Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits > Mental Health & HIV

Anyone think of Suicide?

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Good Morning Jamie

I'm so glad you found this web site and reached out. You've already received good advice and insights. I wanted to share a couple of observations about what you wrote.

You took the time to monitor your status over time, so I'm sure the news hit quite hard especially after a long no-relationship period. It shows me that when you're not fighting demons, you care greatly about your health. Add to that, your decision to opt for HAART based on your knowledge.

Plus, you obviously care about others as evidenced by your donating blood. I recall being saddened by no longer being able to give blood or apheresis after my diagnosis. BUT, you will simply figure out other ways to benefit others when you're ready.

I want to clarify I'm not a medical professional. However, from what you describe about your physical feelings of panic while hospitalized ( in what sounds like a setting less than optimal for you) you were either over- or under-medicated or perhaps not receiving any meds at all. Taking that incredible edge off of daily episodes of anxiety attacks and or depression should be discussed with your doc. And, the length of time it may take for you to reach a level of calm.

I agree with Andy that having the right doc on your team is key. It makes a huge difference in your attitude toward everything! There are times when you just don't want to be driving the bus and health issues are certainly when you want to feel a high level of confidence in your caregivers.

While I'm sorry for you that your relationship ended at such a vulnerable time, you may find that you'll be able to take that energy you expended outward and focus it on yourself. That's important right now. Treat yourself well. Figure out if you want to trust someone with whom you can share your burden. If so, determine who that person is. Do what it is that you enjoy or that brings you peace and calm--whether that is walking, reading, going to the movies, exercise, a special park or cafe, etc.

For a time, you'll feel like you're living in a parfait created of layers of ups/downs/voids/nonsense/confusion/joy/laughter/sadness. Hmmm. Reads like the parfait of life, doesn't it? Some layers taste better than others, but they are just layers through which to work.

You are very much in control of how this will go, don't lose sight of that.


Hey Jamie,

Some links that might be useful.

Talk with someone - it might help.

wishing you well.


links removed following welcome advice from other members.

Hello Jamie,

I have never thought about suicide, either prior to contracting HIV or after receiving that HIV diagnosis. I've been HIV positive since 1985, and taking all things into account, I am doing OK ! I am grateful for everyday that comes along.

Jamie, you may not believe it right now, but you have a future ahead of you. But as the others have stated, you will need to sit down and discuss this with others, that can help you along this path. You have come to a good place here to discuss things, but remember you still need ( we all need) to be able to talk face to face with others. None of us can do it alone. You'll get through this tough time, and you will end up being a long term survivor, like so many of us !!

Hang tight, breathe and relax-----Ray

Hey Guys!

I just wanted to chime in and let you know that I have read all of your replies, and that I will post more when I get a chance. I have been sleeping very poorly and am kind of "zonky-ed" out right now.


Get some much needed rest, and when your ready to post again we will all be here !

Take care----Ray


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