Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
September 01, 2014, 10:53:11 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 636802
  • Total Topics: 48335
  • Online Today: 193
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Gay & Straight Jokes  (Read 2357 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline MoltenStorm

  • Member
  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Gay & Straight Jokes
« on: July 31, 2007, 01:27:53 PM »
Who's secure enough in their straightdom/gaydom to be able to poke fun at yourself? (Note: the ones that get pissy and scream "homophobia/heterophobia promotion" are usually the ones that aren't. They're just jokes.) With that being said... I will start this out with a gay joke.

***************************************************************

Gay Translator

I want a commitment.
I'm sick of masturbation.

Haven't I seen you before?
Nice ass.

I need you.
My hand is tired.

You're the only man I've ever cared about.
You are the only man who hasn't rejected me.

I'm a Romantic.
I'm poor.

I really want to get to know you better.
So I can tell my friends about it.

It's just orange juice, try it.
3 more shots, and he'll have his legs around my head.

He's kinda cute.
I want to have sex with him till my dick turns blue!

He's not my type.
He won't sleep with me.

I miss you so much
I am so horny that my dog is starting to look good.

I had a wonderful time last night.
Who the hell are you?

Do you love me?
I've done something stupid and you might find out.

Do you 'really' love me?
I've done something stupid and you're going to find out.

I'll give you a call.
I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again.

I've been thinking a lot.
You're not as attractive as when I was drunk.

I think we should just be friends.
You're ugly.

I've learned a lot from you.
Next!!!!
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,009
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2007, 03:18:07 PM »
An oldie but a goodie:

What do lesbians bring on the second date?

The furniture.

What do gay men bring on the second date?

What second date?

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2007, 07:04:58 PM »
OK Ok....soooooo
this queer goes to the proctologist for an exam because he is having some
"discomfort"
and the proctologist puts on the gloves and looks up in the chute.
Then he sticks his hand up in there
and pulls out a dozen red roses!
He says to his patient:  Look! a dozen red roses was up your chute and that was giving you the discomfort.
The queer goes:
READ the Card........ Read the Card!!!!!!
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline MoltenStorm

  • Member
  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #3 on: August 01, 2007, 05:41:26 AM »
Quote:

"The anti-gay marriage amendment: The president endorsed it. The Senate discussed it. I'm pretty sure Jerry Falwell masturbated to it." --Jon Stewart

Joke:

Q: What is the definition of confusion? 
A: 20 blind lesbians in a fish market.

Indian Clock

There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse up to it, and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his cock sticking out of his pants! The cowboy gets off his horse and asks, "What are you doing?", to which the Indian replies, "Me tell time! Penis acts as sundial." The cowboy in disbelief says, "Ok, what time is it?" The Indian looks down at his "3:35..." "That's amazing, your right!" the cowboy says in amazement. So he hops onto his horse and keeps going.

Riding along further, he sees the same thing, gets off his horse, and thinking the last Indian was a fluke, asks this one the time. The Indian looks down at his "one eyed bandit" and says "4:40". The cowboy is stunned, the time was right again! Shaking his head he hops back onto his horse and rides again.

After riding a while again, he sees yet another Indian on the ground with his "bald headed champ" except he was jerking off. The cowboy hops off his horse and says, "And what are you doing?" to which the Indian replies, "Me winding clock."
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2007, 07:20:31 AM »
Oh god, this thread is AWFUL. Let's funny it up a bit, shall we?


MtD

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,286
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2007, 07:25:50 AM »
Matty, that is what we use to call Sugar Babies.  :D

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,954
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2007, 07:26:24 AM »
finally, something funny

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2007, 08:25:21 AM »


Top Ten Things Heterosexuals Need to Know About Gay People

10. We didn't invent disco, so stop blaming us.

9. We're not sure about Ricky Martin either.

8. We also didn't invent the color black, but we are in complete agreement that you look better in it.

7. We are secretly glad that Anne Heche is back on your team. She scares us!

6. Our so-called "gaydar" does not get us more cable stations or better reception.

5. We think your minivans are SOOOO cute!!!

4. David Crosby was NOT Melissa Etheridge's only choice.

3. If he's using two or more hair products at the same time--yes, he is.

2. If she's won Wimbledon sixteen times---she is too.

And the number one thing that heterosexuals need to know about gay people-----


1. Relax, we don't want you!
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline MoltenStorm

  • Member
  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2007, 10:09:45 AM »
In the Christian Bible, there are 6 admonishings for Homosexuals.

In the same Bible, there are 362 admonishings for Heterosexuals.

Which group needs more supervision?
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,286
Re: New guy got fired from Dairy Queen. Why?
« Reply #9 on: August 02, 2007, 11:19:22 AM »


New guy got fired from Dairy Queen. Why?

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #10 on: August 02, 2007, 05:37:45 PM »

MtD

Offline MoltenStorm

  • Member
  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #11 on: August 03, 2007, 11:18:19 PM »
The manager hired a new secretary. He was young, smart, handsome and polite.

One day while taking dictation, he noticed the managers fly was open. When he was leaving the room, he courteously said, "Oh, by the way sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?"

The manager did not understand the secretarys remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling him in, he asked, "By the way Mr. Jones, when you saw my barracks door open, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was also quite witty, replied, "Why no, sir. All I saw was a little, disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #12 on: August 03, 2007, 11:20:33 PM »
ROFL  :D :D :D :D :D :D
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline MoltenStorm

  • Member
  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #13 on: August 03, 2007, 11:30:19 PM »
A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and he was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy.

Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about:"

"Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride. He was hungry, so I brought him home and fed him some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.

His shoes were worn out so I gave him a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style.

He was cold so I gave him that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you.

His trousers were worn out so I gave him a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.

Then as the young man was about to leave the house, he paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your lover doesn't use anymore?'

"And so, here we are!"
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #14 on: August 04, 2007, 12:36:35 AM »

MtD

Offline Cerrid

  • Member
  • Posts: 499
  • only as good as your last haircut
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #15 on: August 04, 2007, 09:28:14 AM »
"Boredom is always counterrevolutionary. Always." (Guy Debord)

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: Gay & Straight Jokes
« Reply #16 on: August 04, 2007, 09:41:10 AM »

MtD

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.