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Author Topic: I just tested positive and all I can think about is my kids  (Read 3161 times)

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Offline blacky1980

  • Member
  • Posts: 20
On June 29, 2007 I just tested positive for hiv. At the national hiv testing day out of 568 people I was one to tested positive. When they gave me the results all I can think about is my kids and how much I love them. I felt like it was a death sentence. my boyfriend of one year tested negative and he was the one sleeping with a lot of women. I was faithful that's why I never thought it would happen to me. I do not know where I could a got this virus from. I have been depressed for the past two weeks and not sleeping or eating just really sad. i don't have no friends and i don't have a good family to turn to, if I tell my family they will turn their backs on me so they will never know my status. I am still waiting to see what's my viral load. Me and my boyfriend relationship is going down I feel like he's going to leave me because of my status. I feel like I don't deserve him because he's neg and I am poz. God blessed me with two beautiful daughters and all i can think about is them and how will they live without me it hurts so bad. I feel I am in this world by my self and I have no one to turn to at all. I don't want to work any more or go to school because I am depressed and down. I dealt with low self esteem all my life and now I've found the inter beauty in me I learned to love me for me and why I am enjoying my self and then this bad news come and destroy my life I feel like I ruined my life forever. I will take this one day at a time and I learnt god has a plan for us all.Thank You blacky1980
Blacky1980

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,280
Re: I just tested positive and all I can think about is my kids
« Reply #1 on: July 14, 2007, 11:27:38 AM »
Until you have had your test confirmed then you are not positive. Advise us when you have had your test confirmed. Please do not post in the "Am I Infected?) forum.

Offline xyahka

  • Member
  • Posts: 778
  • Dance together!! aha!! aha!! I like it!!
Re: I just tested positive and all I can think about is my kids
« Reply #2 on: July 14, 2007, 12:36:50 PM »
An Elisa test can be positive for different reasons, from flu to hepatitis... it is not always Hiv related. You need to take a second test called western blot or IFI, both of them are used to confirm HIV diagnosis. You need one of those test to be positive to be considered Hiv+.

They take a while, so i would advise you to try to get them as soon as you can...

In any case, if your diagnosis would be confirmed... i just can tell you it is not the end of the world, believe me :) everyday Hiv people are living better and longer lives. You will be with your family long time yet.

All the best

Juan Carlos
13/03/07 1er diagnóstico /Peso: 79kg
19/04/07 CD4: 494 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 80kg
19/07/07 CD4: 659 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79.5kg
06/03/08 CD4: 573 (después de meses muy deprimido) /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79kg
17/09/08 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 84Kg
06/02/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 85Kg /HCV: Neg /HBV: Neg.
07/03/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg / Gym 3días/semana y Natación 2días/semana.
12/05/09 CD4: 470 /Cviral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg.
08/07/09 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 77Kg.
09/12/09 CD4: 510 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg. No medicinas aún
10/01/10 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
15/05/10 CD4: 320 /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
01/02/11 CD4: 291 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
05/05/11 CD4: 366 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
27/07/11 CD4: 255 /CViral: 138000 /Peso: 78kg.

Disfrutando y aceptando una nueva vida...

Offline blacky1980

  • Member
  • Posts: 20
Re: I just tested positive and all I can think about is my kids
« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2007, 12:52:26 PM »
An Elisa test can be positive for different reasons, from flu to hepatitis... it is not always Hiv related. You need to take a second test called western blot or IFI, both of them are used to confirm HIV diagnosis. You need one of those test to be positive to be considered Hiv+.

They take a while, so i would advise you to try to get them as soon as you can...

In any case, if your diagnosis would be confirmed... i just can tell you it is not the end of the world, believe me :) everyday Hiv people are living better and longer lives. You will be with your family long time yet.

All the best

Juan Carlos

Thank You Juan Carlos I really appreciate youi words of encouragement
Blacky1980

Offline TavoJavi

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: I just tested positive and all I can think about is my kids
« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2007, 02:54:26 AM »
Blacky, I know perfectly what you are feeling now and how sad you can be feeling. When I knew I was infected the only reason to survive and to fight this war was my son of 13. I was his only life support at this moment as I am still now, and I was sad and deeply depressed because he would end alone in this world.
It has been two years ago and I can't believe how life has changed for him and for me. Now I am sure that I will be with my son many many years and I will be able to help him as any loving father helps his beloved cubs.
I can tell you now that there are more dreadful diseases than HIV itself. There is a lot of means to put this virus at bay and, discoveries and researches are working hard to help us to live normal lifes.
Firs of all, be sure you are HIV positive. Secondly, if it is confirmed, look for a support group and people who has been through for a while.
Most of the people still has in mind the firsts images of an unknown disease that was ravaging entire populations in the 80´s. It happened 25 years ago. There is a long long way since then, so... be calm and you will see that chances and life are still there.
Don´t feel guilty at all, HIV/AIDS is a disease and as human beings we are, we can catch that any time and anywhere.

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,405
Re: I just tested positive and all I can think about is my kids
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2007, 08:32:46 PM »
Blacky, I'm wondering if you are being re-tested to confirm the previous positive.

And how's it going a week later? Even IF your result confirms the earlier positive, please believe me, you can have a good long life with those kids, including having you drive you nuts sometimes as they will do.

Keep us posted on what's going on. That way you can get responsive comments.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline DanKenny

  • Member
  • Posts: 147
Re: I just tested positive and all I can think about is my kids
« Reply #6 on: September 03, 2007, 03:34:39 PM »
Blacky,

Welcome to the forum....

At one point or the other, many of us felt the same way you do --- shocked, dejected, stigmatized, and thinking of the future of our kids.

But remember, you will get over these initial feelings.  I felt the same way about my kids, but now, almost 10 years after infection, we are still thriving well.  As others have indicated, there are more dreadful diseases than HIV, and though we cannot be thankful for contracting it, at least we can be thankful that we are thriving. 

Stay calm, have a confirmatory test, and come back here for support -- you will be amazed at how much you can learn and share here..

all the best...DanKenny
My Progress:

09/07:   771   ~    <50     ~   29%
03/07:   493   ~    227      ~   22%
02/07:   Began Meds ~~ ATRIPLA
01/07:   315   ~   45, 000  ~   18%
10/06:   350   ~   32, 430  ~   22%
04/06:   440   ~   23, 997  ~   24%
07/05:   621   ~   36,000   ~   24%
01/05:   842   ~   2306      ~   28%
07/04:   615   ~   3370      ~   27%
04/04:   674   ~   739        ~   26%
11/03:   439   ~   2800      ~   22%
Infected probably around 1997 / Diagnosed 2002

 


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