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Author Topic: Tomorrow night it begins  (Read 2226 times)

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Offline Srb

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  • Posts: 10
Tomorrow night it begins
« on: July 25, 2007, 06:52:32 PM »
Well, after being positive since 1997 and following the advice of my Dr. then..."Don't go on drugs....live your life....be happy, you'll know when it's time" I was tested two weeks ago and my vl was over one million and cd4 104. I felt as though I had been hit by a cement truck traveling 100 mph. I still do to an extent, but now I must focus on the meds (I'll be in a study research group) so I won't know what I will be on.

For some reason, the meds and all their potential side effects scare the hell out of me. I recall friends who have since passed saying "I'd rather be dead then to feel this bad on meds." That was, of course, the early years where there was little known. Yet, these new drugs represent a double edged sword for me. The good side of course, is getting better. But the other side is what haunts me. They drive something home that is unquestionably real and equally bad.  They represent something that I can't really explain but they make me feel dirty or unclean.

Anyway, tomorrow night it begins. Like I said, I won't know what I'll be on, but I'll be more closely monitored in this study group (all fda approved drugs being prescribed in other combos so they tell me.)

I'm just scared right now and thought putting my fears in writing might help.

Thanks for reading

Srb
« Last Edit: July 25, 2007, 06:54:18 PM by Srb »

Offline poz1970

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Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2007, 07:00:14 PM »
Best of Luck

J
"The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to  heterosexuals. That doesn`t mean that God doesn`t love heterosexuals. It`s just that they need more supervision." -- Lynn Lavne

Offline pozattitude

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    • to find out more about me....
Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2007, 07:11:52 PM »
Srb,

My VL was over 100 million and my cd4 was around 200 when I first started on med, in 1997.  I am sure I was infected somewhere around 95-96.
I can't believe your doctor would tell you to let the virus take hold before you go on meds!  What a schmock!

Anyway, I know how you feel scared about the meds.  I remember my friends back in the days of only AZT and how they felt death would be easier, but things are better now.
Of course we all react differently to the meds, but there is more hope now than before.

I wish you the best and I hope you are lucky and that you don't get the side effects.  I also want to point out that my VL is undetectable now and my cd4 is in the high 600's.

Rich
POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2007, 07:19:19 PM »
good luck.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline anniebc

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  • Posts: 5,932
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2007, 07:24:58 PM »
Hi there


Welcome to the forums.

Good luck with everything and please let us know how you get on with the clinical trial.

BTW I agree with Rich your Doc is a Schmock (that's my new word for today... ;)




Take care
Hugs
Jan :-*
« Last Edit: July 25, 2007, 07:26:47 PM by anniebc »
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Bucko

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    • The Spin Cycle
Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2007, 07:30:42 PM »
Essie-

The meds are not quite as hideous as you've painted, though no summer's walk in a meadow either. You'll find a way of coping with living with HIV because the alternative just isn't palatable.

Brent
(Who thinks Essie's waited long enough)
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline Razorbill

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  • Posts: 622
Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2007, 07:35:28 PM »
Wasn't your doctor monitoring your numbers every 3 to 6 months?  How did it get to it's present state?  I'd be much more frightened of the unchecked virus than the meds.  They aren't so bad.  Really.  Best of luck.

Offline pozzitive

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Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #7 on: July 25, 2007, 07:59:03 PM »
Oh I totally understand... I was feeling the same way. Could not sleep the night before. I had a terrible feeling of failure, but guess what I was wrong.

Today six years later I feel fine, better than ever and I am sure you will as well.The meds gave me a boost of energy.
Side effects, well they might happen, they might not. Our minds play a HUGE part on this whole thing.

One day at a time, one day at a time...

Have a great start!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No pun intented THINK POSITIVE!
POZ since 2000 \ Truvada and Viramune

"I can be changed by what happens to me. but I refuse to be reduced by it.”

deuxlapin@gmail.com

Offline Life

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  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #8 on: July 25, 2007, 07:59:55 PM »
I got nervious when you said you do not have any idea what combo they are putting you on.   I am on a  blinded study for two drugs, I know the one drug that could be either or and that allowed me to go ahead with the study as both are tried, proven and FDA approved....  I know there are alot of studies out there that could be "questionable", to blind you of all the drugs you could be on?   Sounds a bit iffy and strange to me....  But, FDA approval on them means something, I am just not sure if I would hand over the stearing wheel to them without knowing what I could be on....

Just sayin,

Eric

Offline Nadine

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Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #9 on: July 25, 2007, 08:14:48 PM »
Best of luck to you!

Offline aztecan

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  • 29 years positive, 56 years a pain in the butt
Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #10 on: July 25, 2007, 08:54:37 PM »
Hey Srb,

Try thinking of it this way. You are not failing, you are finally taking control of your life. Up till now, the virus had its way with you. No more!

If someone walked into your house and began taking your belongings, would you just sit by and wait until this person had walked of with just about all you own before telling him to stop? I think probably not.

So why let the virus rob you of your health and wellbeing? Now is the time to put your foot down and say, "Enough!"

As our Jan said, please let us know how things go with the medications.

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline StrongGuy

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  • Posts: 492
Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #11 on: July 26, 2007, 01:45:47 AM »
A lot of people have fears about the meds, but they have improved tremendously over the years and my best is you'll find a combo that works for you.

I second what pozzitive said above. Some very good advice.

Best of luck!
"Get your medical advice from Doctors or medical professionals who you trust and know your history."

"Beware of the fortune teller doom and gloomers who seek to bring you down and are only looking for company, purpose and validation - not your best physical/mental interests."

"You know you all are saying that this is incurable. When the real thing you should be saying is it's not curable at the present time' because as we know, the great strides we've made in medicine." - Elizabeth Edwards

Offline DanielMark

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Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #12 on: July 26, 2007, 04:26:06 AM »
For some reason, the meds and all their potential side effects scare the hell out of me.

Srb,

You said it best, "potential" side effects. Everyone tolerates medications differently. Try not to stress about what hasn’t happened yet because no one can predict the future.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Srb

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #13 on: July 27, 2007, 01:58:01 PM »
First off, my deep felt thanks to all who have offered their support and encouragement during this scary time. Although strangers, we all have a common thread between us.

I MADE IT! night one of meds was more terrorizing in my head than with the actual drugs themselves (so far) I was in tears swallowing my first doses, but had a family member here for support and a hug.

Yesterday at the clinic I found out that my cd4 had dropped from 104 to 59 since July 05 and that probably explains my fatigue and difficulty accomplishing simple tasks.

The study I am on is blinded, but not as blinded as I originally thought. The two drugs which I do know I am on are Norvir 100mg and Rayataz 300mg with either Truvada or Epzicom being the third, but also being blinded.

Although less than twenty fours hours have passed, I feel no worse (which was pretty crappy) than before I took the pills. I'm wondering if it's too soon for side effects or perhaps my body is handling the drugs OK.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with those who asked how it went last night.

I guess it could have been a whole Lot worse. :)

Offline milker

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Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #14 on: July 27, 2007, 02:02:00 PM »
Great that you got the first night go well, hopefully other nights (and days) will feel the same :)

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline bryonut

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  • Posts: 283
  • I'm not just sure, I'm HIV positive!
Re: Tomorrow night it begins
« Reply #15 on: July 27, 2007, 02:08:14 PM »
Srb

Happy that your first night was a good one. Here's to many more!  :D

bry



 


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