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Author Topic: My ex wants to get back together! He knows I am poz now! Thoughts?  (Read 2672 times)

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Offline indyguy

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  • Posts: 260
  • Hoosier Boy Single Again.
Hey all its been awhile. Here's the poop. My ex wants to date again (we have broken up twice in the past). The last time we broke up was because I cheated (blow job at a bath house) and admitted it when he asked me if I have ever cheated. Well now Mr. HIV is a part of my life and I told him about it. He is neg and still wants to start dating again. My issue is that after a few drinks (rarely) I tend to turn on the charm and want to hook up with other guys. ( I always disclose my status ALWAYS). Anyone had similar experiences? I do care for him but to be honest sex is just sex to me when it comes to a quickie! Advise please.
Meds doing well so far.

Offline xyahka

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Re: My ex wants to get back together! He knows I am poz now! Thoughts?
« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2007, 09:49:45 AM »
I guess you should say exactly this to him and see if he accepts, if so.. then no problems. Otherwise you both can negotiate a bit i guess :)

Cheers,

Juan Carlos
13/03/07 1er diagnóstico /Peso: 79kg
19/04/07 CD4: 494 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 80kg
19/07/07 CD4: 659 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79.5kg
06/03/08 CD4: 573 (después de meses muy deprimido) /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79kg
17/09/08 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 84Kg
06/02/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 85Kg /HCV: Neg /HBV: Neg.
07/03/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg / Gym 3días/semana y Natación 2días/semana.
12/05/09 CD4: 470 /Cviral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg.
08/07/09 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 77Kg.
09/12/09 CD4: 510 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg. No medicinas aún
10/01/10 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
15/05/10 CD4: 320 /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
01/02/11 CD4: 291 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
05/05/11 CD4: 366 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
27/07/11 CD4: 255 /CViral: 138000 /Peso: 78kg.

Disfrutando y aceptando una nueva vida...

Offline indyguy

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Re: My ex wants to get back together! He knows I am poz now! Thoughts?
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2007, 09:57:39 AM »
This is kind of what I have been thinking. I do care for this guy but I havent changed any when it comes to hooking up. Crazy as it sounds since being poz I have lost weight and find even my guys coming onto me. I am trying to figure out the best way to tell him without hurting him but still letting him know that I care. UUUGH
Meds doing well so far.

Offline David_CA

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Re: My ex wants to get back together! He knows I am poz now! Thoughts?
« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2007, 10:36:07 AM »
I do care for him but to be honest sex is just sex to me when it comes to a quickie!

I guess I'm lucky (and so is my hubby) that hubby and I both feel this way!  Is your ex- insecure in general or just when it comes to sex with others?  Does he think that your being HIV+ will keep you away from the other guys?  As mentioned, I'd tell him how you feel about it and that it's sex with others you're having not a relationship with them.  So many people seem to confuse the two (sex and love, that is).

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline indyguy

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Re: My ex wants to get back together! He knows I am poz now! Thoughts?
« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2007, 11:06:26 AM »
David thank you VERY much. I just sent him a e-mail about what I have just posted. Yes he is very insecure when it comes to me and thats what broke us up the last time. I just cant help myself when it come to someone that I find attractive hitting on me. I know I know I am a slut. I told my ex that with the execption of the HIV I am the same person I always was. I ALWAYS disclose my status, ALWAYS before doing anything even oral. I will advise what his response is. Thanks guys I just didnt know who else to turn to.
Meds doing well so far.

Offline indyguy

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Re: My ex wants to get back together! He knows I am poz now! Thoughts?
« Reply #5 on: June 19, 2007, 01:07:54 PM »
Well no response back from the ex. Guess thats over.
Meds doing well so far.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: My ex wants to get back together! He knows I am poz now! Thoughts?
« Reply #6 on: June 19, 2007, 01:16:53 PM »
Maybe he hasn't gotten the email yet. I think the best thing you can do is be real with him which it sounds like you are doing just that. It will be his choice if he wants to share you with others but if he is insecure, I doubt it will work. And since you made it clear that sex is just sex, he can either jump on the train or wave to you from the sidelines..
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline redhotmuslbear

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Re: My ex wants to get back together! He knows I am poz now! Thoughts?
« Reply #7 on: June 19, 2007, 01:22:03 PM »
My issue is that after a few drinks (rarely) I tend to turn on the charm and want to hook up with other guys. ( I always disclose my status ALWAYS). Anyone had similar experiences? I do care for him but to be honest sex is just sex to me when it comes to a quickie! Advise please.

Rather than focusing so much on the response or lack thereof from your one-time bf, maybe it's time to take a closer look at your own motivations for scompanionship and exual and emotional intimacy with another man?  I'm not trying to make any accusations.... hmmm, where did I put that scarlet A? <EG>.....as I have been in a very open and honest partnership for the last 5 years and several months.  What I do want to suggest is that (1) you clarify what your conditions are for a relationship -- do you need the freedom to play with others? -- and (2) you consider the apparent change in personality when you drink -- if it turns you into a sexual beast, what else is it doing?  can you be absolutely certain that you ALWAYS disclose while under the influence?  Stating your expectations of relative freedom or exclusivity when you meet men will help them decide very quickly if you're looking for similar things, while thinking through SUI (slutting under the influence) will help sort out the image you're giving off to potential mates while liquored up and your capacity for making sound decisions in that state.

As for insecure guys, if you don't want a man on you like ducks on a june bug, then just let him go.

Best,
David
"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." - BF Skinner
12-31-09   222wks VL  2430 CD4 690 (37%)
09-30-09   208wks VL  2050  CD4 925 (42%)
06-25-08   143wks VL  1359  CD4 668 (32%)  CD8 885
02-11-08   123wks off meds:  VL 1364 CD4 892(40%/0.99 ratio)
10-19-07   112wks off meds:   VL 292  CD4 857(37%/0.85 ratio)

One copy of delta-32 for f*****d up CCR5 receptors, and an HLA B44+ allele for "CD8-mediated immunity"... beteer than winning Powerball, almost!

Offline indyguy

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Re: My ex wants to get back together! He knows I am poz now! Thoughts?
« Reply #8 on: June 19, 2007, 01:42:03 PM »
Yes I do disclose EVERY time. I never get that drunk. I guess I should have said social settings but most of those settings are the gay bars. I did let him know that I am a very free spirit. To me life is to short not to be honest. Since he was the one who called me I had to remind him that I am still the same except for the HIV of course. Maybe its just Indiana but I have not had a hell of a lot of luck when it comes to dating. I am extremly butch and he is somewhat fem but very nice. I know you never find it when you are looking and I have not been looking, they just find me. ;D
Meds doing well so far.

Offline mjmel

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Re: My ex wants to get back together! He knows I am poz now! Thoughts?
« Reply #9 on: June 19, 2007, 04:52:08 PM »
Hey Indyguy, I'd like to chime in my 2 cents of instinct/57 yrs of trials & errors & successes.
It hasn't worked out twice before so avoid the grief, the drama.......the 3rd time around will be different in what way? None, from your descriptions.
Be assured of your sexual appetite as healthy and not slutty and get on with your life/he with his.
 :-*
Mike
 

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: My ex wants to get back together! He knows I am poz now! Thoughts?
« Reply #10 on: June 19, 2007, 07:36:59 PM »
I did not read the other comments so let me advise.  Do you love him?  Are you willing to give up your sexual practice to be faithful to him?  And if the answer is maybe, then you will have to decide to either commit to him or lie to him or tell him the truth either all the time or when you feel that you have to.  If the answer is yes, then you will both have to work on this situation to either just be faithful to eachother or have an open relationship.  If the answer is no, the end.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: My ex wants to get back together! He knows I am poz now! Thoughts?
« Reply #11 on: June 19, 2007, 07:37:55 PM »
This is kind of what I have been thinking. I do care for this guy but I havent changed any when it comes to hooking up. Crazy as it sounds since being poz I have lost weight and find even my guys coming onto me. I am trying to figure out the best way to tell him without hurting him but still letting him know that I care. UUUGH

just tell him and be honest
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline indyguy

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  • Hoosier Boy Single Again.
Re: My ex wants to get back together! He knows I am poz now! Thoughts?
« Reply #12 on: June 20, 2007, 09:39:18 AM »
Hey all we had a long talk and decided that we made better friends then lovers. I do love him in some ways and not others so this will be better all the way around. Thanks for everyones advise. Anyone looking for a open relationship hit me up. Love you all. ;D
Meds doing well so far.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: My ex wants to get back together! He knows I am poz now! Thoughts?
« Reply #13 on: June 20, 2007, 05:10:01 PM »
Look at you, flirting already...Shame on you.... ;)... I'm glad things worked themselves out.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

 


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