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Author Topic: person who infected you with HIV  (Read 17483 times)

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Offline egello

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  • cb
person who infected you with HIV
« on: July 01, 2007, 08:38:18 PM »
i just wanted to hear everyone's story regarding the person who has infected you with hiv...

for me, i keep day dreaming about running across that scum of the earth, drug dealing mtf and giving him a nice big punch across his face and see him land on the floor, even thoughi am not a violent person at all....

oh, and please hold yourselves back from trying to put the blame on me and how i should have been more careful since everyone's story is different
Reyataz / Norvir / Truvada/ Androgel 5 g / 2 days
1/29/07 14 T, 300 k V, 1.8 %
2/22/07 197 T, 247 V, 6.8 %
3/27/07 164 T, <50 V, 5.4 %
5/28/07 177 T, <50 V, 8.2 %
7/28/07 214 T, <50 V, 9.6 %
10/3/07 380 T, <50 V, 10 % no more Mepron, Famvir

Offline Life

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  • Member 2005
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2007, 08:48:40 PM »
How will it make you feel after you knock him out??  What will it gain??  If it would guarantee another 100 cd4's in the basket or a continued <50 vl for the next 10 years then yeah, I would consider it... But since I have know fucking clue who infected me, it takes the pressure off....   Thank God...

Good luck in your hunt...

Offline dtwpuck

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  • дано мне тело, что мне делать с ним?
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #2 on: July 01, 2007, 08:55:45 PM »
Egello... I hope you find a way to transform your anger into something that will help you heal.

I loved the man from whom I got HIV.  He was an unhappy, miserable alcoholic... but I loved him in all his pathetic glory.  I had to tell him that I was positive and that there was a good chance I got it from him.  I was right.

He died on January 3, 2000, alone, from an overdose of GHB, alcohol and who knows what else.  Only his mother and I went to his funeral. 

And as sad and lonely and Jimmie was, as tumultuous as the time was we spent together... I will always remember how hard I cried when I put him back on the train to California, and will always remember him as my "fuzzy belly boy".

Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2007, 09:00:37 PM »
I have no idea who gave it to me... there are too many possibilities spanning too many years.  I was horribly neglectful and did not get tested for HIV until diagnosis, probably because I did not wish to know.  Who did at the time with only AZT available?

However, I hope it was the Venezuelan as he was extra hot and the hit of ecstasy that night was kicking.

egello, a friendly caution to not let such thoughts consume you as certainly in your first year of diagnosis you have to concentrate on your physical health, and mental things can affect that.
« Last Edit: July 01, 2007, 09:05:43 PM by philly267 »
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline mjmel

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #4 on: July 01, 2007, 09:01:23 PM »
Let go of the anger. Just forgive the fucker and let it go. Why? You'll survive better without the stress that the anger will bring. (subconsious or otherwise)
Take it or leave it but it's sound advice, young man.
one hug for egello,
Mike

Offline Iggy

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #5 on: July 01, 2007, 09:06:54 PM »
Quote
oh, and please hold yourselves back from trying to put the blame on me and how i should have been more careful since everyone's story is different

Ok but speaking of me....I do put the blame on myself.  I decided to have sex without a condom and didn't ask for status.  Frankly I've beaten myself up enough to just accept to responsibility without the guilt now. 

Offline milker

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #6 on: July 01, 2007, 09:23:50 PM »
If this is who I think it is, he was a very good fuck. I tried to find him to tell him I was poz and that if he thought he was neg he should get checked. Apart from that I couldn't care less about him, and if it turns out he knowingly infected me i'll be sad for him, not for me. I don't feel any anger, i don't feel guilty, i don't want to blame anyone, i'm just positive, it's my own actions that led to this, now it's more important for me to do all I can to live a good life like I had planned before february 2007.

I know, a lot of people that react like you do, and a good stomping may help you get some immediate relief, just don't end up in jail!

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline Mouse

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  • Om nom nom.
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #7 on: July 01, 2007, 09:29:46 PM »
I care a great deal about him. I never really felt bitter or angry towards him, because he was not a whole lot older than I am right now at the time and I honestly don't think he ever meant to be malicious at all. He was a stupid kid, and I was just as stupid. We talk over the phone sometimes and he's in pretty good health (at least he was a few monthsa go), the last time I saw him was like a year ago. I wouldn't mind catching up again. We're both in the same situation right now and for me to hate him would just be ridiculous.


Offline Basquo

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  • Posts: 3,272
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #8 on: July 01, 2007, 09:43:01 PM »
I saw him two weeks ago.  I looked right through him and paraded my boyfriend in front of me.

And I wrote about this before: 

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=12573.msg156974#msg156974

Offline xyahka

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  • Dance together!! aha!! aha!! I like it!!
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #9 on: July 01, 2007, 10:02:19 PM »
Well in my case i met him something like 3 years ago. We always had unprotected sex even though i had always condoms with me... it was just the strong desire... to be with him blows my mind. I am not 100% sure it was him, but according to my numbers yes... he was diagnosed AIDS a month after that night and i was diagnosed Hiv+ around 4 months after that night. He didn't tell me about his diagnosis... until i got to know mine.

I am not angry with him, one cannot hate someone we love... and i feel lot of things deep in my heart for him... and hate is not among those. We do meet from time to time, go out, have sex and all that. Even though it is clear he is not looking for a serious relatioship. I am ok with the situation, i am 90% sure that if it was him... he was not aware of his status.

Plus, i have so many things to do in my life right now... i don't have time to hate anybody.

Juan Carlos
13/03/07 1er diagnóstico /Peso: 79kg
19/04/07 CD4: 494 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 80kg
19/07/07 CD4: 659 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79.5kg
06/03/08 CD4: 573 (después de meses muy deprimido) /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79kg
17/09/08 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 84Kg
06/02/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 85Kg /HCV: Neg /HBV: Neg.
07/03/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg / Gym 3días/semana y Natación 2días/semana.
12/05/09 CD4: 470 /Cviral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg.
08/07/09 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 77Kg.
09/12/09 CD4: 510 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg. No medicinas aún
10/01/10 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
15/05/10 CD4: 320 /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
01/02/11 CD4: 291 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
05/05/11 CD4: 366 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
27/07/11 CD4: 255 /CViral: 138000 /Peso: 78kg.

Disfrutando y aceptando una nueva vida...

Offline Dachshund

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #10 on: July 01, 2007, 10:04:09 PM »
Ahhh...1981 and the future looked rosey...so many men and so little time.

Offline Lis

  • Member
  • Posts: 595
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #11 on: July 01, 2007, 10:13:10 PM »
anger... self hate.... not so much.. It happened, and I have no one to blame but myself....  perhaps a GOOD look in the mirror, and a therapist....


dont /try not to be too bitter... your the only one that it hurts...

lisbeth
poz 1986....

Offline RapidRod

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  • Posts: 15,288
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #12 on: July 01, 2007, 10:37:25 PM »
I don't know and haven't really cared about it. It's been to long ago and it was before HIV was even named.

Offline RICKY77531

  • Member
  • Posts: 104
  • just Chill
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #13 on: July 01, 2007, 10:42:20 PM »
I think it was my first love....so long ago..he even talked to me about hiv and how to be careful that the pretty ones often get it ......maybe he had it...who knows...do I care?? naw ...need to focus on me right now
06/2007   CD4 266  Vl 62000
06/2007   CD4 200  Vl 13495
07/2007   ATRIPLA
09/2007   CD4 323  VL Undetectable
11/2007   CD4 428  VL Undetectable
01/2008   CD4 357  VL Undetectable
04/2008   CD4 357  VL UNDETECTABLE
08/2008   CD4 402  VL UNDETECTABLE
11/2008   CD4 421  79 DETECTABLE..
2/2009     CD4 450  VL UNDETECTABLE

Offline Cliff

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #14 on: July 02, 2007, 04:44:05 AM »
It was from someone I cared for (and still do).  Though we are not together (and may never be together), I think we will be friends for life.  He has always been there for me and I will always be there for him. 

I have no anger towards him (or myself).  I've moved passed all of that now.  It wasn't healthy for me (and him).

Offline carousel

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #15 on: July 02, 2007, 06:11:31 AM »
I can't think of any reason why I would want to have contact with the person who infected me.

It's not that I am angry, I think it is more to do with that I have moved on.  The last time I saw him in Central London, I could feel myself cringing.  It was a bad judgement that I spent my time with him, that is all.

Why would I want to spend my time with somebody who had as big a drug habit as I had?

The only thing that we share is our virus.

Offline bear60

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #16 on: July 02, 2007, 07:40:51 AM »
eg..... I dont know who infected me and I dont care.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline J.R.E.

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,260
  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #17 on: July 02, 2007, 07:52:04 AM »


The person that infected me in 1985 ( through my negligence of not using a condom), died June 19th, 1986. I was poll bearer in his funeral. Ed and I just went last weekend to the cemetery was he is laid to rest, also saw another friend of ours that passed on in 1993, at the same cemetery. It's in the past...

Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 25 mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


Diagnosed positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of 8/25/14,  t-cells are at 402, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 11%

  
 62 years young.

Offline DanielMark

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #18 on: July 02, 2007, 08:00:24 AM »
Everyone is different, but I can't think of any good reason to relive past mistakes I made. I have no room for hanging onto resentments in my life, because they are nothing but life-sucking poison. In my thinking, all my yesterdays are buried in the graveyard of bygones where they belong.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline camille07

  • Member
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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #19 on: July 02, 2007, 08:45:25 AM »
I still love the person who infected me.  The real drag is that we used a condom and had a real problem with it, lets just say.   ::)

Don't get me wrong, i've had my share of rtl where I was not so careful back in my twenties.....its irony at its finest.

Egg-  You need to let it go.  It is what it is and the only thing that really matters is you and your health.

Offline redhotmuslbear

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #20 on: July 02, 2007, 09:02:50 AM »
Ahhh...1981 and the future looked rosey...so many men and so little time.


AMEN! 

I've come to believe that the guy who gave me HIV was the Nordic stalllion who gave me syphilis when I was 17 in college, but it could have been any of several hundred men during that era.... geez, here come the full-body memories from 1982 again!

It could have been the aubsive lover who raped me two years later or any of the guys to whom I whored myself out to help fund his addictions and mine, or it could have another stupid kid like me who didn't know how we could protect ourselves back then.  And for all I know, it could have been a blood donor for one of several transfusions I received 1981-84 during surgeries.  But I do really hope that I was enoying myself immensely when I got the bug....really!

Even if whoever it was suspected that he had "the gay plague," I can't be angry.  Humans seek sex and physical contact for complex reasons, and emotions and hormones often take control of our intellect.  Besides, anger only runs down my body and wastes my time on an unproductive pursuit.

Peace,
David

"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." - BF Skinner
12-31-09   222wks VL  2430 CD4 690 (37%)
09-30-09   208wks VL  2050  CD4 925 (42%)
06-25-08   143wks VL  1359  CD4 668 (32%)  CD8 885
02-11-08   123wks off meds:  VL 1364 CD4 892(40%/0.99 ratio)
10-19-07   112wks off meds:   VL 292  CD4 857(37%/0.85 ratio)

One copy of delta-32 for f*****d up CCR5 receptors, and an HLA B44+ allele for "CD8-mediated immunity"... beteer than winning Powerball, almost!

Offline jack

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  • fomerly the loser known as Jake
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #21 on: July 02, 2007, 09:57:34 AM »
let it go. it just doesnt matter.

Offline GSOgymrat

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  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #22 on: July 02, 2007, 12:31:38 PM »
i just wanted to hear everyone's story regarding the person who has infected you with hiv...

I'm sleeping with him.

Offline Central79

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #23 on: July 02, 2007, 12:57:21 PM »
I don't know who infected me - I have a couple of "candidates". I regret sleeping with all of them - because it wasn't that great. I should've been with my bf and not been fucking around - safer sex is just that. Safer.

As to how I feel - 18 months on I think about him less. Statistically he was probably some guy who was new to things himself, and had a high VL - so maybe he didn't even know. If he didn't know, then I can forgive him. If he did know, or if he came over to my place and saw all the surgery books lying about, or was the one guy I told how much I wanted to be a surgeon, and he didn't disclose then I curse him periodically. I do hate him. I know that whatever, it wasn't malicious - but disclosure ain't hard.

I don't know that hate is a particularly disabling emotion. I find anger actually gets me to pull my finger out of my ass and get on with my life - because I'm not letting any coward take away the bulk of what I've worked hard for, even if my specific dream had to change.

Matt.
Diagnosed January 2006
26/1/06 - 860 (22%), VL > 500,000
24/4/06 - 820 (24.6%), VL 158,000
13/7/06 - 840 (22%), VL 268,000
1/11/06 - 680 (21%), VL 93,100
29/1/07 - 1,020 (27.5%), VL 46,500
15/5/07 - 1,140 (22.8%), VL not done.
13/10/07 - 759 (23.2%), VL 170,000
6/11/07 - 630 (25%), VL 19,324
14/1/08 - 650 (21%), VL 16,192
15/4/08 - 590 (21%), VL 40, 832

Offline LatinAlexander

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  • Bogota, Colombia
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #24 on: July 02, 2007, 03:26:05 PM »
I do not know who gave it to me....

And I do not want to know either. I think that I have enough beating myself up, to add the burden of hating someone.

Alex
Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #25 on: July 02, 2007, 08:24:55 PM »
Matty the Damned was probably infected by an intimate friend, also called Matty.

He committed suicide some months after finding out I was positive.

MtD

Offline mjmel

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #26 on: July 02, 2007, 09:08:07 PM »
Hell, I just realize I never responded to the post but 'advised' instead. Sorry egello.
I believe my point of infection was a mercy fuck with an ex who had just lost his current lover to AIDS. Yeah, we barebacked and I was bottom that night.  I never doubted he wouldn't pull out in time. He didn't even attempt it, however. Jack was about 6'4" and fairly well built so in the heat of passion (and drunkenness) he could NOT be moved off suddenly.
I never had any bad feelings towards him. No anger felt towards him. I saw him years later in a bar in New Orleans. Drunk. Wasting away. We spoke briefly about things in general...avoiding any sensitive topic....and I knew he regretted his lack of control. I could read it in his eyes. He died of AIDS about a year later.
Jack was a good man who had a thoughtless moment.
xxx,
Mike
« Last Edit: July 02, 2007, 09:09:55 PM by mjmel »

Offline sdcabincrew74

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #27 on: July 02, 2007, 10:07:15 PM »
let go of all the hate and anger, it only makes you unhealthy .... "in with anger,out with love" I think Bo said on Ab Fab.  Anywho, I have no clue, there were too many with whom I was not exactly safe.  I only hope it was one of the good fucks, LOL.
The difference between an overnight and a layover is luck!

Offline ademas

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #28 on: July 02, 2007, 10:09:30 PM »
I was very young and very much in love (for the first time) with the man who infected me.
It was the winter before all hell broke loose.
He died 14 years ago last Friday, June 29th, 1993, at the age of 29.

Offline libvet

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #29 on: July 02, 2007, 10:27:19 PM »
i just wanted to hear everyone's story regarding the person who has infected you with hiv...

for me, i keep day dreaming about running across that scum of the earth, drug dealing mtf and giving him a nice big punch across his face and see him land on the floor, even thoughi am not a violent person at all....

oh, and please hold yourselves back from trying to put the blame on me and how i should have been more careful since everyone's story is different

It's hard to get worked up about someone I no longer care about and someone I don't really have any respect for anymore.  I don't hate him.  I just pity him.   I don't think he ever really lived long enough to learn how to truly love someone, if he was even capable of that.  A good part of me suspects he didn't have that capacity in him to truly love and commit to someone.  In retrospect, he was irresponsible, weak, and dishonest.  He was handsome and charming and somewhat bright, but at best, it was superficial.   Easy to see through now....not so much when I was 20 years old.

If it's revenge you want, do it by living well and having a good life.  Once I moved on, it was pretty easy.  I have a good life.  A decent job.  A home.   A boyfriend who has stood beside me for 17 years.

Offline rocket

  • Member
  • Posts: 58
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #30 on: July 02, 2007, 10:45:28 PM »
It was a year and a half ago in Thailand.He was a 21 year old Thai guy who just hanging out in the gay area of pattaya.He didnt tell me he was positive and I didnt ask.We had sex two nights in a row,until I was informed by someone who knew he was positive and also had tb. I found out a week after the sex so it was too late for pep.  its hard to be mad at him since he doesnt even speak my language,Im angry with myself for assuming he was negative. I made the mistake of thinking hiv was a gay disease and that this straight guy wouldnt have it.Now I know that its mostly a hetero disease worldwide.My lack of knowledge hurt me.   I know he was angry when he was told,no more sex with girls.

Offline egello

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  • cb
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #31 on: July 02, 2007, 11:19:56 PM »
mine was this meth dealing addict who should have been put into jail for life. i know for fact that after me, he has been tricking others into getting addicted to meth and spreading his hiv probably by raping them. i think i was a victim of that because i don't remember having had sex with him, but i do remember waking up one morning with my ass hurting as if a rocket had gone in there over night. after kicking him and meth out of my life two weeks after that, i got terribly sick for two weeks which now thinking about it, it was seroconverting.

and with what i have gone through beg. of this year and all my current fear of getting sick again and having to grow old with these poisonous meds, how can i forgive that little shit head.

MTD, don't fucking tell me that he didn't have to disclose that to me
Reyataz / Norvir / Truvada/ Androgel 5 g / 2 days
1/29/07 14 T, 300 k V, 1.8 %
2/22/07 197 T, 247 V, 6.8 %
3/27/07 164 T, <50 V, 5.4 %
5/28/07 177 T, <50 V, 8.2 %
7/28/07 214 T, <50 V, 9.6 %
10/3/07 380 T, <50 V, 10 % no more Mepron, Famvir

Offline Rockit

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #32 on: July 02, 2007, 11:35:04 PM »
i dont blame any one. i feel as if i did it to myself. i am in this situation now cuz i chose not to ware condoms most of the time, i got drunk , i hooked up with out thought, i tried a bit of this and that. i took a bite of the forbiden fruit.im in  this now and i will admit. i did not love myself enough to care more about my health, body, heart.i never got checked. i thought guys would like me better. i didnt think it would happen to me. but im also glad i dont knw from who. i just knw i have to take care of myself cuz those guys are not here with me.
xxoxoxo
...after the storm, the calm......

Offline Bucko

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #33 on: July 02, 2007, 11:42:14 PM »
Misplaced anger turns inward, Eggy.

Please discuss this with a counselor, you need help.

BTW-
In the innocent days before the plague we all fucked like bunnies. The only time I obsess on who might have infected me (and whom I might have infected) is on those rare moments when I imbibe in cannabis.

Brent
(Who hates to see hate)
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline thunter34

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #34 on: July 03, 2007, 12:16:48 AM »
While I don't know the specific ID, a general profile based on my lifestyle at the time would suggest he was a partier, hot and knew how to sling some serious dick.

Odd as it might sound to some, I've actually taken some comfort in that fact.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline thunter34

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #35 on: July 03, 2007, 12:52:18 AM »
mine was this meth dealing addict who should have been put into jail for life. i know for fact that after me, he has been tricking others into getting addicted to meth and spreading his hiv probably by raping them. i think i was a victim of that because i don't remember having had sex with him, but i do remember waking up one morning with my ass hurting as if a rocket had gone in there over night. after kicking him and meth out of my life two weeks after that, i got terribly sick for two weeks which now thinking about it, it was seroconverting.

and with what i have gone through beg. of this year and all my current fear of getting sick again and having to grow old with these poisonous meds, how can i forgive that little shit head.

MTD, don't fucking tell me that he didn't have to disclose that to me

Why are jumping on MtD's shit all of the sudden?  I don't see above where he said anything to elicit that kind of lashing. 

And how exactly does one get "tricked into becoming addicted to meth"?  Like you thought it was really just sugar or salt for awhile and you were just feeling unusually peppy, but then- "SUPRISE!  It was really meth and now you are hooked!"  I'm a bit skeptical of the claim. 

Sorry you have HIV.  Sorry I have HIV, but we do.  And no amount of blaming others is going to lower your VL one bit.  On the contrary, the stress and anger might be costing you some t-cells. 
« Last Edit: July 03, 2007, 12:55:10 AM by thunter34 »
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #36 on: July 03, 2007, 03:33:56 AM »
mine was this meth dealing addict who should have been put into jail for life. i know for fact that after me, he has been tricking others into getting addicted to meth and spreading his hiv probably by raping them. i think i was a victim of that because i don't remember having had sex with him, but i do remember waking up one morning with my ass hurting as if a rocket had gone in there over night. after kicking him and meth out of my life two weeks after that, i got terribly sick for two weeks which now thinking about it, it was seroconverting.

and with what i have gone through beg. of this year and all my current fear of getting sick again and having to grow old with these poisonous meds, how can i forgive that little shit head.

MTD, don't fucking tell me that he didn't have to disclose that to me

This reads like a dime-store novel and frankly I don't believe it, and whether you like it or not no one has to disclose to you...tricked or not.
« Last Edit: July 03, 2007, 03:38:04 AM by Dachshund »

Offline ndrew

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #37 on: July 03, 2007, 03:34:17 AM »
This question has happened before and I liked the answer- I infected myself.  Like when I crashed my car.  I didn't mean to do it, but I was driving recklessly (or is that wreckfully?)

Drew

Offline purplerain

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #38 on: July 03, 2007, 04:45:29 AM »
I'm sorry but where I am from we call people on their bullshit.  Just the fact that u want 2 dictate peoples response without telling us your story upfront leads me 2 question all of this.

I hear your anger at being Poz and I understand your frustration with everything that goes along with it but unlless U got hiv thru a blood transfusion or being raped, somethign along those lines, then we all have 2 own up 2 our part in getting this disease. 

That doesn't mean that there are people out there who don't care about spreading this.  It also doesn't make what they do ok.   It doesn't justify or pardon their actions but it also doesn't excuse yours.

Get real with yourself, forgive yourself, forgive him and get over it. 







Offline cubbybear

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #39 on: July 03, 2007, 05:46:45 AM »
I know who infected me, but I let it go.  Nothing I can say or do will change anything, so I don't try or waste my energy.  I don't want to be an angry person because of them, so I don't let it get to me.
There's a bear in there!
Positive since 2000
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Offline mjmel

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #40 on: July 03, 2007, 06:11:10 AM »
We all screwed up as no one in their right mind would willfully get this virus. That being said, if you want to blame the meth dealer than be my guest.  In the end the responsibility for safe sex lies squarely on ones own shoulder. While I agree that it's repulsive that he continues to deal meth, manipulate situations/tricks.... and continues to have bareback sex remember that (#1) people willfully choose to indulge in drugs; (2) even high on meth one can stop long enough to slip on protection. Don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about. Been there; done that.
I wish all meth dealers would disapear off the face of the earth but you know people would flock to find something else to achieve altered states. Then they would blame that dealer for ruining their future. When adults indulges in illegal/street drugs one calculates (or miscalculates) the risks.   
xxx,
Mike
« Last Edit: July 03, 2007, 07:19:52 AM by mjmel »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #41 on: July 03, 2007, 06:58:42 AM »
egello, no one gets tricked into being a meth addict.

From an Ex-meth addict. 

Offline egello

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #42 on: July 03, 2007, 09:56:05 AM »
you guys don't think that meth dealers don't try to get others addicted meth? thats their whole purpose in life ! it makes them money, and keeps their miserable life in company!

i was freshly out of college, only really heard about x and g and willing to try anything once, but things like meth isn't something you just try once and be done with it, it is freaking hard, probably hardest thing to quit and easiest thing to get addicted to, even worse than cig. when an meth addic gives you some meth to try, they do it in purpose of getting you addicted and that is tricking! you think with my high hope of career in film biz and moving out to la, i was looking for ways to destroy my life with meth? fuck that

i don't really care if you guys believe my story or not, but it is what it is. thinking about things through now, i really do think i was raped because i would have NEVER slept with him because he wasn't my type. sure, i hung around with him and was nice to him, did reciprocate kisses because by then i thought meth was the greatest thing on earth, but i would have never slept with him.

but anyways, you guys are right in one thing, there is no point of being mad, but still, it just pissses me off how much time i am spending on this whole thing.

maybe i am in an extra pissy mood because for the past week i've

I'm sorry but where I am from we call people on their bullshit.  Just the fact that u want 2 dictate peoples response without telling us your story upfront leads me 2 question all of this.

I hear your anger at being Poz and I understand your frustration with everything that goes along with it but unlless U got hiv thru a blood transfusion or being raped, somethign along those lines, then we all have 2 own up 2 our part in getting this disease. 

That doesn't mean that there are people out there who don't care about spreading this.  It also doesn't make what they do ok.   It doesn't justify or pardon their actions but it also doesn't excuse yours.

Get real with yourself, forgive yourself, forgive him and get over it. 
been dizzy and light headed and my "in-laws" and a nephew in-laws are visiting and they are driving me crazy.

where u from, bullshit land? you don't read what i write carefully enough or not at all
Reyataz / Norvir / Truvada/ Androgel 5 g / 2 days
1/29/07 14 T, 300 k V, 1.8 %
2/22/07 197 T, 247 V, 6.8 %
3/27/07 164 T, <50 V, 5.4 %
5/28/07 177 T, <50 V, 8.2 %
7/28/07 214 T, <50 V, 9.6 %
10/3/07 380 T, <50 V, 10 % no more Mepron, Famvir

Offline egello

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #43 on: July 03, 2007, 09:58:44 AM »
I know who infected me, but I let it go.  Nothing I can say or do will change anything, so I don't try or waste my energy.  I don't want to be an angry person because of them, so I don't let it get to me.

i try to do that too, but this past week, i don't know what it is, this anger is coming back to me stronger than ever
Reyataz / Norvir / Truvada/ Androgel 5 g / 2 days
1/29/07 14 T, 300 k V, 1.8 %
2/22/07 197 T, 247 V, 6.8 %
3/27/07 164 T, <50 V, 5.4 %
5/28/07 177 T, <50 V, 8.2 %
7/28/07 214 T, <50 V, 9.6 %
10/3/07 380 T, <50 V, 10 % no more Mepron, Famvir

Offline Basquo

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #44 on: July 03, 2007, 10:09:24 AM »
I'm sorry but where I am from we call people on their bullshit. 



where u from, bullshit land?


LOL!   :D

Offline redhotmuslbear

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #45 on: July 03, 2007, 10:17:33 AM »
where u from, bullshit land? you don't read what i write carefully enough or not at all


You know, lashing out with hate and bitterness at people who attempting to step you through your issues from a distance isn't going to help you a bit.  Continuing to dwell on your anger while constantly aiming it at others, rotten as they may be, also suggests that much of your anger is self-directed, whether for choosing to take the first hit of meth or for taking any of the other poor choices along the way.  I know how that pattern is, because I did it myself for many years.

If you have access to local resources for counseling and therapy, even something as simple as a 24-hour crisis line, you might want to reach out and use them now, rather than keep bottling up your stuff or trying to work it out through the internet.  Anger, whether directed internally or at others, is not a healthy emotion.

Peace,
David
"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." - BF Skinner
12-31-09   222wks VL  2430 CD4 690 (37%)
09-30-09   208wks VL  2050  CD4 925 (42%)
06-25-08   143wks VL  1359  CD4 668 (32%)  CD8 885
02-11-08   123wks off meds:  VL 1364 CD4 892(40%/0.99 ratio)
10-19-07   112wks off meds:   VL 292  CD4 857(37%/0.85 ratio)

One copy of delta-32 for f*****d up CCR5 receptors, and an HLA B44+ allele for "CD8-mediated immunity"... beteer than winning Powerball, almost!

Offline Dachshund

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #46 on: July 03, 2007, 10:24:17 AM »
I for one have had enough of this nonsense. You expect the members of this forum to believe that while under the influence of meth you are pretty sure you were raped. Do you realize there are women using this forum that have actually suffered the indignity and trauma of rape? If you were posting this drivel in Am I (where I suspect it is where you really belong) you would have been asked to cease and desist by now. Researching your posts I notice a disturbing similarity to the type of posting that goes on in Am I Infected. So far you have been certain you had PCP and lipo and you were wondering if you should see the doctor. You complained of bulgin (whatever that is) and other ailments and went to the doctor on Saturday all in the span of a few hours, wondered if you had cancer and on and on it goes.



I am going to report this to the moderators and see if the wheat can be separated from the chaff.

Hal
(who is in no mood for BS)
« Last Edit: July 03, 2007, 10:26:32 AM by Dachshund »

Offline ubotts

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #47 on: July 03, 2007, 10:25:06 AM »
Yes i know who gave it to me..Now that person is dead..
At first i was angry because it could of been mentioned to me..but the sucker said nothing
I gave up regretting and hating that sucker a long time ago..Anger gets you no where..Once you
can let go of your anger, you will start to live again as i did..Life's a bitch and life is also what you make it!
Live Love Laugh and dance like no ones watching.
Laughter is the best medicine, so try to have a laugh everyday..Even if your not feeling your best, think about something that was funny at one time in your life and work with it..   :o)

Offline thunter34

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #48 on: July 03, 2007, 10:26:59 AM »
A career in the film biz?

At least now I understand where some of the dramatics are coming from.

AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline egello

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #49 on: July 03, 2007, 10:44:46 AM »
I for one have had enough of this nonsense. You expect the members of this forum to believe that while under the influence of meth you are pretty sure you were raped. Do you realize there are women using this forum that have actually suffered the indignity and trauma of rape? If you were posting this drivel in Am I (where I suspect it is where you really belong) you would have been asked to cease and desist by now. Researching your posts I notice a disturbing similarity to the type of posting that goes on in Am I Infected. So far you have been certain you had PCP and lipo and you were wondering if you should see the doctor. You complained of bulgin (whatever that is) and other ailments and went to the doctor on Saturday all in the span of a few hours, wondered if you had cancer and on and on it goes.



I am going to report this to the moderators and see if the wheat can be separated from the chaff.

Hal
(who is in no mood for BS)

go ahead, i am sure the moderators have read my posts more carefully from the beginning.

just to correct one thing out of many, i did not THINK that i was wasting and had PCP, i was hospitalized for them this past December, so think what you want and read only what you want to read...

oh also, it was thrusday, and not saturday that i went to see my doc
« Last Edit: July 03, 2007, 10:46:26 AM by egello »
Reyataz / Norvir / Truvada/ Androgel 5 g / 2 days
1/29/07 14 T, 300 k V, 1.8 %
2/22/07 197 T, 247 V, 6.8 %
3/27/07 164 T, <50 V, 5.4 %
5/28/07 177 T, <50 V, 8.2 %
7/28/07 214 T, <50 V, 9.6 %
10/3/07 380 T, <50 V, 10 % no more Mepron, Famvir

Offline egello

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #50 on: July 03, 2007, 10:47:54 AM »
Yes i know who gave it to me..Now that person is dead..
At first i was angry because it could of been mentioned to me..but the sucker said nothing
I gave up regretting and hating that sucker a long time ago..Anger gets you no where..Once you
can let go of your anger, you will start to live again as i did..Life's a bitch and life is also what you make it!

it seems like for a lot of people here, those people who infected you with hiv is already dead
Reyataz / Norvir / Truvada/ Androgel 5 g / 2 days
1/29/07 14 T, 300 k V, 1.8 %
2/22/07 197 T, 247 V, 6.8 %
3/27/07 164 T, <50 V, 5.4 %
5/28/07 177 T, <50 V, 8.2 %
7/28/07 214 T, <50 V, 9.6 %
10/3/07 380 T, <50 V, 10 % no more Mepron, Famvir

Offline egello

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #51 on: July 03, 2007, 10:53:30 AM »

If you have access to local resources for counseling and therapy, even something as simple as a 24-hour crisis line, you might want to reach out and use them now, rather than keep bottling up your stuff or trying to work it out through the internet.  Anger, whether directed internally or at others, is not a healthy emotion.

Peace,
David

i do go see someone at the center here in s/d but it doesn't really help. only time they help is when i am actually feeling something on my way there, and regarding all these other stuff, like bulge in my crotch area, the counselors says he either doesn't know or that it might be in my head and if it is in my head only, i should somehow get over it. i mean i could have told myself that
Reyataz / Norvir / Truvada/ Androgel 5 g / 2 days
1/29/07 14 T, 300 k V, 1.8 %
2/22/07 197 T, 247 V, 6.8 %
3/27/07 164 T, <50 V, 5.4 %
5/28/07 177 T, <50 V, 8.2 %
7/28/07 214 T, <50 V, 9.6 %
10/3/07 380 T, <50 V, 10 % no more Mepron, Famvir

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #52 on: July 03, 2007, 11:00:48 AM »
egello, if you had been 12 years old I could accept that you were "tricked" by the Evil Drug Dealer into doing things you did not want to do, but alas you were in your mid-20's and had a college education.  Come on.  You need to reconcile yourself with what YOU did, no others.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #53 on: July 03, 2007, 11:03:00 AM »
only time they help is when i am actually feeling something on my way there,

Keep a diary to refer to when you go in.  You can't expect a therapist to extract information from you.  It's not an interrogation cell at Guantanomo.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline milker

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #54 on: July 03, 2007, 11:05:07 AM »
This thread was interesting but now is going to the gutter. Personal attacks won't help. egello, you need to seek professional help, you've been going overly anxious in the past few weeks, it's time to talk about it with someone that can help you.

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
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Offline thunter34

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #55 on: July 03, 2007, 11:08:43 AM »
egello, if you had been 12 years old I could accept that you were "tricked" by the Evil Drug Dealer into doing things you did not want to do, but alas you were in your mid-20's and had a college education.  Come on.  You need to reconcile yourself with what YOU did, no others.

Thank you!  And speaking as someone who has done some meth....ok, a fair amount of meth.  OK....quite a bit of meth.  Alright, tons and tons of meth! - in my day, I can say that I don't buy waking up and being unsure if I had had butt sex before.  You might feel somewhat invincible, but you are completely aware of what you are doing while you are on that stuff.  

There's a bunch of folks on here who are schooled in the ways of meth, doll.  You'll have to sell that story elsewhere.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline egello

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #56 on: July 03, 2007, 11:17:33 AM »
Thank you!  And speaking as someone who has done some meth....ok, a fair amount of meth.  OK....quite a bit of meth.  Alright, tons and tons of meth! - in my day, I can say that I don't buy waking up and being unsure if I had had butt sex before.  You might feel somewhat invincible, but you are completely aware of what you are doing while you are on that stuff. 

There's a bunch of folks on here who are schooled in the ways of meth, doll.  You'll have to sell that story elsewhere.

gosh, would you stop attacking on integrity of what i am saying? is that what you exist for? jeesh

i think, i might have been drugged or something, because i was actually in a deep long sleep that night. for christ sake, i was on meth, how else could i have fallen into a coma like sleep that night.

Keep a diary to refer to when you go in.  You can't expect a therapist to extract information from you.  It's not an interrogation cell at Guantanomo.

but if i am not feeling it or thinking about it when i am going in, then doesn't that mean that its not affecting my life all that much
Reyataz / Norvir / Truvada/ Androgel 5 g / 2 days
1/29/07 14 T, 300 k V, 1.8 %
2/22/07 197 T, 247 V, 6.8 %
3/27/07 164 T, <50 V, 5.4 %
5/28/07 177 T, <50 V, 8.2 %
7/28/07 214 T, <50 V, 9.6 %
10/3/07 380 T, <50 V, 10 % no more Mepron, Famvir

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #57 on: July 03, 2007, 11:20:27 AM »
but if i am not feeling it or thinking about it when i am going in, then doesn't that mean that its not affecting my life all that much

No.  It only means you weren't feeling it those few hours before the appointment dear.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Bucko

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #58 on: July 03, 2007, 11:31:46 AM »
i do go see someone at the center here in s/d but it doesn't really help. only time they help is when i am actually feeling something on my way there, and regarding all these other stuff, like bulge in my crotch area, the counselors says he either doesn't know or that it might be in my head and if it is in my head only, i should somehow get over it. i mean i could have told myself that

Sometimes the obvious is the answer, Eggy. This response, like nearly all your posts, points to a big problem, bigger than having HIV:

You feel as though you are a victim.

This doesn't wash around here very long, because no healthy, sane person wishes to be a victim. It also reinforces the stereotype of PWAs being either victims or predators. It's an old old game that was pulled out again by the media in the mid-80s following the initial shock of so many deaths. Gay men, IV drug users and whores deserve their infection, while innocent women and kids do not. This is one big reason why, 25 years into the pandemic, GWB can feel comfortable discussing AIDS in Africa but not in Washington DC. Ryan White was innocent, Rock Hudson was merely tragic.

Ask Melia or our two female world mods (Ann & Jan) if they feel like victims.

Self-identifying as a victim is one of the habits of a substance abuser. I happen to know a lot about this, as both my grand-fathers, both my parents and my sister were/are substance abusers, booze, street drugs or both. My parents are almost dead, grand-fathers are long dead, all consumed by the toxic combo of alcohol, drugs and self-pity. Only my sister, who has been sober since 1990, has found a way out of the maze.

When supporting my sister's recovery early on, i learned what a "dry drunk" was. It's someone who has stopped using but hasn't rearranged their frame of reference, so they still act like an addict. Self-pity is one of their main attributes and is a big reason why they slip. Rearranging your frame of reference involves letting go of the anger, hurt and self-pity. It's a mature, responsible, sane coping mechanism. Indulging in self-pity and self-victimization is not.

Please get help. You need it so very badly. 
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline woodshere

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #59 on: July 03, 2007, 11:46:39 AM »
The guy that infected me is still around.  He is kinda of cute, a real good guy who makes mistakes along the way and can be quite good in the sack. 

His name is Woods.
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline RapidRod

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #60 on: July 03, 2007, 11:48:53 AM »
woodshere, you name dropper.  ;)

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #61 on: July 03, 2007, 01:19:55 PM »
EG, I'm going to allow this thread to stay open for the timebeing although it seems to be degenerating into simmering retorts.

I suggest you stop defending whatever your position is about how you became infected. You've made it quite clear how you recall it and how you feel about it. How about letting it rest there. If you feel misunderstood by some of the responses I suggest you take a nice big breath and let things stand that way. Sometimes it can be good to tolerate being misunderstood and disagreements -- and letting it be.

And if the whole issue is still unsatisfyingly alive in your life then I would join in supporting the suggestion that you get some professional support with sorting it out. Re-doing the past isn't going to happen. Life is so way too short under the best of conditions and it would be a shame to allow the rest of your years to be tainted by bitterness and other things which will bring you no peace.

Personally I believe strongly in dealing with what is rather than what was or what might have been.



 
Andy Velez

Offline PJC0510

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #62 on: July 03, 2007, 01:52:02 PM »
I think I know who it was, to bad it was just a one night stand, actually a blowjob on the beach in Pueto Rico with a local, just a beautufl man.

I cannot lay the blame on anyone excpet myself and  have come to accept that.

I may never beat HIV, but then again, it will NEVER beat me!

Offline englishgirl

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #63 on: July 03, 2007, 03:55:35 PM »
personally i dont even like the phraseology "infected" as that implies blame, either to another person or yourself, both of which are unhealthy.

i prefer to use the word 'contracted', it certainly helps my mental health to view it that way - no blame, just dealing with an illness.

even if it could be argued that the passing on of the virus was someone else's 'fault' - which for the record i believe is only in very specific cases - what good function does anger and bitterness have outside of the initial grieving process? none. all it does is destroy you and damage your mental and physical health.

egello, even people who truly do have good reason to feel abused and victimised recognise the negativity of those feelings and try to work through them, and you need to do the same. all this anger and blame is doing you no good you need to let it go so you can move on and start living with your situation.

ACT NOW TO CAMPAIGN AGAINST THE TRAVEL BAN:
http://campaigning.tht.org.uk/cms/cmsloader?WfJVLp&view=11,301,1385,0,-html

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=17352.0


"I'm not keen on the idea of the afterlife - not without knowing who else will be there and what the entertainment will be. Personally I'd rather just take a rest." Oscar Berger, PWA: Looking AIDS in the Face, 1996. RIP.

Offline Christine

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #64 on: July 03, 2007, 06:26:07 PM »
I am the person who infected me. And I do not say that 'to put the blame' on you. That is just how I see it. I have more anger towards myself, than I do towards him. Something I am working on, but I still have trouble forgiving myself for not using protection.
Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

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Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #65 on: July 03, 2007, 08:30:01 PM »
Ok, how I see it, I wasn't there when it happened to you, so I don't know any specifics. One thing I will say is that I have never met a drug dealer that lures people to get hooked on something, they usually serve those already hooked. I also speak from experience because I use to deal a few things back in the day and before meth.

As said, I wasn't there so I can't say if you were raped or not. I would hope that you would not make this up to try to gain attention, so on that note I will give you the benefit and accept you at your word that you were. Because having been raped myself, if you were lying about it, I surely w ould be offended. And if in my prescence, I would feel the urge to lay hands on you....Not trying to threatned you but I know me, ok.

Just my opinion but I feel you need to forgive yourself. It sounds like you are beating yourself up and you need to move on. In my case, the bottom line is that the fault would be mine. I put too much trust in the person who infected me but I also wasn't making him wear a condom. And even after finding out he was poz, I tried to be with him and he left me for a crackhead, prolly the one who infected him if I had to guess. Go figure. After going back to Miami and seeing how bad he looked, I was glad he had left me..... ;) Don't get me wrong, I had my moments of anger and being pissed but wtf? You can only be pissed for so long. Move on baby, move on...
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

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Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #66 on: July 03, 2007, 08:54:25 PM »
... just call her Dime Bag Akasha!
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #67 on: July 03, 2007, 08:58:59 PM »
... just call her Dime Bag Akasha!

LMAO....Aw come on, you can come up with something more gangsta than that!  Go ask Aunty Doxie for help...
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

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Offline Dachshund

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #68 on: July 03, 2007, 09:05:26 PM »
LMAO....Aw come on, you can come up with something more gangsta than that!  Go ask Aunty Doxie for help...


testify ;)

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #69 on: July 03, 2007, 09:41:28 PM »
I've not been a pot smoker since a sophomore in college I'm afraid.  It's sad that I know more about speedballs.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline blondbeauty

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #70 on: July 03, 2007, 09:41:36 PM »
I infected myself walking through life with my underwear as shown in the picture...

[attachment deleted by admin]
« Last Edit: July 03, 2007, 09:44:09 PM by blondbeauty »
The only member in these forums approved by WINBA: World International Nail and Beauty Association.
Epstein Barr +; CMV +; Toxoplasmosis +; HIV-1 +.
Counts when starting treatment:
V.L.:80.200 copies. CD4: 25%=503
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Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #71 on: July 03, 2007, 10:33:50 PM »
I've not been a pot smoker since a sophomore in college I'm afraid.  It's sad that I know more about speedballs.

I know nothing of speedballing and I went to catholic school since grade school....Due to seeing the word speed, I would not want to partake of anything that would have my heart racing....I'd rather have the munchies.. ;D
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline BT65

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #72 on: July 04, 2007, 09:38:07 PM »
Eg-
  You need to get over it.  My first husband infected me and died three days after I was told I was poz while in a drug treatment center.  Being a hard-core recovering vicious bitch addict, I don't buy it that you were hanging around with this guy for the time that you were and assume you were raped and therefore you're the victim.  Especially when you were getting your dope from him.  Is this about HIM or YOU?
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline lovingdaughter

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #73 on: July 04, 2007, 10:52:28 PM »
I am not the one infected,,,that would be my dad. There are many theories on who, what, when, why & how, since he & my mom were divorced for 4 years then remarried with a few surgeries in the past, really close to and led to diagnoses.

I don't care who or how, all I care about is my dads health !!!

We must move forward & live the lives we have to the fullest.

I know it's not as easy as it sounds, we have been through so much ourselves and everyones story, although the same, is different.

I do know, that dwelling on the past is not healthy.

My best to you, Lisa
« Last Edit: July 04, 2007, 10:54:00 PM by lovingdaughter »

Offline phantim

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #74 on: July 05, 2007, 03:48:30 PM »
Even though we are no longer together as a couple, I will always care about him. He's still one of my closest and dearest friends and I wouldn't give him up for the world. We made our mistakes and I never blamed him. It's not like he held me at gunpoint while telling me to "ride him like a Harley on a rough road". It was my own stupidity - not his.

Offline pozattitude

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #75 on: July 05, 2007, 04:11:13 PM »
I infected myself by having unprotected sex.  End of the story.
I could be dramatic and go on to tell you that my very 1st boyfried lied to me and made me believe we were in a monogamous relationship and that it was safe for us to go bareback.  I could go on to tell you that I was out of town for school and when I came back I sat at the airport and waited for my bf to pick me up.  After 2 hours of waiting I took a cab and when I got home I found someone else in my bed.  But would that change anything? 
NO,

I hated for too long and wasted too much time. 

Rich
(who now focuses on the good things that came with HIV)
POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Offline tigger2376

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #76 on: July 05, 2007, 07:04:12 PM »
I care that he may carry on and do it to others, I care that he couldn't be bothered to tell me...but I was the one who was too drunk to insist he used a condom.
I choose to live...sod him, lifes far too short to waste time hating him, (although I do hope one day he truly realises what hes done and has to live with the guilt)
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Dan J.

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #77 on: July 05, 2007, 07:13:57 PM »
I have no clue who the person was that infected me. I hope they are still alive and are healthy & happy.  I got over being angry with whoever it was a long time ago. It was MY FAULT that I became infected with HIV. Maybe they knew they were infected, maybe not, but I can't be focused on that  anymore. I have to deal with the my own HIV infection &  make sure that I don't pass the "bug" onto anyone else.

Dan J.

Offline JamieD

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #78 on: July 06, 2007, 12:27:22 AM »
I know who infected me, even though I didn't find out until 2 years after I was infected.

He did it on purpose. He even went so far as to produce fake negative HIV test results. I don't hate him for infecting me. I just hate him for not giving me the choice. He assumed I would reject him if I knew he was positive, so he decided to lie. I wish he had told me, because I know myself well enough to know I would not have rejected someone simply because they are positive.

Condoms are pretty damn effective, if used properly and consistently.

Offline indyguy

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #79 on: July 06, 2007, 01:39:05 AM »
Im sorry dude that sucks and is also illegal if he knew and did not tell you. I know it doesnt do you any good now but that really sucks of him
Meds doing well so far.

Offline David_CA

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #80 on: July 06, 2007, 09:48:35 AM »
I really have no clue who infected me or when I was infected.  Like others, I sure hope it was a good fuck.  Other than that, I hope whoever it is knows he's POZ® is doing OK healthwise.  Sometimes, I think I'd like to know, just 'cause I like to know things (I am an Aquarian, after all  ;) ).  I certainly don't dwell on who it was.  I don't think I ever asked anybody's status.  I either used condoms or didn't (obviously).  If I were in a situation like JamieD above, maybe I wouldn't be so 'at peace' with it.  Maybe ignorance is bliss.

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline newbernswiss

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #81 on: July 06, 2007, 10:22:06 PM »
I know who infected me...he was a smooth talking, good looking doctor who knew all the right moves in and out of the bedroom. ..he just failed to tell me the one secret he had. HE was HIV+ and I was negative and had the papers to prove it. What I did for love and great sex. . . but looking back 17 years, he's dead and I'm still going strong and better than ever. I've got a great partner, career and my health. I'm one positive survivor.

Offline Lisa

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #82 on: July 06, 2007, 10:45:12 PM »
I cannot be absolutely certain of when/how I became infected, but I know that it is my responsibilty to step to the platform if I didn't take simple precautions.
It doesn't get any easier than that.

**Please read my byline**
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline rkeat25

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #83 on: July 07, 2007, 09:07:37 AM »
I've been away from these forums for quite some time.  But, I stopped back in today.  This thread caught my eye and I spend a good part of the morning reading it from the begining.  I couldn't help but respond.  I too spend some time playing the victim card.  I needed to believe that I was tricked into being infected - poor me.  I was so stuck on that that I allowed it to ruin my life. 

I had so much self hate from making myself the victim that I dropped out of life and got hooked on drugs.  That of course started the downward spiral of complete ruin.

It wasn't until I could accept responsibility for my role in my infection and response to it that I could be healing.  I have been able to kick my drug habit, form healthy relationships, and work toward healing.  It's a long hard road with lots of bumps, but it is well worth the effort it takes to get through it.


Offline Bucko

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #84 on: July 07, 2007, 12:25:32 PM »
I've been away from these forums for quite some time.  But, I stopped back in today.  This thread caught my eye and I spend a good part of the morning reading it from the begining.  I couldn't help but respond.  I too spend some time playing the victim card.  I needed to believe that I was tricked into being infected - poor me.  I was so stuck on that that I allowed it to ruin my life. 

I had so much self hate from making myself the victim that I dropped out of life and got hooked on drugs.  That of course started the downward spiral of complete ruin.

It wasn't until I could accept responsibility for my role in my infection and response to it that I could be healing.  I have been able to kick my drug habit, form healthy relationships, and work toward healing.  It's a long hard road with lots of bumps, but it is well worth the effort it takes to get through it.



Is this really the return of Red Ronnita?

Brent
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Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #85 on: July 07, 2007, 11:18:58 PM »
I leave one yellow rose on his grave when I go to Los Angeles.  Have the best day
Michael

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #86 on: July 10, 2007, 11:25:27 AM »
I leave one yellow rose on his grave when I go to Los Angeles.  Have the best day
Michael

that's the "rose of friendship" if i'm not mistaken. interesting.

egello --i don't know who gave me hiv

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #87 on: July 10, 2007, 12:08:09 PM »
I know who it was... but the last name's a mystery and the first name's a blur.  I could recognize his face, but name?  Nah.

I don't really think about him as a person too much.  Really early on, I resolved that being angry and bitter towards him wouldn't solve a goddamn thing.  I don't give a rat's ass if he knew his status or not... my dumb ass should have made him cover it up.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Tar Heel

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #88 on: July 12, 2007, 08:18:54 PM »
I infected myself out of stupidity.  I knew better.  But we live and learn.
"So much has been given to me that I have no time to ponder on that which has been denied." ~ Helen Keller

Offline nunii

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #89 on: July 12, 2007, 10:45:49 PM »
Egello,

I am a drug and alcohol counselor have been for most of my professional career, started counseling poor little rich kids whose parents thought they were too spoiled and had emotional issues and than found my cousin with a needle sticking out of her arm during a family gathering in 1993, she was trying to committ suicide after she found out she was poz.

So, I know that dealers are constantly trying to turn people money is the end all be all for them, however; I never imagined that I would be poz because had been married for 4 yrs, stayed single for a year and met the man who infected me began dating 7 yrs  later we had a little girl who had been born with congenital defects and were both tested at the time because I had to have fetal surgery to save our daughters life.

After our daughter was born she continued having problems and our marriage began having problems as well, I was conusmed with the baby and my other children he was consumed with hospital bills and money, needless to say it was stressful and hard.

One evening he didn't come home, and it would prove to be the evening that would change our lives forever.  I found out a year later that I was poz and when I confronted him well let's just say it wasn't pretty, but we still have a child together, and he has been in my other children's lives for many years, am I angry somedays, but for the most part I am slowly getting over it, I love him (even though I try not too) and he has apologized almost everyday or everytime I decide to yell at him again, but I will tell you beating him up didn't help my hands hurt and I felt kind of silly afterward, so Egello it's not about the motherfucker who infected you it's about you, and if he is still going around infecting others trust and believe that he will have his just payment, you on the other hand have to find a way to vent and let it go, holding on will only keep you angry and miserable, and not able to begin healthy relationships, intimate or otherwise take back your power and become that person who you were before the meth and HIV.

HIV hasn't changed who you are, nor does it make you any less of a person those who cannot accept all of you don't deserve you, those who do accept all of you love them for they are true and see you, not the HIV.  Do not allow this disease to consume you, you are not HIV you are a smart, funny, loving, human being who desearves all the best life has to offer and who is able to give to others, don't cheat others by hating this man and stunting yourself, cheat him by taking back your power and looking in the mirror and loving your reflection.

Hug yourself, and take back your power for every second that  you spend mad at him is a second of happiness that you lose...
« Last Edit: July 12, 2007, 10:53:17 PM by nunii »
every 60 secs of anger are 60 secs lost of happiness

Offline holden

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #90 on: July 15, 2007, 03:43:54 AM »
I know who it was. A month into the relationship he told me he was positive. I forgave him right then because I should have insisted on using a condom.  I was aware of the dangers beforehand. We stayed together for 3 1/2 years. Meth was another daily element of our relationship and is what became our downfall. It makes you do some very destructive things and makes you believe you are justified in doing them. I have been sober going on 2 years and have a better life now. My ex had problems he was human and made a mistake just like i did by not protecting myself. I think we get caught up in blame instead of what is at the heart of it all which is it is a disease that needs a cure and alot more understanding by not only those of us with the disease but those without!

Offline poz1970

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #91 on: July 23, 2007, 07:08:08 PM »
After being poz about 4 years, this january, I found the guy that I am certain gave it to me.  He's now a Christian (still a sex maniac, and does the slut routine pretty damn well),
Its been difficult for me to handle, he's said sorry, and tried to be a good friend (inbetween him finding his next fuck and chatting)...

It caused some depression, zoloft here now, and doing the hermit routine ever since.

I don't wish him any harm, just doesn't seem right to hate him for something that I have to accept half the blame for.

J
"The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to  heterosexuals. That doesn`t mean that God doesn`t love heterosexuals. It`s just that they need more supervision." -- Lynn Lavne

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #92 on: July 23, 2007, 09:16:20 PM »
egello's sure disappeared from the board since starting this thread... hope he's OK
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline RobT

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #93 on: July 23, 2007, 09:26:07 PM »
Initially I hated the person who infected me cuz he claimed we were safe. He claimed we were safe, since he had and still has an undetectable viral load. He did not realize that HIV cud still b passed when the viral load is no longer detectable.
Well, I cannot pin the blame all on him; as I did have a hand in it as well.

Rob


Current meds: Atripla
VL: undetectable
CD4: 630

Offline JPinLA

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #94 on: July 23, 2007, 11:14:53 PM »
The guy who I got HIV from is the first, best and worst love of my life and I will always love him.
11/06 - Diagnosed - VL/5784 & CD4 326
2/07 - VL/6000 & CD4 290 2/07
3//07 -Began Truvada/Viramune 
4/07 VL/undetectable and CD4 320 22%
7/07 VL/undetectable and CD4 286 22%
11/07 VL/undetectable and CD4 302 26%

Offline 404error

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #95 on: July 25, 2007, 12:42:04 AM »
I willingly chose to have unprotected sex with strange girls from the bar.  My decision, my action, my responsibility.  I blame only myself but accept that it was my decision and must learn to live with it.

I'm not bitter towards her, hell, she might not have even known of her status, plus we were completely wrecked. (not that it's an excuse)  If I saw her again, I'd totally want to sleep with her because she was hot and the sex was pretty good.

The only thing I hate or am perhaps bitter about is the lack of services catering to the heterosexual community.  Not all heterosexual white males are born into this world of white priviledge I keep hearing; natives, blacks, feminists, gays and lesbians go on and on about.
A social critic who promotes equality...

Offline Dachshund

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #96 on: July 25, 2007, 07:40:02 AM »
I willingly chose to have unprotected sex with strange girls from the bar.  My decision, my action, my responsibility.  I blame only myself but accept that it was my decision and must learn to live with it.

I'm not bitter towards her, hell, she might not have even known of her status, plus we were completely wrecked. (not that it's an excuse)  If I saw her again, I'd totally want to sleep with her because she was hot and the sex was pretty good.

The only thing I hate or am perhaps bitter about is the lack of services catering to the heterosexual community.  Not all heterosexual white males are born into this world of white priviledge I keep hearing; natives, blacks, feminists, gays and lesbians go on and on about.

Ah yes, the exclusive, elusive, world of priviledge reserved for natives, blacks, feminists, gays and lesbians. Any other group you would care to insult? Perhaps bitter?

Offline David_CA

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Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #97 on: July 25, 2007, 08:55:51 AM »
Personally, I don't take it that he's being bitter or as an insult.  Sure, I'm 'traditional HIV' - white and gay.  A (female) friend was telling me about a friend whose husband was having affairs with other men.  She got tested in case 'he passed on something like HIV'.  It'll be a LONG time before HIV / AIDS isn't gay-related in this country.  I can't think of the last time I've seen an ad or heard of a service that was geared to anybody but MSM's.  I saw a thing on TV a while back about African-American females and their husbands or boyfriends on the 'down low'.  Other than that, it's been all gay men. 

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline mjmel

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  • Posts: 2,069
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #98 on: July 25, 2007, 09:18:53 AM »
egello's sure disappeared from the board since starting this thread... hope he's OK

I was just thinking the same thing, David, before I scrolled down and saw your post. Egello, if you're lurking (hate that term) around, say "Hi".
xxx,
Mike
(who has activated "show recent post first.")

Offline Florida69

  • Member
  • Posts: 428
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #99 on: July 25, 2007, 11:15:04 AM »
I'd rather have the munchies.. ;D

Amen sister... D
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Offline pozattitude

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    • to find out more about me....
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #100 on: July 25, 2007, 11:25:55 AM »
I second that amen  ;D

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POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Offline aztecan

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  • Posts: 5,414
  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Re: person who infected you with HIV
« Reply #101 on: July 25, 2007, 11:53:18 AM »
Picture it: Albuquerque 1980. One of the small private rooms off the olympic-sized pool at the Training Post Spa - the only bathhouse in town at the time.

There is Mark, young and virile, coupled with an equally hot man, Wes, whom he adored. Poor Wes had a terrible case of the flu. Odd, since it was late March. Mark comforted him as best he could. The two of them have been have sexual relations for some time.They continued to do so.

Jump forward about six weeks. Mark is hospitalized with viral meningitis. The headaches are unimaginable. He is receiving shots of Demerol IM every three hours to counter the pain he feels in his head and joints. He cannot move well and his neck is pretty much frozen, unable to move at all.

That, my dears, was the basis of my first doc's belief I was infected in 1980.

Wes died in 1990. His family should burn in hell, damn baptists that they are.

I loved Wes. I still do. His family refused to allow me to see him. They did, however, bring in their charlatan faith healer pastor to wave his arms about and cast out the demons so Wes' soul could enter the "kingdom of heaven." See above reference to family and baptists.

Am I 100 percent sure it was Wes who infected me? No, there have been thousands of others. I was no shrinking violet. I am not sorry, I feel no guilt, I feel no hatred toward any of the men who I enjoyed and who enjoyed me. What is, simply, is what is.

I like to think that Wes infected me, if only because it allows me to carry just a bit of him with me. I know, sounds perverse, but that's how I feel.

If not him, then perhaps the delightful Nicaraguan. Damn, he was hot.

Or maybe Hans, the German merchant marine. His family lives in Constance (sp).

So many men, so little time, or, as Mae West put it, "It isn't the men in your life, its the life in your men."

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

 


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