Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
August 01, 2014, 11:46:20 PM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 632716
  • Total Topics: 47928
  • Online Today: 288
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 4
Guests: 243
Total: 247

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...  (Read 2640 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,246
  • Joined: March 2006
Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« on: July 13, 2007, 08:17:56 AM »
157 years ago California became a state
The state had no electricity
The state had no money
Almost everyone spoke Spanish
There were gunfights in the streets
So basically it was just like California is today except the women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands

All I ask is a chance to prove money cant make me happy,

They told me I was gullible and I belived them.

One nice thing about egotists... they dont talk about other people.
 
Is it me, or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken?
 

It's been a good week for bad jokes around work.  Let's hear some others.
 

Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2007, 10:22:54 AM »
A director is screen testing Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a new film about classic composers. Not having figured out which role to give to whom, he asks Sly who he would like to be.

Stallone says, "I like Mozart. I want to be Mozart."

So the director says, "Very well, you can be Mozart." Then he turns to Arnie and asks, "Arnie, who would you like to play?"

Arnie turns to him and says, "I'll be Bach!"  8)
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline raroy273

  • Member
  • Posts: 126
  • Me
    • For amore about me....
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2007, 03:28:20 PM »
A woman from New York and another woman were seated
side-by-side on an airplane.  The woman from New York
, being friendly and all, said: "So, where are you
from?"

  The other woman said, "From a place where they know
better than to use a  preposition at the end of a
sentence."

  The woman from New York sat quietly for a moment
and then replied:

  "So, where are you from, bitch? "

6/8/07 VL = 86,000 CD4 = 135
6/14/07 Started Combivir/Kaletra
6/29/07 VL = 364 CD4 = 351
8/30/07 VL =<50 CD4 = 156
9/19/07 VL=<50 CD4 = 361
12/3/07 VL = <50 CD4 = 250 14.3%
5/2/08 VL = <50 CD4 = 491 25%
8/4/08 VL = <50 CD4 = 292 21%
9/8/08 VL = <50 CD4= 331

Offline Jody

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,818
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2007, 08:59:58 PM »
A man experiences a very thorough security check at the airport and when he is finished the security gurard says "I have good news and bad news"...So the man says "Well give me the good news first"

'Well says the security guard...You will be able to board the plane and get home to your family".

"That's great says the passenger, what could possibly be the bad news?"

"You will be home on time but you have an enlarged prostate".
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #4 on: July 18, 2007, 10:54:27 PM »
- Dad I need to shit
- Wait a sec

- DAD! I NEED TO SHIT!
- Can't you wait a sec, damnit

DAD!!!!!!! I NEED TO SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Ok son.. I withdraw..

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2007, 10:57:36 PM »
A big truck driver enters a diner, unzips, and throws his huge penis on the counter, and yells "I WANT A STEAK BIG LIKE THIS"
The waitress lifts her skirt and says "And bloody like this?"

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #6 on: July 19, 2007, 12:18:40 AM »
- Dad I need to shit
- Wait a sec

- DAD! I NEED TO SHIT!
- Can't you wait a sec, damnit

DAD!!!!!!! I NEED TO SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Ok son.. I withdraw..

fucking interruptions!   ;D

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #7 on: July 19, 2007, 04:00:08 AM »
A big truck driver enters a diner, unzips, and throws his huge penis on the counter, and yells "I WANT A STEAK BIG LIKE THIS"
The waitress lifts her skirt and says "And bloody like this?"

Milker.

I am so like EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.... :P
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline pozattitude

  • Member
  • Posts: 909
  • Enjoy
    • to find out more about me....
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #8 on: July 19, 2007, 06:48:23 PM »
 :o

3 old highschool friends meet for lunch and brag about their kids.

Dad #1...my son is so rich and generous, he just bought his best friend a brand new Mercedes
Dad #2...my son is the same way, he just bought his best friend a condo on the beach.
Dad #3...well my son is a gay escort

Dad #1 and #2...man, we are so sorry.

Dad#3...don't be sorry, he is doing great.  His best clients just bought him a new Mercedes and a condo on the beach


(edited to actually type the joke)
« Last Edit: July 19, 2007, 06:52:14 PM by pozattitude »
POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Offline aupointillimite

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,229
  • FUS DO RAH!
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #9 on: July 19, 2007, 08:06:06 PM »
Two fish are in a tank.  One of them turns to the other and says, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline CaptCarl

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,114
  • Located in the Palinsville subdivision, JesusLand
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #10 on: July 19, 2007, 09:27:51 PM »
What did the fish say when he hit his head on the wall?

"Dam"

   The Mother Superior called all of the nuns to a meeting one day.
   "Girls," she said, " we I called you all in here to tell you that it has come to my attention that we have a case of Gonnorhea here in the convent."
    One of the novices clasps her hands together, and says "Oh thank You Lord. I was getting so tired of chardonnay."
The only thing I can do straight is shoot..

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #11 on: July 20, 2007, 09:38:05 AM »
This joke came from a friend who has had a stroke and is 78.  He sends me lots of these "senior" jokes.

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel, and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the males actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched."STOP!" he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"

Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper, and held it up to him.  "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted " STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster, and held it up to him. Harold nodded, and said "Carry on, ma'am."

As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, with a very sizable erection.

"Oh, good grief," cried Ethel, "not the Breathalyzer again"
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #12 on: July 20, 2007, 07:05:18 PM »

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #13 on: July 27, 2007, 10:27:40 AM »
After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty." 
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August."
 



Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,944
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #14 on: July 27, 2007, 10:58:18 AM »
Bumper sticker on the back of Osama Bin Laden's car:


MY KID BEHEADED YOUR HONOR STUDENT

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #15 on: July 29, 2007, 10:23:20 PM »
Two dwarfs went into a bar where they picked up a couple of prostitutes and took them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, was unable to get an erection. His depression was made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he heard his little friend shouting out cries of, “Here I come again. One, two, three...Uuh!” all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asked the first, “How did it go?”

The first dwarf muttered, “It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn’t get an erection.”

The second dwarf shook his head and said, “You think that’s embarrassing? I couldn’t even get on the bed.”

Offline MoltenStorm

  • Member
  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Re: Really bad jokes I've heard this week...
« Reply #16 on: July 30, 2007, 10:12:58 AM »
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later of naughty fun, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.