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Author Topic: Wishin' and hopin'  (Read 3225 times)

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Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Wishin' and hopin'
« on: July 09, 2007, 10:21:41 AM »
I have been out a few times with this guy and I think he is someone I could attempt to have a relationship with.  We click, have a lot in common and think along the same lines.  Plus, he is a great kisser and we have had a couple of fantastic make-out sessions.  So the time is approaching to disclose.  I find myself hoping that when I say I am HIV+, he says so am I.  In actuality, I would never want someone to be poz.  But for selfish reasons I hope he is and this causes me to feel guilty.  I know I shouldn't hope this, but it sure would make things easier.

Woods
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Sky

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    • Myspace
Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #1 on: July 09, 2007, 10:25:03 AM »
Good luck Woods!  Happy to hear things are going well.  I'm like you, I don't want someone to be poz but for me I do...I can relate.
Poz since 2003.

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,047
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #2 on: July 09, 2007, 10:33:21 AM »
I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. If he is HIV+ try to refrain from saying Yipee!

Offline dixieman

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  • Posts: 889
Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #3 on: July 09, 2007, 10:40:18 AM »
Hey Woods, I understand where your coming from on that... I have had several dates with a great guy who I would presume is not hiv+ and I have the same conflict of feelings you are having yourself... Well he's traveling to montgomery next weekend... and all in all I am going to have to have a big discussion with him if anything more developes... so far just great dates non-sexual.. and I know he's going to want to play... so far I've been able to keep it platonic with the option open... So I wish you a great success one way or the other...

Offline Buckmark

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  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
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Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #4 on: July 09, 2007, 10:43:16 AM »
Woods,

Well, of course you do not want someone to be HIV+.  But if your new friend does turn out to be positive, all the decisions and actions leading up to that occurred before you met, so I don't see any reason to feel guilty.  The reality is there are lots of HIV+ folks out there, so I don't see anything wrong with hoping that someone you are attracted to might be one of them.  As a positive person, I think it is far easier to have a relationship with someone who is HIV+ than someone who is not.  Of course, don't be gleeful if he is in fact poz.  ;)

Oddly, though, given the vast number of times I have disclosed my status to guys over the past 17 years, I can think of only two instances where guys have responded with "yeah, I'm positive too".  So while I'd rather serosort, I do find the practice to be exceptionally limiting (your mileage may vary). 

I'm just glad you found someone that you feel you could have a relationship with (as well as a hot make-out sessions).  If he does turn out to be negative, try to accept him as he is, just as you'd hope to be accepted as you are.

Hugs,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline woodshere

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  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #5 on: July 09, 2007, 11:02:59 AM »
I feel better to know I am not alone in this feeling.

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. If he is HIV+ try to refrain from saying Yipee!

I am still laughing, thanks for making my morning.
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline David_CA

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Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #6 on: July 09, 2007, 11:03:50 AM »
Recently, a guy I've known a while and I were getting ready to ______________.  He said "I need to tell you I'm HIV+".  I told him that I was too, and he smiled and said "good, that's a relief!"  Then he said "I mean... no... I mean I'm not glad you're HIV+".  It was kinda funny.  I told him to relax and that I knew what he meant and that I already knew he was, and he looked VERY surprised.  I said that nobody had been talking, but I'd seen his profile on one of the sites (manhunt, or some other).  Sometimes, disclosure works out very well like in this situation.  Like I've said before, nobody ever told me that they were HIV+ prior to my diagnosis.  It's a bit ironic, if you ask me.  Don't worry about it, Woods.  I say that not because it's going to be easy, but because it's something you've got to do.  Take care and let us know how it turns out.

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Longislander

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Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #7 on: July 10, 2007, 12:12:24 AM »
Hey Woods, good luck with the guy.  :D I'll chime in and say that I also secretly hoped the guy I'm with now would say he was POS as well when I told him. He didn't, and thank goodness. ;D
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2007, 02:05:25 AM »
Hey Woods, good luck with the guy.  :D I'll chime in and say that I also secretly hoped the guy I'm with now would say he was POS as well when I told him. He didn't, and thank goodness. ;D

Woods, Long, everyone: Even if the guy says "I'm pos too" it's not like you caused it or anything. I know you know this...... but I just had to say it. The main thing you're hoping for is that profound love connection, oh and yeah the bareback issues too

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #9 on: July 11, 2007, 09:11:39 AM »
oh and yeah the bareback issues too

You know me so well..... :)
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline MoltenStorm

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  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #10 on: July 11, 2007, 09:33:47 AM »
*the lights lower and Ani Defranco descends from above singing...*

"And thinkin' and prayin'
Plannin' and dreamin'
Each night of his charms
That won't get you into his arms
So if you're looking
To find love that you can share
All you gotta do is
Hold him and kiss him and love him
And show him that you care
Show him that you care just for him
Do the things that he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him
...So if you're thinkin'
Of how great true love is
All you gotta do is
Hold him, and kiss him
And squeeze him and love him
Just do it
And after you do
You will be his."

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. :P I too have had that hope that when it came time to disclose, they would say, "I am, too." Hasn't happened yet, but that's ok. Good luck, man. Let us know how it turns out.

*keeping his fingers crossed for you*
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline Bucko

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  • You need a shine, missy!
    • The Spin Cycle
Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #11 on: July 11, 2007, 07:10:45 PM »
Best of luck Woods.

I'm not sure what kind of Karma points one gets for wishing someone poz, but I just hope he makes you happy.

Said with my best New York Jewish Mother voice:
If hoping he's poz makes you happy, is that so wrong?

 ;D
Brent
(Who knows the advantages to serosorting)
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #12 on: July 11, 2007, 09:03:33 PM »
Every time I read the subject title to this thread, I start singing that damn song. :) God I'm old.

Offline rkeat25

  • Member
  • Posts: 32
Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #13 on: July 11, 2007, 09:45:46 PM »
Wow - this is definitely a situation that I can relate to.  I have recently put myself back into the dating world again.  And time after time things don't work out because of my status.  Actually, I should correct that - things don't work out because of his ability to be able to deal with my status.

I hope things work out for you Woods.

ronnie

Offline PJC0510

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  • Posts: 101
  • Life is worth living, so live it while you have it
Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #14 on: July 12, 2007, 04:07:07 PM »
I find myself hoping that when I say I am HIV+, he says so am I.  In actuality, I would never want someone to be poz.  But for selfish reasons I hope he is and this causes me to feel guilty.  I know I shouldn't hope this, but it sure would make things easier.

So if you really like this guy, does it matter if he is positive or negative?  If he thinks the same about out you, it should not matter.

I am currently seeing a negative guy and he is being really good about it, we are careful with everything we do.

And who says that him being positive will be easier? 

I hope it all goes well, keep us posted please.

Have a beauty filled day!

Peter
I may never beat HIV, but then again, it will NEVER beat me!

Offline BT65

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Re: Wishin' and hopin'
« Reply #15 on: July 12, 2007, 09:41:38 PM »
Hey Woods-
  I hope things with this guy go well.  Especially since you guys are clicking so well.  Be sure and let us know how it goes. 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

 


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