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Bad day

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I've had a bad day, too, laying low.....I think I have poison ivy at the end of my nose!   ???    Then I go read Queen's post and Zachysmom's post in Dating Pt. 2 and start to cry, so now my throat is burning.  Can poison ivy go through your mucous membranes, i.e. travel up your nose and down your throat?   :o

Oh shit, I'd better not scratch my eyes..........or kiss anyone now?  OMG

Houston, we have a problem.

Cindy  ;)

Hi, sorry for scaring y'all. I deleted the post because it was all about my increasing fears of my apparently emerging neuropathy and lipo, on top of the RSI with the threat that it brings to my livelihood. Sometimes it gets to me. The pains in my legs are getting worse and worse and that's like a big flashing light with a siren freaking me out every time, like how bad will it eventually get, and my body/face seems to be changing although I am more confident of having PN than lipo. And fear that it will be too much for my BF on top of all the things that related to a relationship between 2 foreigners in a country not their own and with an uncertain future. And fear that the only choice is between becoming a "poz pro" or a superpoz (see example in banner above) or else sink slowly. And fatigue with being a foriegner, and with all the uncertainies that brings on top of the HIV thing. I deleted it b/c it was depressing as hell, and I didn't want to depress you guys further, and on top, I felt better just venting so I didn't need to drag people with me. I do feel better today. So this is just to give you a glimpse into how depressed I can get sometimes... hopefully this glimpse is not depressing itself, because I know I have it good in many ways, and I don't mean to whine, it's just that this goodness (which is here for the 1st time in my life ever) is constantly under threat. I'm plain scared. I didn't go to work. But I will today. Just play hookie to the gym first.

Have a great day. These issues are real but we will keep on keeping on. Love ya

PS I do check you Queen... I was gonna respond there but it ended up about me.
I do have something to say that online it's just different and I wouldn't give up on it yet. It's really hard I know but we have to make leaps of faith sometimes. What else can we do? It's hard not to keep on building defence mechanisms, esp. as you get continuously burned, esp. with this medium. but you can gauge a sense of the person. You mentioned the cost of calls once. You can install skype from their site and have free calls to a computer and almost free to landlines, just need to buy earphones+ small mike, that is very cheap. And you can make "dates" to meet online with Boo or whomever, instead of not knowing when to talk, can just agree on a time that you will both be there, available, for a call. As for checking profiles I hardly think it means anything, I was checking my ad way way into my relationship until I learned how to deactivate it, it was not for cruising just curiosity, I even wrote to a couple guys apologizing that I am now involved and wishing them luck, and got a couple tips from them about health insurance in the EU. We don't know... I would not judge that this way or another yet.

So just hijacked own thread. Hope you will read it here... Have a great weekend everybody. I'll be going to Amsterdam on Sun to meet a couple of great poz <women> friends. One is Norwegian the other is Mexican.

Edited to add, Queen, earphones are not obligatory, you need the mike to speak and can use the computer speakers (really cheap ones available, I bought a pair of stereo quality for something like 25US$) to hear, might be better than a real phone b/c you can turn on the volume pretty high

So glad you wrote! Your Sunday plans sound like good medicine. Are you meditating at all? I sense you are under intense stress much of the time given all the balls being juggled, non-home country, etc.

yes I meditate, this is something that was in the original post. yesterday did this meditation and they said to go back in your mind to time you felt secure. I tried to think of one and honestly just couldn't.

I'll do some now, there is great meditation online.

Take good care,


--- Quote from: Dragonette on July 20, 2007, 09:37:50 AM ---
... there is great meditation online.

--- End quote ---

D: Can you share a link or two? I've not seen such a site. E


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