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THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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SecretKeeper:
 :'( Sorry for my ranting last night - it was just one of those days that everything came to a head and I needed to do a little venting (okay, a lot of venting).  I appreciate being able to get that kind of stuff off my chest, even if it isn't all that logical or intelligent.  I know right now I'm not even close to having the amount of knowledge or experience that several on this site do, but I hope that 20+ years down the road I will be able to share my knowledge and support with others just as those who have that experience now do here.

Deep breath.  Inhale.  Exhale.  One day at a time.  Okay, I'm better now.  ;)

LT:
Here's another couple of points that hopefully I can pose in a little less bitchy tone than last night.

I came out in the pre-HIV era, so sex with a condom required a mind set shift for me as well.  My phrase for it is "I had to make friends with a condom."

I kept some in my coat pocket.  Not that I EXPECTED to need them all day, every day, at a moments notice.  More like I'd never have the excuse "I don't have one" to temp me to not play safely.  Sort of a safety net, making them a "normal" thing to have around.  Play with them.  Make balloons.  See how big one will inflate with the vacuum on exhale.

I find that for a lot of people the foreplay progresses to a certain point and then someone screams "Whoa, Halt, Stop, Cease and Desist, Freeze!  We HAVE to put on a CONDOM!" While the words might not be spoken, they are shouted mentally.  The action stops.  One or the other of you fumble for the rubber.  The spontaneity, and mood is broken.

Integrate the condom into the play.  Flavours, colours, textures, the lubes that heat up when you use them.  I find that the mint ones are tingley on the inside, and outside.  I know some people who can put a condom on with their mouth.  Make it fun.

Don't make playing safe all HIS responsibility.  Share the burden.  Maybe you could take over condom duty.  Don't hide them in a drawer.  Put a couple on the night stand as soon as things seem like they might be heading in that direction.  Or maybe do that as part of the "get ready for bed" ritual -- go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, put a love glove on the bedside table.  Of course, if you have kids, that would necessitate the morning ritual including putting them away if they weren't used.

As to the wanting children - all is not lost.  There is always adoption.  You could even go the artificial insemination with a sperm donor route.

I know someone who was so desperate on passing on his genes to another generation that he and his wife went to a specialized clinic (I think in Florida).  The concept went something like this.  HIV wasn't in the sperm, but the liquid parts - the semen which contains some sheded white blood cells.  The clinic separated the sperm from the semen with several stages of washing.  Then proceeded as with normal artificial insemination - or maybe even IVF - I can't remember.  I do recall that it was ridiculously expensive.  I can't vouch for the validity and safety of the process, but he did have a kid by it.

Just a couple of points to try and get your finger off the panic button.  Discuss amongst yourselves, and ridicule at will.

ALH300:

--- Quote from: SecretKeeper on August 02, 2007, 05:38:24 PM --- but I hope that 20+ years down the road I will be able to share my knowledge and support with others just as those who have that experience now do here.



--- End quote ---
Hopefully in 20 years we won't have to talk about this anymore!!!

 CURE

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