Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits > Mental Health & HIV

sexual incompatability

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GoodMatchHawaiiRetreat:
Hey guys.  Needing to express some depression and get it off my chest.  I've been in a relationship for two months now. It started out great and we still have mutual interests that are good to share.  I was excited to meet him that he's also healthy poz and already living in Hawaii.  (I'd been open to the possibility of a relationship for a while, but thought I'd have to meet someone willing to move to Hawaii).  The depressing part is that he isn't sexually attracted to me.  Prefers dark-skinned, dark haired men. Being reddish/blond and white, I'm about as far from latino as one can get.
That plus his libido is much less than mine, made for an incompatible situation.  So, we've agreed to be roommates and not boyfriends.
Rationally I know what the reality is, but it is hard emotionally to not get down about being unattractive and undesirable.
Because of the very positive compliments I get from others, I know I'm not totally unattractive.  But somehow when someone you hoped could be a lover isn't passionate and intimate, it hurts.   Feeling like closing the door to relationship.  Yet, I have a lot to offer and do believe I would be happier with a lover.   Thanks for listening... comments welcome.  Sometimes it helps to share the frustration and disappointment.
Aloha.

bear60:
I thought it was just lesbians who arrived on the second date with a U Haul truck full of their personal possessions.  You guys are living together already?

Buckmark:
Yes, it is very frustrating and disappointing when somone we are attracted to
doesn't feel the same way about us.  On the bright side, at least his feelings
aren't due to your having HIV, which is sometimes a bigger issue for those of
us who are poz.  You deserve to have someone who is attracted to you. 
And remember that this whole issue is really about him, *not* about you,
so there's no reason to be down on yourself.

People like what they like, and are attracted to who they are attracted to.
I'll never ceased to be amazed at some of the characteristics (physical, personality,
mental, financial, etc.) that people find attractive, but I suppose that is just
human nature.  I can't help but wonder why your (now ex) boyfriend wasn't
honest with you up front about his penchant for dark-hair, dark-skinned men.
Anyone can see that you don't have those characteristics.

Personally, I suggest you re-think living with him as a roommate.  I've been there
and done that before, and it generally just prolongs your disappointment and
frustration.

Regards,

Henry

Bucko:
GMHR-

Having just suffered the stillborn arrival of a relationship that held such promise I can commiserate with you. But I wouldn't hazard any advice beyond not dwelling on words like "betrayal" or rejection". I have an especially nasty case of the shingles to prove my point.

Brent
(Who is not feeling witty this afternoon)

Basquo:

--- Quote from: BuckmarkTX on June 24, 2007, 11:01:34 AM ---

Personally, I suggest you re-think living with him as a roommate.  I've been there
and done that before, and it generally just prolongs your disappointment and
frustration.



--- End quote ---

I second that.  I avoided that situation once while simultaneously living in the previous one.  Lesson learned.

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