Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits > Mental Health & HIV

sexual incompatability

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Guys, you are all making me feel really guilty. My lot manager approached me and said there was someone else living in the park that has AIDS and is wanting to meet others that are gay. I asked who, then I advised her I knew him. He's very good looking and I said she could give him my number, I dated him thirty years ago. He called, and I told him I wasn't into having a relationship, sex or having anyone move in with me. I'm for being friends that can sit and talk about our issues, but I think he was expecting more out of me. I don't know if I was to blunt and foreward, but I do feel bad. Like I said he's very nice and very good looking. Maybe I'm to stubborn, or to independent. I know his feelings were hurt. But I don't know how to be any different than I am.

Well, Rod....I dont see where YOU did anything wrong.  You were being honest.  Perhaps he wanted a roll in the hay and so you saved yourself the hassle of trying to eject him from your home.

modified to add: my current partner and I spent two fabulous years dating before moving in together. It was wonderful.

You spend two months together being lovers and in that time you slowly realized he wasn't into your body type? He agreed to be in a lover relationship and let you know he wasn't into what point in the last two months?
So YOU allowed him to stay with you as a roommate but according to this posting of'd really like him to be your lover as he's hot and sexy to your way of thinking. Is this the crux of it?

Yes? Then find yourself a roommate that you are certain is not "working" the situation. Why didn't he tell you from the beginning that you aren't his type? Is it because you were blinded with your own desire, or, did he seem eager enough--at first? Sheesh! Eject!

So why would you not be assured of your own self-image despite his opinion or wants? Don't look otherwise at yourself but positively (I didn't say egotistically)---especially in the case of this "cutie". Look!, you said it yourself: "I'd be happier with a lover."
my impressions, my comments,

Miss Philicia:
I'll move to Hawaii for a sexy built man in a slinky tank top, but I digress.

Sorry to hear it didn't work out.  I enjoy the pleasures of latino men as well, but also white guys and of course the notorious muscular Evil Nigerian.

Wow guys,  thank you so much for your insightful responses and personal sharing.
Because we love each other on many levels it is repeatedly painful and difficult dealing with the reality of our erotic/sexual compatibility.
It does go deeper than first take.  Today we got more clarity on our differences in erotic/sexual needs.  He needs to feel romanced and loved and supported to feel comfortable having sex.  I start feeling like nothing I do is enough to assure him and I get impatient wanting physical/sexual expression of love.  I like to believe we can acknowledge our sexual/erotic incompatibilities and eliminate the sexual aspect of our friendship.
And continue to be friends.....  I'm hearing that hasn't worked for others.  It is really hard to let go of the positive aspects of what is working for us in friendship.   Thank you again for your responses.   And yes... I am open to exploring relationship that works for both.
I have a lot to offer.  Warmest Aloha.


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