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Author Topic: Need Advice and Help!!!  (Read 15997 times)

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Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #50 on: July 22, 2007, 11:46:49 AM »
OK. It's understandable that you have been stirred up by that nurse's unfortunate and ill-founded comments.

I'm not sure how much good any of us can do while you're in the waiting period to get tested because your mind is cooking on this now. What can help is staying productively busy until you get tested. Do that and you will be amazed at how much more quickly the time can pass.

Ultimately I still expect you to test negative, despite Nurse Horrible's comments.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #51 on: July 22, 2007, 03:18:03 PM »
Thanks Rapid and Andy.  Appreciate your comments.  Rapid: I read the article, but it also mentioned some "experts" who seemed to strongly disagree that oral was a negligible risk.  I want very much (and very badly) to believe that I had a negligible risk that I should not even be concerned about, but there must be some reason why other "experts" like those quoted in the article you cited and the nurse that I saw on tv say what they do. 

The disagreement among so-called experts on this issue as well as the timing of my symptoms and the rash I have on my forehead now really freak me out (I know, I know, symptoms, shmymptoms).  On the other hand the fact that you all seem confident that I will test negative is a comfort to me since you are basing your opinions on science and not emotion.  I've got a lot of baggage hanging on all of this and it might be impacting my usually rational thought process.

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #52 on: July 29, 2007, 08:36:39 PM »
still have rash on forehead and now lots of gas, which I've also read is a recurring problem with HIV+.  So nervous and scared about my risk and the potential that I've made a VERY big mistake with my life.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #53 on: July 29, 2007, 08:40:30 PM »
Concerned,

I'm really confident you'll return a negative result.

As for your rash/farting issue -- well stress is most likely the culprit here. Not HIV. People who don't have HIV get rashes and fart like overfed cattle too you know.

MtD

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #54 on: July 30, 2007, 12:21:53 PM »
Thanks MtD.  Does everyone else still feel the same about my risk?  Ann?  Andy? Rapid?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #55 on: July 30, 2007, 04:41:10 PM »
OK, so we're essentially into handholding here. Several people who know their onions have given you their informed opinions. The consensus is you will test negative.

So don't waste your time and ours dragging in some more outside opnions for us to refute and quibble over. Our evaluation of the situation is not going to change.

You need to leave this alone, get productively busy and collect what we expect will be negative result when you test.

That's it.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #56 on: July 30, 2007, 06:45:14 PM »
Concerned,

Our answers are not going to change. Re-read your thread when you need reassurance.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #57 on: August 01, 2007, 08:05:16 PM »
update:  So had my appt with my doc this afternoon.  He had two emergencies to deal with so my appt got pushed to 5 in the evening.  During the consult, aside from the usual preventative health questions, he asked if there were anything on my mind that I wanted to discuss.  So, I told him abut the incident that I described here.  He looks at me and says, "so what's your concern?"  And I said that I was worried that I had contracted HIV.  He looks at me (looked like he rolled his eyes) and says that he already told me a year ago that oral sex is not really a concern for transmission and especially without ejaculation.  He said he was not even inclined to test me except to put my mind at ease.  He said my sypmtoms are not even consistent with ARS as the febrile illness of ARS does not present with congestion.  He said it sounds like I had a coincidental bout of sinusitis.   Unfortunately, we couldn't do a test right then so he asked to come back to do a rapid test (finger stick) tomorrow and according to him "get my negative result".  Soooooo my waiting and panicking is extended for another day.  UGH!!

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #58 on: August 02, 2007, 04:52:00 PM »
Ann, Andy, Mtd and Rapid:  Further update:  Had my rapid test and as you all predicted (as did my doctor) it was negative.  Thanks again to the four of your for hanging in there with my irrational fears and consistently giving me the facts I needed to hear. 

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #59 on: July 19, 2008, 08:24:57 PM »
hello....So I'm back with another worry.  Here it goes:

I recently had unprotected receptive digital (fingering), frottage + oral sex with a partner who's HIV status is unknown to me although he ssays he is negative.  A couple of things have caused for concern 1) during fingering, he was also masturbating his penis and he may have gotten precum on his fingers.  2) during frottage he rubbed the head of his penis on my asshole....again, he had precum. 3) I sucked his dick and at the time I had a sore on the outside of my lips in the corner where the top lip and bottom lip meet, not sure if any precum touched there.  How at risk of HIV am I? I am mostly concerned about the oral and the fact that I had some kind of sore on my lip.  It was meant to be a "no risk" encounter of mutual masturbation but has become terribly unclear and alarming for me.

Forgot to mention that around 3 weeks after the encounter I developed a high fever (102.7) and a massive headache with nausea.  The fever and other symptoms lasted around 36 hours and then were gone.

Now Really concerned,
« Last Edit: July 19, 2008, 08:48:26 PM by concerned one »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #60 on: July 19, 2008, 10:44:19 PM »
No you were not at risk with the situation you provided.

Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #61 on: July 20, 2008, 06:39:29 AM »
concerned,

What are you doing giving oral to someone when you've got what's most likely a herpes lesion on your lip? And you've got the nerve to worry about what he might transmit to you? What about him? eh? Give me a break.

The only risky thing you've done is possibly giving this man herpes. You haven't put yourself at risk for hiv.

Just for the record, as a sexually active adult, you should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Like herpes. Hint hint.

If I seem a bit harsh, well, tough. I get sick of people coming here worrying about getting hiv via a herpes lesion, when they should be keeping their herpes to themselves. It beggars belief. It really does. [/rant]

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #62 on: July 20, 2008, 08:16:22 AM »
Thanks Rapid and Ann for the prompt replies.  So bottomline:  this is not ann HIV concern?  Despite the fever I developed three weeks later?

Ann:  I do certainly understand what you are saying and even the "ranting" tone.  Last year when I had a similar episode and I consulted my doc I told him that I have good oral health but from time to time I get mouth sores.  So my doc initially told me that it sounds like HSV-1 and was nothing at all to be worried about.  Well he then did a full panel of STDs at my last exam and included HSV-1and HSV-2.  It turns out that I was negative for both.  I reminded my doc about the mouth sores and he said they were probably canker sores as the tests showed I was negative for HSV-1. He said no one really knows what causes canker sores (stress, acidic foods, mouth injury/trauma, etc.) but that they also weren't anything to worry about. 

Cankers are in the mouth and this one was just outside my mouth on my lip (never had one there before), so now I'm not sure what it is.  But your advice and words are correct nonetheless. Even if I don't know what it is, I should refrain from engaging in oral sex, as much out of respect and concern for the other person.  Thanks again for your advice.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #63 on: July 20, 2008, 10:37:25 AM »
Yes, I am just repeating here since you seem to have lingering fears. Your concern about HIV is unwarranted.

Andy Velez

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #64 on: July 21, 2008, 06:43:36 AM »
Thanks to all of you for your response.  You guys are the gold standard for HV risk assessment and your thoughts/opinions on my situation mean alot to me.  I will breathe a sigh of relief.  Thanks again.

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #65 on: July 23, 2008, 09:25:37 PM »
So the high fever, chills and headache 3 - 4 weeks later were just coincidental and not seroconversion?  The sore on my lip didn't make this a risky situation?

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #66 on: July 23, 2008, 09:27:53 PM »
You know what Concerned? I reckon we've put up with you for long enough. No matter how many times we answer THE SAME FRIGGING QUESTION you always come back and ask it again.

You've posted 36 posts and been here for more than 2 years, I don't see what else we can do for you.

I'm referring this thread to the moderators for review.

MtD

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #67 on: July 23, 2008, 09:46:41 PM »
You "reckon" huh? Well I think that's a pretty unfair assessment of my posting history.  I've come here (always respectfully and never argumentative or pushy) to seek advice for three distinct items over a two year period with a good amount of time between each incident.  I've always been extremely thankful for any advice I've received here.  With each incident I asked a fair amount of questions to get clarity and move on.  I don't think this last incident was "the same frigging question" as I was concerned with the fact that I had a sore on my lip at the time and what that particular nuance did with respect to my risk.  With respect to this incident I only posted four times (this response to you being the fifth).  Based on my review of some other WWs, my history here is nowhere near as excessive.  I don't apologize for being a bit anxious over this incident and wanting to get clarity if possible.

Offline anniebc

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #68 on: July 24, 2008, 01:25:34 AM »
Concerned

After all this time, regardless of your fears you should know by now how HIV is and is not transmitted..if you are not willing to listen to the advise you have been given or can't be bothered reading and educating yourself then we can't help you anymore.

This is your last warning...seek help from someone you are willing to listen to, because it seems we are wasting our time here.

Jan
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Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline concerned one

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Re: Need Advice and Help!!!
« Reply #69 on: July 25, 2008, 10:45:28 AM »
I took some time to think about everything and I do understand that alot of what is driving this for me is guilt and other emotions.  I fully understand that is not the purpose or province of this forum to address.  I definitely get that.  Believe me, I know you all are busy and do this voluntarily and on your own time, so I don't take your commitment lightly (I never have.)  I'm not looking to get banned or even warned, as I have always been, I think, a good user of this forum (always posting in my own thread and using the same profile name, etc.)  I have also read the lessons as well as the advice that has been directly given to me here. I'm not here questioning something completely risk free like a protected incident or even insertive felllatio like many other WWs.  And, I've even come to terms with the minima/theoretical risk involved with receptive oral. Believe me, I don't come to this forum after every BJ incident.  In the past, I have embraced that advice and have moved on.  And I still am looking to do that.

I guess what is giving me any hesitation around that process is the sore that I had on my lip.  Everything I have read, including information on this site, indicates that having a cut/sore, etc. elevates the risk.  So I understand that some very knowledgeable individuals (Rapid, Ann, Andy) have advised me that there is no risk in the incident I brought to the forums. I guess I'm wondering why the sore doesn't give them any cause for concern.  I think understanding that item will help me to process and embrace all of the good advice I've been given here. 

 


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