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Author Topic: This time i wouldn't escape!! god's punishment - 1st post  (Read 5932 times)

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Offline Sean Wandering

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This time i wouldn't escape!! god's punishment - 1st post
« on: June 28, 2007, 12:58:39 AM »
Dear Andy and Other Memebers,

i'm from shanghai, china. currently working outside shanghai only some weekends go back. and pls ecuse me my english is so-so.

on june 2nd(saturday), in shanghai, i did something most probably i'd regret for the rest of my life.

i was affected with genital warts since june 2006, from november 2006 to feburary 2007 i did 4 or 5 times hiv test which luckily were all "--", and afterwards no sex activities until the june 2nd. the warts have been annoying (here gone there came) and on that day, some genital skin was still not recovered, white weak open area due to some pharmic agent. but my mood was really really bad so beyond my control i went into one prostitutes shop and one girl was just available.

originally i only planned to have a hand job, while she's so incredibly enthusiastic and wanted give me a blowjob, can't believe i agreed! and she also wanted me to lick her vagina while she started the blowjob (without any protection!!). i did. several times licking but found the smell ain't good so i turned to lick her ass. before that i fingered into her vagina for about 15 seconds.the skin under the finger was pale and weak. the unprotected blow job and my licking lasted about 2 or 3 minutes before my ejaculation, maybe a bit longer, can't remember.

later i found there're quite a few "round dark red spots", diameter about 10mm, on her back thigh &ass!!! now i'd guess most probably "blisters" before caused by syphilis or HIV!!!

and monday, 2 days later, 4 or 5 herpes(not big) occured on my right glans though no pain no itching!!! use needle very easy to break and liquid came out.

Symptoms:

since about the 3rd week from june 2nd, i started to feel very unwell.

1. frequently very weird heavy head, giddy, dizzy ... i can't find a proper word to describe. plus sometime chest "supressed" - can't breath very smoothly.

2. right epigastric area, or say up-right abdoment part, feel blocked, unwell, no doubt enlarged liver!! though i am a hbv carrier due to family reason but blood test relating to liver had always been ok - hbv dna"--", other items also normal all the time.

3. Lymph node.
   1) left groin, one big & hard, very easy to feel compared to the right side (right groin area seems ok)
   2) underneath lower jaw/right neck, obvious, plus some undescribable pain and uncomfort and sore throat.

4. from time to time, muscle pain, not "sour" after  one plays football, not that kinda pain, but really aching.

(mouth temprature i tested in the third week for 5 evenings, all 37.2 Celsius. later gave up)
the above 4 symptoms (except sore throat) i never had before (though i'm a hbv carrier) until approximately that third week time came, and until now, almost the end of 4th week, i still have and don't know when will stop??!!

really hate myself and extremely regret what i have done, feel guilty to my dearest mom, kins, feel guilty .... and scared, very very scared .....

this weekend i'll go back to shanghai and do the 4 weeks test, though final result hasn't come yet, but i've assumed i was affected .....

Forgive me Father, For i Have Sinned

Offline Sean Wandering

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Re: This time i wouldn't escape!! god's punishment - 1st post
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2007, 02:35:02 AM »
"Oral-Vaginal Sex

Like the study of fellatio, evaluating the risk of unprotected oral-vaginal sex (cunnilingus) is difficult, given that most people surveyed in studies did not avoid other types of unsafe sexual activity. However, there have been case reports highlighting one case of female-to-female transmission of HIV via cunnilingus and another case of female-to-male transmission of HIV via cunnilingus. Both of these cases involved transmission from receptive partner (the one receiving oral sex) to the insertive partner (the one performing oral sex)."

and my penis had cuts, getting blowjob unprotected!

this time i'm deadly enough!!!

Offline Central79

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Re: This time i wouldn't escape!! god's punishment - 1st post
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2007, 04:56:23 AM »
Dear Sean

What you have described is a NO RISK situation for the transmission of HIV. HIV is transmitted via unprotected anal or vaginal sex. Other STDs are more easily transmitted, and you may have picked up one of those - but your risk for contracting HIV from what you have described is ZERO.

The presence or absence of symptoms is not a guide to your HIV status. Only a test will tell you if you have HIV.

The case studies you describe in your second post do not apply to you, as you were the insertive partner (you weren't the one performing oral sex) - the risk of catching HIV from receiving a blow job is zero.

Your attitude needs a little adjustment. Nobody here who is HIV+ is being punished by God. It's a combination of bad luck and biology, not a punishment. If you take risks, you only need to be unlucky once - it's got nothing to do with God singling anybody out for punishment.

All the best,

Matt.
Diagnosed January 2006
26/1/06 - 860 (22%), VL > 500,000
24/4/06 - 820 (24.6%), VL 158,000
13/7/06 - 840 (22%), VL 268,000
1/11/06 - 680 (21%), VL 93,100
29/1/07 - 1,020 (27.5%), VL 46,500
15/5/07 - 1,140 (22.8%), VL not done.
13/10/07 - 759 (23.2%), VL 170,000
6/11/07 - 630 (25%), VL 19,324
14/1/08 - 650 (21%), VL 16,192
15/4/08 - 590 (21%), VL 40, 832

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: This time i wouldn't escape!! god's punishment - 1st post
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2007, 08:05:00 AM »
In the entire history of the HIV epidemic there has never been a single documented case of transmission to a man receiving a blowjob. NOT ONE!

Any nicks, cuts, abrasions and whatever else you throw into this anxiety stew, it's safe to say you are not going to make history by becoming the first.

Stop surfing the net for factoids to fuel your worst fears. Read our lesson on transmission. There's a link to it in the welcome thread which opens this section. You get all the basics there you need to know about protecting yourself.

You have no cause for concern this time nor any need for testing.

As for "excaping God's punishment," like Mee I suggest you keep that nonsense to yourself. Among other things, it's insulting to all of those living with the virus.  It says more about your feelings of shame about sexual matters than it does about HIV and this epidemic.


Cheers, 
« Last Edit: June 28, 2007, 08:24:43 AM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Sean Wandering

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Many Thanks to Matt and Andy
« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2007, 08:48:18 AM »
it's very kind of you 2. many thanks for your consolation

and saying "god's punishment" isn't applying to any others, i only feel guilty for what i did, and mentally can't forgive myself, but you're right Andy, i shall just keep the nonsense to myself -- sometimes i just think: "it's not about good or bad, it's just about you're caught or not." but no matter what, i've been trying to be a better person and honestly speaking, in my kins' eyes, i'm quite a kind-hearted person, though lotsa flaws :)

well, i just returned to shanghai and immediately wrote these, in another small town where i am working, no pc available at my room so i can only surf internet in my office during the daytime - when, you guys should be in nighttime if you are in america.

now, i'm still concerned due to those symptoms and "small" cunnilingus i did, however feel better after seeing your replies, really appreciate that.

tomorrow (friday) i'll go for the test and the day after tomorrow (saturday) result shall come - hope it'll be just like what you predicted, even that's just 4 weeks. GOd Bless.

Many Thanks to you 2 again, and to others who might reply.

Sincerely Yours
Sean
Sleepless in Shanghai

Offline Ann

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Re: This time i wouldn't escape!! god's punishment - 1st post
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2007, 09:36:04 AM »
Sean,

I've deleted and will continue to delete posts you make in other people's threads. Please read the Welcome Thread, including the following forum posting guideline:
Quote
Only those Moderators and members who are authorized to answer questions in the Am I Infected? forum are permitted do so. Unauthorized responses may be deleted without permission of the poster. Repeatedly posting replies of this nature may result in a Time Out or permanent ban, at the discretion of the Moderator Team.

You did not have an hiv risk in anything you bring to us concerning the sex worker.

Ann

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Sean Wandering

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Sorry Ann
« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2007, 11:24:31 AM »
"Only those Moderators and members who are authorized to answer questions in the Am I Infected? forum are permitted do so. Unauthorized responses may be deleted without permission of the poster. Repeatedly posting replies of this nature may result in a Time Out or permanent ban, at the discretion of the Moderator Team. "

-- i really didn't know the rule ---- normally thinking, as long as i registered in a forum, i can post. but here is different. sorry, my bad. i'll follow the rule. but in other topics, e.g. "tested positive", i wanna say something to comfort someone, can i?

sorry again for those posts without knowing the rule and thanks for telling me

Offline RapidRod

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Re: This time i wouldn't escape!! god's punishment - 1st post
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2007, 12:16:56 PM »
No, you can not post in any other forum, except the "Off Topic." Go back and reread the guidelines in the "Welcome" thread. The thread that says, "read first before posting."

Offline Bucko

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Re: This time i wouldn't escape!! god's punishment - 1st post
« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2007, 06:21:47 PM »
Not one to beat a dead horse, but I'd really like to take a second to reaffirm way Andy said as regards God and punishment.

No benevolent deity monitoring our hourly activity would allow the millions of starving children in the world. They suffer a far harsher fate than a healthy man in his 20s getting a blowjob from a sex worker. I'll never deny the existence of the soul, but conventional thinking on religious matters involving a jealous and vengeful "God" meting out punishments in response to acting on such a basic human function as the instinct for reproduction is just not tenable. Such beliefs are an artifact of guilt, that most wasteful of all emotions, and are self-imposed.

You had no risk in the activities described above, nor did you do nothing wrong. Your only error was in allowing guilt to intrude on an otherwise pleasurable activity. Let it go...

Brent
(Who finds pleasure a gift, not a temptation)
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: This time i wouldn't escape!! god's punishment - 1st post
« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2007, 07:45:53 PM »
i wanna say something to comfort someone, can i?

As Roddles notes, you certainly may not post in the poz only forums.

With respect Sean, given your views about HIV and judgements from an angry god I fail to see what comfort you could possibly offer HIV positive people. Particularly the newly diagnosed.

MtD

Offline Sean Wandering

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real thanks for other replies by RapidRod, Bucko and Matty
« Reply #10 on: June 29, 2007, 12:25:47 AM »
honestly i appreciate what you guys said... very thankful

and "god's punishment" is only my guilty-response subconsciousness to myself -- DOESN'T MEAN A PERSON WHO GETS HIV IS GOD'S PUNISHMENT. PLS DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ME. similar as what Bucko says, there are lots lotsa people are suffering around every corner on this earth and lots lotsa them are good kind people, do u think i'd regard that also as some punishment??!!

"With respect Sean, given your views about HIV and judgements from an angry god I fail to see what comfort you could possibly offer HIV positive people. "
-- first, i never said "angry" god, and i never said HIV is god's punishment, i only mean what i got so far related to my wrong doings, is some kinda punishment or in another word - bad result, to myself (maybe i deserve that).   
-- 2nd, when i saw some Billy's post (Lost Smile) in another forum and wathed his mv, i am really really sad and i never thought that's a punishment, just bad luck, very unlucky, like many other HIV affectees in my country. and i really wanna write a long story about myself to show him he's not alone. -- personally i've been to Deutschland for about month and very like this country and the people, though i studied in another european country for a couple of years, but compared to Germany where i only stayed in one month, i like germany much much better. i ain't a racist but generally i sort of admire germany and the german people(except hate nazi). just personal feeling. maybe that's why i especially have sympathy on him and wanna speak to billy. but since i don't have the right to do so. i just deeply in my heart, wish him a good living.
-- 3rd, even i were a bad ass, i still have the right to comfort the people who i wanna comfort. no matter u failed to see or not.

well, finally, still my big thanks (from the bottom of my heart) to the people who posted regarding my topic. freedom is good. you have the right to disagree with me, while i have the right to tell u that maybe u misunderstood my point.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: This time i wouldn't escape!! god's punishment - 1st post
« Reply #11 on: June 29, 2007, 12:36:53 AM »
Sean,

Clearly you're not getting this.

You aren't allowed to post anywhere other than this thread and in the Off Topic forum. Those are the rules. Your "rights", such as they are, are entirely beside the point.

Ya dig?

MtD

Offline Sean Wandering

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i've known the rules
« Reply #12 on: June 29, 2007, 07:25:37 AM »
i ain't that stupid  ::)

Offline Bucko

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Re: This time i wouldn't escape!! god's punishment - 1st post
« Reply #13 on: June 29, 2007, 05:47:21 PM »

originally i only planned to have a hand job, while she's so incredibly enthusiastic and wanted give me a blowjob, can't believe i agreed! and she also wanted me to lick her vagina while she started the blowjob (without any protection!!). i did. several times licking but found the smell ain't good so i turned to lick her ass. before that i fingered into her vagina for about 15 seconds.the skin under the finger was pale and weak. the unprotected blow job and my licking lasted about 2 or 3 minutes before my ejaculation, maybe a bit longer, can't remember.



Sean-
Irrespective of your stated desire to counsel someone newly infected with HIV (for which you are unqualified), this thread is really about assessing the risk you posit above when you started this thread.

Getting a blowjob, eating pussy and/or ass and fingering are not risky activities for HIV infection. Test as long as you'd like and can afford, and it will always come back negative. It really is just that simple.

Brent
(Who hopes Sean really gets it)

/Edited to add:
Go ahead and start a thread in Off Topic decrying the policies of this website dedicated to the support of HIV+ individuals and watch the responses you get.
-B
« Last Edit: June 29, 2007, 05:49:41 PM by Bucko »
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline Sean Wandering

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Thanks Brent
« Reply #14 on: June 30, 2007, 10:00:28 AM »
the result won't be available until Monday (July 2nd) 2pm, still nervous but whatever answer it is, i have to confront.

and i never had an idea/thought of criticizing any policy here,  whatever it stipulates it must have its reasons, just as everyplace has its own rules, just as my society/your society have rules as well -- either you follow or you get kicked out, clear and simple. and this place is a very good place, you people are very nice people, even there might be something said by someone that makes me a bit unhappy, do you think i'd be that narrow-minded, can't contain any disagreement? vice versa

and Thanks again, Brent. Sincerely, sean

Offline Bucko

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Re: This time i wouldn't escape!! god's punishment - 1st post
« Reply #15 on: June 30, 2007, 02:49:05 PM »
Sean-

I'll wish you good luck on the test, but it's unnecessary because you had no risk and will therefore be found negative. That's a very very good thing, my friend. Educate yourself about the modes and means of HIV transmission and then enjoy yourself (safely, of course  ;) )

BTW, the Off Topic Forum is quite a happening place. While you're waiting for your results you can always weigh in on your perspective on popular culture, politics, food, pets...even porn.

Brent
(Who really does try to keep things positive)
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline Sean Wandering

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almost 4 weeks(27days) test result (method should be ELISA)
« Reply #16 on: July 03, 2007, 01:11:20 AM »
when the reception lady was looking for my result slip, my heart was like beating out of my chest!!!

"PongPongPongPong ...."

"--" just as you guys said, big thanks to all of you. very grateful.

but still feel uncomfortable, do i need to test again later, e.g. for 6 weeks or 12 weeks?

p.s. syphilis also negative.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: This time i wouldn't escape!! god's punishment - 1st post
« Reply #17 on: July 03, 2007, 03:28:06 AM »
but still feel uncomfortable, do i need to test again later, e.g. for 6 weeks or 12 weeks?

Since you had no risk to begin with, you didn't need to have this test. It follows that 6 and/or 12 week testing is also unnecessary.

MtD

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: This time i wouldn't escape!! god's punishment - 1st post
« Reply #18 on: July 03, 2007, 07:39:48 AM »
Fortunately feelings aren't facts. So your "feeling uncomfortable" is totally irrelevant in relation to the facts of this situation. As you have been told repeatedly, you were never at risk in this incident. Getting tested was unnecessary to begin with.

I wonder if you're really listening to what is being said to you here. I will also caution you against surfing the net for further (dis)information), because if you do so I can guarantee you that you will find things to feed your fears, all to no good purpose of course.

This is not an HIV situation. Take a breath and get on with your life. Really.
Andy Velez

Offline Sean Wandering

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Thanks Matty, Thanks Andy
« Reply #19 on: July 05, 2007, 12:20:58 AM »
i have to get on with my miserable life, even the f**kin' STDs are extremely irritating and frustrating, however i have to pay for what i did, the only relief is NO HIV and wish never will.

big thanks again to all of you, and my best wishes.

sean

 


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