just need to be hit by a bus, they piss me off!  Most of you probably know this, but from my experience, the scammers always put 001 or 01 as part of their screenname.  Makes me wonder about that Catch of the Day guy, Tessa001 or something,  lol? 

Anyway, Sweet William had these nice words to say......I will notify POZ.

"Hi babe, My name is williams ...i am from Newyork and also i single parent since i lost my wife in a auto car accident , since then i had been looking for a true love that is going to be with me for who i am not for what i am ..... i saw your profile on POZ i you just the kind of woman i ever seaching for ..... if you you looking for a serious relationship i will be very happy to be with you for the rest of my life ..... well, you will look to know somethings about me ? then let talk through my yahoo messanger williozem_irete@yahoo.com so we can know more about each other. Lots of Love. William."

Oh just Bite Me, lol

~Cindy



HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #16 on: August 05, 2007, 01:16:24 PM »
I'm quite sure he would like to bite you, your bank account and whatever else he could sink his fangs into.  :P

Snaps to you for hauling in another reportable fish in your net!


Offline cjc

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #17 on: August 05, 2007, 02:37:06 PM »
Yet another winner!  He is "william01" from Albany NY, and makes over $150K in the construction industry?  Not!  With his post-graduate degree?  Not!  He can't spell "Sweety" correctly and as you can see below, his English sucks!  I may just sit tight and see if I can get this one to actually WAIT at Western Union for me.  He has a "pic" of himself with his daughter.  People like this just need to be hit by a bus, they piss me off!  Most of you probably know this, but from my experience, the scammers always put 001 or 01 as part of their screenname.  Makes me wonder about that Catch of the Day guy, Tessa001 or something,  lol? 

Anyway, Sweet William had these nice words to say......I will notify POZ.

"Hi babe, My name is williams ...i am from Newyork and also i single parent since i lost my wife in a auto car accident , since then i had been looking for a true love that is going to be with me for who i am not for what i am ..... i saw your profile on POZ i you just the kind of woman i ever seaching for ..... if you you looking for a serious relationship i will be very happy to be with you for the rest of my life ..... well, you will look to know somethings about me ? then let talk through my yahoo messanger williozem_irete@yahoo.com so we can know more about each other. Lots of Love. William."

Oh just Bite Me, lol

~Cindy




                                                                                 ML, I got that one ,too. Seems like my Bites(no fleas,Em) are turning into pond sharks. Kinda depressing but I have felt down for the last couple days anyway. Maybe just hormones getting back to normal.   And my needy one from Florida keeps calling. I told him last night that he had more issues and more drama than I want to deal with.  Anyway, one day my mate will come along and at least ! have ya'll.  Cristy

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #18 on: August 05, 2007, 03:42:20 PM »
Hi Cristy and GFs~

I am a little down and somber today, too.  I just posted in the "Who I Appreciate" thread and it has driven me to tears.  Sobbing like a fool here thinking of all of you.  I guess its the result of years of having absolutely no one to talk to.  Sigh.  And now my damn doorbell is ringing...over and over, I guess I should tell you girls about the "doorbell."  I have a very close straight male friend from HS, his name is Jim.  He contacted me in 2000, got my name out of the reunion booklet, lol.  We hung out all the time, he would look for guys for me, I would look for girls for him, we went everywhere together, did everything together, as friends.  His parents know my parents and live right down the road from each other.  Well, after my exBF dumped me on 12/29/06, Jim took me to a nice dinner.  And then he professed his undying love for me.  I always knew he liked me, he tried to come on to me years ago in 2000 and I shyed away, wanting to be friends, and he respected that.  So during all of these years, he and I have always been in separate relationships, but have been BEST friends.  I disclosed to him in 2002 and he didn't pass judgement, as I thought he might.  He is really a good guy, raised right with a great personality.  So, anyway, he tells me in January this year how he wants to put his heart on his sleeve for me, and how if I should decide to be with him, he would take me in a moment.  He is smitten with me, to say the least, and I can't imagine how he has felt for years as just being my friend, watching from the sidelines.  He has since been married, had a child and divorced, so now single again with a white trash HO for an ex that is a constant thorn in his side.  And he holds himself together beautifully, which drives her nuts!  This year has been crap for me and I didn't talk to Jim for most of April and May.  We drifted and I didn't want to find myself being drawn to him romantically in a time of desperation, to find myself "settling."  I wanted to date and see what new guys were on the horizon.  So after weeks of not talking, I call Jim in late May, days after I lose my job, and tell him I will be alone at my parents place (near his place) if he wants to catch up on things.  He sounds a little miffed on the phone and declines.  At least I tried to break the ice.  I am at my parents an hour later, and here he comes, rolling up the driveway to see me, after decling my invite.  We layed out on the grass and spoke for hours, I recounted all of the crap the year had rained on me and the conversation got deep.  I was pretty upset, and he starts poking fun at me with his usual line "I always can talk to you and feel better after I hear what's going on with you."  In the past, this line never bugged me that much, and even when it did, I would suck it up and not show my emotions, after all he was always joking and making light of things.  On this day in May, however, I told him that I was really close to losing it with all of the bad luck that 2007 had brought me and could he please stop saying that my stories always made him feel better?  I think he was surprised to see the soft side of me, to not see me as the trooper I had always been.  So, needless to say he rubbed me the wrong way, and I couldn't get it out of my mind.  He called later that week, I was in the shower, so he left a message.  This was one day before I had to go in for a woman's procedure on May 25th, and I was a bundle of nerves.  I didn't want to talk to anyone.  He left me a message asking why I was never around anymore every time when he called?  I was in the shower!  Then he went on in the message to say he wasn't going to call anymore, that I could call him.  THAT pissed me off and I certainly didn't call him back that day.  Or for weeks after.  He shows up at my door on June 15th and I say hi and try to be pleasant.  I bring up the serious talk I tried to have with him in May at my parents, I tell him how the voice mail pissed me off on May 24th cause the timing was very wrong for me in light of my procedure, losing my job, my dog dying, need I go on.....?  He is a real joker and he proceeds to show me the numbers in his cell phone.  He scrolls down and down to the C's and I notice my name isn't there anymore.  See, here he was, poking more fun at me.  He said he still wasn't going to call me anymore, "ha ha."  I guess I am the one who has been changing my tune, showing him a more vulnerable side of myself and he just can't "get it."  Maybe he is scared by it, but I have cried to him before when I have broken up with BFs, so he has always been there and has seen the emotional side of things, too.  Is this all my fault?  .........Anyhow, he was here on June 15th during the day, and then returned AGAIN that evening, knocking on the door when I was already in bed at 930pm on a Friday (imagine that, Queen, lol).  Things with Jay (damn I miss Jay like hell....) had started to get heavy that week and my mind was a mess thinking about disclosing to him, and I didn't share any of this with Jim.  I sure don't like anyone stopping by unannounced, it pisses me off, so call me already.  I told Jim this in a light, funny way, but he again said he wasn't going to call me cause he had "deleted" my number.  Ha-F'n-Ha.

I wondered how long it would be before he showed up again unannounced.  I just finished boo-hooing here, posting in the "Who I Appreciate" thread and Jim just rang and rang my doorbell, quite obnoxiously.  I know his trademark doorbell ring.  Honestly, it has been easier not to deal with his antics over the past few weeks because I have been so fragile, but I knew he would come back around eventually.  So, today proved I was right.  What did I do when I heard the doorbell ringing incessantly a few moments ago?  I turned up the volume on my tunes and kept reading and posting.  I didn't answer the door.  My mom would love nothing more than for me to be with Jim, but I have never been attracted to him physically, and with his goings-on this summer, he has me rather pissed.  I know he could open many doors for me, with the possibility of living happily ever after, but I personally don't want to deal with his psycho stupid ex-wife right now, my problems are enough. 

Do I just bite the bullet and give in, even for just "as friends?"  He would take me back in a heartbeat.  Shit, I hate stupid mother fuckers that mess with my head when I'm not in the mood, but he is my best friend......I think.  Help!

~Cindy
« Last Edit: August 05, 2007, 03:47:25 PM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #19 on: August 05, 2007, 05:48:51 PM »
  Shit, I hate stupid mother fuckers that mess with my head when I'm not in the mood, but he is my best friend......I think.  Help!

~Cindy

So, help me out here. He's your best friend and doesn't know when he crawls under your skin? Why doesn't he know that? Or, if he does, why would he persist and still get to have the championship title of "Best Friend" ? Me confused. If you buy into that notion that we teach people how to treat us, then you taught him that how he acts is okay. Do you buy it?

Do you know what you want? Forget how happy your Mom would be. What about you? Do you know what you want? If Jim doesn't resemble a character in that vision, then find who does.

« Last Edit: August 05, 2007, 05:53:01 PM by emeraldize »

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #20 on: August 05, 2007, 06:05:33 PM »
Or, if he does, why would he persist and still get to have the championship title of "Best Friend" ? Me confused. If you buy into that notion that we teach people how to treat us, then you taught him that how he acts is okay. Do you buy it?

Hi Em~ 

That's what I'm thinking...that for so long, for years,  I didn't say it got on my nerves when he "joked."  Back then, it really didn't, and I joked right back, but I have become more sensitive of late, esp last May with all of the crap I was dealing with, so I finally spoke up.  So, YES, I agree, with years of me being a joker as well, I "taught" him how to treat me.  I really tried to tell him in May and June that it was working my nerves, and yet he has persisted, here and there.  Even with the ringing of the doorbell today, in his mind he was "joking" with me again.  I think the fact that my door didn't open spoke volumes!  You are also right in saying forget what my mother thinks, lol!  Thanks for reminding me that its MY life and not hers.  She only THINKS she knows what I handle on a weekly basis.

Thank you for reaffirming what I already knew, I just needed to hear it from someone else.  Perhaps he isn't really my best friend anymore?  He'll certainly have to earn that title back from me, and I can be a stubborn bitch, lol!

Gummy Bear?  LOL

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #21 on: August 05, 2007, 11:31:25 PM »
Yum! Thanks!

You're a smart cookie and you'll figure out how to tell him, or not. Meanwhile, I think YOU ought to run a dating service with your expertise growing by the week.

Em

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #22 on: August 06, 2007, 12:33:12 PM »
Hi GFs~

Wouldn't you know it?  I stayed up late again last night until 2am or so, and I was in bed at 11:20am today (ahhhhhhhh, blissful) when my doorbell starts ringing the "special ring" that can only be from Jim.  I yelled at the dog to stop barking and I think maybe Jim heard that.  He didn't ring as long as he did yesterday, and then he went away.  I have to get ready to go to the chiropractor's for my weekly appointment, but I may have to address this issue tonight with Jim.  I will have to call him and ask him to call ahead before just coming by, because I need my privacy.  He'll just laugh and then I'll have to unleash my fury on him, which isn't pretty.  Especially if you're being a dumbass.

As for other dumbasses, there is a member here in the Forums that PMed me a long time ago, last week of June, to say hello.  I wrote back and never heard from him again.  Now he just pops up every now and then filling my Inbox with clutter.  I understand that he thinks he is trying to help me out, as he sent a link to a diabetes webpage today, but it feels strange to have him do this.  He doesn't write anything, just puts the link in the PM.  One time he COPIED an entire thread of his and emailed it to me here.  It was gargantuan and very lengthy, and I had already read it in the Forums.

I just feel that if you're going to PM someone, you should say "Hi, I saw your post on.....blah blah blah" and then go from there, but there has never been any real introduction from this member.  So, being in the mood that I am today, what with the doorbell and all, I PMed this member back and told him not to fill up my mailbox cause I feel like he's a stranger.  LOL  I just got a PM, its probably him.  More later......Can you tell I'm a VERY private person?  LOL 

BTW, Mr. Researcher and I are doing well, IMed last night for a bit.  I might have to hurry this one along and enjoy myself already!

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #23 on: August 06, 2007, 09:14:06 PM »
Well, things are chugging along!!

Cristy's liking being back at work, ML's dating a DOC!, GQ's heard from Boo--Hoo f'n Ray on that!, I'm patiently awaiting Bakery Man's call, Ann's chimed in----and, oh yeah, I got a response from a message I sent to a Poz Personal poster. He's literate, professional and his profile and message read as if he is interesting, professional, etc. So, as that unfolds, or not, I'll keep you posted.

Em

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #24 on: August 07, 2007, 02:46:33 AM »
Hi GFs~

I was on a mission tonight, plain and simple.  Mr. Researcher is now going to be called "Doc" cause its easier to type, lol (TY Em for the idea!).  So, earlier I am online at 530pm, anxiously awaiting for Doc to get home and sign in.  He doesn't sign in until 730pm, but I was READY.   ;D  I basically offered to go to his place and he was like "How soon can you get here?"  He's such a flirt.  He had kept inviting me over last night and I just wasn't up for it. Well, he's less than 20 miles from my place, so I arrived at 9pm.  We sat on the couch talking and one thing led to another!  Great kisser, and also very proud of his underWATER (edited for Ann and GQ ;)  )filming.  He put in a DVD showing some filming that he did at one of the islands down near Venezuela.  We are watching and a turtle is swimming by, lol, and he (Doc, not the turtle) says "That's in front of my house."  I say, "But you used to live in DC, what do you mean that's 'in front of your house?'"  He owns a house on the damn island.  :P   I proceeded to contain my excitement quite well. 

The coolest thing was the background music that went along with the filming.  He and I both love smooth jazz, and that's what was playing in the shots.  Ever hear of The Rippingtons?  Well, I sure as shit have, and I have some of their CDs, "Life In the Tropics" tracks 1 & 2 are my personal faves.  The DVD opened up with these two very songs and I was so giddy with excitement!  My fave music gets me going like you wouldn't believe!  Turns out Doc is good friends with The Rippingtons, I almost shit myself again.  ;D   He keeps surprising me with these little tidbits, he's been holding back info and then letting out bits and pieces here and there.  He's a doc, drives a nice car, knows The Rippingtons, has a house on a fucking island!   :o 

I guess he wants to make sure I'm not a gold-digger.  I may be on unemployment, but I have never gone after a man for his money, its always been for his good looks and his mind.  Doc has those two nailed.  I was uncomfortable a month back with Mr. He Knows who is 49, and I really thought I might be uncomfortable with the age difference of almost 14 years in this case as well, and that's why I got my ass over there tonight.  He was either going to wow me, or freak me out.  All I can say is WOW.  WOW WOW WOW.  I have never been this adored in so very long.  What a sweet man. 

Yes, I have the radar and demons on "high."  Radar up in case he is after one thing, demons keeping things in check because of my needing to disclose.  I see this all moving very fast with him.  He invited me to stay the night, and I declined.  After all, my meds were back at home, lol!   :D  This is definitely going to be fast, like I said, because after tonight there's not much more holding back.  We like being with each other, we have the same values and beliefs, and we are wildly attracted to one another. 

So, I see myself disclosing the next time I see him.  Shit, shit shit.  He will know what to do.  He's a doc who does cancer and kidney research.  He knows anatomy quite well ;).  So, once I tell him, I won't have to explain the virus to him, he'll already know and he will be able to decide for himself.  If he has no problem with it, I am going to be very happy for a very long time.  If he does have a problem, well it was fun while it lasted!  This sounds too good to be true, but we'll see! 

I think my Grandmother in heaven is smiling down on me.  My Grandfather was a doctor!

I didn't leave his place until 1am, and the rest you'll have to PM me about!  Wish me luck, I feel like Cinderella tonight!

~Cindy
« Last Edit: August 08, 2007, 01:15:21 PM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #25 on: August 07, 2007, 04:35:07 AM »
all fingers, toes & eyes crossed!

am really hoping.

Hugs,
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Ann

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #26 on: August 07, 2007, 06:23:57 AM »
Hey Cindy, he does sound great! I had to re-read one line twice though - I thought he was proud of his underwear filming! ;D

One thing you said worries me a little... you're assuming that because of his medical background, he'll be up to speed on hiv. That ain't necessarily so! Lots of doctors - especially ones who specialise in other fields - don't know any more about hiv than the average guy on the street. I just didn't want you to have what may turn out to be a false assumption in this case. Better to assume he knows very little than to assume he knows it all. No disappointments that way.

GOOD LUCK! I don't have to say "keep us posted" because I know you will. LOL ;)

Ann
xxx
« Last Edit: August 07, 2007, 06:25:41 AM by Ann »
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #27 on: August 07, 2007, 07:17:06 AM »
All YOU can say is WOW? Jeez, all we have to do is go to sleep and you turn the corner into an incredibly new chapter.

With the recent heat wave, I'd almost fallen asleep to life. I'm awake now---reading about YOUR heat.

Despite the laughs (like the Rippington " shit myself" stuff) and the rooting for you, I'm with Ann on not making any assumptions about the completeness of his knowledge of HIV.

I'm hoping he's as good a risk taker above sea level as below. And, yes, it sounds like you'll know, quickly, one way or the other if it's a no-go or damn the torpedos, full speed ahead.

I just emptied a bag of gummy bears...gotta go find more.

Em

« Last Edit: August 07, 2007, 07:18:44 AM by emeraldize »

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #28 on: August 07, 2007, 12:55:18 PM »
It wasn't just your eyes, Ann, I thought she said the same thing! Glad the date went well for you, Moonlight. You have a knack of finding doctors...What's your secret? I think I need you to sniff me out one... ;D I'm glad Christy is liking her job. Hey, Camille got kinda quiet lately. Didn't she have another date? Em, I wish your bakery man would hurry up...I could've burnt 5 cakes by now.. :D I am not much of a baker, there's only one thing I'm good at burning.... ;D I am still around ladies, just working on my hair...It is day 2. I am hoping to have it done by tomorrow. They're small braids and since I do it myself, takes a bit of time. But I do check in here when I take breaks...
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #29 on: August 07, 2007, 02:46:26 PM »
Hi GFs~

TY all for the well-wishes!  I am SO apprehensive because this is better than "too good to be true."  I won't jinx myself, though!  I am glad things with Doc are moving fast.  I've always liked a man who was a little assertive, over a shy guy moving like a slug.  I know some people don't like to move fast, because then it may be over and you're down, out and dejected.  My mind can handle that.  Not to say I'm not human, of course I have feelings, of course I will be upset if this doesn't work out, but my life is all about changes, and I seem to keep going through them.  Beautifully.  So I will continue to persevere.  I force myself to.  I like the excitement.  I love the challenge.  And I know I can recover from the heartache.  I certainly have before. 

And I have new confidence in the virus, funny as it may sound.  I have read here so many times about neggies not understanding the virus and they all think we're on our death march.  I don't agree.  My biggest problem with disclosing is showing a neggie that the stigma just always isn't so, and that you can live a life with the virus, as a chronic illness.  Hell, I already have diabetes and fibromyalgia, so I am practically an expert!   ;)  I just do what needs to be done to keep myself healthy.

Ann and Em, you bring up a good point which has crossed my mind also.  Maybe he won't understand about the virus, but it sure as hell will be easier to explain to him about NNRTIs and NRTIs, don't you think?  I have been undetectable for over 5 years now thanks to Sustiva, and I am a numbers girl.  If there's less virus inside of me, there is less to be passed on.  Its all in the numbers.  The facts are the facts.  So, if he doesn't have an understanding, I have the Transmission Thread printed out.  Hell, I was saving it for Jay nearly a month ago.  I am armed and ready for the Doc.  I am scared, yes, but I know what I have to do. 


I'm hoping he's as good a risk taker above sea level as below. And, yes, it sounds like you'll know, quickly, one way or the other if it's a no-go or damn the torpedos, full speed ahead.

That's a cool analogy, Em.  Yes, if this guy can swim with the sharks without a cage, then he can certainly be open to the possibility of having me in his life.  I just want to be able to breathe again.  For 11 years, I feel like I have been holding my breath, waiting to start over.  I was close to starting over with my exBF, and the virus scared him off.  I know, I know, you need to love yourself before you can love someone else.  I really think I am there, pretty damn close.  I have come to realize that I am a wonderful person who is actually worthy.  For so long I had felt useless.  Lately, I have even been growing a thicker skin as far as this virus is concerned.  I want to be an activist and be seen, and be heard, and make a DIFFERENCE.  I want to do these things before its too late......One day at a time, though.

I'll let you know what happens.........  :D

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #30 on: August 07, 2007, 09:30:50 PM »
Hey, Camille got kinda quiet lately. Didn't she have another date? Em, I wish your bakery man would hurry up...I could've burnt 5 cakes by now.. :D I am not much of a baker, there's only one thing I'm good at burning.... ;D I am still around ladies, just working on my hair...It is day 2.

You are a howl and a half!!!!...burnt five cakes. Whatever you do don't burn your damn hair! He asked me to dinner in advance of his return to the city. He estimated three weeks. So, it's another great exercise in patience---and I figure he'll be calling soon!

Yeah, you're right...where's Camille? Are we supposed to get a followup report? Do you think she eloped?

ML...you two weren't in touch today? No hot IMs? Nothin'? Hard to fathom. Ahhhhhhh, more underwear, I mean, underwater talk.  ::)

Excuse me sir, will this be a one-tank trip? or two? Will you be needing a wet suit? Oh, just the mini-wet suit. I see, sir. Well, we have several different models to choose from.

Well, I guess I have to come up for some air. Wrist wreck. Ship wreck.

Ahoy.
Em

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #31 on: August 07, 2007, 09:39:25 PM »
Em~

He just got online a few minutes ago.  Hot IM is ON!  Its so easy to IM with him until I start thinking about this virus.  I'll put disclosure out of my mind for now and enjoy myself in this moment.  We are having fun, chatting about last night!  He's a really nice man.

I PMed Camille almost a week ago and no reply, so I'm not sure what's up.  I'm hoping Sports Car Guy drove her off into the evening on a hot date!

Em~  The "nautical references" are a riot!  Making me laugh over here! 

More Soon!  "Ahoy!"

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #32 on: August 07, 2007, 09:45:36 PM »
I  M  Psychic   :o

Offline sunseeker

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #33 on: August 07, 2007, 11:55:07 PM »
Hi Ladies

New to this blog and hoping you don't mind that I have been reading.  Me, just broke up with my boyfriend who is + and feeling like I will not find anyone that I like or want to like.  Well, nice to meet you and I hope to be more interactive soon. 

K

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #34 on: August 08, 2007, 12:11:58 AM »
Hello SS

Of course we don't mind that you've been reading! Welcome. You mention your ex BF is positive. Are you also positive? Is that why you're concerned you won't find someone?

Well, it's late. I wanted to make sure that one of the nightowls hooted at you. We'll look forward to your posts.

Em

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #35 on: August 08, 2007, 02:26:06 AM »
I was going to say that Moonlight needs a break about now. She's been on a roll with dates for about 2 weeks now. Even God took a rest... ;D....She's on fire...Damn now why did that song Maneater by Hall & Oates jumped into my mind just then.... :D

As for Camille, I have her on my yahoo and has noticed that she was on the other day. I will drop her an IM and tell to let us know what's going on. Last I remember her date went well, right? Maybe she is getting wined and dined.

SS-- Welcome to the Forums. I hope to learn more about you. There is an introduction thread where you can post when you are ready to tell us more about you. In the meantime, enjoy the thread.

I'm off again...Still haven't finished my hair yet. Still am around but can't wait to dig my heels into this thread again. Still no word from Boo since his drive by IM. Even though I am pissed at him at the moment, it is good to know he was not back in the hospital...

(who is missing her girls)
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #36 on: August 08, 2007, 04:27:44 AM »
I was going to say that Moonlight needs a break about now. She's been on a roll with dates for about 2 weeks now. Even God took a rest... ;D....She's on fire...Damn now why did that song Maneater by Hall & Oates jumped into my mind just then.... :D

Still no word from Boo since his drive by IM. Even though I am pissed at him at the moment, it is good to know he was not back in the hospital...

Queen~  It is 415am and I can't sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I woke up with low sugar. You crack me up, lol "Maneater".  ~Whoa O here she comes Watch Out Watch Out Watch Out!~ 

I was IMing with Doc earlier this evening and he disappeared!  I called him and no answer, so I don't know what's up.  Prob fell asleep, lol!  He wants things to go to the next level, and fast, so I am very nervous, told him I wasn't "easy."   ;D   All of my demons are circling around my head  (picturing the Flying Monkeys from The Wizard of Oz now....lol).  I want to be able to look him squarely in the eye, disclose, and not lose my composure.  Its that last part I am worried about.  I haven't disclosed in person to someone I was attracted to since the beginning of my last LTR, in June 2004.  I always get so damn emotional.  This is part of the "challenge" I referred to earlier.  I am just going to force myself to disclose, I have to, and if it doesn't work, I can duck out before too much of an emotional investment is made.  Two tears in a bucket, GFs.

Hello, Sunseeker, glad you decided to join us!  I have been here since the end of June.  This is really a great place to be where we all help each other out.  Hopefully, other women will see your new post and decide to join as well.  Before you know it, you'll feel even more at home here.  Em is right, ask us anything.  This thread is like our journal, so bitch, moan, vent, share.....we appreciate it all and learn from each other!

Queen~  I am glad Boo is OK, relatively speaking.  What the hell is UP with him?  Get his damn address so we can hunt him down next time!  Wish he would stop messing with your head, it pisses me off!

OK, have to take Cheech to the beauty parlor tomorrow at 8am   :o  so back to bed for a bit!  Sleep seems so far away right now, what with the thoughts of Doc....and those damn Monkeys.

~Cindy

« Last Edit: August 08, 2007, 04:29:50 AM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
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Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #37 on: August 08, 2007, 04:59:14 AM »
hi all,

first of all b4 i forget GQ, i really admire your patience. i'm too lazy even to dye my roots (HIV brings premature grayness)

i am struggling with the medical establishment lately, stepping on toes in my attempt to get myself treated and diagnosed by a neurologist for PN. now this may not sound dating or love-related, but in a way it is...

the result is that my BF has seen me crying, grumpy and tired (from the pain, I don't sleep well). i always promised myself that i would not let him see me "down" from hiv. he has this image of me as superstrong and cheerful, esp since once we where together and i broke my arm and didn't cry and was still cracking jokes. but breaking an arm is one thing, inexplicable, increasing pain that keeps you awake is another... i feel like i am bringing pain and suffering into his life and he is such as easy going cheerful guy. he is also in a very stressful period professionaly and if any of us should be flipping out it's him not me.

I was wondering ML when you refer to HIV as breaking up your previous LTR if that is what you mean, since the guy knew from the beginning that you are poz. is it not HIV per se but the hardships that it brings?

apart from the PN and now also some eye problems (probably PN related, although the GP gave me eyedrops just in case), I am doing good. I am not used to this chronic patient stuff. everytime i talk to people, i end up alarming them, stressing them, and then getting stressed about stressing them. so i avoid talking to my parents. and i avoid as much as possible with my BF but of course we live together so he sees me down and he can tell that i have been crying. how pathetic......

on a lighter note i got red roses this week.... sweet. i really really love this guy. And I don't even dare to hope for all the things I want with him. That's why I tell myself to behave well, not to be moody, not to be sad. all our crisises are HIV-related, we never fight or argue, the only thing is when i fall into despair and then he tries to pick me up and then i try to convince him that the world is a pessimistic s***hole. He is so upbeat and positive and I am so negative. of course these are respective roles. his take on life is:
whenever i want to get a permanent job, a house with a mortgage, and start a family, all these things will be available to me.
my take is:
life is a constant struggle and i will probabaly never get any of these, because i made so many wrong chouces and now everythign is hopeless. hell, just trying to get a neurologist to see me is an effort.
i always want to prepare and think and scheme and connive ways to protect myself and he is so carefree.
that's it in a nutshell

and let me just add that i am still crossing all organs!
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #38 on: August 08, 2007, 07:33:56 AM »
hi all,

 (HIV brings premature grayness) Am I the only person who didn't know this? Hmmmmmm. The good news is I love gray hair.


on a lighter note i got red roses this week.... sweet. i really really love this guy.  Oh that is so nice, Drag.

i always want to prepare and think and scheme and connive ways to protect myself and he is so carefree.That's great---he can teach you and you can teach him...how delightful!




Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #39 on: August 08, 2007, 08:01:22 AM »
mmm... you certainly know how to put a positive spin on things.
That's something I really miss.

 :) :-*
 
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #40 on: August 08, 2007, 09:27:48 AM »
Hi Drag~

You asked...."I was wondering ML when you refer to HIV as breaking up your previous LTR if that is what you mean, since the guy knew from the beginning that you are poz. is it not HIV per se but the hardships that it brings?"

To make it a little clearer, my exBF was "OK" with the virus when we started dating in June 2004.  We never had any hardships, really, just having to practice safe sex, but I certainly don't consider that a hardship.  I think it made the situation all too real for him each time we were intimate and ultimately scared him away.  He was ignorant as to how easy it is to be safe, and that falls on me some, too, for not talking more and reassuring him, but we were busy with the house.....

I disclosed about 10 days after meeting him, and we were off and running....straight to the bedroom.  It turns out that while we were building our house in 2005 and 2006, his fear about seroconverting really started to creep in.  The worst thing is, he never shared these feelings with me.  He even went to get tested again in 2005 and never told me.  I had kept reminding myself that he should get tested again, that it was time, but we were so preoccupied with building the house that I didn't.  I was confident that I hadn't passed the virus to him, and actually brought up the subject of him getting tested again in early 2006.  He just kept putting it off, as far as I knew.

All of our time was either spent building the house or being with friends on long weekend Jeep trips in 2005 and 2006.  So, I feel we never had any quality time, either.  I kept going along, being strong, telling myself that everything would fall into place after the house was built, after we moved in and got settled.  Turns out he was getting increasingly more paranoid and having second thoughts for close to a year before the split.  Maybe longer. 

We broke up (translate  "he dumped my ass") on 12/29/06.  It was a mutual parting, as I certainly didn't want to "leg-hump" a man who wasn't there for me 100% any longer.  I was friendly and we talked nearly every day in January and February of this year.  That was mostly his doing, he would always call me, feeling tremendous guilt over our break-up.  Then he calls in early March and says he's married.  Turns out he only knew the chick for three weeks.  She is on the title to "my house" now, and that irks me sometimes, but I know who she's living with, whereas she is just getting to know who she is living with.  So, nothing lost there.  Oh, and the house still isn't done, it probably never will be.....

Drag, you mentioned appearing to be so strong and cheerful.  I am the same way, while I am doing all of the right things and moving forward with my life as best as I can, I am sometimes dying inside!  My parents think everything is fine, people in general think everything is fine, and after a hell of a 2007, I have had no one to talk to.  My mother gets overly critical and tries to dismiss things when I open up to her.  She still can't believe that this has happened to me, but she's known for nearly 10 years.  So, I feel that I just am NOT letting anyone in!  There is no one TO let in!  I think what I need is a really good cry with someone I can trust, but I don't have anyone like that to go to at present.  You have your boyfriend there with you, and as stressed as he is at work, you owe it to him and yourself to be honest about your emotions.  Holding it in and hiding it from him is going to drive you mad.  You can't be that strong all of the time.  He's there for you to lean on, so take full advantage of it! 

If you really love this guy, and I'm sure that you do from your post here, you owe it to yourself and to him to be honest.  I feel this will also help you to see how he deals with your situation a little better.  Em wrote to me earlier in this thread about my "doorbell-ringing best friend."  She questioned if I had taught him how to treat me.  I certainly agreed that that was the case.  Right now it seems as if you're showing your boyfriend how to treat you, or how not to be as supportive as you need him to be, by holding your feelings in check as much as possible.  What I wouldn't give to have a man in my life to trust and to go to when I needed him! 

You will show this man how much you appreciate him by being your true self and showing, sharing your emotions with him, rather than being a tough girl.  Being tough only isolates you.  If you want a future with him, you can't be tough forever.  Let down the walls and let him in even more.  You may be surprised!

Now take a look at my horoscope for today, Scorpio.  Now I 'm confused, lol!

"Today you'll be given an opportunity to take control -- but you should not necessarily take it. You have a lot of drive right now, but there is no point in moving forward if you're not totally sure where you're going. You'll only end up lost and frustrated. So try not to control anything right now -- just let whatever will be, be. Take a 'wait and see' approach, and be patient. For the moment, it's much healthier and productive to just let things unfold as fate dictates."

I just told Doc last night in an IM that "whatever will be, will be."  Isn't that a coincidence?  Sigh....

~Cindy
« Last Edit: August 08, 2007, 09:41:08 AM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
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Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #41 on: August 08, 2007, 10:42:49 AM »
Being tough only isolates you.

This is so true and can take a long time to learn. This is why talk shows and reality shows are so popular---because we are seeing people experience a variety of unchecked emotions (well, in most cases) and taking the risk to let the facade fall away regardless of who is present.

We all have so much in common from an emotional perspective. It is our experiences that carve and polish.

I remember someone telling me once that a sign of great intelligence is being able to learn from someone else's mistakes. So, keep sharing your experiences as you might save someone heartache, time and possibly money.

And, Drag, I'm with ML---go all out with the honesty with the BF because if you cannot be truthful with him, then what have you gotten yourself into? A glorified roommate? A wispy friendship?

You will provide the platform on which he may step out, too.

Edited to add one more thing. Having HIV has taught me a lot about myself and toughened me in ways that I needed and softened me, too. When it comes to taking a risk like we're encouraging Drag to take, my thinking will go something like this...rapidly and in a self-coaching vein. " Okay, I know that, essentially, the worst thing I never imagined already happened to me. I'm HIV positive. Therefore, I may now live fearlessly IF I choose to. Being realistic, what on a list of possibilities would be much worse? A man rejecting me? Nope. A friend or potential friend rejecting me? Nope. I've already got experience in those areas and I'm still standing. Another health challenge would be worse, but I'm not inviting the stress into my life to bring that on. "

Move into the core of the truth. Get going. Time a-wasting."

Em
« Last Edit: August 08, 2007, 10:53:31 AM by emeraldize »

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #42 on: August 08, 2007, 11:04:05 AM »
Oh, and one more thing I wanted to say to ML.

Your mom has an opportunity to be of such support to you, but you have to help her understand what happens when the two of you communicate.

Explain to her how you feel, what you need, where you are in relation to the disease, how stress affects everyone's immune system and how many other things OTHER than HIV captivate your interest!!!

This is yet another setting where you have to take charge---she doesn't yet know how to drive this particular car. Teach her. She probably feels in some parental way like she had something to do with your state of affairs...some failing along the way.

If you haven't given her the Johns Hopkins go-to book on HIV, get a copy for her and invite her to read it and/or use it as a reference book.

My mom and sister have been such phenomenal support. We got HIV out of the way quickly and we just talk about all the things we used to discuss, but we do it more often, more openly and with oooooodles more laughter.

The relationship with one's mother can be so nurturing and sweet. You can give her a great gift at the same time--a better understanding of you.

Em

Offline sunseeker

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #43 on: August 08, 2007, 11:05:41 AM »
Hi Ladies

Thanks for the kind words and look forward to reading and writing more.  Have to wait until tomorrow.  Today work, then off early to go see Tim Mcgraw and Faith Hill.  And to answer one of the ladies question (Sorry I will learn your screen names soon) yes my boyfriend was + we met on Poz and ended very badly after year and half and there is not a lot to choose from in my opinion, in my area and have recently told a 2nd negative guy about my status and not sure where that is going to lead to.  First guy said he was fine, got a piece of ass then did not call and when he did said he could not handle it.  So I guess only time will tell.

Well off to work, thank god today is not a 12 hour shift just have a 1/2 day.  Talk you ladies soon.

K

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #44 on: August 08, 2007, 07:27:18 PM »
Sunseeker~

Sounds like you live in Maryland, what with "not a lot to chose from."  Just kidding.  If you've read all three threads thus far, you'll see all I've done is worry about disclosure and go on many dates, never disclosing to anyone I've actually met in person.  You and I are in the same boat then, hell, the entire team is rowing on this one!  Hang in there, and I really hope you find some humor in these threads.  Its what keeps ME going on many lonely days.

Em~

Oh, my mother is a kept bird.  She hasn't worked in 30 years, smokes, drinks and sits around, and is rather naive to the world.  This is because she is strong and just keeps going, without a care in the world.  There are days I try to make her realize the value of a dollar (Dad's dollars), and days when I take it down a notch and try to share some of my innermost fears with her.  She is usually extremely critical, rather preferring to tell me to "Deal with things" rather than being compassionate.  She usually lacks tact in many social situations and I have to correct her.  Not always, but enough.  I know this is because of how she was raised -- by a mother who was then more concerned with her husband than her children, and also by a few  alcoholic step-fathers.  So, I try not to hold things against her, but a lot of the times she acts like an untactful know-it-all and my Dad and I team up and playfully give her shit right back by poking light fun at her.  I sometimes feel like she is the innocent child and I am the mother!  Its not so bad, except for times when I am really down, and who is the first person you go to when you're down?  For me its my number one GF who has always been there for me - MOM.  So, I don't tell her everything anymore.  She can sure make a mountain out of a molehill, whereas I really DO have mountains I'm dealing with at times.  Its all about perspective, so i try to put myself in her shoes when she says she has a "busy week," needing to find time to get her allergy shot AND make it to the grocery with Dad's dollars!  She doesn't work at all, so Dad and I just chuckle to ourselves and go "Woe is me...."  And she doesn't even know about Doc yet.  Doc is a subject I would normally go running to Mom with, just like to my GFs here in this thread!  No need to tell her now and get her in an uproar, with her analyzing everything!  LOL

Well, Doc just called me five minutes ago, after he got off work.  YAY!  He fell asleep last night on the couch around 1030pm (LOVE that couch now....) while IMing me from his laptop.  He woke up at 330am and crawled up to bed, he says.  He is having a buddy over tonight, so he called to say he wouldn't be around much online.  So, I am satisfied, and quite pleased that he did the right thing and called this evening.  Otherwise I'd have to kick his underwater butt.  I even told him so.

So, I am relaxed now, was wondering if he was going to ask me over tonight and get me into a self-perpetuated uproar about disclosing.  I think I'll suggest we see each other Friday night and go from there.  Shit.  I am nervous.  I have actually been jotting down a few ideas about what to say, as awful as that sounds.  I want it to come straight from the heart, but I know I will stumble on my words some.  So, I am rehearsing -- not a bad thing.  Em, some of my ideas for the "talk" include your funny play on the nautical theme, lol!  I plan to tell him I have spoken with GFs about him.  Then move to the fact that we're all on a common website.  Then tell him what the website is about.......sigh, you got it.  I'll feel like I'm swimming with the sharks!  Hey, that's a good analogy for the "talk,"  lol!  I want to explain to him that my biggest heartache isn't fear of passing the virus to someone I care about and get involved with, but rather my fear is the stigma that the uneducated public still places on us.  Do you GFs think it would be wise to start out with "My husband died of an AIDS-related cancer...." and go from there?  I have done that before, and then I just throw myself into the conversation from there.  I don't really know exactly how to start.  We spoke about antibodies and the research he was doing on the way home.  Fascinating topic!

I PMed another Forum member today about being in a book that he wants to write.  I really want to share my personal story.  While I don't see myself with news cameras in my face in Annapolis or down in DC yet, I DO want to take these small steps as I see fit.  We'll see where this goes.

Thanks for listening, as always!

~Cindy

HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #45 on: August 08, 2007, 08:15:17 PM »
ML,

If your mom is hyper-critical of you, imagine her inner dialogue! I'm holding my position that inviting her into your world could be remedial.

Okay, okay on to Doc. May I give some more gut reactions? Why are you intending to suggest Friday? Why don't you let him?

As to disclosure, this is a great topic to throw about. Somehow, I don't think leading with the references to husband and AIDS related cancer will cut it or be creatively captivating.

I'm going to think about this one and come back to post. Story-telling could be a fun way and take the tension out for you and hopefully him, too.

Once upon a coral reef in a blue bay, there lived a perky, one-of-a-kind fish named Moonlight. She chose the name because she enjoyed darting in and out of the salmon-colored reef branchs as the wavey water above filtered the moon's light. Night time gave her privacy and freedom.



Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #46 on: August 08, 2007, 08:27:11 PM »
TY Em~

I will continue  to try with Mom, as I always do.  After all, she is my mother.

As for doc, yes, I will have him choose the next time we are to meet. The story-telling DOES put a light spin on things, but I just don't know if I can maintain my composure.  Then again, I tend to surprise myself, so I await more of your great lines!

Thanks for your input, and for your visual in the reefs!   :D

*Edited to add The Rippingtons - "Club Paradiso"  Doc's friend wrote this tune.  Good song to dance to!  LOL This is the only link youtube had, from The Weather Channel!   :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33aAJia8pQo

~Cindy
« Last Edit: August 08, 2007, 10:23:51 PM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
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Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #47 on: August 09, 2007, 02:40:40 AM »
Just peeking in, still not finished with hair yet. But I will be prolly later on today. I took a break around midnight to do some grocery shopping...Ok, I had a major attack of the munchies and what do I have a craving for? Asparagus. Now tell me that isn't some healthy munchies. I still have more shopping to do but it will carry me over for a few days.

I was put into a bitchy mood earlier cause everyone knows I have been doing my hair but people still insisted on calling me..Grrrrr. During one of my breaks, I decided to call my doc's office to try to get my Lantus pen for my upcoming diabetes class on taking insulin. Actually I called them on Tuesday and didn't hear back. When I call the receptionist tells me everything is ready. Why when I get there, I get handed scripts for the insulin, lancets, and even the lantus pen. I try to explain what the lady (Tammy) told me as far as having to get the pen from the doc's office and not the pharmacy. But hey, I decide to be a trooper and take the scripts anyway. I get to the pharmacy and what do they tell me? They don't carry the pen, none of their stores do and the manufacturer also told them that people have to get the pens from their doctors. So now I am like ??????? and WTF? I get on my cell and call back to the doctor's office. This time the receptionist says she has been making some calls and you have to get the pen from the doc, it'll be here for you tomorrow, along with a slight giggle. Grrrrr...You don't know how bad I wanted to slap the shit out of her but decided to forgive her for her ignorance. I am puzzled to why my doctor didn't know this? Thus time wasted when I could've been braiding my hair....

Nothing to report on the dating due to the fact that I haven't been online. I sent Camille and IM and still hasn't heard anything back, I hope she is ok.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
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Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #48 on: August 09, 2007, 04:03:33 AM »
Hi everyone

Thanks for all the wise words Em & ML, and ML thank you for sharing this difficult story. It was difficult (sad) even to read.

I just had time to read it last night but had to rush out to dinner with my BF's workmates, so had no time to reply. I will write about that some other time or later in this thread. I just wanted to say...

ML, you are really something nice for a man to have around. Despite this problem of a virus. I think you should not refer to your husband first b/c that immediatly brings death into the story. You can leave it for later (even later in the talk). i think you should say something like "I really like you and before we get any closer there is something that I need to say to you", something like that.

It's so difficult, I am just holding my breath from her. He'll probabaly need some time to think it over, I guess.

Whatever he does and however he reacts, please remeber ML that you are absolutely worthy. On one can take it away from you. No matter what.

Hugs to everyone,
« Last Edit: August 09, 2007, 04:30:16 AM by Dragonette »
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part III: Threads of Our Heads - The E-Soap for Poz Women
« Reply #49 on: August 09, 2007, 04:17:00 PM »
Hi Dragonette~

I told you in a PM and I'll tell you again "Thank you" for your kind words.  Makes me smile and cry all at the same time.  For so long I have felt that because of the virus I haven't been worthy.  I have felt that it discounts every other good thing about me.  I am trying to get my confidence back, but as we know this virus is a very "moody" one.  I have good days and bad days.  When I am down, I just cry and get through it, blast it from my system via cathartic crying.  That's a way that I "step in shit" and not around it, as referenced much earlier in this thread.  I hit my feelings head on and don't try to suppress them.  I know its normal.

Hi Queen~

How's the "do" doing?  Coming down the home stretch?  Take a new picture of yourself in the daylight so we can see your crafty work!  I was IMing with a straight male friend on here and he said how pretty you were!  ;)  I agreed, that is Queen in all her glory!  Sorry, GF, he's out in the mid-West!   Did you get your Lantus pen today?  Make sure you have juice on hand in case you drop low.  Seems you eat really healthy and low-carb, so I don't want you zoning out on us from low sugar!  I had an idea regarding Boo.  Give him YOUR cell number and ask him to TEXT you next time there is a snafu with communication, i.e. computer.  I'm curious to see if he will come through.  Think of it as a test for him.  This way he has no reason not to stay in touch and worry you for no reason.  Cause we all know we worry about our men!  Hell, I was even worried!  Wanted to drive a zillion miles to your place, get you loaded up in my Jeep Liberty and go hunt his ass down!  We wouldn't even have to stay on the main roads, LOL!   ;D

Saw my GYN today, dammit all.  I am going to review other threads here and see what I can find out first.  I suggested going off the pill after nearly 20 years -- more to follow soon!  (*posted in "UPDATES" by "zachysmom/Nicole*)

I was IMing with a new male friend out west last night.  He keeps tabs on us here, GFs.  We were really digging deep, and it was a great IM that I was having with him!  I'm excited to correspond with him more again soon!

Doc got online at 1145pm last night, much to my surprise.  He said he was going to get to bed early, but that certainly didn't happen.  I'm sure glad I wasn't him this morning!  No sleep!  LOL  We IMed for about an hour and then nothing...........I figured he had dozed off again after a long day.  He pops back online and types "Go answer your cell phone.....(smile)"  He was calling me at 1245am and I insisted he go to bed!  He just wanted to talk a little as his computer was acting up.  He had smooth jazz on loud in the back ground and was just chilling out.  We got off the phone after about fifteen minutes.  He hasn't asked me to come over again yet, but its his first week at a new job, so I am being patient. 

I am picturing Doc and I at his place, he is headed for the stairs up to the bedroom, and I say "Let's sit on the porch now that its cooler out, listen to some tunes and unwind some?"  Keep in mind that he is gung-ho for taking me to the bedroom.  He has been flirting, dancing around the subject -- sometimes I can't help but think that's all he may want from me.  I certainly don't want to sleep with a man just to be forgotten soon after.  I have never been one to give of myself that easily, not until I get a good vibe and not until my intuition says "Go."  Its been different this year, as I have dated more mature men.  "Mr. 53", "Mr. He Knows" who is 49, JAY who is 48, and now Doc who is 51.  I like a more mature man.  I figure at this age, 40s and 50s, if they don't have their shit together, then they never will.  Last thing I need is to be babysitting a needy, irresponsible man.  Its MY turn to be pampered!  LOL  Seriously, though.....how do I handle these flirtatious IMs from him?  It just keeps reminding me of disclosure, which IS going to happen very soon.  I can safely say that if I told him I wasn't ready, he would respect me.  Figured that out in the IM some, as well.  Cause if I'm really NOT ready, how can I give myself to a man after not knowing him for that long?  My Devil says go for it, enjoy yourself, have a great time and he will stick around (no way of knowing, really.)  That was what I did when I met a few nice guys in 2001 -2004.  It worked out pretty well.  On the other hand, my Angel says to wait, find out more about him, get him engaged in deep conversation, see what he's all about a little more first.  I think I can find a happy medium while still respecting myself in the morning!  Doc and I DID actually have a deep talk during our first date, over dinner, talking about our exes and how our relationships ended around the New Year.  I want to see a little more of that side of him.  The compassionate, "feeling" side.... He is BIG into communicating, he has stressed that many times, so it makes me feel comfortable to go there and get inside his head some.  Hell, he was talking about all kinds of things in the IM and on the phone last night, it wasn't just about sex.....I have to see how this unwinds.....

I am going to massage therapy now.  I'll be on tonight.  You GFs KNOW any feedback would be appreciated, on anything.  I am honing in, getting close to disclosure, and all of those uncertainties are looming.   Help a girl out?

BTW, I emailed Nicole/zachysmom yesterday, but haven't heard back.  Emailed Camille a week ago.  Seems that they are here reading but not posting, I hope they are OK.  GFs give us a shout out!   :)

~Cindy
« Last Edit: August 10, 2007, 12:10:50 PM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

 


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