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Author Topic: Bad day  (Read 5349 times)

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Offline Dragonette

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Bad day
« on: July 19, 2007, 01:45:04 PM »
whine deleted... for now. too much negativity
« Last Edit: July 19, 2007, 02:27:39 PM by Dragonette »
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Bad day
« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2007, 02:57:16 PM »
Hi Dragonette,

Hang in there!  Rest that arm and maybe eat some chocolate?   ;D  I'm thinking of you today........just breathe.

Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Bad day
« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2007, 07:57:59 PM »
Whinever you're ready,
we're Hear!
 :P (as close to tongue in cheek as the emoticon portfolio offers)

Offline BT65

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Re: Bad day
« Reply #3 on: July 19, 2007, 08:39:49 PM »
I hope you're doing alright, Drag.  This kind of has me worried.  Please let us know how you're doing. 
Peace-
 Betty :-*
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Bad day
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2007, 12:07:51 AM »
You were not alone, I had a real bad day too. Thank the Goddess it's over! If you wanna hear about mine check out the dating thread....*God, that sounded like a plug for the thread* ;D
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Bad day
« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2007, 12:19:46 AM »
I've had a bad day, too, laying low.....I think I have poison ivy at the end of my nose!   ???    Then I go read Queen's post and Zachysmom's post in Dating Pt. 2 and start to cry, so now my throat is burning.  Can poison ivy go through your mucous membranes, i.e. travel up your nose and down your throat?   :o

Oh shit, I'd better not scratch my eyes..........or kiss anyone now?  OMG

Houston, we have a problem.

Cindy  ;)
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Bad day
« Reply #6 on: July 20, 2007, 02:37:17 AM »
Hi, sorry for scaring y'all. I deleted the post because it was all about my increasing fears of my apparently emerging neuropathy and lipo, on top of the RSI with the threat that it brings to my livelihood. Sometimes it gets to me. The pains in my legs are getting worse and worse and that's like a big flashing light with a siren freaking me out every time, like how bad will it eventually get, and my body/face seems to be changing although I am more confident of having PN than lipo. And fear that it will be too much for my BF on top of all the things that related to a relationship between 2 foreigners in a country not their own and with an uncertain future. And fear that the only choice is between becoming a "poz pro" or a superpoz (see example in banner above) or else sink slowly. And fatigue with being a foriegner, and with all the uncertainies that brings on top of the HIV thing. I deleted it b/c it was depressing as hell, and I didn't want to depress you guys further, and on top, I felt better just venting so I didn't need to drag people with me. I do feel better today. So this is just to give you a glimpse into how depressed I can get sometimes... hopefully this glimpse is not depressing itself, because I know I have it good in many ways, and I don't mean to whine, it's just that this goodness (which is here for the 1st time in my life ever) is constantly under threat. I'm plain scared. I didn't go to work. But I will today. Just play hookie to the gym first.

Have a great day. These issues are real but we will keep on keeping on. Love ya

PS I do check you Queen... I was gonna respond there but it ended up about me.
I do have something to say that online it's just different and I wouldn't give up on it yet. It's really hard I know but we have to make leaps of faith sometimes. What else can we do? It's hard not to keep on building defence mechanisms, esp. as you get continuously burned, esp. with this medium. but you can gauge a sense of the person. You mentioned the cost of calls once. You can install skype from their site and have free calls to a computer and almost free to landlines, just need to buy earphones+ small mike, that is very cheap. And you can make "dates" to meet online with Boo or whomever, instead of not knowing when to talk, can just agree on a time that you will both be there, available, for a call. As for checking profiles I hardly think it means anything, I was checking my ad way way into my relationship until I learned how to deactivate it, it was not for cruising just curiosity, I even wrote to a couple guys apologizing that I am now involved and wishing them luck, and got a couple tips from them about health insurance in the EU. We don't know... I would not judge that this way or another yet.

So just hijacked own thread. Hope you will read it here... Have a great weekend everybody. I'll be going to Amsterdam on Sun to meet a couple of great poz <women> friends. One is Norwegian the other is Mexican.

Edited to add, Queen, earphones are not obligatory, you need the mike to speak and can use the computer speakers (really cheap ones available, I bought a pair of stereo quality for something like 25US$) to hear, might be better than a real phone b/c you can turn on the volume pretty high
« Last Edit: July 20, 2007, 09:36:01 AM by Dragonette »
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Bad day
« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2007, 07:26:31 AM »
D
So glad you wrote! Your Sunday plans sound like good medicine. Are you meditating at all? I sense you are under intense stress much of the time given all the balls being juggled, non-home country, etc.
E

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Bad day
« Reply #8 on: July 20, 2007, 09:37:50 AM »
yes I meditate, this is something that was in the original post. yesterday did this meditation and they said to go back in your mind to time you felt secure. I tried to think of one and honestly just couldn't.

I'll do some now, there is great meditation online.

Take good care,
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Bad day
« Reply #9 on: July 20, 2007, 10:50:31 AM »

... there is great meditation online.


D: Can you share a link or two? I've not seen such a site. E

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Bad day
« Reply #10 on: July 20, 2007, 11:26:46 AM »
Hi Dragonette,

Glad to hear you're having a better day.  Funny girl, hijacking your own thread, lol!  There's nothing wrong with that, it means we get to hear more about you, which is GOOD medicine, because we can ALL relate.

Yes, please share the meditation sites with us!  I have never heard of that either.  I will google some and see what I can find as well!

Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Bad day
« Reply #11 on: July 20, 2007, 01:15:35 PM »
Shared with pleasure:

http://www.magical-living.com/guided_meditation.html#meditations


http://www.learningmeditation.com/room.htm from which I use
http://www.learningmeditation.com/soothe1.htm

There's a bunch on youtube I haven't tried yet, for example. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6Oj-eavtpo&mode=related&search=. Just search meditation on youtube.

and for a free online tarot reading www.lotustarot.com

haha, now I will really look like white wearing spiritualist. But that one was a one-off  ;)
« Last Edit: July 20, 2007, 01:23:45 PM by Dragonette »
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Bad day
« Reply #12 on: July 20, 2007, 01:18:41 PM »
dunno how I posted twice. Have a great evening ladies
« Last Edit: July 20, 2007, 01:20:16 PM by Dragonette »
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline BT65

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Re: Bad day
« Reply #13 on: July 20, 2007, 08:00:59 PM »
Hey Drag:
  Glad you're checking back in.  Hey, we all go through ups and downs.  Just hang tough, we're here to help! :-*
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Bad day
« Reply #14 on: July 27, 2007, 12:38:18 AM »
Hi Drag,

I just went onto the meditation site that you use.  I really enjoyed it!  I did three different meditations, I have never really been able to do this before.  Its much easier with someone guiding you, its helps you to visualize.  I thought I would get very emotional as I relaxed, but I didn't.  It was very peaceful.  Thank you for the links.  I hope your arm is ok.  Maybe get an electric blanket and fold it lengthwise under you, lay down and relax.  Thats what my massage therapist has on her table, you lay on top of the heat, its very cozy and relaxing.  Again, thanks for your links, I feel like a noodle.  Off to bed!

Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Bad day
« Reply #15 on: July 27, 2007, 03:30:30 AM »
Dragonette says:" PS I do check you Queen... I was gonna respond there but it ended up about me.
I do have something to say that online it's just different and I wouldn't give up on it yet. It's really hard I know but we have to make leaps of faith sometimes. What else can we do? It's hard not to keep on building defence mechanisms, esp. as you get continuously burned, esp. with this medium. but you can gauge a sense of the person. You mentioned the cost of calls once. You can install skype from their site and have free calls to a computer and almost free to landlines, just need to buy earphones+ small mike, that is very cheap. And you can make "dates" to meet online with Boo or whomever, instead of not knowing when to talk, can just agree on a time that you will both be there, available, for a call. As for checking profiles I hardly think it means anything, I was checking my ad way way into my relationship until I learned how to deactivate it, it was not for cruising just curiosity, I even wrote to a couple guys apologizing that I am now involved and wishing them luck, and got a couple tips from them about health insurance in the EU. We don't know... I would not judge that this way or another yet."

I was talking to Boo on computer using yahoo. He taught me that one. I have not heard from him lately and am wondering if he is in the hospital again. I never heard of skype til I got here. I do have speakers that I can hook up, I forgot about them. I will go to Wal Mart and check out a mic since I also need to get some blanks cds. I see you have been keeping up....I must be a good read... :D
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

 


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