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Author Topic: Need Advice and Help!!!  (Read 16793 times)

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Offline concerned one

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Need Advice and Help!!!
« on: July 01, 2006, 12:29:47 PM »
I am extremely distraught and would like your opinion.  The fact patter is long and I want to be thorough.  Please bear with me.  I am a gay male, 37 and have been in a relationship for over 5 years.  During the past year, I have fooled around with 4 guys (all activities were limited to mutual oral, kissing and masturbation).  I have always had healthy teeth and gums.  About 7 weeks ago, I had a sexual encounter with another man.  Again, the encounter involved mutual oral sex, masturbation and kissing.  Almost a week later I developed what looked like an ingrown hair (maybe a cold sore) on the outer portion of my lip.  The thing crusted over and was gone in three days.  I thought nothing of it.  About four weeks later my partner developed a very similar looking sore/ingrown hair thing on his lip.  Now I started to worry a bit.  A week after that I found a sore (more like an abrasion) on the shaft of my penis.  It was not like the typical herpes or syphilis lesion you see in pictures online.  It was red and the skin was peeled off, but no raised or defined edges/borders.  It was circular, did not hurt (except when I took a shower and water fell on it).  It quickly scabbed over (in like two - three days) and the scab completely fell off after a total of seven days.  During this time, I was working in the backyard and cutting grass in an area known to be full of poison ivy.  Four days after that, during the same time that the sore on my penis was scabbing over, I started to develop a rash.  The rash is only on my right arm, on my right leg (one or two bumps on my left leg), itches alot and looks like the following:  red, some look like little pimples with blisters on them, occassionally they are grouped all together like in a line. Mostly singular bumps though.once they scab and start to dry, they no longer itch.  The ones on my leg, especially when I wear socks itch really bad and unfortunately I have scratched some and they look to have gotten worse.  A week later and the rash is still present.  I have not taken anything for it.  During this entire episode (from beginning to now), no fever, swollen glands, malaise (other than my anxiety induced paralysis/fear/insomnia).  I went to clinic last week and took test for Gonorrhea, Syphilis and Chlamydia and have tested negative for all three.

I have spoken with my personal doc (who is an infectious disease expert) and he has indicated that I may have Syphilis or Herpes (or both).  He has indicated that he believes that the type of sexual contact I had would provide only an extremely low risk for HIV infection.  He has indicated that he is not  worried about HIV infection from this episode at all.  He asked me to come in to be tested again for Syphilis and for Herpes.  He says some of the tests (screenings) that are used for syphilis can provide false negatives.  I read somewhere that false negatives on Syphilis tests can be an indication of HIV co-infection.  Is that true?  Am I right to be extremely worried about HIV infection.?  Does my fact pattern suggest HIV?  PLEASE HELP!!!

Thanks,

A worried guy

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2006, 04:27:39 PM »
Dear Concerned,

I agree with your doctor, who does seem to be on top of the issues, that HIV is something you have to be worried about. The risk in giving oral is way more theoretical than actual. Could it happen by giving oral? Yes. Does it? So rarely for such a common sexual act that it can hardly seriously be considered a risk.

From what you have described it does seem as if you may have picked up one of the other STDs which are out there these days. From my point of view the only reason to test for HIV would be if you want the inevitable negative result to put your mind at ease.

Good luck with getting whatever else is going on identified and properly treated.

This is not an HIV situation. Really.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #2 on: July 01, 2006, 04:43:39 PM »
Andy:  Thanks so much for your response.  I am hoping that there was a typo in your message when you indicated that you agree with my DOC that I should be concerned about HIV.  Your conclusion doesn't support that statement but I just wanted to check to make sure.  Thanks again.  I have been debilated by my fears and it's a relief to get some good advice about this. I'll take the HIV test at my annual exam along with the other STD tests that I usually get.

P.S.
My doc got in touch with me this afternoon and told me that the tests he did on me all came back negative (Syphilis, Herpes 1 and Herpes 2, Chlamydia and Gonohrrea).  He told me to take a deep sigh of relief and celebrate.  Not sure what the thing on my penis was and still a bit worried. 

Bottomline, I realize how precious my partner and family are to me (we have an adopted son) and will not stray off that path again.  It's not worth it.  When it comes to the other STD's there is apparently no such thing as safe sex since even deep kissing can pass some things on.  What a world we live in.  I've learned an invaluable lesson.  Thanks again!

Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #3 on: July 02, 2006, 04:36:53 AM »
Concerned,

It sounds as though your doctor is knowledgeable where hiv transmission in concerned and I agree with him that hiv isn't really something you need to worry about with the activities you bring to us. Kissing, mutual masturbation and getting a blowjob aren't risks at all. The only activity that carries any risk at all is GIVING a blowjob, but that risk is very, very small. Should you test at your annual check-up? Absolutely. Should you test over the specific incident you worry about? No.

It's a shame you didn't see someone when your penile sore was present, because it would have made diagnosis a lot easier. Obviously we can't diagnose you over the internet whether your sore is present or not, but your doc certainly could have.

Syphilis shares a three month window period for a conclusive negative result. I would suggest getting tested for syphilis again at that point. Please discuss this with your doctor.

So my bottom line here is - I agree with your doctor that hiv isn't a concern here. Please follow up on that syphilis window period.

Good luck with the poison ivy and see your doctor if the rash on your ankle gets worse - you can get a secondary bacterial infection from all that scratching.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2006, 07:46:28 AM »
Thanks for your advice.  I will certainly follow up again with a syphilis test at the three month period.  There doesn't seem to be any other reason for the penile sore except for that or herpes and both tests came back negative. 

Do you know anything about what I've read online regarding false negative syphilis tests with HIV co-infection?  I know you said I've nothing to worry about, but can't seem to reconcile the sore with my (so far) negative syphilis test.

Thanks Again!!

Concerned One

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #5 on: July 02, 2006, 07:57:10 AM »
You can get both, negative and positive tests, but you first have to have HIV and you're not. So you can stop worring about what you read on the website.

Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #6 on: July 02, 2006, 08:40:22 AM »
Concerned,

The only false-negative syphilis test results I've ever heard of have been ones that were conducted too early in the window period. Those aren't really false negatives... they're just test run too early for conclusive results.

The only thing I've ever heard about syphilis/hiv coinfection is the fact that syphilis can be more difficult to treat in the presence of hiv, but I've never heard of this coinfection affecting the test results of either illness... when the test have been run at the appropriate time, which means at the end of the window period.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2006, 07:43:00 AM »
Thanks again.  The only other thing I can think of is an enoucnter I had almost a year ago.  In that case, we had intercourse.  Don't know the guy's HIV status.  I was the bottom.  We used condoms and lube. The condom did not break.  In addition, he did not cum inside.  He pulled out, took the condom off and jerked off and came on his stomach.  Since that was a "safe" encounter, I did not even count it in my earlier message regarding whether I might be co-infected with HIV.  I assume that's pretty much out of the question.  Am I right?  So:  4 instances of mutual oral, no ejaculation in mouth and healthy teeth/gums and 1 protected intercourse.  I'm just so worried that somehow, the odds have caught up with me.  HELP!!

Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #8 on: July 05, 2006, 07:50:20 AM »
Concerned,

None of the activities you note are high risk activities. I would fully expect you to test negative, if you should decide to test.

Which brings me to the next point. Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Regular, routine testing is the only way to go when you're sexually active. For a start, it takes the guesswork out of life. Hiv is nothing to ever guess about, and that goes for the other STIs as well. You can tailor your routine testing to your own lifestyle. If you're quite active, test at least twice a year. If you're not so active, once a year would suffice. Remember, it's not just hiv out there!

Keep using those condoms and you will avoid hiv infection. Please also read through the condom and lube links so you can be sure you (and your partner) are using them correctly. Properly used condoms rarely break.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #9 on: July 05, 2006, 10:08:35 AM »
ok.....got some news from my doc this morning.  He indicated that while I tested negative for syphilis and HSV-2, that I did, however, test positive for HSV-1, the virus that causes cold sores.  He said that is consistent with the sore on my mouth.  He also said that it is possible to be infected with HSV-1 in the genital area.  He told me that when HSV-1 presents genitally, the outbreaks are very infrequent and much milder than when it is HSV-2.  He tells me that a significantly large percentage of the population has HSV-1 and that I should not be concerned at all.  He did strongly urge that when I have an outbreak orally or elsewhere, I refrain from engaging in oral with others since I  might pass it along.

He fully believes that my rash was brought on by poison ivy and again reiterated that I have no reason to believe (or fear) that I have been infected with HIV. He indicated, as did many on this site, that the overwhelming data suggests that HIV infection from oral (both directions) is theoretical. Receiving it, he said, has been shown to have no risk.  Performing it, he said, (again based on the studies) has shown to be a theoretical risk.  He said one would have to basically create the perfect scenario to even have the remotest risk from that activity.  The example he gave me was having root canal or a tooth removed and then performing oral and receiving ejaculate in the mouth.  He said even in that case the risk is very, very low since saliva inhibits HIV.  He said he wouldn't encourage anyone to do such a thing, but if it (or some similar type of activity) happened he would advise his patient that the risk was still minimal vs. other activities such as unprotected intercourse.

He advised me to stop worrying about HIV and that when my annual physical visit comes up in a few months, he would repeat all tests and, as he usually does, perform an HIV test (which he fully expected to come back negative).

Do you all agree with is assessment of this situation?  Thanks again for all of your help and wise words.

Concerned One

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #10 on: July 05, 2006, 02:13:45 PM »
Hi Ann and Andy (and any other experts):

When you have a moment, could you please see my update and share your thoughts?  Thanks for your valuable time and insight!

Concerned One

Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #11 on: July 05, 2006, 07:07:15 PM »
Concerned,

I absolutely agree with your doctor's assessment. Listen to him.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #12 on: July 07, 2006, 09:26:08 PM »
Hi...I'm back....I know I should stay off the internet sites...I saw another site that indicated that when co-infected with HIV, syphilis presents itself differently.  Particularly the rashes.  Now I'm thinking that perhaps my rash was not poison ivy, but an atypical presentation due to HIV co-infection.  When they say co-infection, do they mean if someone is infected at the same time or someone who had a previous HIV infection?  I have been relatively safe my entire sexual life.  Engaging very seldomly in intercourse (and always with a condom) and mostly doing mutual oral (but never with ejaculation).  Have always tested negative.  Never had anything like this.  Could the odds have caught up with me?  Or, am I just caught up in my guilt for cheating?  Help again!!  Thanks,

Concerned One

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #13 on: July 07, 2006, 10:10:34 PM »
There is no such thing as having a "previous HIV infection." Once you have it you have it.

Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #14 on: July 08, 2006, 04:37:40 AM »
Concerned,

I take it by "previous hiv infection" you mean previous to the syphilis infection - but, it doesn't matter. Co-infection would refer to having both infections, no matter the order of being infected.

But how much reassurance do you need? Even your own doctor is telling you not to worry. From what you've written, it must now be around eight weeks after this encounter. A test now would be an excellent indication of your true status as the vast majority who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by SIX weeks. If you cannot accept the assessment of not only this forum, but your own doctor too, go collect your negative test result so you can work on the real issue here - your feelings of guilt.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #15 on: July 08, 2006, 09:20:40 AM »
Thanks Ann.....I guess I needed to hear that.  When I read through the posts and responses to this site, I am ok, but then I leave and thoughts go through my mind.  The timing of the sore and the rash are very coincidental.  I know my doc said that I tested positive for HSV-1 and it is likely that that is responsible for my sore.  And I know that I was doing yardwork in an area that has poison ivy and that is likely the cause of my rash.  It's just when I put the timing of the two together and I read on websites that say that syphilis manifests differently in people co-infected with HIV (dermatologically and with false negative tests), I start to wig out.  I try to relax myself by repeating that my doc, all of you and, most importantly, the fact-based science of HIV transmission states that based on my activities, it is extremely unlikely that I have acquired HIV.  That calms me down, and then I go through the same cycle again.  UGH!!

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #16 on: July 08, 2006, 04:09:42 PM »
While perusing the San Francisco public health website, I read that Dr. K says that condom usage for anal sex is not 100% safe.  Why do you think he says that? Is it because there is always a risk of condom breakage/leakage?  If the condom is properly lubed, remains intact and the "top" does not ejaculate inside is this a safe encounter from an HIV perspective? If not, how else would the virus enter the body in that situation? 
Thanks!

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #17 on: July 08, 2006, 04:43:25 PM »
<<Why do you think he says that? >>

because nothing in this world is a hundred percent anything. Not even mathematics allows that sort of certainty, and medical science is far from mathematic. I suppose the Doctor was referring to the highly unlikely but quantifiable chance of a condom breaking, despite its proper use. Such breaks are designed to be catastrophic, and would not go unnoticed.  Quality control for latex condoms is very high, but once in a great while, a flawed condom slips through. The fact that condom studies cite 95% and higher efficacy says an awful lot.


However, no one has ever gotten infected with HIV through intact latex. THAT much is quantifiable science.

If 95 - 99% certainty is not enough, then I submit that there is no place, no one truly safe.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #18 on: July 08, 2006, 04:54:57 PM »
Thanks!  That was very helpful.  I thought that was what he probably meant and it's good to hear that confirmed.  I'm struggling with my own situation and wondering whether it is likely or probable that I might acquire HIV through an episode of condom-protected anal sex (I was bottom) and a handful of mutual oral episodes (no ejaculation and no known mouth trauma). 

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #19 on: July 09, 2006, 10:09:55 AM »
If I have a rapid test done (the one that tests oral fluids) is it reliable?  I hear that there are numerous false positives with that test?  That is terrifying, particularly given my fears.  If that happens, how do they confirm?  Would I just take another one immediately after to see if it comes out again with a positive or negative result?  Or would I have to take a blood and live with the fear for a few more days until confirmed?  I can't believe I put myself in this predicament despite my taking precautions such as engaging in only oral with no ejaculation and once intercourse with condom (with no breakage/leakage).

Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #20 on: July 09, 2006, 10:58:47 AM »
Concerned,

The rapid tests are very good, reliable tests. While it is true that they do sometimes give false positive results, it doesn't happen all that often. A positive result with any test must be confirmed with a Western Blot test and yes, that can sometimes take several days. I believe some centers will also retest a positive rapid with another rapid before continuing on to the WB. Check out the Testing Lesson that is linked to in the Welcome Thread

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #21 on: July 09, 2006, 01:32:31 PM »
Thanks....I know that I have to get up the courage to do the test.  I am just so terrified at the potential result.

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #22 on: July 10, 2006, 12:22:18 PM »
I can't live with the uncertainty.  I am going to get the rapid test done this afternoon.  I am terrified at the potential result.  I know I'll eventually pick up the pieces and go on with my life.  But I am so very very terrified.  I can't believe I've done this to myself.

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #23 on: July 10, 2006, 06:15:44 PM »
Hello Ann and Andy:

I took a rapid test today.  It was the kind that uses blood from a finger-stick.  The result was negative.  I think my oral sex episode described in the post above was around 8 - 10 weeks ago.  Has enough time passed? am I in the clear?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #24 on: July 10, 2006, 08:30:47 PM »
Whether you really needed to test at all is a matter of opinion. I would have thought not. But since you elected to test, the CDC standard for a definitive result is 13 weeks.

If you decide to re-test I would certainly expect you to test negative again.

So it's up to you....
Andy Velez

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #25 on: July 11, 2006, 06:43:50 AM »
Thanks Andy. 

I checked on my calendar and it has actually been 11 weeks since my exposure.  I know CDC says 13 weeks is conclusive.  What is likelihood of different result for me at 13 weeks versus my 11 week result?  I know we can't say it's conclusive, but a strong and reliable indicator of the eventual 13 week result?

Thanks

Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #26 on: July 11, 2006, 07:21:47 AM »
Concerned,

Here in the UK, the window period is twelve weeks, using the same tests that they use in the States. The difference is splitting hairs and how three months is defined, as there are 52 weeks in a year which makes thirteen four-week months. If you take the extra four weeks and tack them onto the end of each quarter year, it makes for a thirteen week period instead of twelve. And that's the only difference between the two window periods.

As you had only a tiny risk and didn't really need to test over that specific incident, you can take that negative result to the bank. Make sure you return at regular intervals for a complete sexual health check-up if you're sexually active. As long as you use condoms for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv test portion of the check-up to return negative results.

You are hiv negative, make sure you stay that way.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #27 on: July 11, 2006, 09:19:50 AM »
Dear Ann, Andy (and everyone else who took the time to respond to my concerns):

Thank you so much for your time and energy. I am especially comforted by your last comments.  My partner and I both took the test together yesterday.  We talked through these issues and have agreed to have a monogamous relationship from here on.  We truly love each other and wish to spend the rest of our live together.  Based on yesterday's test results, and maintaining our monogamy, we can rely on remaining negative.

I need to also thank you for all of the effort you put into advising and educating those of us who come to this site for information and guidance.  Unlike the other sites, you guys give out the facts without and type of political or editorial "spin". 

If any of the other "worrieds" are reading this thread, I would like to advise you to trust in the information that is imparted on this site and the learned, insightful, science-based advice that is given.  They pull no punches and give you no "spin".  Their agenda is truth and helping others to learn how to stay negative and live safe, healthy lives.  God bless!


Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #28 on: July 11, 2006, 09:21:42 AM »
Concerned,

Glad we could help.

Good luck with the relationship - may you have many happy years together.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #29 on: July 12, 2007, 04:15:35 PM »
So I am back.  Had another recent scare.  Back in May I was on a business trip and met a guy.  We fooled around.  This consisted of jerking off and mutual oral (about 5 minutes each). Neither one of us came in the other's mouth and there was no detectable pre-cum, although can't be 100% sure.  The guy told me that he was negative for all STDs and I never really thought much more about the incident.  I went home to my partner and everything was fine.  A little more than 4 weeks later I developed a stuffy nose, fever, very tired/fatigue, and sore throat/cough with a lot of phlegm which all resolved after about 4 - 5 days.  My son also developed a fever and cough around the same time.  Nevertheless, I started to think back to the incident in May and started to worry.  I re-read all of the information on the risks of oral transmission including this website and Dr. K at the San Francisco Clinic and felt ok.  But then, this week, almost 3 weeks after my partner and I had intercourse, he complained of a sore throat and heachache (no fever).  This really freaked me out.  Could I have been so unlucky to have contracted HIV through oral with no ejaculation?  I can't understand it.  I have very good oral health and there was no ejaculate and most likely even no pre-cum.  Am I sounding irrational or do I have a valid cause for concern?  Help Again!!!

Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #30 on: July 12, 2007, 04:32:00 PM »
Concerned,

This situation is really no different to the one you came to us with a year ago, so why don't you re-read your thread.

If you feel the need to test again, I expect you to test negative again, provided there has been no unprotected intercourse outside your relationship - and provided your partner is not doing anything behind your back.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #31 on: July 12, 2007, 04:42:45 PM »
Yes, I know.  I thought that the symptoms and their timing were suspicious.  There has not been any other incident in the past year other than the one I indicated here and I sincerely believe that my partner has been faithful.  Also, he had his annual physical last month and it included an HIV exam which was negative.  All the more reason why I am worried sick thinking that I have contracted HIV through giving oral and have given it to him.

Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #32 on: July 12, 2007, 04:54:02 PM »
Concerned,

You should know from your time here last year that symptoms, or even the lack of symptoms, means diddly-squat when it comes to hiv infection. Nothing you report sounds like seroconversion to me - it sounds like a coincidental headcold.

As any sexually active adult should be getting a complete sexual health care check up once a year anyway, go test - as a matter of routine, not over this incident - so you can see your negative result for yourself and put this behind you.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #33 on: July 12, 2007, 05:35:38 PM »
Yes, my annual exam is in August.  But am worried taht I should test sooner so as not to put my partner at any additional risk for HIV , if indeed there is any.

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #34 on: July 12, 2007, 07:39:44 PM »
would the risk assessment be any different if he were recently positive and had a high viral load? Would he have been more contagious and made oral more risky?  He said he was not positive but he might not know that he is.  Can you share your thoughts?  Thanks

Offline lovelylady27

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #35 on: July 12, 2007, 08:43:08 PM »
anthings possible, dont worry too much and get tested

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #36 on: July 12, 2007, 08:52:26 PM »
anthings possible, dont worry too much and get tested

Actually lady, that's not correct.

Whilst it's nice you'd like to help out, you should restrict yourself to your own thread in keeping with the posting guidelines listed in our Welcome Thread, which you should have read by now. If you haven't read it, please take the time to do so.

Concerned One,

Re-read Ann's most recent advice to you:

You should know from your time here last year that symptoms, or even the lack of symptoms, means diddly-squat when it comes to hiv infection. Nothing you report sounds like seroconversion to me - it sounds like a coincidental headcold.

As any sexually active adult should be getting a complete sexual health care check up once a year anyway, go test - as a matter of routine, not over this incident - so you can see your negative result for yourself and put this behind you.


MtD


Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #37 on: July 12, 2007, 08:57:51 PM »
MtD:  Thanks for the reply.  I guess I was just trying to gauge/assess my risk with this oral sex incident and was wondering if I would have been more at risk if the guy had recently converted.  I agree that I will get a test at my next annual exam, but if the risk is severely increased because of a recent seroconversion, I guess I should go right away so not to put my partner at any risk, if I already haven't done him irreversible damage.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #38 on: July 12, 2007, 09:06:56 PM »
Babe,

In reality oral sex isn't an issue when it comes to HIV infection. We know that saliva contains substance which will inhibit HIV and there has never been a documented case of HIV being transmitted through oral sex. Several studies of sero-discordant couples (ie where one is poz and the other neg) have been undertaken and guess what?

Not a single negative partner in those studies contracted HIV as a result of performing unprotected oral sex on their HIV positive partner.

Clearly you have ongoing problems dealing with your fears about HIV infection. It might be time you saw an appropriately trained counselor or other mental health worker to address those fears.

MtD

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #39 on: July 12, 2007, 09:10:12 PM »
MtD:  Thanks again for the reply.  Wow.....never a single case of transmission through oral sex.  I thought there were several anecdotes of people getting it through giving oral.  Your response really has put my concerns in perspective.  But I'm confused about all of the other sites that say there have been some (albeit few) reported cases of transmission.

Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #40 on: July 13, 2007, 06:07:45 AM »
Concerned,

Yes, there have been reported cases, but they were patient report and what patients report is notoriously unreliable. People sometimes don't want to admit to unprotected intercourse and sometimes people forget because they were under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol at the time. Sometimes, people lie out of fear or shame.

This is why the serodiscordant studies are so important - the people who took part in the studies understood what they were about and had no reason to fudge the truth.

It's nearly August now, so it doesn't really matter if you bring your annual check-up forward or not. It's up to you and what you think you need to do for your own peace of mind. As long as neither you nor your partner have been having unprotected intercourse outside your relationship, I fully expect you to test negative. So should you. Don't forget to test for all the other STIs as well, including a throat swab for gonorrhea.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #41 on: July 13, 2007, 06:56:13 PM »
Thanks Ann and I guess I should already know that.  Not just by the information I've received here, but also, in the past (several years ago) I've dated two guys who were positive and we used condoms for intercourse and none for mutual oral and never had any issues.  Always tested negative.  But with these symptoms and now that I have a committed partner and my actions could impact his status as well, I am feeling much more nervous and skeptical about this.  My symptoms freaked me out.  I know what you are gooing to say about symptoms, but when you experience them the feelings are powerful.  Especially because I did not create them out of anxiety or stress (since I was not really concerned initially).  It was only after they started (and ended) that I really started thinking about the possibilities.

Offline concerned one

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Re: Still Worried!!!
« Reply #42 on: July 20, 2007, 07:59:53 AM »
So, I called the San Francisco City Clinic and described my risk and they told me that I don't need to test specifically because of this incident.  The counsellor also said that HIV is not transmitted by receptive oral absent very extreme conditions.  she did say to be careful of other STDs via oral however.

But, for past 2 weeks I've had a rash on my forehead.  Small bumps, can't tell if they're red as I am brown in complexion, but from time to time they itch.  Benadryl has not worked in relieving.    I am Not concerned that this might ARS rash as I am not now having any other symptoms.  Nevertheless, this has me terrified as I've read that HIV+ people often have dermatologic issues and I am worried that this might be something like that.

Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #43 on: July 20, 2007, 08:05:05 AM »
concerned,

Dermatological problems don't normally happen for years if they are related to hiv infection.

Stress is a major cause of skin problems. The skin is our largest organ and it often will reflect the mental state of a person. If your rash is worrying you, the only thing for it is to show it to a doctor. We cannot diagnose it for you here.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #44 on: July 20, 2007, 09:21:04 AM »
Ann:  Thanks so much for your reply.  It's very comforting.  I am trying very hard not to go overboard with worrying and keep things in their proper perspective.  But when the body plays tricks on you, it can be disconcerting.

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #45 on: July 21, 2007, 04:17:36 PM »
Just my luck, I was watching the news this morning and they had a health segment.  The nurse they interviewed was discussing sexual health and HIV.  She said that anyone who had any unprotected sex and experienced flu-like symptoms after was a "grave" risk for acquiring HIV.  She also said that included oral sex which is accounting for more and more people becoming HIV+ in the metro NYC area.  Needless to say I am completely panicked as I had unprotected oral sex and then had a fever, sinus headache and fatigue a little more than 4 weeks later.  I am frozen with fear and panic since I saw that TV segment.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #46 on: July 21, 2007, 04:52:47 PM »
The first part of your statement is correct about unprotected sex is a cause of HIV, as for the oral part that is totally false.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #47 on: July 21, 2007, 07:54:48 PM »
Any unprotected INTERCOURSE would absolutely put someone at risk for transmission.

All of that other stuff is totally baloney and I don't care who's saying it. Except that it is very troubling that a healthcare professional is giving out such inacurrate information.

Receiving oral is never a risk for transmission and giving is very, very low risk, if at all.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #48 on: July 22, 2007, 09:47:54 AM »
Thanks Andy.  Needless to say she has completely panicked me about this.  I know you say "very very" low risk, but I'm worried that I might be one of those "very very" few who have gotten it by giving oral.  And if that nurse is right about being in the metro NYC area, I can't even function right now thinking about the possibility.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #49 on: July 22, 2007, 10:55:37 AM »

 


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