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Author Topic: I finally told my Mom about my status  (Read 1963 times)

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Offline bocker3

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I finally told my Mom about my status
« on: July 17, 2007, 08:22:40 PM »
When I found out that I was positive, one of the first things I said to my partner and my therapist was that I might be ready to tell some people about my status at some point in the future, but I would NEVER, EVER tell my mother.

Why is that??  I came out to my mother in 1989, about 6 months after my stepdad’s brother died of AIDS.  My mother’s reaction to my coming out was muted, but later that night I got a call from her and she proceeded (for the first and only time in my life) to apologize for her reaction.  She said that when I told her, all she could think about was Tony’s death and how she didn’t want to see that happen to her son.  I said, “Mom, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’ll get AIDS.”  So, I didn’t want to tell her because I was afraid that she would be a worried mess – I did not fear her being afraid of me or turning away from me, because she was never afraid of touching or kissing Tony back in 1988, when the world was far more ignorant than they are today.

She is in Richmond staying with my partner and I for 3 weeks (yes – 3 weeks is a VERY long time), but on her 3rd night here, when my partner was at work, I told her that I tested positive almost 2 years ago.  Her response was somewhat muted – and very calm.  I told her that it was not like it was in Tony’s day and that I was on medication, healthy and planning to die of something else some day.  She asked about my partner, Sid, and I told her that he was negative and that our intention was to keep him that way.  I told that that the only family member that knew at this point was one of my brothers.  She asked why only him, and I told her that he had to know, because he’s my back-up to Sid for Medical Power of Attorney.  I asked if she had any questions and she said no, so I said that she should ask any that crop up over the next couple of weeks.  I did ask her to not mention it to my other brothers or daughter, until I can tell them.  A little later in the evening, I told her that I had thought I would never tell her (for the reasons mentioned earlier) – I told her that I was afraid she would be too upset.  Her response……….  I’m more upset about your other brother breaking up with his wife.

All in all, a fairly uneventful response (although that bit about my brother and his wife rubbed me the wrong way – I let it slide by though).  However, I feel sooooo much better that I don’t need to hide and lie any longer.  I had felt like I was back in the closet and I did not like it.  Of course, it will be much easier to explain the big box of medicines being delivered tomorrow too!   ::)

Next up, my father and my daughter!   ;)

Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2015 969/28% <20

Offline RapidRod

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Re: I finally told my Mom about my status
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2007, 08:28:14 PM »
Mike, she was concerned. That was her way of telling you she didn't want to talk about it right now.

Offline Life

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  • Member 2005
Re: I finally told my Mom about my status
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2007, 08:30:10 PM »
Mike,  good job my friend...   I am sure that has taken some of that weight off your shoulders.. 


« Last Edit: July 17, 2007, 08:32:32 PM by Life »

Offline xyahka

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Re: I finally told my Mom about my status
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2007, 08:58:05 PM »
HI there!!!

so glad of hearing the good news, long time ago we spoke about it....  so glad it worked out fine.


Juan Carlos

The most we come into the light... the most our relatives will have the chance to really enjoy us for who we are :)
13/03/07 1er diagnóstico /Peso: 79kg
19/04/07 CD4: 494 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 80kg
19/07/07 CD4: 659 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79.5kg
06/03/08 CD4: 573 (después de meses muy deprimido) /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79kg
17/09/08 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 84Kg
06/02/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 85Kg /HCV: Neg /HBV: Neg.
07/03/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg / Gym 3días/semana y Natación 2días/semana.
12/05/09 CD4: 470 /Cviral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg.
08/07/09 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 77Kg.
09/12/09 CD4: 510 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg. No medicinas aún
10/01/10 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
15/05/10 CD4: 320 /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
01/02/11 CD4: 291 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
05/05/11 CD4: 366 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
27/07/11 CD4: 255 /CViral: 138000 /Peso: 78kg.

Disfrutando y aceptando una nueva vida...

Offline milker

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Re: I finally told my Mom about my status
« Reply #4 on: July 18, 2007, 01:26:14 AM »
Congrats Mike. Good job. I like to hear from people like you because I've not had the guts to tell my sister yet, so your experience helps me too.

mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline DanielMark

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Re: I finally told my Mom about my status
« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2007, 04:31:25 AM »

I'm always glad when anyone decides to take "the leap" of disclosing, because I think we have enough burdens to carry without keeping secrets. The less shame and secrecy we hold about our situation the better, I believe. Good you decided to free yourself, and that she didn’t freak out about it.




Offline keyite

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Re: I finally told my Mom about my status
« Reply #6 on: July 18, 2007, 05:51:11 AM »
Well, that sounded extraordinarily calm and collected. Perhaps she was in shock a little? It will be interesting to see if she comes back with more reactions or questions.

Your story is certainly another bit of inspiration and perspective - I need to give some more thought to disclosing to my parents!

Offline David_CA

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Re: I finally told my Mom about my status
« Reply #7 on: July 18, 2007, 07:45:42 AM »
Way to go!  I think our mothers / parents can often deal with more than we give them credit for.  I know how much less of a burden you're dealing with now. 

Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline woodshere

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Re: I finally told my Mom about my status
« Reply #8 on: July 18, 2007, 09:03:29 AM »
Good for you, I am sure not having the burden of keeping this from your mother will relieve some stress from your life.  I have to say that I found your mother's comment about being more worried about your brother and his wife to be quite charming or endearing (not sure what the right words are).  It's almost like you have told her you're fine and not to worry, so she literally took you at your words and when she deals with the emotions surrounding your brother will come back to the concerns she has for you. I can almost see my mother saying something very similar.

I hope it goes as well or even better with your dad and daughter,
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline bocker3

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Re: I finally told my Mom about my status
« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2007, 09:46:45 PM »
Thanks all for your good cheer.....  things seem to be going quite well.  My mom seems to remain calm and assured of my good health.  She even joked about the "horse pills" when I took my Atripla and my Norvir/Reyataz.

It is so much nicer for me to not be hiding.

I'll let you all know if anything changes -- and how my other talks go (I visit with my daughter in September).

Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2015 969/28% <20


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