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Author Topic: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too  (Read 45510 times)

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Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« on: July 13, 2007, 09:55:32 PM »
OK, so new thread, won't take as long to load now, since we're ALL so darn busy with our men (lololol)!  Yes, I wanted to reply to Camille's comment about Herpes.com, lmao!  You are SO right!  Here I am looking for a poz guy on that site, thinking "Herpes?"  It seems everyone is dealing with it, tho!

OK, so who has a hot date tonight?  I have my back-ups that I am talking to, and yes, I will not contact Jay.  He'll miss me, I'm sure of it, LOVE when that happens!   ;D

Queen, what is going on with Boo?  I have a date with Cheech tonight, my Australian Shepherd.  He snores but I still let him sleep with me all the same, lol!



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HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #1 on: July 14, 2007, 02:46:16 AM »
I wasn't sure if there was such a place as herpes.com...I thought Camille was cracking a joke, my bad. Personally, I would never go there. I am dealing with being poz, diabetic, and loss of hearing. I don't think I could deal with something else that is going to be with me forever. Not trying to be mean in saying that but am just being honest.

I was going through the personals today because I was notified off a flirt and I saw your pic, Moonlight. I was like, I know her! After CJC's thread, I'm feeling like I do. I just thought that was cool. You may not call Jay this weekend but you know you got him on the brain... ;)

As for me and Boo, we're both online at this moment. We are chatting in between him running scans and me doing my thing here. I think he had a stressful day but is not really talking about it. I don't want to force the issue and I'll just wait to see if he wants to share. I am also on the phone with my best friend. Damn, I'm good.. ;D  Ok, just got bf off the phone. Boo's convo tonight is a bit weak but I won't hold it against him. I'll chock it up to him having a bad day. Not everyday can be peachy, I sure can relate to that.

To those viewing this thread. You don't have to put your personal biz here like me and Moonlight is doing with our new found romances but we sure would appreciate some feedback. I don't know about Moonlight but this dating thing is new to me, I've been out of circulation for a few years now.
« Last Edit: July 14, 2007, 02:49:40 AM by Queen Akasha »
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #2 on: July 14, 2007, 03:38:53 AM »
what a beautiful pic!

I really want to give advice, but I don't like to sound authoriative on something that I'm not. dating, love, that's so complicated... people are so different.

When i was freaKING OUT B/C MY OWN RELATIONSHIP TOOk (sorry caps lock) so long to settle down, and was so uncertain (and I was and still am horribly anxious, aboutb everything incl this), my soial worker just told me "relationships last as long as they're good". I keep it as a motto, so far it's worked. I'm still anxious though...

I use this motto to remind me to keep it light, keep it sweet, take it easy. I don't know if it makes sense. I don't put pressure on my BF, so everything's worked out better than in any other relationships. All my relationships were crap but this one. Some really horrendous (when i was a teen), some when i was in my 20s just normally dysfunctional. This is the first really good one, and still with a horrible anxiety about the future. I try to seperate my anxiety from the relationship though as much as poss and have one rule to keep it fun. To enjoy the moment and the little things. Most of the time I abide by that.

So that's the only thing I learned. That's the one things different.

Good luck with it!!!!

edited to add: ps now i read your correspondence o the previous thread, this advice doesn't seem relevant. I can so feel and identify with both of yours impatience and craving for the thing to get started already. Been there SO many times. All that speculating about the guy, what he wants, what he needs. Trying not to be so demanding. There is a time for that, but there are times to say what you need.
« Last Edit: July 14, 2007, 04:09:32 AM by Dragonette »
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline cjc

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2007, 07:43:54 AM »
Hello ladies. I take no credit for any of this. I am just glad we can all have somewhere to talk. I can talk to the girls (and guys) at work but I have to edit what I say because they don't know my status.             I love the picture of your dog and you, Moonlight.                              Queen, I thought camille07 was cracking a joke as well, if not, I apologize. Personally as well, I would not go there just because I am not trying to add to what I already have.                                         I have no hot date tonight or any night right now. But I will not give up hope. And in about 4 weeks, when I really heal up, I wonder if I will go into heat like I did about 4 weeks after I had my boy's. no offense intended with that phrase, it's just how I felt at the time.       I saw moonlight's picture as "Catch Of The Day" on poz.com last night. Don't worry girl, you are quite pretty and will get plenty of attention.  Best of luck to us all .  Cristy

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #4 on: July 14, 2007, 11:01:10 AM »
I agree with Cristy. The pics you've (Moonlight) posted show a very attractive, vibrant person. You'll get hits for sure. Funny thing. Until you started the second thread and posted the pic of you and the dog, I thought it was a fake pic you used in your avatar. The poster Philly is always picking varied headshots and I thought this was another faux face!

As Queen noted, this is becoming an e-soap of sorts, so I'm gonna bow out and get a balcony seat. Nope, no one's in the seat next to me. If there were, I doubt I'd be here posting on this fine sunny morning!!

Carry on, ladies. Carry on.

Em

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2007, 02:08:19 PM »
Em~~ No nose bleed seats for you. You get a seat in the first row. What would you like to snack on and what's your poison?

Dragonette~~ Actually, I would have to agree with your saying. I don't think anyone is a Guru on love even though they try to make Dr. Phil out to be. I just think having a person who is not involved, looking from the outside in, might notice things that someone who is "lovestruck" (for lack of a better word) may not see. When I look back on my past relationships, they were all disasters one way or another. And what I thought was love was more like dependence. Whether it was me depending on them or vice versa.

Now on to Boo....The convo between us last night really sucked. For example, I post something, he responds like 5 minutes later. And the responses were usually smiley faces. So I am like  >:(. I mean I know he was running scans on his computer but damn. This really bothered me and it may have come across in my replies, I don't know. I am really excited by the things we have in common but now I am wondering why he appears to be standoffish. He swears he isn't but.....After doing some critical analyzing of things, I have come to the conclusion that I think I'm in love with the idea of being in love, if that makes any sense? The reason I say this is because of what I do know of him, I know I could fall in love with him. I don't want to tell him this because I think it is too soon and if I did, he would prolly run for the hills.... :( So now I am feeling like   :-\  :-X  :(  :'(

Moonlight, you're up....
« Last Edit: July 14, 2007, 02:22:22 PM by Queen Akasha »
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #6 on: July 14, 2007, 02:34:45 PM »
Hello Girls!

I love reading what each of you has to say, please chime in with thoughts or whatever, because you know we all get our strength from each other.  I'd like to know where all of you live, if that's ok.  I respect your privacy, too, and not everyone has their location posted with their screen names.  I am in Frederick, Maryland, about 30 miles NW of Washington DC.  I have been in this area my entire life.  I live in what you would call "middle class suburbia" with the big cities (Baltimore and Washington) right down the road.  DC Native, here!

OK, so let's get this straight with Camille's earlier post.  I firmly believe she was poking fun at PositiveSingles.com because everyone on there, I'd say 95%, does, in fact have herpes!  I agree with her, that you're on there to find a poz guy and they are all living with herpes and that's it!  So, my typing "Herpes.com" at the beginning of this thread was a joke and should have been in quotes there, lol!  Camille, I sure hope you didn't give the 40yo your phone number.  My goodness, I bet his mom still makes his bed and bakes him cookies, lol!

Queen.......I have officially "removed myself" from Jay as of yesterday.  Thing is, I miss him incredibly, but I respect and like him SO much that I will give him the space he needs.  Wow, I think I have finally grown up, lol!  I would always be the one to go diving head first into a situation and be assertive, in order to nip it in the bud.  I tend to step IN shit, rather than AROUND it, in order to deal with things quickly and not have them hanging over me.  Hence, my telling Jay on the phone the other night that I liked him....I believe it made him think more about our situation and that's why I got the "bad" emails yesterday.  He DID reply a few more times yest afternoon (Fri) saying he wasn't writing me off (cause I stepped IN the shit and asked, knowing it might not be what I wanted to hear....lol).  I am glad that he knows I am here, I have been so gentle with him, although I can't help but wonder if its a defense mechanism?  If I back off and give him space, I won't have to disclose.  I have only seen the man 4x in my life, first date was May 23rd in the park during biz hours, second was in another park 6/11 and we had our first kiss.  Shit, after THAT I was hooked and scared like crazy!  I wanted to see if he would "pass the test" and meet me somewhere more "in public" and he did.  He invited me to see a band on 6/22 and he knew a ton of people at the place, introduced me to everyone.  Very hot night that night, but I'll leave it at that!  ;D  I saw him again on 6/29 and had a bad stomach ache....nerves?  Maybe, but I didn't disclose yet, I told myself to enjoy the evening and the next date #5 would be it for disclosing.  Well, date #5 hasn't happened, and so.......who knows?

Queen....I can't stand it when men are "quiet" even online.  It makes me feel like I am walking on nails, you know?  Where do you live and where is Boo?  Don't you worry, I won't call Jay, I am talking to others, but I have him on the brain, most definitely!  Wouldn't it just suck monkey dick if he and I started seeing each other again in a month or whatever, then I disclose and then he runs?  OMG I hate to even think of that.  He seems so accepting of others, crap on a stick! LOL  So you've been out of circulation with dating?  Me too, since I was in a LTR and he decided he "didn't want to use a condom for the rest of his life."  We didn't get it on much anyway.  It was like taxes, you know?  About once every quarter, LOL!  We were busy building (literally) a custom log home together NW of Gettysburg in the mts of PA.  He got tested in Nov 2006 and the lab must have botched the results because they came back "inconclusive."  He went into a paranoid tailspin!  Kept getting tested every two weeks thru the holidays and dumped my ass on 12/29/06 because of the virus, after 2-1/2 years.  He's married now, no fucking comment on that one!  Grrrrr  Thing is, we hardly ever had sex, we always used protection, he was just too damn scared and uneducated.  I guess maybe its partly my fault, I should have "taught" him more about the virus.  I have had two other great LTRs since my husband died in 96, they just ended for other reasons.

Dragonette.....WHAT is the problem with your arm?  You poor girl, you should be resting it, but we all see you sneaking back to post on here, which is great!  Please DO give your opinion on men and dating here, its great to read someone else's viewpoint!    Don't be so anxious about your guy, I'm anxious enough for all of us, was doing "Pepto Shooters" the entire week before my last date with Jay, lol!  You said it right, going slow, keeping it light....It really DOES pay off, so that's what I'm doing with.....What's his name?  LOL  Dammit!  I shouldn't be thinking about him so much, this place helps me to think more about ME which is what I should be doing.

CJC (and Queen, too!)......well, its about damn time they showed me as Catch of the Day on here!  I am running around making myself mental with neg guys!  I wanted to ask all of you this:  "Have you found really quality POS guys who are similar to you as far as lifestyle, morals, values and education?"  I have not.  The normal hetero pos guys are ALL under rocks here, hiding in the DC Metro area.  The ones who slither out look like they don't take care of themselves, they are dumb as a box of rocks, and I find myself thinking , "Holy shit!  I can't take him home to mom and dad!"  That's why I date neg guys.  I have only met 2 guys in my life that were pos, one date was back in 2002 and the other was earlier this year.  The one from earlier this year is smart and we may have a connection sometime in the future, but he travels a lot for work.  Go figure.

Em....You had better NOT take a seat on the sidelines, girl!  We need your input!  LOL  If you decide to take a seat on the side, I'm gonna come over and eat gummy bears with you!  We are all here to help each other, and yes, I am sitting home alone on a sunny day, but!......The humor here is HEALTHY!   I think we got it goin' on, even if its from the privacy of our own homes and not in some guy's arms, lol!  Give me time, give me time.......  :P

Yes, its me with my lipo face in the pics and I have been on stupid Match.com since January.  It runs out in a week, and I may not renew.  I have met a lot of guys but there's always something missing, and then when YOU like someone, they don't like you.  Of course, if you're lucky enough to connect with someone who also lives close by, then you need to disclose and that can be torture (see ALL previous posts on here regarding "torture", LOL).  Oh goodness, I think I can handle rejection, maybe I should just start disclosing in an IM or after a first date if I like someone.  I have just been "socializing" with the dating, but I really want someone for keeps cause I have a lot to give.  I have a date with Fred on Monday (yes, FRED, lol, call me Wilma....), and he is turning 53 tomorrow.  Holy mother of GOD!  I am going WAAAAY out of the box with the age difference, but we are on the SAME level and his career is fascinating.  And he's hot.  And he's originally from NY and has that great accent.  And.....

OK, fuck it, am I bipolar?  Maybe its that Sustiva shit I'm on.......Two tears in a bucket, Queen...  LOL  I read that in a thread, does Sustiva really give you highs and lows?  I just thought it was my own crazy ass!  Thank you all for letting me vent here today!  If nothing else, maybe some humorous reading for all of you!  I wish we were all in a rowboat on a lake right now singing "We Will Rock You" and hanging and having a good time eating fried chicken.  Now, THAT would be true sisterhood, but thank goodness for the internet!

YOU ARE TRULY MY NEW SISTERS AND IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME   :D

OK, getting misty, gotta go!   - Cindy
« Last Edit: July 14, 2007, 02:53:28 PM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #7 on: July 14, 2007, 02:36:23 PM »
Queen!   Shit, NO, girl, I don't type that fast, lol!  I have been here typing my novel for about 20 minutes.....Read and enjoy!  As for Boo, play hard to get, don't respond right away?  :-[  Find some distractions like I have?    Where are you girl, are you up in Philly?  I could send some your way.......Love You!

Cindy
« Last Edit: July 14, 2007, 02:44:02 PM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #8 on: July 14, 2007, 03:17:27 PM »
Moonlight~~~

I am in Erie, Pa. Not that I have a problem listing where I am, it's not like someone is going to find me even though I'm not hiding... ;D...Boo lives in Illinois, hope I spelled that right. Not sure how far that is from me, I need to look it up on Mapquest. I did price a train ride from Amtrak but what gets me is the price and the delay, 6 hours in Chicago. What the hell am I going to do for 6 hours with lil money. Since it is a big city, Chicago, it's not like I would walk around somewhere, ya know? I did IM Boo when I got up but didn't expect a reply since he keeps weird hours when it comes to sleeping. Although I know it is hard, I think I am going to take your advice and fall back. I just hope it doesn't backfire on me. So, I will not send another IM til I hear from him.

There is this guy named Jesse that has been hitting me up on the personals from Pittsburgh. Which is closer to me but am a little concerned about him. After maybe the second message, he's already wanting to exchange numbers and has given me his already. He also wants to come by for a wake and bake. Now as much as I like to smoke the good green, it seems to me he is moving a bit fast.

To make things more dramatic, the ex is trying to be nosy. Now he is with another female and still messing with the smut he got with after me, who use to be a friend. I don't call her a smut because of what she did but because she has let dudes including my ex and his twin run trains on her. It is rumored she is poz and honestly I think she is just because she is really out there. Anyhoo...he sees my sons and starts asking him all types of questions about me...How she doing? She got a man? That kind of stuff and I am wondering why he wants to know? Now we have been apart for over 2 yrs, he was the last person I was with. I didn't tell him I was poz at first but when I did, he did take it good but was ignorant because he is not educated on it. I told him, he should get tested. His reply, I will but I don't think I wanna know...Um, er, ok, if that how you feel was my reply. Since being apart all this time, mutual friends go out of their way to tell me his business. I pretty much know what is going on in his life. Back to the story, he tells my son that he still loves me. I am like wtf and where is this coming from? As much as I care for him, I would not get back with him. For one, I do not want to be sexing him after being with the smut. I can't assume he was wearing condoms and I don't know if he is even infected and if he is by who? Me or her? I was with him for 4 years, the smut under a year. There is just too much at play......Like my life needs to get anymore complicated.... :-\

Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #9 on: July 14, 2007, 04:08:53 PM »
Hi Queen,

If I were you, and if you have the strength to put your foot down, get the guy's phone number.  It can't hurt, and you'll find out sooner if he is your type or not with a phone call.  Now you know he'll be asking to get together with you, from what you've already let on, so that's where you have to be strong and say NO.  Give him a cell number if you have it so he can't get your address.  I do that on neg guys sometimes, trace where they live, I'm so bad!  Do I remember you mentioning that you're hard of hearing too?  Is it more difficult to talk on the phone for you because of that?  Ultimately, you have to do what makes you feel comfortable.  I say a phone call can be harmless, for the most part.  But I also agree that if you have a weird feeling already about the guy, then maybe you should go with your gut.  If you're too curious do the phone call thing. LOL 

As for the ex......sounds like gossip and all to me.  You don't need to be with him, good thing you realize that.  Esp since he doesn't want to get tested, doesn't want to know?  You know what that leads to!  My late husband didn't take meds and was diagnosed in May '88 at age 20, died in Aug '96 at age 28.  There's your "eight years" being poz and not helping yourself.  I came into the picture too late when I tested poz in Dec '93--he had already had the virus for six years!  Remember, he never told me, I went and got tested and found out on my own!  So, my point with your ex is, you two have different beliefs, values and morals, even, because of his feelings towards the virus.  It is SO damn difficult to show people that the virus CAN be chronic and that meds are here to be taken!  Pisses me off!  When the ex or mutual friends ask about you, just smile and say "I'm fine, I'm fine"  Don't divulge any personal info, just keep walking, or whatever, lol!  It'll make them wonder what you're up to! 

Mr. He Knows I'm Poz called and is driving from DC to Toronto to take his daughter up north.  He wanted to stop by in Frederick tonight to say HI so I could meet her.  She is 13yo.  I put my foot down and said NO because its not right to meet kids early on, esp if you don't feel a good vibe with their Dad (ha-ha).  He is a pushy little shit, only 5'8" and I am 5' 6" barefoot, lol.  I need a big man!  Mr. He Knows is going to ask me out again and he calls me all of the time, I am just going to have to tell him he's not my type.  I don't care if he makes millions, this girl wants to be LOVED, not bought.  Sounds like he's used to getting his way, I think its funny when I won't budge -- people usu don't expect that, lol!

OK, gotta go....Cheech wants some of my yougurt-covered raisins, lol!

Cindy




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HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #10 on: July 14, 2007, 05:08:15 PM »
Moonlight~~

I really do hate using the phone because I get feedback from my hearing aids. I do have a cell but I use my speaker phone to talk. When I first meet someone it is hard to talk on the phone cause I get kinda shy. I just feel like Jesse is moving fast, I'd rather talk with him on messenger. I did respond back to him and mentioned that. I think he's obsessed because I am close. But you are right, I can at least have a conversation with him, it just has to be on my terms...

About the ex..I would say to a point it is gossip but my son did talk to him, so all of it is not gossip. I do think about him from time to time but only in the way of how he is just letting his life go to shit. But it is his life, if he wants to go down in a fiery blaze, so to speak, so be it. I am not out to play Captain Save a Ho, another term I use, not sure if you ever heard of that one. No one really asks about me but instead tells me what he is doing or tells me how I was the best thing that ever happened to him and how he messed up. Gossip does run rampant in a small city such as Erie where it seems like everyone is in everyone's business.

I agree about Mr. He Knows, it is kinda moving fast when you are trying to introduce you to his kid already. It doesn't seem like he is picking up on your vibe of not really feeling him. He's only 5'8, Boo is 6'2 and yours truly is 5'3...Can we say "ride him like Trigger" Hi ho silver and all that....LMAO...Sorry, I have been quite the little horny devil lately. ;D

I am curious to why you named your dog Cheech....You know I am thinking Cheech and Chong...But you know me, I always got my mind on weed... :o

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« Last Edit: July 14, 2007, 05:10:52 PM by Queen Akasha »
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

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Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #11 on: July 14, 2007, 05:27:01 PM »
I am not out to play Captain Save a Ho

OMG *SNORT*  LMAO  *SNORT*  YOU are hysterical! 

Casie was my first dog, had her for 14-1/2 years, my late husband picked her out with me from the shelter in town here.  I had to put her down the last week of April, first time I have ever done that.  I picked Cheech's name because my late husband dabbled in weed back in the day, and loved the Cheech and Chong movies!  I did too!  I picked the name and of course Dave loved it, lol!  I always said I was going to get a third dog, a doxen, and name it "Chong the Footlong"  Call me crazy!

I guess as far as Mr. Weed up by you and Mr. He Knows down here by me, they are a couple of eager beavers.

Or is that US?   :o    ;D

HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #12 on: July 14, 2007, 06:52:05 PM »
As for Boo, play hard to get, don't respond right away?  :-[  Find some distractions like I have?   

Queen - I agree with Moonlight! Fake the " I got to go." move. You dig?

And, Moonlight/Queen --- the nosebleed seats give me a chance to have an aerial view!! I have nothing to contribute (at present) except the occasional piece of unsolicited advice. In fact, Queen, I'm gonna PM you with what I hope is a helpful bit, but not man-related. Moonlight, throw the gummy bears my way, I'm having the vicarious action without all the costs!! Hoooooooraaaaaaaaaay! I hope both of you find someone you like---heck, life can be sweeter with a person we can respect and adore. 

So, I gotta climb back up to the balcony soon.

Captain Save a Ho -- too funny.

Em

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #13 on: July 14, 2007, 07:44:53 PM »
Em,

Ok, if you prefer the nosebleed seats that's fine. I am scared of heights and don't like to be too far up. We talked via PM and I appreciated your concern. No worries, gf. The Queen is on point. I have found someone I like, as in Boo but now I will fall back and stick to the sidelines. I did notice that he hasn't been logged into the personals since he met me. I guess I can consider that a good thing, right? Since I am playing the hard to get role, I guess I won't be having too much to add to this thread other than commenting on Moonlight's conquest(s). I did post a pic to my personals ad, maybe I might get a few hits. So while you are in the nosebleeds, I might have to invest in some binoculars so I can play a peepin Queen and learn from Moonlight... ;D....I thought you guys would get a kick out of Captain Save a Ho and it is pc friendly since Hos can be male or female... ;)
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

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Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #14 on: July 15, 2007, 05:27:20 PM »
Hello Ladies~~

I don't really have much to report today. I did speak to Boo last night, the convo was better than it was the night before but still had to compete with his computer. He has a huge hard drive and was still doing some work on it. He says he has been thinking about me a lot. I think what is frustrating him is that he really wants to see me. I feel the same way too. But like I told him and this is something I really believe, people's paths cross for a reason. I believe that is the case with us. We talked til the wee hours which ended up being 6am this morning. The last thing he said was that he hopes to talk with me sometime today which made me feel good.

Moonlight and I chatted for awhile on messenger. I just love her and she's funny as hell too. She will prolly have more to talk about..Personally, I am waiting to hear about Mr. Rico Suave as I like to call him..... ;)
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #15 on: July 15, 2007, 06:35:01 PM »
Hi Everyone!

I'm as bored as all hell, lol!  OK, I know Queen wants me to spill about Rico from Baltimore.  He sent me a very lengthy email on Match and I was pretty much hooked.  He is from Cuba, and all I have ever dated is "whitebread" except for a Brazilian in HS (so long ago it doesn't even count).  So, here I am wondering about the culture difference, the distance between his city and mine, etc.  We were on the phone until 330am (Queen knows, I IMed her before I tipped over and fell off my chair....), and he has been texting me all day.  He is going to call tonight.  You know what the greatest thing about him is?  Well, he has three degrees, is smart and successful, BUT with all of that he is just a normal good guy!  He is also in the medical field, which may be to my advantage if I get the guts to disclose.  He is 41 and separated, which brings me to another dilemma.  It seems that so many single guys are coming out of marriages and just want to get it on.  I mean, I can tell a player when I see one, and I definitely don't think Rico is a player at all, but here I am, little Miss Widow of 11 years.  I really want to be in a LTR with a man and hope to get married again someday.  These guys are getting divorced and never want to get married again cause some crazy bitch drove them nuts for X amount of years.  So, I am really going to try and turn over a new leaf.  Its going to be difficult because I am going to need a lot of mental strength, but #1) I am going to disclose EARLY.  I figure this will help me find a good one early on, lol!  #2) I am going to try and have more confidence in myself and quit turning down dates when guys ask.  I have been unemployed for 2 months now and I should be having the time of my life!  Instead I am sitting home on my lipo ass and only venturing out a little bit.

I just need to go for it and get it over with already.  "Rico update tonight after the evening news, lol!"   :P
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline momoftwo

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #16 on: July 15, 2007, 07:04:39 PM »
Jumping in the thread to join you ladies. I will trade my fiance for the dog!
My experience with online dating was with Eharmony which is where I met Jesse. He was on there because he had no time to look with his work schedule. I did not know that I was positive however I did tell him on the second date that if he did not think this could be serious not to waste my time. He proposed three months later so that must have worked in my favor. For me I did not want to introduce Sam to some man for him to only be around for the summer.
Here is my funny storry. I have two kids, one a six week old infant, I am HIV positive, in a relationship and planning a wedding yet I still cannot get two guys to leave me alone. You would think that the HIV would scare them yet they seem unphased by it. Weird!

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #17 on: July 16, 2007, 01:57:37 AM »
Hello,

I disclosed online to "Rico" tonight and then his friend comes over?  I thought he was avoiding me, but he did have someone drop by and then got back online with me later.  He said he was speechless for the most part, but asked if I had any probs.  Asked what my prognosis was.  I said no probs and prognosis is to be on meds, its a chronic illness.  I asked if we could talk (IM) more about it and he wanted to wait and let it sink in more.  So then he starts flirting with me and telling me he finds me attractive and all, while all I can think of is that I just disclosed to this guy!  The thing with people that haven't been touched with the virus in some way is, that they don't know how big a part of our lives it can be and how it can encompass us sometimes.  I mean, I was teary-eyed when I typed to him and disclosed, and even gave him the "out."  I said it was OK if he didn't want to meet me now.  He said he wanted to be here to hug me, but then later in the IM he turns into a horn dog while I need an ear because I just disclosed!  I just told him we needed to forget IMing cause his mind was in one place and mine was in another!  I said we'd try again tomorrow, so we'll see.  I know all guys get "wound up" and all, but his timing was way off tonight.  I tried to roll with the flirting and all, but I was hurt that he didn't consider how I felt after having just disclosed.  Well shit, one weirdo down?  Not sure.......I'll see Fred tomorrow (different guy), and maybe I'll disclose to him, too.  Hell, I could get good at this really fast!  Two tears in a bucket, girls......I'm gonna go find Cheech and get to bed, lol!  Em, you got any gummy bears left?
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #18 on: July 16, 2007, 08:31:42 AM »
Yes, ML, I have a few gummy bears left! Disclosure. Timing. Yikes. As I was reading your post I was thinking of those times I disclosed and what the outcomes were. There are just a few and they were good practice---that is, if I ever meet a negative person with whom there's mutual smitten-ness. One in particular will stick with me forever. While travelling abroad for work, I met someone and we were sweet on one another instantly. It was almost high school-like in its glow. I decided to tell him and as soon as I did, he got up, excused himself, went to the men's room, came back, sat down, with noticeable tears in his eyes. He expressed his anger at the person who knowingly infected me and then began to talk about his amazement and gratefulness toward me for telling him the truth. He realized how easy it would have been for me to withhold the truth, to put him at risk, to be selfish. And, it gave me an opportunity to forewarn him to never, ever judge any book by its cover again. He spoke of how difficult it would be for him to get meds in his country and how it would create many problems for him. He also spoke repeatedly of how much he wished it were different. And, of course, it was very obvious there was so much concern we weren't going to have the condom conversation. I was headed home and logistically, this was a long-distance relationship that would never mature.  But, the line I cherish most (in addition to many phone calls and e-mails from him since which simply inquire about how I am, that I am loved by him, that he is thankful for my truth, etc.) is this... " You save me my life."   The setting of that beautiful country. The sincere look of this handsome, dark-eyed, sweet man.  The music. The foods. The thousands of people streaming in the streets.  The feeling of not being rejected, but being deeply appreciated for being honest.  " You save me my life. "

Time for a gummy bear and a bag of popcorn! I think there is something to the notion that you (ML) could, as you wrote, " get good at this." I think the getting good is being able to figure out if the person is someone you are truly interested in, packs enough of what you seek, and then, if so, get it out as soon as possible. I am of the mindset, that if it's a dealbreaker then no timing issue will make it being a dealbreaker any less likely. In fact, past the point of "wow, I really like this person" (whether that's in one night or five dates) then, for me, it moves quickly to, and now I can only hope they're are open-minded and if not educated, willing to be.

By the way, I e-mail with a couple of positive men. While I am hopeful, despite a smidge of geographic distance, that we will meet, I don't get too revved up about it. While it would be nice to have a poz-on-poz relationship, I think the odds are slim. Frankly, I've even thought that a relationship with a negative someone who's impotent might be a perfectly delightful scene. No joke. Everyone Wins!!No Fears!! No Tears!! Bottomline--for me, it's the mindset, the hug, the kiss, and the closeness that are the long-lasting residuals.

Hey, who's that offstage? Queen, is that you?
« Last Edit: July 16, 2007, 08:37:49 AM by emeraldize »

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #19 on: July 16, 2007, 08:49:19 AM »
it is the second time that i see the kind of view as though we women are terribly infectious. the first was with Queen once saying she will not consider a neg for fear of infection. Em, you didn't save anyone's life. You would not have infected the guy if you used condoms. Period. I can understand his fear, living in a country without treatment, but the truth is, he would have not needed it. because he would have not be infected. anyway it's good you didn't get involved, long distance relationships esp with someone from a developing country are so difficult... and it's good that he was sweet and caring, absolutely, but at the same time, you didn't save him and I think his thankfullness and relief are <<just a bit>> exaggurated and melodramatic. Like my ex, he just couldn't live with it. He said he loved me, but he was just not openminded enough. He was in science so he knew a lot about HIV, it was not a lack of knowledge, it was superstition, and he kept saying I was "the greatest taboo" (yuck!). Not that I am comparing the nice Latin guy (God knows I have a weakness for them) to my a-hole ex, just the irrational fear. I beleive, if you were living next to each other and continued to meet, that at some point he (unlike my ex) would have gotten over it though.

WhenI started sleeping w/ my BF we had a condom slip, he was not worried at all but I was dead worried &set out to get him PEP, well the docs insisted he didn't need it. we then went to a clinic where we met a councellor who explained safe sex to us (not that I didn't practice safe sex, but that gave me a scare, aqnd I didn't want to have the reponsibility of explaining everything on my own). That really made me see things differently, I had thought I was a lot more infectious prior to that point. 

« Last Edit: July 16, 2007, 08:51:07 AM by Dragonette »
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline zachysmom

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #20 on: July 16, 2007, 10:32:19 AM »
To tell or not to tell.
Ladies there are men out there who are wonderful and loving. And they will find you. There are just alot of bad apples out there as well and unfortuntately we have to weed through them. It sucks because it's our emotions constantly being manipulated, well there really is no way to be emotionally detached from the process. The point is keep trying and keep putting yourself out there, someone special will come along. Your're all a bunch of wonderful people with good karma, and what goes around, comes around.

When I was doing the dating thing I wished sometimes I had a big sign around my neck that read "HIV +", and that way I could just eliminate everyone who wouldn't have anything to do with me.
People react differently to certain news. Moonlight, maybe your guy got flirtly as a way to deal with the situation that moment. Sometimes when I'm uncomfortable I start to laugh, and tell jokes as a coping mechanism. I think your guy might have had to same.

either way good luck.
Nicole
From Russia with love,
Nicole

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #21 on: July 16, 2007, 05:42:16 PM »
Dragonette

Holy cow!! I was quoting someone! WTF. Do you actually think I think I saved someone's life? Goodness! In all fairness to you, I must ask if English your first language?Try re-reading the post---it was simply a story in relation to Moonlight's post about disclosure. There was relevance if you looked at her post prior to reading mine. Further, I didn't say what country and you deduced developing--not so. Again, I don't think I saved his life THAT's WHAT HE THINKS!!!!! Pardon me, I get slightly frustrated when people skim read and come up with erroneous conclusions as to what was written. Thanks for the comment that it was good that I didn't get involved with someone long distance...what does that matter?

And...Zachysmom

Thanks for the upbeat, karma-conscious post. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials---you are lucky to have little ones as well.

Em

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #22 on: July 16, 2007, 05:43:40 PM »
Ladies...Ladies...Ladies...


Moonlight~~~

Dang girl, I thought Rico had potential but now I don't know. I don't blame you for being a bit upset about his flirty behavior, I would've been like wtf but as someone said it could have very well been a reaction to you disclosing. Does that mean he is good with it or what? I would think he would be more understanding than most considering his one degree. Now I am trying to remember who is Fred? I swear I'm gonna have to keep a list with you.. :D I hate to say it but even though I am techically still (uses fingers in quote gesture) married, I have been separated for 6 years now. I don't think I wanna get married again so I can relate to the fellas on that one.

As far as dealing with a neg person, it is the fear of infecting them. Yeah, I know wear condoms, yadda yadda but shit happens you know..For example, condom breaks or you're so into it that the rubber slips off inside me. Yes, that has happened to me, then my bf at the time would have to play gyn and go digging for it. Then I gotta think, oh shit what was my vl last time? I also have not had good results from disclosing to anyone, it was always some drama even when it came to disclosing to certain members of my family. So to just avoid all the drama of disclosing, I figure I might as well try being with someone who could relate and not treat me like shit cause I am poz which is what the bastard did who I married. And all thru my life I kept getting the damn bad apples.

As far as me and Boo, we did not talk last night. I don't know if he was on or not because yahoo gives you the option of being invisible. I didn't stress, I did leave him a few messages...I know Moonlight, I got weak. But then went on to playing on my PS2 til 4am. I had no intentions of IMing him today and had my plans laid out. Cook dinner....play the PS2 for hours (or as me and my gf say go into a gaming coma)...record wrestling...then eventually drop off to sleep. So what happens? Boo hits me while I am on here. Not to say that I am not happy about it but I still don't have his full attention because he is having problems with setting up some virtual reality stuff concerning real estate. I guess he paid a lot for the program. But hey, I'm not tripping..And even though we are IMing, I'm spacing the replies out but he is so preoccupied, he's prolly not even noticing. I am about to get up off of here and start dinner...beef tips smothered with mushrooms,onions,garlic, and peppers over rice..Yummy...Anyone care for some?
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #23 on: July 16, 2007, 10:38:57 PM »
Hiya To Everyone Tonight,

I'm doing OK tonight, alone but content, if that makes sense.  Its nice to see everyone reply on here!  Well, Rico DID email me this evening and I replied.  Seems we're avoiding the subject of HIV, but things are light and "cool."  Mr. He Knows has called 2x from the road while taking his daughter to Canada, and I haven't answered.  He sounds like a pushy little fuck (that's French for ass, lol), but I suppose its just him trying to play it cool like so many guys do.  This is the older guy who has money coming out his ass.  He's 5'8" and I am not attracted to him, esp with the little man personality coming out now.  We argued on the phone the other day before he left town, lmao!  He was asking how to get a map offline and then I would start explaining and he would keep talking over me.  I finally told him to shut up for a minute cause he liked to hear himself talk.  It was exhausting, and he replied jokingly saying, "Listen, I like you, but I don't like you THAT much...."  I know he was joking, but he has been placed into the worthless fuck category because of that comment, hence the reason I am avoiding his calls.  I am too sensitive and that comment cut deep, so too bad little man, lol!  Onward!............

I agree with both of you, Em and Dragonette, on a few points each.  Em, I appreciate the fact that your friend was compassionate  and understanding.  I really expected to read that he got up from the table and didn't come back, that's the pessimist in me, always expecting the worst!  Ugh!  So it was nice to hear about your "good experience"!  I also agree with Dragonette about people thinking we are terribly infectious when we're not.  ...and Queen is worried that she'll infect someone herself.  My thing is this....I wish I could somehow convince potential partners that we aren't the damn plague!  People I have disclosed to are SO concerned about me, like I'm doing the damn death march.  My concern isn't my mortality, its THEIR understanding of the virus and how easily it DOESN'T have to be passed.  You don't have to get infected if you practice safe sex.  You just DON'T!  Yes, there are times when the getting is SO damn good and accidents can happen.  It happened to me in '97 and I did the same thing as Dragonette, called the doc the next day and asked about PEP for my BF.  Guys have smaller surface area, ladies, and if you are playing ride 'em cowboy and a condom slides completely off, then maybe calm down some?  I hate to admit it, but that's what I always told partners  "Take it easy"  lol.  I would tell them that sex might be awkward because if I need lube or if we need to put on a new condom, because then I would have to ruin the moment.  But I insisted that that's how it would have to be as we got comfortable with each other.  I also understand why it would be so much easier to date a poz guy, but damn where are they?  But back to Dragonette's comment, I totally agree, no one has to pass this virus if we are using protection correctly.  With me, I am outspoken in the bedroom and will speak up and say hey we gotta do this that or the other in order to be safe.  I know its pretty much in my hands to keep my partner safe (not like I even have one at the present, lol), I just wish it didn't have to be that way.  I wish more guys were educated, proactive about getting tested, learning about safe sex and transmission.  I agree that Em was just quoting what her friend said, but I see how it could be read differently and misinterpreted.  We're all sisters here so let's just BREATHE.....ok...... :)

I agree with Nicole about not being able to detach ourselves emotionally.  That was my biggest problem with Jay, the one who needs a break bec his divorce is becoming final.  (I am secretly hoping he'll sign in to Messenger tonight, but I am giving him his space, damn it hurts.)  I would love to email a link to this post to him.  He would be surprised that I am poz and then even more surprised that this thread is named after him.  Dammit, why do men do this to us?  I guess we allow it to happen to ourselves.  I can feel a lot of emotion, very deeply, but I bounce back better than I give myself credit for, so on I will go.....As Nicole said, just keep trying and put yourself out there.  I really think its a defense mechanism for me.  I read my posts and there is always some new object of my affection, I just want a little attention.  I am trying this all in a new way now, though, I will disclose more and find a good man sooner, hopefully.  I also thought about getting a t-shirt with "HIV+" in big, bold letters on the front, too.  Yeah, what would they think about my advertising, esp on my lipo boobs (lol), crazy uneducated people, it sickens me.....

Queen, I will give Rico another chance, of course.  I agree with Nicole and you, maybe he was just trying to get over the initial shock.  I am too sensitive sometimes and that's why I backed out of the IM.  Goes to show he doesn't know how big a thing this was to me.  I will enlighten him when the time is right. You know what?  Maybe YOU should go invisible online just for shits and giggles as far as Boo is concerned.  LOL  I know its sounds "Jr High" and immature, but what's wrong with a little harmless fun?  I've done that a few times and the guy is like "Where the heck were you?"  Make him miss you!  Hee Hee.  We know you're just playing PS2, so where's the harm in it?  LOL

I saw Fred tonight for a quick dinner.  My unemployed self bought for him cause it was his bday (omg he is 53).  I haven't seen him sine Feb and man is he looking fine!  He is older (but def has more to offer than little pushy man who likes to listen to himself, lol), and looked like a football coach tonight, lol!  Tan, NY accent, wearing shorts and nice shades.....We will definitely meet again.  He really helped me out too, over dinner.  He is a licensed clinical prof counselor, so I dumped all of my crap on him, except for the HIV.  ;D  I want to do that on a night when we have more time to spend together.  He was very encouraging about different aspects of my life and helped me to see the big picture, which was really nice.  It felt.....cozy, you know?  Hell, the man does that shit for a living.  Well, it worked on me, lol!

Where is Jay?.....................sigh

Cindy

HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #24 on: July 16, 2007, 11:26:44 PM »
You know what Moon, I think you are right. Even though I have been playing my game, I think I am going to go invisible on his ass. I am starting to get really upset by it all and I think it is time for me to fall back. I have even thought about really just saying fuck it all together. It just doesn't make sense that we could have the great conversations we've had  for the past few days then all of a sudden conversation goes belly up,smileys for responses, or some lame ass excuse. I get tired of opening myself up just to get my heart stomped on.  :'(
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline zachysmom

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #25 on: July 17, 2007, 01:14:30 AM »
Ladies,
relax, take a nice hot bath, light a candle, read a good book, maybe give yourself a facial.........you get where i'm going with this right?

give yourself alittle attention and forget about the guy problems just for alittle while.
 
Dating is hard as is for regular people yet alone positive ones,so give yourself a break to set back and reflect on the whole.

I have such faith it will work out for you ladies, and moonlight living in the D.C area there should be plenty of positive men, at least i would think in a major city. Are they all sum buckets?

keep us posted
Nicole
From Russia with love,
Nicole

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #26 on: July 17, 2007, 03:31:06 AM »
and moonlight living in the D.C area there should be plenty of positive men, at least i would think in a major city.

Nicole,
 
I agree. Odds are greatly in ML's favor with a major city nearby. I met one DC guy online, in fact, we met for dinner when I went to the NIH for participation in a research project. Nice person, bright, totally not my type and he's since found someone. Interestingly during dinner he said his ID doc in DC said if the nation knew how many household names are HIV+ it could turn the tide for attention paid to the disease, funding, etc. Too bad so many are in hiding---hey, ML could be dating a Senator! Ick. Ick. Only kidding.

ML - appreciate the clarification that you did understand what I wrote, context, etc. Regarding infectiousness, I understand reduced likelihood due to surface area contact, minimization of risk factors with condoms, etc. and frankly, that really doesn't enter into my thinking about HIV and sexuality as disclosure and condoms would simply be a given. Thankfully, I don't view myself as a two-legged toxic dump, instead simply as someone who will be respectful and ever-mindful if I'm ever involved in a relationship again.

Ah yes, Nicole. Relaxation. I'm going to plan that bath, candle, music setting for tomorrow night---I've been doing a lot of physical work lately and that will be perfect.  Plus, it's such an important part of care of the immune system. And, I think you're right... We'll each find someone if that's among our intentions. Tonight, I'm pleased to report, I received several e-mails from an positive e-pal with whom I started corresponding a couple of weeks ago. There's something about this person...makes me think there's actually a possibility percolating!!

I would happily surrender my balcony seat for the right part in the e-opera.

Queen, I'm with ML. Absence, if it doesn't make a heart grow fonder, will make a curious mind investigate, or an ego explode. Get busy---(in the other usage of the phrase). Start some fun searches.

Oh, and ML? Mr. 53, Good Listener Guy? Whether friend or potential partner, he sounds like a person to know better. THat is an excellent age.

Em

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #27 on: July 17, 2007, 07:39:17 AM »
Dragonette

Holy cow!! I was quoting someone! WTF. Do you actually think I think I saved someone's life? Goodness! In all fairness to you, I must ask if English your first language?

first, no, it isn't...

2nd - I got that he said it, I wrote that HIS reaction was exaggurated, so no argument there... To quote myself: "I think his thankfullness and relief are <<just a bit>> exaggurated and melodramatic"

3rd - I deduced he was from a developing country b/c you said that he said that meds are hard to obtain. As far as I know the only developed (that is, non-developing country) where people may have some trouble accessing meds is the US, and even there treatment is mostly, but not always, available.

Finally, since my post was so harshly misinterpreted and reacted to, I'll make sure to butt out of any post of yours from now on. These are big forums and there certainly are a lot of people to interact with. Franky I am quite shocked to be attacked this way. Not that it never happens on the internet, but this time I really didn't see it coming.

peace,
« Last Edit: July 17, 2007, 07:59:24 AM by Dragonette »
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #28 on: July 17, 2007, 08:05:25 AM »
Dragonette

I think we have had similar reactions to one another's posts. And, you were not attacked, at least that was not my intention. The person whom I was quoting, obviously, also was not a native English speaker. 

If you read what you wrote to me, it does read as if I don't know squat about HIV transmission. And, I think it was more than okay that I clarified. I was responding to your statement that I had not saved him and use of condoms, not the commentary on his response being exaggerated.

I agree with you that the forums are big and among the many posts I've read several of yours and because of that I was as surprised with your post as you were with my reply. Consequently, I'd like to propose we wipe this transatlantic volley from the board and begin anew.

I share a home with a person whose first language is not English, which is why I asked it of you. We are, daily, working on English, both spoken and written and it's a fabulous process. So, please understand, my intent was to gauge if I had somehow thrown you in any of my usages.

Ditto on your piece of peace.
Em
« Last Edit: July 17, 2007, 03:53:46 PM by emeraldize »

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #29 on: July 17, 2007, 08:31:05 AM »
I wrote this b/c I had a similar reaction from a guy who freaked out and preferred (I say preferred b/c he was educated but stuck to backward beliefs in the face of sceintific knowledge, as a choice) to treat me as what  ML called a toxic timebomb (might be a misquote but something in that vein).

From your original post it was not clear that you disputed his POV. I assume all people here know how un-dangerous we really are (for me, it took the "accident" with my BF to clarify that). But sometimes, b/c of what they say and all the explaining and defending we have to do it is difficult to remember that at the end of the day we don't need to excuse nothing. If a guy said thanks for saving my life, I would be torn between feeling a kind of gratefulness that he was acknowledging me and treating me nicely, and a need to shout and shake him and say "what life?! wtf are you talking about". But we can't be too agressive with our messsage, for obvious reasons.

It's like, I participated in a forum about HIV for the general public in my home country. But I quit it b/c, every time there was a factual question about trasmittion, say on giving oral to a poz female or even fingering, and I took the view that there was no risk or minimal, "theoretical risk", people would react like "you should be even grateful that someone is touching you if you are poz" and "you are always insisting that things are less risky than they actually are b/c you want to see some action". So I had to balance what I know and the factual reality of HIV with "public opinion" & I got fed up of that. I got fed up of the diplomatic, lukewarm replies of the moderators, who work for an ASO. If someone asked "I am kissing a girl and she has a cold sore, can I get infected if she is poz", they answered "the majority of infections are through unprotected intercourse so the risk is minimal". No one has ever or ever will be infected through a cold sore, the risk is zero, not minimal. But they went with public opinion on this.

Yes I rambling away. I thought that you knew for sure all the transmittion info, but I also thought that you went along with him on it. Which is understandable. God knows when my ex dumped me, I crawled on my hands and knees and participated in some humiliating "safe sex" (safe as in, no tongue, no clothes off for me, and only he gets to get off; I am disgusted to even think about it) encounters with him while what he was testing is if he could overcome his disgust. So I compared him to the (obviously non-Latin) guy of yours. Not that I think he was as bad but I compared the level of irrational persistent fear.

About what I said about the distance, it was meant to console, such as, too bad, but probably it would have been a problem with the distance anyway.

I hope it is more clear now.
 
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #30 on: July 17, 2007, 08:50:08 AM »
Considerably clearer!!! Thanks, Dragonette.

No, I did not share his POV, but knew it was not worth the effort involved in attempting to educate him particularly given the logistics. It was, however, a great opportunity for both of us to learn. It was good disclosure practice for me and it was such a shock to him that I doubt he'll ever not think about discussing a woman's status, using condoms, etc. He was overcome with all sorts of emotions at once. Truly a sensitive person, but not the type to be mean-spirited at all about it. I'm sure you're glad now your ex exited.

I greatly appreciate you taking the time to explain and look forward to reading more of your posts.

Em

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #31 on: July 17, 2007, 09:16:14 AM »
yes, clearer, not "more clear" of course.. mini English lesson there  ;D

I do think the hetero risk, esp. woman to man, is blown out of proportion, b/c as far as educators & policy makers are concerned it is better to scare the generally oblivious public than to make life easier for the minority already infected. Not that I don't advocate condoms but I read views by doctors that oral sex can transmit HIV (not rarely, not hardly ever, but like, at a slightly lower risk than vaginal unprotected sex), and not only when performed on a woman but also BY a woman... In the Netherlands the info is accurate enough, but not everywhere. Researching safe sex with my BF we found a lot of conflicting info. Also, the male-run ASOs (some not all) don't care much about stigmatizing women. Women are less infectious than men but it is not important for them to differentiate and to emphasize that. I have seen this in the bluntest way when the head of the ASO I mentioned, who is poz, gay, and also a MD, talked about washing his sperm to produce a child for him and his partner, via a surrogate, and at the same time trashed women by saying "I have zero chance of trasmittion to the baby, a poz pregnant woman on the other hand takes this risk". As a doctor he knows exactly how small the risk is, but he chose to address the public in a national newspaper saying this; This is not coincidental, but an agenda, and I wouldn't be surprised if it is fund- and dominance-related.

Take care & keep writing, too... we can learn a lot from sharing experiences here.

PS Talk about hijacking a thread... sorry ML, Queen, and all.

 
« Last Edit: July 17, 2007, 09:28:53 AM by Dragonette »
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline zachysmom

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #32 on: July 17, 2007, 10:02:12 AM »
Wow,
Ladies, you have to make up already, I'm getting a headache from reading the posts.
It's all good.
Women have always been mistreated, it doesn't make it right, but we as women have to come up with ways to combat the discrimination.
Drag,
The Doctor who made the public announcment about women and having babies at a greater risk factor, should have had a public outcry and denouncment. I would of personally wrote the newspaper and complained that it placed me into a negative light. We women have to get the message out there, we have to paint a picture out there of who we are and that we're not lepers. Did anyone see the Oprah special that Ryan was on and all those women who were poz? It was a big breakthrough. It showed we are the girls next door, just like there are men out there, so keep looking.

Okay ONE BIG HUG,
alright alittle too emotional, got my period this morning.

love you all lots,
Nicole
From Russia with love,
Nicole

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #33 on: July 17, 2007, 10:19:29 AM »
Wow,
Ladies, you have to make up already, I'm getting a headache from reading the posts.

I thought we did...

Anyway, it's all good, just didn't want to bring a lot of politics into a thread about dating. It is offtipic. But everything's so related.

Now get some rest... hate having my period... but actually it means I'm still fertile so hope it sticks around long enough so I can make use of that  :)

PS you calling me "Drag" reminded me that until they opened the women's forum I was not sure if Emeraldize, Ulong and others with a unisex kind of name were men or women. And Queen Akasha, even though she spoke in a female voice, I thought initially was a drag queen!
« Last Edit: July 17, 2007, 10:28:59 AM by Dragonette »
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #34 on: July 17, 2007, 11:25:25 AM »

Ladies, you have to make up already, I'm getting a headache from reading the posts.

Nicole,
Perhaps your headache got in the way...we did.
Re: the Oprah special...Did you mean Regan? Or, Ryan? If Ryan, I'm not aware of such a program.

Dragonette,
I think the hijack was an excellent ride. One blowout. Pulled the spare and we returned the vehicle intact! Alignment feels good...no shimmies.
Em

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #35 on: July 17, 2007, 02:29:43 PM »
....and crap, I've run out of gummy bears, lol!  You know what?  Don't feel like you're hijacking here, Dragonette is so right, all of this is related.  I keep looking at the new threads each day and sometimes there's nothing I can chime in on, although I want to.  I think its nice just to have a "space" for us to express ourselves, kind of like a journal, but better, cause we get feedback. 

Mr. He Knows IMed me today when I was away from my desk and said something like "Found a new one already?"  cause I didn't return his calls from the road.  It seems too stupid and childish to be worth my time at this point.  I don't have the energy to even be his friend cause he is a pushy little Napoleon.  Now Mr. 53....hubba hubba, lol!  He is a hot and gentle man all in one, and has a great ear, he is very encouraging, which is what I need right now.  I still need to get more distractions lined up, lol!  I was actually IMing a guy from the west coast who saw me in the Personals here and I have been trying to figure out if he is a scammer or not (just turned one in today too, lol).  He said he was going to try and set me up with his friend out my way, and it turns out the friend and I already know each other.  You may recall I mentioned him briefly in an earlier post  "He travels a lot for work.  Go figure...."  So, small world.  I really hate the feeling of not having romantic love in my life right now, but I am pretty good at tricking myself, lol!  Typing here is a new outlet for me and it is definitely something that keeps my mind off of the guys.  Nicole, you could call this my "candle" and "bath" lol!

On a sad note, I have a GF who is 54, she works as an RN where I used to work.  Her father died of a massive heart attack on Sunday, very suddenly and unexpected.  We just got off of the phone a little while ago, I sent flowers today.  I will be visiting with her tomorrow at her place for dinner, so its nice to be able to be there for someone.  She is such a strong woman, and a great friend.  I met her thru my ex BF, and he had no idea we were still in touch.  We both think he's a simple nitwit, lol.  I wonder if he'll stop by there tomorrow when I'm around?  Hmmmmm.............Anyway, Girl Power rules!

Cindy  ;D

P.S. - Just got my ADAP approval, woo-f'n-hoooooooooo!  LOL
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #36 on: July 17, 2007, 02:44:18 PM »
Hello Ladies,

Goddamn it to hell. I had just written out a whole freaking post and it got wiped out. I am glad that the misunderstanding was cleared up. What, me a drag queen? Bite your tongue. There is nothing fake on me but my hair. I have length to my own but being of mixed races makes it hard to control, so I keep it braided. I braid it myself which help save on money cause I need every penny.

Last night I was an emotional mess, I couldn't stop crying. Yes, upset about Boo. Moonlight was there to help me pick up the pieces. Now my eyes are so puffy from all the tears, it looks like someone beat the shit out of me and no cucumbers around either. Moonlight thinks he may be a player but I am not so sure of that. I do check his ad on the personals and he still hasn't been on there since the 5th which is when he responded to me. I did send him a lengthy IM last night, letting him know how I felt in which I told him it would be the last he would hear from me until I hear back from him. When I got up this afternoon, I found I had a few replies from him. He swears he is not ignoring me and that he is still having problems with his computer. He is having problems with this meds since he started back taking them. He says he will explain more once we talk. If we talk it will be on him because I woke up with a real attitude towards him. And my response to his IMs were pretty short.

Before I went to bed this morning, I did some more browsing on the personals and also went on the pozmatch site. Anyone deal with them before? It seems like there were more gay men there than straight. I will check it out more sometime today. A dude did hit me up like 5 minutes after I signed on. A nice older gentleman, he's 45, divorced, and works for the government. Hmmm, I get nervous when I see someone works for the government, I automatically think "the man". He's only been infected for about 3 yrs or I should say that's when he got his diagnosis. On the personals here, a white dude hit me up, which made me kinda excited cause I really would like to date outside my race. I am waiting for him to accept my request on yahoo. Time will only tell where that will go. I will keep you posted..Plans for today? Nothing really but the day isn't over yet... ;D
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #37 on: July 17, 2007, 04:19:51 PM »
Hi All

Quick observation I wanted to share on personals. Have you ever seen posters whose profile contains the descriptor " I don't know when I was diagnosed" ? How does that strike you?

When I look at that I usually think "how could you not?" One of the biggest news flashes you will ever have and you don't remember what day? what hour? where? from whom? Then, I move to wondering, "well did he mishit a key when creating the profile? Do you re-read or proofread? One guy's profile seemed pretty interesting, and I wrote to ask if that were true---that he didn't know, and, he didn't respond yet. I should check that mailbox today---it's been a couple weeks.

Queen, I have looked at pozmatch, but not in quite a while. I have had some interactions through that site I could have done without---nothing intimate, but some e-mails and phone calls. Nothing major. Friendly. No fires erupted.

One person, after months of messaging and phone calls, was unfortunately not a match in person. He did not take it well. And, there was no way to act it out, say it, couch it, etc. that was going to make it any easier on him. And, I'd flown to meet this person and couldn't turn right around and flee, er, fly. I wasn't in any danger, but it was uncomfortable.

So, I'm slightly gun shy. I would meet someone only in a public place at this point and have an immediate, dignified out for both parties.

Queen, I'm sorry the Boo thing led to Boo Hoo-ing. Are you still considering the "going invisible on his ass" ? It might help you get uprighted and could pique his curiosity.

53            53          53               53
sorry, something's wrong with my keyboard..... ::)


Offline camille07

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #38 on: July 17, 2007, 05:45:34 PM »
OK, so new thread, won't take as long to load now, since we're ALL so darn busy with our men (lololol)!  Yes, I wanted to reply to Camille's comment about Herpes.com, lmao!  You are SO right!  Here I am looking for a poz guy on that site, thinking "Herpes?"

Hey all-

I've been getting through this last post which took about a week.....lol
The site I was referring to was positivesingles.com BUT, they should have called it Herpes.com cause mostly everyone has herpes and JUST herpes. 

BTW I am going on my first date in a few days.  Should be interesting.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #39 on: July 17, 2007, 05:47:44 PM »
Em,

Pozmatch seems kinda lame to me. I'll give it one more try but I think I'll end up staying with the personals here. Then when I tried to google a search I came up with everything from news articles to porn. I was not happy about seeing someone else's twat on my screen. No offence meant to any lesbians, just not my cup of tea.

As for Boo, I think I needed to get that out of my system. Sometimes I hate my sign which is Capricorn, which are known to be emotional. I do tend to have a softer side which I don't show much so when I reveal it and feel some type of way when it is not appreciated. But the Queen you all know and love is back, baby!!!! I decided not to go invisible after all because there are other people I have on my list that I talk to, friends and family.


Today I had a few errands I had to run. It was a good day to get them done because it was a pretty mild day. And because of last night's episode, it felt good to be out. So, I went to my pharmacy to get some pills they owed me, bastards shorted me 11 pills. Then when I bring it to their attention, they make the excuse that sometimes other people don't need the whole bottle. Ok, I understand that but aren't they suppose to count them anyway? Which now leaves me wondering if it happened before. From there I had to go meet up with my connect on some business (wink wink). I swear he will be late for his own funeral. While waiting for him I decided to check my oil and bassed my system for the neighbors. Now remember this is in the hood, so nobody really minded. ;D

My plans for tonight is as follows: smoke, which I have already started...be online for which I am, duh?....Flip through the guide and see what's on, if nothing then it is my video game, Onimusha for me which will take up most of the night and somewhere in there EAT!!! :D

Good to see you, Camille. I thought you were cracking a joke when you mentioned Herpes.com. I'm sure you have been perusing this thread. I hope you have better luck than me...Let us know how it goes...
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #40 on: July 18, 2007, 01:06:25 AM »
Hi Everyone,

I received a very nice PM from a straight male today.  It goes to show that our posts are making a difference!  Here's part of what he had to say:

"It's been fascinating reading the dating threads in the forums of late. Especially the two dating threads in the womens forum. Why was I reading them? Because I have the same complaints, gripes, weariness, as you all do. And I'm feeling disgruntled about my dating life. I've become gun shy of meeting anyone from online dating sites because it seems there's always a surprise when we meet. So I've been following the threads hoping to glean a clue from the women posting that might help me in meeting and actually having a fulfilling and enjoyable date."

We should all be proud of ourselves for the sharing, crying, laughing and gummy bear eating we've done together here.  There are so many people looking for love who don't know quite how to find it.  Knowing that our posts help each other and others by encouraging them to not give up is something to be proud of!  Have you looked on the Positive Women's main page to see how many people have looked at Parts 1 & 2?  It really is an e-soap, lol!  Keep posting and be happy that we can shed some light on the real deal around here!  I have disclosed to two people in less than a week recently, and I got my strength and courage here, from YOU.  OK, so I gave Mr. He Knows the boot in an IM today, but he is too damn pushy (and short).  Rico and I are talking but he needs to travel on business.  I think I am on the warpath now, nothing can stop me, and I am smiling and very hopeful!

I have a date with Mr. 6'5" this Friday (making up for the short guy, lol).  A little nervous cause if he's not my type you can't really hide in the restaurant, you know?  LOL  Wish me luck.
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #41 on: July 18, 2007, 01:28:28 AM »
I think it's great that a man sneaked a peek. Most men prolly thought we were gonna be bashing men in this thread...No bashing, just sharing our experiences of the type of men we have come across on dating sites. It also gives them an idea of what we are thinking and feeling. Ok,now Moon, don't tell me you got a date with this person? If so, Go You.... ;D

As I mentioned earlier, I had cast my feelers out again for someone with potential. I did get a nibble. But I am wondering, is it all men or just some men, I'll explain what I mean. By nibble,I mean I got a response but it wasn't even a sentence. Are men not capable of writing a paragraph? It is a dating site. I can't get much information about a person if all they write is 4 words. Um, hello, this is not Wheel of Fortune and my name is not Vanna..*sheesh*...My next issue...ok in the profile it say something along the lines of if you  have another STD...Why do people choose to leave this blank? I think it is a good to answer since we all share one std in common. Even if you don't want to say what it is at least say something. When I see that part blank, I move on because I feel someone is hiding something.

I think that is about it for me at the moment. I took a short break from the game but is about to get right back to it. It has helped me to relieve some frustration because of you know who.......Toodles....
« Last Edit: July 18, 2007, 01:31:35 AM by Queen Akasha »
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Offline cjc

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #42 on: July 18, 2007, 06:45:48 AM »
Hello, I have lots of gummi bears, lemonheads and Cherry Sours if you ladies run out of candy. I got lots of english goodies too. Recently that guy I liked from Florida called me. I am feeling him out because I am not sure what his deal is. He says he is moving to SC  this weekend , which would be much closer. I wanted him then and he just dropped off the radar. We shall see how this plays out. I will keep ya'll posted.  Cristy

Offline sweetasmeli

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #43 on: July 18, 2007, 06:54:30 AM »
When I get back to the UK I must start giving these dating threads closer inspection. So far nothing to add personally but have been browsing/scan-reading with increasing intrigue. ;)

I will say this: Women rock!

Melia 8)
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Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #44 on: July 18, 2007, 08:04:09 AM »
Quick observation I wanted to share on personals. Have you ever seen posters whose profile contains the descriptor " I don't know when I was diagnosed" ? How does that strike you?

For me, it is confusing with "how long are you poz", I know it's not the same thing, but I for example am aboiut 10 years poz but diagnosed for a year and a half. Maybe that's why some people choose the "dunno" option, because there is too big a gap between the infection and diagnosis. Or maybe it's all in a drug-induced haze somewhere is the past for some  ;)

"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #45 on: July 18, 2007, 08:24:33 AM »
When I get back to the UK I must start giving these dating threads closer inspection. So far nothing to add personally but have been browsing/scan-reading with increasing intrigue. ;)
Melia 8)

I have been wondering why you don't post but I figured you were busy unpacking - thought you were there already!

Even though I'm in a relationship, I still take risks and put myself on the line every day in it. I am not used to interacting with men like this and it has changed everything. From the moment we started I had to act in atypical ways, call and ask a guy out for a start, then just grit my teeth and bear it as he took his sweet time kissing me (2 months), sleeping with me (3.5!) and committing to me (6 or so?), not unlike you ML with Mr Sexy DIY (I do imagine him as the plumber/killer from Desperate Houswives)... I have realized, that there is woman time and man time. In man time, everything is slower... much slower. And quieter. It is so hard to hear I love you for instance, that we have a joke, in which he says bbuuuurrrrgggllll you (some incoherent blubber instead of the L word). Now it is great, but it was so stressful. Guys are different. Guys are like, "mmmm, I miss her, I should give her a call sometime, maybe tomorrow". Women are like, I need to be reassured now!! Also, when guys do something, they can only do one thing. I am sure my BF does not think, or remeber that I exist, while he is working. In the rare occassion that he does, he sends an email, "thinking of you", whereas if I sent an email every time I thought of him at work, his inbox would be full in a day. When you try to have a long distance, or virtual (messenger et) r-ship this is even more evident. Remember it is sceintifically proved that men use less words than women, and are much less comfotable discussing emotions or even tninking about them... I am sure I don't need to teach experienced women all this Mars-Venus biz, it's just that I very recently fully realized it myself so I am excited about this relevlation.
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #46 on: July 18, 2007, 09:44:21 AM »
I am not used to interacting with men like this and it has changed everything. From the moment we started I had to act in atypical ways, call and ask a guy out for a start, then just grit my teeth and bear it as he took his sweet time kissing me (2 months), sleeping with me (3.5!) and committing to me (6 or so?), not unlike you ML with Mr Sexy DIY (I do imagine him as the plumber/killer from Desperate Housewives)...

Hi Dragonette,

I am much like you, learning to ask a guy out and trying to get my confidence back over the past few months.  Jay, the one who I haven't heard from in days bec I am letting him breathe (bad divorce guy), took his sweet time before asking me out more.   We had only met a handful of times and he lives right across town.  He has young kids and a full schedule, but still...I don't know if I should write about him in the past tense or not  :( 

I don't know where you got the idea that I have a sexy Mr DIY guy, because I have no one.  I am probably the loneliest girl on here, but I have been turning over a new leaf lately, trying to come out from under my shell.  There is never a shortage of dates, but there is usually a shortage of connections.  I think its mostly my fault bec I date neg guys and hold back for fear of disclosing.  I HAVE disclosed 2x in just the past week so you could say I am pushing myself in the right direction.  Its still pretty scary.  I get my heart set on one guy (Jay, who I'm not even seeing now, and who never found out my status) and nothing else seems to matter.  That's where I end up selling myself short, putting all of my eggs in one basket.  I have a great personality and have no problem meeting guys thru dating sites.  Its just that I have been "clamming up" for fear of disclosure.  I keep telling myself to chill out and relax.  Another thing I have noticed is that I probably think that I am unworthy.  I struggle with that.  I can name a few great things about myself, but I am quick to discount them because of fear of disclosure.  For example, I'll find things wrong with myself, or convince myself why Mr. So and So shouldn't ask me out a second time.  Because, God forbid if we hit it off, I'll have to disclose.  Must be those damn highs and lows from Sustiva!  I am up way too early today, didn't go to bed until 230am, and woke up thinking about Jay around 7am.  I miss him a lot.  We used to IM in the evenings and we were really starting to date more.  What stinks the most is that he was really a good catch, really good for ME, and I really saw myself disclosing and him staying around. 

I think it's great that a man sneaked a peek. OK,now Moon, don't tell me you got a date with this person? If so, Go You.... ;D

Nope, Queen, he is out west.  The date with Mr. 6'5" is with a neg guy, of course......sigh

Quick observation I wanted to share on personals. Have you ever seen posters whose profile contains the descriptor " I don't know when I was diagnosed" ? How does that strike you?

Em, I meant to answer this earlier.  This strikes me with a very bad first impression!  I can understand someone seroconverting but then not getting diagnosed until years later, but you know what that means....Risky behavior and not getting tested!  Irresponsible if you ask me, and those are the types that I just cannot relate to.  Also, if someone was  diagnosed and they can't tell you when it was?  Well, HELLO, get your head out of your ass.  I remember the very day I was diagnosed, and I can pinpoint the timeframe I seroconverted based on when my last test was.  I may sound harsh, but its only because I got tested on my own, thinking nothing of it of course, that I found out about my status.  I'm sure many of you have read my posts and know that my BF (who became my fiance a week later and ultimately my LATE husband) passed the virus to me, fully aware that he was pos.  He ASKED to NOT use a condom 2 or 3 times, and that's all it took.  We had been dating a year, had bought a home together, I loved him and wanted to save him.  I knew I wasn't going to let this virus get me, but him, I feared it was too late.  He died after we were married only a year and 10 months.

This girl is tired of being single!  Where are you guys?!  Hell, we have proof now that you read our posts, lol!  Thanks for letting me vent this morning.

Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #47 on: July 18, 2007, 10:12:46 AM »
I don't know where you got the idea that I have a sexy Mr DIY guy, because I have no one.  I am probably the loneliest girl on here

I know that you guys dated several times and had fun that's what I meant. I know he is not yours yet but there was a connection...

I know how lonely it can be. It's like a wound or a void, and it's scary too. I know it... I have spent years alone, some in foriegn countries. I have spent 48 hours around new year's walking in the biggest city in the world among crowds of cheering, drunk groups and couples, without talking to anybody. I have spent weekends without speaking to a soul except thanking checkout girls at the supermarket...

Some of it is up to us. Changing attitude, experimenting. A lot is up to luck and fate.

I say open up to Mr 53, not just or necessarily about HIV, about who, what you are... If this were a movie or a novel, the audience would be rooting for the patient, mature councellor over the long-legged hot divorced guy. And hang in there Pretty Lady
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #48 on: July 18, 2007, 10:13:23 AM »

my BF (who became my fiance a week later and ultimately my LATE husband) passed the virus to me, fully aware that he was pos.  He ASKED to NOT use a condom 2 or 3 times, and that's all it took.  We had been dating a year, had bought a home together, I loved him and wanted to save him.  I knew I wasn't going to let this virus get me, but him, I feared it was too late.  He died after we were married only a year and 10 months.

This girl is tired of being single!  Where are you guys?!  Hell, we have proof now that you read our posts, lol!  Thanks for letting me vent this morning.



Hi ML
Thanks for the comments and thanks for sharing about our perfectly welcome peeping westerner!! I'm envisioning lots of folks are enjoying our volleyball game. I hope so---it is definitely one way to learn about how others think and feel.

So, here's why I quoted you above. I'm confused. Did you find out you were poz while your husband was still alive? If so, did you ask him why he didn't tell you? If I read the sequence as you posted it, I think he was alive. If so, that had to be an incredible issue on top of his rapid decline and such a recent marriage. Whew!

Dragonette! You have a point about the possible confusion between diagnosis and seroconversion being a reason for not stating a year. However, most people put down something. Seems many folks are able to roughly figure when they were infected, and many use that year while others use the actual year of diagnosis. Leaving it blank just makes me hear Homer saying Duh! Thanks for sharing your new navigational skills, too. You help to remind us all that just because you're in a relationship the challenges and ensuing course-correcting does not end. Heck. You and I are simple, recent proof of that!! ;D I hope you continue to share what you learn.

ML -- I WISH you had a DIY guy then I could borrow his handy self and make some progress on some house projects! Isn't Mr. 6'5" Mr. 53? Or, am I confused again. Did you find someone else? Hey, you are NOT the loneliest girl here--you may not claim that title. You have to share it. Sometimes, I have the lonelies, but most times I just figure I will tough it out and hope for the best, but not set myself up for avoidable hurt as opposed to the unavoidable potential for hurt inherent in giving one's self to a loving relationship.

When I was a kid, while washing dishes, I would stare at this quotation my mom had posted on a shelf, I believe its author was St. Xavier? dunno, not Catholic, but the quote stayed with me...."You risk crying when you dare to let yourself love." And, that is true with men, friends, pets, etc.

So, okay, everybody into the deep end of the risk pool we should be safely swimming in. No running. Get there in one piece.

Em
« Last Edit: July 18, 2007, 10:15:11 AM by emeraldize »

Offline cjc

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Re: Dating Part II: Jay, Boo & Other Guys, Too
« Reply #49 on: July 18, 2007, 08:34:07 PM »
Hello Ladies. So I talked to that guy again today and won't any more. He is just looking for someone to tend to him. I have 2 children already so NO THANK YOU!  But I will continue to look and know that there are some good ones out there. Em ,I like that quote,."You risk crying when you dare to let yourself love." and feel it is so true. I have gotten to the point where I have a hard time getting close to anyone but I'm trying. Luck to us all. Cristy

 


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