Main Forums > Someone I Care About Has HIV

Hi everyone

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bradwill:
Hi all,
I am new here and am beginning to read the threads in this forum.  I can tell it will be good for me.  I am a middle-aged male, new to the gay community.  I have been dating an HIV+ man for about 9 months.  I really care about him deeply.  He and I have SO much fun together and I love being with him.  I am HIV- and am trying to learn as much as I can. 

He is not only on meds for HIV, but also is battling leukemia (again) and has been on chemotherapy since January.  He never talks about his HIV numbers (he has told me he never really wants to know unless there is something to be concerned about), and I've learned not to push him about his health.  That's been very hard because I want to know everything that is going on, but I understand his need to not have to talk about it.  He is able to do most anything he wants to do.  He forces himself to stay active and involved in life....even bought his first house a month ago.  He is such a strong-minded person - he amazes me!  I think he does hide his struggles from me.  I definitely hide my crying times from him.  I don't want him to feel like he is making me upset.  Although he already knows that I tend to worry about him.  I'm not always sure how much to share my own struggles with his personal health issues.  I suppose I need to just let him talk when he's ready to talk about it.

We had been dating for about a month or so when he told me he was positive.  I told him that it didn't affect how I feel about him...and it still doesn't. 

I think having some feedback from all of you will help me to be the best kind of friend that I can be for him.  I'll continue to read when I can...but thanks so much for making this site available.

Until later,
Brad

tornado:
hey brad,

i think you're a little like me.  hiv/aids really just doesn't bother me.  visiting a hiv doctor helped a lot.

i've educated myself about it, and it's actually been very interesting (i'm a biologist by education and a funning nutcase by life experience and a water scientist by trade).  a really bad fatal genetic disease runs in my family, so i'm used to overcoming medical challenges, disease and death issues.  my sister and her daughter has the genetic disease and my dad died early from it --- i don't have it, lucky me.

from the moment i first saw my new gf, i knew there was something very special about her.  at first, the hiv deal deterred me a little bit, but you can't shake or deny love no matter how you try, especially if it's genuine.

so far it sounds like yall are doing the right thing and especially you.  if we, all of us, could be open and mindful like that, we'd live in a wonderful world.

good luck and maybe sooner or later, your bf will open up to you, just as you have opened up to him.

megasept:
Brad: You sound like a fine partner, and a reminder that "gay life" is whatever two people of the same sex develop together. Folks that are very close are often quite different in personalities---a wonderful balance. When challenged  by difficulties, sometimes becoming a little more like your "opposite" can be beneficial. I suspect your partner could share a bit more with you, but in his own way, according to his own timetable.

I am poz and my ex, is and was, negative. It is more than possible to love your :P  fun  ::) and keep one partner uninfected. Welcome!

 8)  -megasept

bradwill:
Hey -

Thanks for the replies.  I'm trying to learn and yet remain sane about the whole situation.  I can get myself all tied up in knots, emotionally, if I think too much about it.  I wish he would have never contracted HIV and wish that I'd have met him before that occurred.  But I tell myself that we both wouldn't have been ready anyway, so "it is what it is."  If I concentrate on the "what ifs" then I won't enjoy the here-and-now.  I'm working on that one.   ;D

Thanks again for the notes.  I appreciate it.
Brad

tornado:
hey brad,

something about your last post made me think of "what if's" and "shoulda woulda coulda's" regarding our poz partners and meeting them before hiv.

i really think, and know, that every human being's trials and tribulations, and life experiences, mold the personality and identity, to which we are attracted.  i.e. if your bf was neg, then he wouldn't be who he is today.  like, i've been through a lot of bad things in my life, but i wouldn't have it any other way, honestly.  i know that sounds corny, but it's true.  maybe hiv is the same....i can't assume it, but i think hiv has made my gf a stronger person, and i really like-like her for that!

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