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Author Topic: Please help me - going mad  (Read 21197 times)

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Offline Need Help Please

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Please help me - going mad
« on: July 01, 2006, 08:27:37 AM »
Three months ago i stupidly visited a SW. Stupidly because i am happily married for many years to a wonderful woman.

I have been silly enough to do this before always having protected sex, never ever unprotected vaginal. On this occasion i had unprotected insertive oral. A week later i strated to get a rash and tingling in my foreskin. I though it was eczema as i sometimes suffer from it in this area. A few days later i started to get blisters on my foreskin and my groin glands were swollen and realised it was something else. I made an appointment to go to the gum clinic and went a few days later. The doc told me he was certain it was herpes and took a swab to confirm it. I was devasteted. I told my wife but not about how i got it as she would have been heartbroken and would have broken our marriage due to my foolishness. I said it must have been a long time recurring thing that i hadn't had that bad before as i understand herpes can be and she accepted it. I felt awful lying and still do.

Two weeks after the bj i started getting very strange illnesses. Sore throat, which has lasted right up to now, bad disorientating dizzyness for a couple of weeks, complete loss of appetite for two weeks and despite forcing myself to eat still lost 8lbs. Intermittent high fever for two months. Swollen painful glands under chin, throat, chest, underarms and in the groin still persisting now. Bad gastric acid sickness in stomach and chest for a month, tight wheezy chest, and night sweats which i am still getting. Some more but i won't list them.

What really freaked me out is that i had sex with my wife 2 days after the bj and 2 weeks later she had painful swollen glands under her arms and a sore throat and dizzyness for about 3 - 4 days. She also had and still gets really bad night sweats.

I would appreciate your opinions and what you think of the relevance of my skin condition and a cut which may have been present and both our symptoms. I didn't notice any blood around the SW's mouth (but obviously didn't look inside) or on my penis afterwards, is this relevant?

Please help me as i very much value your opinions and haven't had a life for 3 months due to worry, constantly searching internet for symptoms etc.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2006, 09:37:15 AM »
Worry about your skin condition because HIV is not a concern here. You may want to be test for all other STDs but HIV is not a concern.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #2 on: July 01, 2006, 09:39:44 AM »
Hi,

Well, as far as HIV is concerned you can breath easy because you aren't going to make history by becoming the first person to acquire HIV from having received a blowjob. Trillions of blowjobs later it has never happened in the epidemic.

Other STDs are a separate issue and it would be a good idea to have a full panel of them done if your doctor hasn't already done so.

Whatever is going on with you (or your wife) in terms of symptoms has nothing to do with HIV.

Your guilt is a whole other matter. Keep in mind that it's no sign of your finer character nor a love tribute to your wife to suffer with guilt. You're a dog like the rest of us and you went straying. You can't undo that. So see it clearly, take a good deep breath and let it go. The best thing you can do for all concerned, and the most loving as well, is to get on with your life.

Follow up with your doctor about any symptoms. Whatever's going on has nothing to do with HIV.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2006, 10:05:33 AM »
Many thanks to you both for your quick response.

I've been given the same advice from THT, but i'm sure that you can appreciate that the whole thing has been driving me mad, which was very definately kicked off by the herpes diagnosis. Guilt as you point out has definately contributed as has the stress of the whole ordeal. Just can't get it out of my mind. Won't ever be straying again i can assure you.

Is there really no relevance at all that there may have (i don't know for sure that it was there at the time)been a small cut on my foreskin? Would this make no difference if there were any ulcers/ abrasions or cuts or a small amount of blood (again i didn't notice any sign of blood on my penis) inside the woman's mouth? That's the main thing that got me worrying.

I do very much appreciate your advice, but as you have probably heard many times before, when your mind is in such a state you just can't think straight and have to ask other wiser, more knowledgable people to do your rational thinking for you. I've been afraid to see the doctor with my illness in case he tells me that i need a hiv test.

As you think there is no need for a hiv test, do you know if there are any other sti's that i could have contracted that could contribute to the illnesses that i have experienced (long term swollen glands freaked me out most as they are still there). I will go and test for them but am terrified of the hiv test ordeal.

Many thanks - you guys are fantastic.

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #4 on: July 01, 2006, 10:25:26 AM »
Ann - do you have any comments to add? I'd very much respect your opinion.

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #5 on: July 02, 2006, 05:00:08 AM »
Ann, Andy, Rapidrod, jk - i'd be very grateful for your further comments to my latest post above. Sorry to be a pain but i'm sure you can imagine how much anguish this has caused.

Also can you tell me how to make an anonomous donation to this site? You're all tha's kept me sane the past couple of months.

Thanks again.

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #6 on: July 02, 2006, 06:07:45 AM »
Need,

If you've been reading these forums for a few months now, then you should understand by now that getting a blowjob will not result in hiv infection. Whatever is going on with you has nothing to do with hiv.

Stress and primary herpes infection can cause every last one of the symptoms you report. If you continue to feel unwell, please go back to your doctor and discuss your concerns there.

And by the way, even if your doctor DOES order an hiv test, you have nothing to fear over this blowjob incident.

Getting a blowjob is not a risk for hiv infection and there's not much more we can tell you than that.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #7 on: July 11, 2006, 12:53:57 PM »
Thank you for your kind words.

I have calmed down a bit since my first posts but still have doubts that creep up due to my symptoms (I am not in any way doubting your assessments).

I have stopped inspecting my nodes but still experience some pains from them. My sore throat is almost gone. My wife had a re-occurrence of painful underarms and a sore throat for one day last weekend, but suddenly went again. I'd be very grateful if you could just give me your veiws on:-

1. would i unknowingly have been able to infect someone else within 40 hours of being infected myself?

2. Is there any relevance in having a possible small cut on the foreskin during unprotected oral. (Would it make a difference if there were a cut or ulcer in the mouth)?

3. If my wifes symptoms had been ARS after two weeks, would the same symptoms  re-occur three months later?

I have decided to try and stop stressing and feeling for swollen nodes for two weeks and if my symptoms persist to see my doctor as you suggested. I also intend to test for the other std's.

I'd be very grateful for your further comments.

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2006, 03:23:27 PM »
Ann Andy Rod JK i'd be very grateful for your replies to the above.

Thankyou for your patience.

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #9 on: July 11, 2006, 05:41:19 PM »
Need,

1. YOU could not unknowingly transmit hiv because YOU did not get infected through getting a blowjob.

2. A small cut would make no difference as saliva is not infectious.

3. If your wife was having ARS symptoms, it wasn't because YOU got a blowjob. Getting a blowjob does not result in hiv infection.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #10 on: July 13, 2006, 01:04:43 PM »
Ann I very much appreicate your reply. I'm sure you can appreciate that all I want to do is to put this bad experience behind me and move on with my life, which is why i asked the last questions. When you are feeling ill and are normally never sick and relatively fit, especially with having contracted herpes during this (non) exposure, your my goes into an uncontrollable state.

To recap I can tell you that I have been married for 15 years to a wonderful woman who i am 100% sure has been faithful in all that time. We have had unprotected sex for 13 years but i have been stupid enough to go outside my marriage, which i know for sure she wouldn't. I have never had unprotected penatrative sex with anyone else before or after my marriage. Never been a drug user. Never had a condom breakage but have been stupid enough to have unprotected insertive oral an a handful of occasions, last time being my concern as i contracted herpes and may have had a small cut on my foreskin. I also have a skin condition as mentioned but think that the condition was only on the scrotum at that time. I know saliva is not contagious and didn't notice any sign of external blood on my penis after the bj. However i do not know whether there was any blood present in the saliva or any cuts or ulcers in the mouth. All i am asking is whether in the worst case scenario if this would make any difference at all or would her saliva inhibit any virus present?

I also asked whether ARS symptoms would represent themselves three months after they initially appeared, for a very short time. My illnesses also came in stages and has lasted for three months - is this typical?

I do intend to test for all STI's that are transmitted orally.

I'd be very grateful if you experts could answer me one more time so i can hopefully try to put this behind me and move on and try to make it up to my wife.

I also genuinly want to make a financial contribution to this wonderful site if such a thing is appropriate.

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #11 on: July 13, 2006, 03:09:25 PM »
Need,

Herpes is very easily transmitted, while hiv is most definitely not. Hiv is also most definitely NOT transmitted to the receiver of a blowjob. Forget all the blood/cut whatiffs, not one single person has ever become infected with hiv through a blowjob and you will not be the first.

Primary herpes infection can make you feel like hell. Your symptoms mean absolutely nothing in relation to hiv.

Stress will bring on outbreaks so do yourself a favour and chill out. You did NOT have a risk of hiv infection from getting a blowjob. Period.



Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #12 on: July 16, 2006, 04:46:01 AM »
Thanks Ann.

I know you don't like to comment on symptoms but I would be grateful if you could just tell me if it would be usual for symptoms to re-occur three months after they had appeared two weeks after an exposure? Also if you suffered from night sweats as ARS I read on another post on this site that they would stay with you forever if they were as a result of hiv infection. Is this true as my wife's night sweats were really bad for a month along with the initial symptoms but she hasn't had any since.

Also if i had picked up another std such as chlamydia along with the herpes could this have caused my illnesses or does chlamydia not make you ill? Is there any truth in another post i read that he had heard that hiv can "piggyback" on another std?

Like i said previously, the only risks i am worried about are my extra marital activities with SW's which were always protected vaginal with no condom breakages and unprotected insertive oral on a handful of occasions. As you know it was the last time i did this that freaked me out cos of the herpes and all the symptoms.

Sorry for all these questions and for going slightly off the hiv subject but i would be very grateful for all of your expert opinions.

Thank you once more for your patience experts.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #13 on: July 16, 2006, 06:08:47 AM »
Need,

I'm not going to discuss symptoms with you. If you are having physical problems, you need to go to your doctor.

If the only way you are going to believe that you weren't at risk for hiv is to test, then go get tested. You said it's been over three months now, so a test anytime will give you conclusive results. Collect your negative results and move on with your life.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #14 on: July 16, 2006, 12:38:08 PM »
Thanks Ann for your patience and believe me I don't doubt your assessments. I'm sure you can understand that I am very scared by the symptoms, especially my prolonged painful swollen glands and sore throat and the problems my wife has experienced.

Can the other experts please give me their final opinions on my (non) risks, symptoms and whther i should have anything to worry about?

I thank you all for your patience and just want to move on.

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #15 on: July 16, 2006, 02:06:58 PM »
Need,

We do NOT give symptom assessments in this forum. We ONLY give risk and test result assessments. You had no risk.

If you really want to move on, here's what you do. You go to your doctor with your symptoms and find out what the problem is. If you still cannot let go of this, test. If you cannot accept your negative hiv status after testing, then it's time to seek the assistance of a mental health care professional so you can deal with your feelings of guilt and move on.

Hiv is not a punishment for getting a blowjob. You had no risk of hiv infection through getting a blowjob.

Ann
 

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #16 on: July 17, 2006, 01:28:21 PM »
Thanks Ann for what I know is very sound advice.

I've tried to calm myself today by reading some reports in a poitive light instead of a negative one. It does seem that there are many sources who say that insertive bj's are no risk since as you have poited out that there are no documented transmissions. I have also read some of the peer reviewed repots of serodiscordant couples with no transmission of the virus either way as a result of oral.

I also took comfort in the recent reply you gave to a person with similar fears of mine that a copious amount of blood would have to be present in the mouth for transmission to occur, which would definitely not go unnoticed. I am going to try to look at things in a positive light from now on.

I would be grateful if someone could tell me the science behind transmitting other std's through getting a bj i.e are they infectious as a result of skin to skin contact, saliva etc.
Would they possibly cause illness and symptoms similar to those I and my wife have experienced? The symptoms along with the possibility of having damaged foreskin skin have really freaked me out.

I know that you say that all sexually active people should have a full panel of tests carried out including hiv, but would the hiv test be necessary if your "risks" were limited to protected sex and insertive oral sex?

Many thanks again all you wonderful experts for your patience.

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #17 on: July 17, 2006, 07:11:25 PM »
Need,

You need to go see your doctor about your symptoms. No kidding. This is an hiv website and if you want to know about the other STIs, you might want to have a look at the inSPOT website.

Yes, a person should also have an hiv test along with all the other STIs. Look at it this way, if you brush every day and don't eat sweets, you still have x-rays when you go to the dentist. If you practice good dental hygiene, you can expect to have no cavities, but you still get checked out. If you always practice safer sex, you can expect negative hiv tests, but you should still get checked out. Your health is nothing to guess or assume about.

Speaking of which, quit guessing about what is causing your symptoms and GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #18 on: July 18, 2006, 08:14:22 AM »
Thankyou again Ann and sorry for going off the hiv subject.

I am a little bit confused though that if you consider unprotected insertive oral and protected insertive vaginal as non-risks, why do i need to have a hiv test as part of the panel?

I am sorry if you all think I am being paranoid and I know I am being cowardly by not going to the doctor. I am extremely worried about both mine and wife's symptoms. Is anyone able to tell me if the symptoms typically come on all together or gradually individually (as mine did)? Can the re-appear very briefly three months after the initial incident (as happened to my wife)?

The only symptoms I now have left are that I wake up with a slight burning throat that usually goes after half an hour, a thight chest and windpipe with a feeling of wanting to clear my throat and my swollen glands in various places with occasional pain in those areas.

Am I being irrational bout the symptoms and my risks?

I am eternally grateful to you great people for being very patient with a scared fool.

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #19 on: July 18, 2006, 01:00:32 PM »
Sorry to freak out on you again experts but do you think i should be worried about ars symptoms of long term sore throat and various swolen painfull glands for 3 months?

I am again very grateful for your patience.

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #20 on: July 19, 2006, 07:25:47 AM »
Need,

We recommend routine hiv testing because hiv is nothing to guess about. It's like going to the dentist when you always practice good oral hygiene. You know you don't have any cavities, but it's good to get that confirmation.

If you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both been tested in the past for hiv, then you really don't need to test over your blowjob. You only need to test for your own peace of mind.

Quote
The only symptoms I now have left are that I wake up with a slight burning throat that usually goes after half an hour, a thight chest and windpipe with a feeling of wanting to clear my throat and my swollen glands in various places with occasional pain in those areas.

The first thing you mention can be caused by breathing through your mouth while you're asleep. The next few things sound like anxiety. As for the "swollen" glands, how do you know they're swollen? I'm guessing it's because you keep touching them. Poking, prodding and generally feeling up your glands all the time will MAKE them swell and keep them swollen. Keep your mitts OFF them.

You NEED to go to a doctor and get to the bottom of your problems. What I've listed above is an attempt to get you to think outside of the hiv box you're trapped in.

You did NOT have a risk of infection through a blowjob.

Seriously.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #21 on: July 20, 2006, 07:37:40 AM »
Ann thanks for your kind words and patience once again.

I can see where you are coming from but unfortunately I do know they are swollen and it seems as though I am getting more of them. The first ones appeared on my groin along with the herpes. I now also have two more in my groin, in armpits, chest, swelling in my throat, four or five under my jaw, and last night i felt muscular a pain on the side of my neck and went to rub it and there was a swelling there too on both sides of the neck. Like I said i sometimes get a shooting pain around those areas.

It really freaks me out as it seems like more than a coincidence that it happened after the bj when i got herpes.

If I was to go to the doctor can i reliably tell him i haven't had a risk of HIV if he asks? I can definitley rule out sex with my wife as a risk as she hasn't had sex with anyone apart from me. I believe that 100% and if you knew her then you would know why I am more confident of that than anything else in my life. My only exposures therefore have been my stupid SW visits, always protected vaginally, never had anal and have had insertive oral unprotected on a handful of occasions. Would it make any difference if a cut on my foreskin made contact with a herpes or any other type of ulcer?

How relevant are my swollen glands as i don't think i've read any other psosts noting them in so many places (please correct me if i am wrong).

I beleive that the reason that insertive bj's are not considered a risk is that even if there was a small unnoticable amount of blood present in the mouth it would be mad ineffective by the saliva? Is this a correct interpretation of the science?

I'm really sorry to bother you again but i'm sure you can see that because of these symptoms it is constantly on my mind.

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #22 on: July 20, 2006, 07:49:57 AM »
Need,

What do you mean IF you go to the doctor? You're obsessing over your symptoms - GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR. You have not had a risk of hiv infection through a blowjob - not one person has ever become infected this way and you aren't going to be the first.

Condoms prevent hiv infection so you had no risk with the protected vaginal either.

Your swollen glands are NOT relevant to hiv infection in any way, shape or form. Glands swell for hundreds of reasons and you might be missing something very serious in your myopic focus on hiv and your reluctance to see your doctor.

You did not have a risk of hiv infection. Go see your doctor about your symptoms, because whatever is going on, hiv has nothing to do with it.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #23 on: July 20, 2006, 01:23:12 PM »
I know you are right Ann, I will make an appointment with my doctor. It scares the shit out of me though. I need to accept that getting a bj is not a risk as yourselves and THT have told me repeatedly. Difficult to do this though when you have all the symptoms for a long time and your wife has also had symptoms.

I had mixed messages from the gum clinic too. One person said oral was nothing to worry about, the other said it was possible if cuts, ulcers etc were present.

I take comfort in the fact that yourselves and tTHT are the hiv specialists.

Are all hiv transmissions documented?

Sorry to bother you again.

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #24 on: July 22, 2006, 04:30:06 AM »
I'm sorry to bother you again experts, especially you Ann as you have been incredibly patient and informative.

I'm just anxious again today as my symptoms don't seem to be sunsiding. I am going to make an appointment with my doctor on Monday. My wife also complained of some pain last night from the lower right side of her abdomen. The pain she described was very similar to the galndular pain i experience. I think i am beyond scared now and just feel completely numb as if i have accepted a positive status without even knowing. This is all despite beying told that i have no risk.

Thank you Ann for the link to Inspot it was very informative.

I am just finding it very difficult to accept that I seem to have almost all symptoms of ARS for a prolonged period after the bj and having contracted herpes just reinforces it.

I would be very grateful if the experts could give me their opinion on these topics.

I read that a hiv+ person who also has herpes makes their hiv much more infectious. Do you know if this is true?

Is there a reason why there is a contradiction even among some healthcare professionals about the risks of insertive bj? Are some organisations and individuals just not brave enough to say outright as you do that it is not a risk despite there being no documented cases, or do you think they truely believe it to be possible?

I have read many times that you say that latex condoms are exellent and very effective defence against hiv. Do you consider it to be completely no risk so long as the condoms stay in tact?

Is it completely irrelevant that i seem to have had many of the listed ARS symptoms, especially many painful swollen glands for a long time and some that have come up after and have you seen many people post here with as many real symptoms as mine (especially the glands) and come out of it negative? As you know I'm also terrified that my wife has experienced some of the symptoms, which were much milder for very brief periods (apart from her night sweats which lasted for a few weeks).

I am truly sorry to bother you again on this but i am trying to think outside the hiv box as Ann suggested and am just looking for some opinions to hopefully help me do just that.

I thank you once agaian and will forever be in your debt.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #25 on: July 22, 2006, 04:55:49 AM »
There is nothing more we can do for you. Your concerns are not related to hiv. Please seek out the help of a mental health professional.

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #26 on: July 22, 2006, 05:05:16 AM »
I am truely very sorry if i have offended you Rod or any of you experts. Believe me that's the last thing I want to do.

I am going to seek medical assistance for my symptoms and I will also seek mental health help if that's whats needed. If I wasn't such a coward i'd just go and get tested.

I was just asking the above questions in order to try and think outside of hiv and i would be very grateful if you could give me your opinions.

I thank you once again.

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #27 on: July 22, 2006, 06:11:35 AM »
Need,

You don't need us to help you think outside the box, you need to be discussing this with your doctor. We cannot diagnose you and neither can you. You are not a doctor so quit trying to practice medicine without a license on yourself.

Getting a blowjob is NOT a risk for hiv infection. If you cannot accept that, get tested. There is nothing more we can tell you.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Morgan

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #28 on: July 22, 2006, 06:19:57 AM »
Need,

You can put all of this behind you with one test.  If your symptoms were hiv related, you would definitely test positive by now.  Why continue this BS when you could go collect your negative result and stop this charade.

Sure it's scary to test, but it can't be worse than all the crap you're going through now.  And in light of the fact that you have been repeatedly told you had no risk, you would think it wouldn't be such a problem for you.

Morgan
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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #29 on: July 25, 2006, 01:00:39 PM »
Thank you for your replies. I have taken some time out to reflect on your comments and have tried some "self therapy". I need to try looking at this logically as in it's the exposures that are important with regard to hiv and not the symptoms. You have all told me repeatedly that insertive bj's (regardless of a possible cut and minimal blodd in saliva and any ulcers etc) and vaginal sex with a condom are no risk situations so far as hiv is concerned. I have to get this into my thick head! I apologise if you think i have not listened to you because i have and thank you very much for your reinforcement of the facts.

I have contacted my doctor to see about my illnesses, but unfortunately they can't see me until next week.

I've come up with a plan that i hope you will all approve of.

1. Seeing doctor next week as i said.
2. Focus on the (non) risks and not my symptoms in regard of hiv.
3. Try not to punish myself further for my stupid infidellity. I think this will be hardest of all.
4. Go for std tests for all std's contractable by insertive bj's.
5. If I am still finding it difficult to accept that i wasn't in danger of contracting hiv (and most importantly unknowingly passing it on), then i will have to find the courage to take a test.

I'm further reinforcing my beliefs with the following things i have learned from this forum (please correct me if i am wrong).

1. If you have protected vaginal or anal sex with correct use of condoms (i.e. no breakage) you should have no fear of hiv.
2. Insertive oral sex is a no risk situation.
3. Symptoms is no indicator for hiv. If symptoms occur during ars they all come and go together (which mine didn't) and usually only last a couple of weeks. As I have been unwell for 15 weeks with various ailments and now only have a sore throat and chest with swollen glands, this is not in line with normal ars. I also assume that symptoms do not reappear many weeks after she had experienced them two weeks after the (non) exposure.
4. Contracting herpes via oral sex is irrelevant with regards to contracting hiv.

I hope I haven't wasted your time again but i just wanted to let you know that i am trying to get my mind and body back to health.

Thank you for your help and if i have got any of the facts wrong please correct me.

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #30 on: July 25, 2006, 05:27:40 PM »
Need,

What you've written is fine, and I'd only add one thing. You also need to plan on concentrating on things OTHER than hiv. If hiv wasn't on your mind 24/7, you just might start feeling better.

You had no risk.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #31 on: July 29, 2006, 05:37:43 AM »
Thanks again for your support Ann. I want you and the other experts to know how much it is really appreciated.

Got a few days to go before my doctor's appointment. I have been a lot more positive in my attitude the last few days. Keep reminding myself that I have never had a risk and symptoms are nothing to go by and even if they were the pattern of mine were not consistent with ars as all the symptoms didn't appear together and are still lingering (as in swollen nodes and sore throat and chest). It is quite difficult though as your mind inevitably slips into a negative mode every now and again. I can't help but think that the whole thing has something to do with the bj and getting herpes from it. Tried to get an appointment at gum clinic to test firt of all for gonorea and chlamydia but they were too busy. I'll try again next week. I had a couple of strange incidents last week, one where i had a shooting pain on one side of my chest and a node swelled up there, but the next day it was gone. Also have a pain on one side of my jaw when i press my teeth togother, all very strange! I read that there is a rare strain of chlamydia that can cause swollen nodes and various symptoms, does anyone know of this? Also does anyone know that if my herpes was asymptomatic from the primary infection (as in tingling but no lesions) would my groin nodes stay swollen because of this? I know that if it has been asymptomatic it has been down to me stressing myself out.

I am taking things one day at a time at the moment to try to get myself into a better physical and mental state. I can rest assured that it is impossible to contract hiv by getting a bj can't I?

Thanks again dear experts for your excellent service.

Offline Morgan

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #32 on: July 29, 2006, 05:57:06 AM »
Need,

Get that test and come post you negative result.   :)

Morgan
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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #33 on: July 30, 2006, 04:39:49 AM »
I appreiciate what you are saying Morgan and i will test at some point but my mind needs to be healthy before i can do that.

I was just hoping i could get some comments to the above before i see my doctor. I feel i am starting to get my head around things but it will take time.

For my own educational purposes can someone please also tell me if every positive test result has the way of transmission documented? If not what is meant by a documented case?

Thanks again.

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #34 on: July 30, 2006, 05:14:26 AM »
Need,

You did not have a risk of hiv infection.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #35 on: August 01, 2006, 08:07:05 AM »
Ann, once again many thanks for your reassurance and support.

I was hopeful that I would get some answers to my question to both educate myself and try to ease my fears. I would be very grateful if you experts could reply to my questions.

1. I know I should not focus on symptoms but would be grateful if you could clarify the following. I have read on numerous occasions on this forum that symtoms all come together and go together and last 1 - 2 weeks and that the same symptoms will not re-appear weeks later. I have read elsewhere that symptoms can linger for months, is there any truth in this or is it just misinformed or outdated information?

2. If a person has hiv and hepes, is there  enough  or a good enough quality of hiv virus present in an oral herpes lesion to cause hiv transmission?

3. Can you tell me how long it takes for a person to be come infectious once they have been infected with hiv? There seems to be a lot of contradiction on this. W

Forgive me for going over old ground and I am trying to get to grips with the no-risk situation, however i would be very grateful if you could educate me on the above. I do now have slightly longer periods of not thinking about hiv, but i do have relapses like when i think of the time my wife had her night sweats and think to myself "what have i done to this wonderful woman", and when I experience some pain in my nodes, which are all still swollen, or when my throat and chest are sore. I do not think that this is irrational as i did have sexual contact with someone who gave me another std.

I am working very hard on my mental health with the ultimate goal of being strong enough to test.

Thank you my friends.

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #36 on: August 02, 2006, 06:21:08 AM »
I'm sorry if i'm being a pain, but i'd really appreciate your opinions on the above three points just to clarify any misinformation i might have got elswhere and to educate myself on points i don't know about. I really am trying hard on my mental health and am very grateful to you for your patience.

I am seeing my doctor on Friday regarding my illness so hopefully he will have an explanation for that. I do know I need to test for my own piece of mind but i really do need to be mentally prepared for it first and your answers would grately assist me to get the facts i need clear in my own mind.

I am forever in your debt. 

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #37 on: August 02, 2006, 06:51:12 AM »
Need,

You did not have a risk of hiv infection when you got your dick sucked. Period.

1. The only people I've heard of having symptoms that last longer than a week or so are people who had such a severe seroconversion illness they had to be hospitalised. We're talking seriously ill. You aren't.

2. If a person who is hiv positive has a herpes lesion, there is a chance it might increase the possibility of transmission. It would entirely depend on where the herpes lesion was and where that herpes lesion came into contact with the other person. A herpes lesion on the lip of a person giving you a blowjob would not increase the risk of hiv infection, but don't be surprised if you get herpes on your penis.

3. There are differing opinions on this subject because as far as I'm aware, they are just that, opinions. To my knowledge, there have been no studies on this issue to give us a definite answer. MY opinion on this matter is that a person would probably be capable of transmitting the virus within four days to two weeks. The obvious answer here is to always use condoms - then you don't have to worry about when a person becomes infectious.

I understand you asked that last question because you are worried you have infected your wife with hiv. You cannot transmit a virus you do not have.

You did not have a risk of hiv infection through a blowjob.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #38 on: August 03, 2006, 10:19:07 AM »
Ann, you truely are a fantastic woman and i thank you from the bottom of my heart. I was so glad that the reply you gave me was everything i'd hoped for and you would't believe how emotional i felt reading it. You are quite right that my greatest fear in all of this is that i could have unknowingly infected my wife. As i was blisfully unaware of the herpes and did't have any symptoms at the time, the only time I have ahd sex since the bj was (sorry to be so precise) approximately 45 hours after the bj. She has been very understanding about the lack of intimacy since and obviously know i'm under stress but doesn't know the real reason. I pray to god that your theory on passing on the virus is correct.

As you know i'm seeing my doctor tomorrow and i dread what he is going to tell me. If he tells me that my throat and chest problems are due to thrush ( my tongue is a very peculiar colour), can I be rest assured that this can occur to anyone and not just people with hiv?

I only have another two questions for you if you would be so kind as to answer. The first is would it make any difference if the herpes lesion was in the mouth and i did have a cut on my foreskin? The second question is purely for my education and understanding and wondered if anyone could explain to me what a documented case means? Is every positive test documented as in means of transmission or does it mean something else.

Ann i thank you once again as i think i owe you a debt that i could probably never repay you.  I feel that i am getting closer to the right state of mind to test every time we correspond.

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #39 on: August 03, 2006, 02:35:44 PM »
Guys sorry to be a pain again but i'd be really grateful if you could reply.

Thank you again - don't know what i'd do without your help.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #40 on: August 03, 2006, 03:54:09 PM »
This has gone on long enough. You don't get hive from receiving a blowjob. All your other questions are irrelevant. Thrush is not HIV specific. Anyone can get thrush. Documented means just what it means, it has been documented (written down) not theoretical.

Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #41 on: August 04, 2006, 05:50:49 AM »
Thanks Rod. I agree this has gone on too long, but i feel i have reason for it. I am absolutely terrified at the moment for two reasons. Got back from the doctor and he gave me some tablets for my chest and throat and didn't seem overly concerned. He did however seem very concerned about my swollen nodes and took some blood. When i asked what the blood will be tested for he was very vague and would only say that they would check for underlying causes. He didn't mention hiv and neither did i. Will he be able to test for hiv without informing me or would he have to ask for permission? ( i am in the uk).

Something i just read on this site has completely freaked me out, which is desper84beauty's post. He claims to have been infected by insertive bj. Why would this not have been documented if it is true? I am also confused as he seems to say he had ars whilst he was celibate.

I ask again and plead for your answers.

1. Would a herpes ulcer in the mouth in contact with damaged skin be a danger?
2. Are all poitive hiv tests documented (i.e. is it beyond doubt that nobody has been reported to cntract hiv by insertive bj?)

I know i am dragging this out but after todays events i am absolutely terrified. I do want to test but i fear i may be the unluckiest person on earth following mine and my wife's symptoms and today's post. My greatest fear remains her safety.

Please reply experts as i feel as though i am about to break.

Thank you

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #42 on: August 04, 2006, 06:04:35 AM »
You do not get HIV from receiving oral sex. Not only has such an event never been documented, but it has also not been replicated in labwork or primate/simian study.

I am sorry you are undergoing such a stressful time, especially with absolutely no justification whatsoever. I am curious as to what you expect from this site. We have expressed our science-based risk assessment, which is in solidarity with the lessons contained on the "welcome" thread. Were there a caveat to add, we would have added it to the lessons.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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Offline Morgan

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #43 on: August 04, 2006, 04:37:59 PM »
Need,

After all this, you went to the doctor and didn't request an hiv test????  Terrified??  Going mad?? Are you addicted to your anxiety??

Dude, you have issues.

Morgan
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Offline Morgan

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #44 on: August 04, 2006, 04:39:53 PM »
And all this over a no-risk encounter.

Sheesh.

Morgan
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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #45 on: August 05, 2006, 05:43:12 AM »
The reason i didn't ask was cos i'm terrified of hearing the worst. After all my symptoms and my wifes i fear the worst. And after yesterdays post i really freaked. What are your views on that? Is he lying or mistaken on his risks?

Thank you again. I really do want to believe i'm negative to be brave enough to test.

Offline Morgan

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #46 on: August 05, 2006, 06:59:28 AM »
NeedHelp,

I don't want to characterize his post.  Just focus on the relief you will feel when you find out what we're telling you is true.

Re-read this thread a few times until it starts to sink in.  You are not the first to present this situation.  We've dealt with this many times.

Morgan
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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #47 on: August 07, 2006, 08:24:33 AM »
I know you have dealt with this issue many times before Morgan and i do take a lot of comfort in that, in fact it is the only thing that helps at the moment. It still remains that i am absolutely terrified. Whenever i allow myself to relax about the situation it seems that something else happens to scare me.

Last night i had to wake up twice in the middle of the night because my wife had such bad night sweats. First time she was drenched head to toe, went to the bathroom and washed and dryed herself down, took off her night clothes, put a towel under herself and went back to sleep. Two hours later she was again absolutely soaked of sweat from head to toe so had to strip the bed clothes and change them. All very scary, and stragely she doesn't seem to have had a fever before going to sleep (not sure whether there was a fever going on during the sweating). She hadn't had any night sweats for about a month before this, despite the very hot weather we were having during this period. She had suffered with the nights sweats on and off for about 2 - 3 months along with her initial symptoms. Does this sound like anything that could happen after seroconversion?

My nodes are all still popped out and i get less frequent shooting pains from them, but still getting them. Still got the sore throat and chest too but i havent been taking my medication very long.

Can you please plkease give me your opinions on what's going on with my wife and also can someone please tell me whether my doctor will be able to take a hiv test with my blood draw or will he have to ask my permission (I'm in uk)?

I know you are probably tired of my questions by now but i would be grateful if you could respond and hopeful;ly keep me sane and help me get mentally stronger.

I thank you my friends

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #48 on: August 07, 2006, 08:32:40 AM »
No one here could possibly diagnose you or your wife. However, we provide accurate HIV risk assessment, which you have received.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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Offline Need Help Please

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Re: Please help me - going mad
« Reply #49 on: August 07, 2006, 02:32:00 PM »
JK I know you cant diagnose us and appreciate that you have all been very patient with my risk assessment.

I would however be very grateful if you could give the the benefit of your expreience and knowledge and inform me of whether you know if my doctor can do a hiv test on my blood without first mentioning it to me. Also your opinion on if my wife having night sweats once again out of the blue sounds like something that happens shortly after seroconversion.

Thanks.

 


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