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What stresses you the Most about being HIV+

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Steinway:
Not knowing what to do to help myself.  I read books, articles, blogs on being hiv +, what next, etc.   I've read many of the books and articles that believe HIV and AIds are unrelated.  Even if that's true, what does that mean and what's next?  I would still be HiV + with or without the potential for AIDS.   
    I think what tresses me out the most is that I will never date again.  EVER.   I think hopefully in the back of my mind, but then I think I must be crazy to think that it could happen.  Not only am I hiv+   I have other Std's that get in the way also.  It just sucks.  They are treatable stds for th emost part, but require a great deal of time off of work and pain.  At the moment I am hoping to have something done in January which seems like a long way away.  There are creams that can help but nothing that will permanently kill it all.  So when I think about all of it combined with being positive it's an easy trap to get down.  So I do my best to not let myself get there.
    So in the mean time, I have no one to talk to face to face and would love that.  I don't even care if it's a man or a woman.  Just a person.  I did have some online friends taht I've shared with, but that has died down and also, it's not quite the same thing as having a human sitting in front of you. 


RapidRod:
Steinway, don't mean to bust your bubble, but HIV and AIDS are related. It's not a myth, it's a FACT.

SASA39:
Echo : isolation and loneliness

hudstar:
I have no issue with HIV itself, only social reactions. For me I have it and that is that. Being an avid global traveller I must admit being confined by legislation is my greatest stress. Twice in my life I have been turned away from achieving very important and strategic moves that would have furthered my life in a way I had planned it to be prior to my infection. Many more little situations have come and gone but they were not as painful. A well cultivated career meant travel, adventure and freedom for me. After my diagnosis I worked hard and had the chance to work abroad (USA and Vietnam). Both jobs would have advanced my career enormously yet both job offers were declined due to either legislation or remoteness. It was the greatest let down I went through as I was so close to reaching what I worked towards. I learnt to avoid these situations and downgraded my ambitions and my career until I fell apart 4 years ago. I did so because I was forcibly living a life working in a conservative job just to make good money. I only ever felt trapped during that time because I went against my nature - I was rotting inside and going nowhere in terms of adventure. After much strategizing and some degree of acceptance, I found a job that takes me abroad 4 - 5 times a year and feeds my desire for travel and adventure. It is not what I hoped for as the desire to live amongst different cultures has not subsided to this day and this job is the closest I can get to that. I am well aware that being long term HIV I need to be realistic about drug access and that social attitudes differ from country to country. In short I guess my strong nature is in opposition to the confinements that a HIV status creates and that does not change with time. I'm p#$$ed off more than stressed but you got to make do with what you can get away with. As for dating..... being single is not much of an issue now and does not stress me out. Ive come to the conclusion that HIV does not determine love or how you relate to others - it just comes down to emotional intelligence and compassion. I learnt to avoid situations /people not capable of showing that so Im not missing out on anything  :)  That does not mean I do not think how nice it would be to share my life with someone as I stilll hope to meet a guy I fall for and one I feel at ease with.

newbernswiss:
 :'(Well said hudstar

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