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Author Topic: Real risk, please help!  (Read 1151 times)

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Offline Janeparker

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  • Posts: 4
Real risk, please help!
« on: January 02, 2012, 01:04:26 PM »
Hello everyone, and thanks for taking the time to read this. I'd like to start by saying that I know hiv is not a guessing game and I will get tested, but I won't be able to do so until next month and I'm worried sick.

Long story short. I dated this guy for a brief period of time. He told me he had just came out of a 4 year relationship, and when we talked about our hiv status he assured me he was negative. We always had protected sex, except for one incident. While fooling around and due to what I think was a failure in communication he ended up inserting his penis in my anus (no condom). I had never had anal sex nor did I want to and I told him to stop. He was inside me for 3/4 seconds tops, and he did not ejaculate, but pre-cum was possibly present. There was also some blood when I went to the bathroom afterwards. About a week later I developed a slight fever and retro-orbital pain (wich I never had, before or since) that lasted for about four days. 5 weeks after that I got a rash (not the typical hiv rash) that also cleared after 4 days. No more out of the ordinary symptoms.

I know there's a higher risk of infection for the recipient and I'm terrified that the somewhat rough penetration opened small wounds in my anus through wich the virus entered. My relationship with this guy ended because I found out he cheated on me four times in the short time we were together. I also found out he has sex with prostitutes frequently and also cheated on his ex all the time. I do not trust him at all about his supposed negative status. Again, I will get tested, but please help me understand my risk. How common is it to get infected after a brief episode envolving pre-cum? Thank you so much.

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Real risk, please help!
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2012, 01:31:59 PM »
Your exposure was brief, and your risk, though on the lower end of the scale, was real.

Honestly, there's not much you can do except to get tested at the three month mark. A test six weeks past the experience will be all but definitive, but we err on the side of caution here and use the three month mark as a gold standard.

Sorry that happened. Unwelcome anal penetration is rude, to put it mildly.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Janeparker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Real risk, please help!
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2012, 08:48:19 AM »
Thank you so much for your answer. One last thing. Do you know if the viral load in precum is significantly lower than if there were ejaculation, or high as well?

Talk about unwelcome penetration! I'm so pissed! How I wish I was one of those who are worried sick after a no risk exposure! :(

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Real risk, please help!
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2012, 08:56:20 AM »
Jane,

As far as I am aware, the VL in precum is pretty much the same as in cum.

Please try to not worry too much. Hiv is actually a difficult virus to transmit and chances are good that you'll come out of this one-time incident ok.

As Jonathan mentioned, you can test at six weeks for a very good indication of your hiv status. The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by this time, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days. A six week negative must be confirmed at the three month point, but is highly unlikely to change.

Keep yourself productively busy while you wait for the appropriate time to test. The waiting time will go much faster if you put hiv on the back burner, so to speak.

You are right, by the way, to not trust what he - or anyone else - tells you about their hiv status. Many people only assume they are hiv negative, they don't actually know. Also, some people lie. The only time you should stop using condoms is when you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested negative for hiv and all the other STIs together.

Good luck with the testing. You do have an excellent chance of being ok, but only testing will tell.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Janeparker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Real risk, please help!
« Reply #4 on: January 03, 2012, 09:29:42 AM »
Thanks Ann. I've already hit the 3 month mark. The reason I wanted to wait is because where I live the center for hiv prevention has a mobile unit where you can be tested and get your results in 15min, but it only comes to town once a month. I didn't want to get tested in the center because it takes 10 days for the results to come in and the waiting would give me a heart attack! Anyway, the mobile unit will be in town 11 Jan, so I'll get tested soon.

I'll keep you posted. Thanks again and wish me luck! I'm not used to having it and I really need it this time!

Offline Janeparker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Real risk, please help!
« Reply #5 on: January 03, 2012, 02:00:36 PM »
Quick update: I just got tested. A friend told me that one pharmacy did hiv tests and I couldn't wait any longer. Thank God, the results were negative. Thank you so much for your support and for the information this forum provided. I will be extra careful in my sexual relationships from now on. It sucks that even in a monogamous relationship we can't be sure that our partner isn't cheating and being careless, but that's the way it is these days.

I wish you all the best, and again thank you for your kind words. You gave me the courage I needed to "grow a pair" and get tested, after being terrified for months.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Real risk, please help!
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2012, 12:51:00 AM »
Jane,

You're welcome.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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