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Author Topic: A must read and reply... "Eliminating the Negativity in Being Positive"  (Read 2801 times)

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Offline romanticcuddler

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
    • Who's Positive
Sooo... I was searching the web and saw this letter from barebackhealth.net  I thought it surly would get conversation going on a Sunday night and wanted to see what you all thought of it - if for anything just to give everyone something to write about... I'll post the link but also post the letter.

PS... Wooo who... :)  I have decided to make a change... I am very excited about this ---> Tom is becoming a flight attendant in August, I start August 7th :)...

http://www.barebackjack.com/perspective.html

Eliminating the Negativity in Being Positive

Those of us who are Negative and barebackers walk a thin line. On one hand, most of us have a natural desire to remain Negative, while at the same time having the natural desire to enjoy sex without barriers. There is a very delicate balance to all this… bad decisions, moments of passion, lapses in judgment alone can disrupt that balance. And the false assurances of Positive men that they are Negative have the ability to do much damage in the wake of a fleeting moment of immediate gratification.

It seems that a good number of Positive men forget how delicate this balance is. Many seem to feel that HIV is something Negative men should overlook ~ or worse yet, that we should resign ourselves to acquire. Some POZ men see this disease as nothing more than an inconvenience of being gay and sexually active, and in that light an inconvenience their Negative brothers should share with them. Still others see it as an elephant in the room that should not be discussed.

Recently I have had conversations with numerous men on the subject of sex and sero-sorting, and I come away from those dialogues with a strong sense that the Positive men I chatted with feel as though I owe them a fuck because I am a barebacker AND Negative. There is a prevalent attitude among POZ men that I am either flawed or prejudiced against them for not wishing to throw all caution to the wind for a tumble in their POZ holes. Believe me, this is hardly the case. And for the record, there are many men I would LOVE to have fucked, but have turned down in the interest of keeping my HIV-Negative status. That hasn’t always been easy. But to me, it has become a practice of necessity.

Why don't we substitute the name of a different disease for HIV for a moment to illustrate why I and any other Negative man might not be so willing to engage in unprotected sex with someone who is Positive. Let's use Herpes. Like HIV, Herpes is treatable but incurable. I don’t see a lot of men dropping their pants and jumping into bed with the first men they meet who have an active Herpes infection. And generally speaking, most men who have Herpes are conscientious enough to tell their partners beforehand and/or abstain from sexual contact during an outbreak. They accept the nature and consequences of their disease and act accordingly.

Let’s plug in the name of another disease here: Hepatitis C. Hep C is permanent, debilitating, and not treatable. Again, I don’t bear witness to men wooing uninfected partners into bed with the promise of sharing Hep C. And, of course, I don’t know of anyone who would intentionally go out of his way to sleep with someone in hopes of catching it. Of course, there are probably a few bug chasers out there who would not pick and choose their viruses and who would take Hep C or Herpes as part of a package deal with HIV. But I’m just not seeing these viruses being singled out as attractive to healthy, sexually active males.

So what possesses HIV+Positive men to assume that HIV would be any different in the minds of Negative men? The fact is that it’s not. Even Negative men who might have Herpes or Hep C don’t necessarily want HIV added to the mix. And the notion by some of you Positive men that we Negative men must want to acquire HIV or we wouldn’t be barebacking is nothing more than a convenient justification designed to rid yourselves of guilt over the fact that you are not upfront with your partners about your status. You aren’t comfortable admitting your HIV to others so you talk yourselves into the belief that anyone who barebacks is a bug chaser. Boy, have you got that wrong! And the damage you do under the influence of that flimsy justification is inexcusable.

Now, if you’re POZ you’re probably thinking that I have something against POZ guys. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have many friends and ex-lovers who are HIV+Positive, and I love them all dearly. But that does not mean that I am going to hop in bed with someone who is POZ and fuck him bare like there’s no tomorrow any more than I would hop into bed and fuck with anyone who has Herpes or Hep C or ANY communicable disease. I have nothing against you… but I do have something against the diseases, and my underlying rationale is purely that of self-preservation. Some of you POZ men need to start realizing this and stop taking it so personally.

Most of you who are POZ came by the disease accidentally. The person who infected you didn’t know he was POZ, didn't tell you he was POZ, or intentionally lied to you about his POZ status. I am completely sincere when I say I think that’s terribly unfortunate. It’s a situation I work very hard to try to correct in our community by encouraging frequent testing and complete honesty among partners. And I provide as much information as possible to Negative men on ways we all can avoid going into situations that are certain to result in HIV infection. But I also have to remind you POZ guys that you have a part to play in all this too. You have an obligation to NOT spread the disease to other men, despite the justifications you may have talked yourself into in the past, and even despite what some HIV-Negative men claim they want. If a guy in a chat room says he wants to be converted, that’s hardly license to throw all of your morals out the window to accommodate him. You know that HIV is no walk in the park. You know that it alters your life drastically in many ways. And you know that it is not something that improves the lives of those who have it. So unless you’re completely sociopathic, why in the world would you want to fuck up someone else’s life with it... especially when your only reason is getting your dick off?

I don’t care if you were lied to, and that’s how you acquired HIV. Fact is, that’s past history. And you have the opportunity to be a better person to your sex partners than someone was to you. Let go of the resentment; it accomplishes nothing. Stop making up excuses and justifications for spreading the disease. Do the right thing. And stop feeling sorry for yourself when and if someone turns you down for sex based on your HIV status, because that person is not rejecting YOU, he’s rejecting the disease.

We’re all in this together. And the only way we’re going to bring about an end to HIV is to work together. That means we all have to make an effort to be HONEST with each other even if it means losing sexual conquests now and again. It means we have to practice respect for each other. It means we have to learn the power of the word "no" and know when to apply it without reservation. It means we have to make a pact with our "selves" to be the best person we can be even if it means making sacrifices. It means we have to graciously accept our circumstances and not wish harm upon other people even if someone else was less courteous to us. These may seem like difficult tasks in print. However they are amazingly simple in practice once you get the hang of them. Try them out for a while. Try being the better person and see how even during disappointments you feel good about yourself when you know you’re doing the right thing. Before long you may find yourself a changed person… for the positive!

Bareback Jack

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,160
tl;dr

MtD

Offline Buckmark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
    • Henry's Home Page
What an asshole this guy is.  He talks about poz guys having an "obligation"
not to spread this HIV.  But he mentions nothing about his responsiibility
to protect himself from HIV.  It seems to me he doesn't want to accept
the risk of barebacking.  And is trying to lecture and guilt poz guys into
disclosing, in order to build himself a cozy and safe world for barebacking.

I find his attitude patronizing and insulting.  "If only all the poz guys
would be honest, and keep to themselves, all of us neggie barebackers
wouldn't have to worry any more."  Yes, I think disclosure is the right
thing to do.  But guess what -- people  don't always do it.   So barebackers
have to live with the risk and consequences of their choice to bareback. 

I also resent his implication that poz guys are so miserable and bitter about
being poz that they want to make everyone else's life miserable too, by
deliberately spreading HIV.

His last paragraph really takes the cake:  "We're all in this together." 
True, but I get the impression he really wishes we were not.  I find
his whole article extremely divisize, and condescending.  Here's how
I interpret a few of his final comments:

"Graciously accept our circumstances" = "accept being a second class
citizen".

"try being the better person" = "all poz guys are bad"

"feel good about yourself when you know you’re doing the right thing" =
"leave us neggies alone so we can feel safe barebacking"

All in all, I find this insulting and condescending.  I think he'd like all poz
guys to have a scarlet letter on their chest.  It chaps my hide when a
negative person tells me who I should behave or feel when it comes to being
positive.

Regards,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Yes, too long, and it's arrogant. According to him we're poz and we don't understand why neg people who bareback don't want to fuck us ??? I never asked a neg person to fuck me bb.. maybe this situation happens, and then what, he says that it's bad for us to spread the virus that way? I'm sure this guy is so selective and careful that his barebacking experience will always turn out the way he wants. Unless someone lies to him, and that will be terribly unfortunate, for sure.

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline mjmel

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,069
Intellectual hogwash.
xxx,
Mike

Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
Too laughable.  Bareback Jack of the website that hosts the world's hungriest cumhole contest?   Truly a source of educated and intellectual discussion on responsible barebacking 

What I think is omitted from dear Jack's piece is the harsh truth- When it comes to neg guys and bareback sex they should not be having it. 

Does that deprive them of condomless sex?  Why yes...yes it does.  Does it also mean that they are accepting responsibility for themselves instead of assuming it is someone else's job....yep.

The whole  the thing reads like the damsel in distress who wants to be free to tie herself down on the railroad tracks and but blame the train if it hits her.
« Last Edit: June 17, 2007, 10:50:20 PM by Iggy »

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
I actually wonder if he ever actually tested...

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline whizzer

  • Member
  • Posts: 363
What Jack does not seem to realize is this epidemiological truth:  The majority of HIV infections (75% here in NC) are caused by men who do not know that they are HIV positive and are often in the window period where they would have no way of knowing their status.  It is those who think they are negative, while having viral loads so high they are shedding virus like crazy, that are at the forefront of the wave of infection.

He is a jackass who wants to have his cake and eat it too.

Edited to add:

Maybe Jack should read this article:  http://www.tpan.com/publications/pa/nov_dec_06/treatment_series.shtml

(the references at the end are especially interesting.)

-Whizzer
« Last Edit: June 17, 2007, 11:04:28 PM by whizzer »

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
You cannot wish someone to get infected, but I want to see his message when he has HIV.

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline Sky

  • Member
  • Posts: 225
    • Myspace
He probably does...denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
Poz since 2003.

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Sooner or later, this guy is going to get "hit"...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJAdVAIMB0I

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
What a fine specimen of species. Rationalising and denial is a dangerous combination.

Obviously he's not thinking with the head above his shoulders.

Russian roulette anyone?

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
I stopped reading when he proclaimed that hep C isn't treatable. Not only is it treatable, but it can also be cured. I know this first hand.

This guy doesn't know his ass from his elbow.

Quote
And the false assurances of Positive men that they are Negative

What a jerk. How about the false assurances of positive men who DON'T KNOW THEY'RE POSITIVE? I'm quite certain they outnumber, by far, the men who knowingly lie.

This guy's nothing more than an ignorant, bombastic twit. If he isn't positive yet, he will be one day - and he'll blame everyone but himself.

How sad.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline LT

  • Member
  • Posts: 56
One of the scariest things I've run across is that for some, Barebacking is code for "I'm Poz and you are too."  For others it means, "I'm negative and you are as well."  But rarely do they actually discuss to which camp they belong.  They just expect that their partner is of the same mindset.

That fact alone to me implies that eventually, just about everyone who regularly plays BB, will probably become Poz.

Offline blondbeauty

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,785
I did the same as you Ann. Stop reading when he said Hep-C is not treatable. As you say it can be cured and now even up to 93% of the people that get infected with Hep-C (types 1 and 4) achieve a cure with the new Roche´s treatment: Pegasys and Copegus in 24 weeks.
The only member in these forums approved by WINBA: World International Nail and Beauty Association.
Epstein Barr +; CMV +; Toxoplasmosis +; HIV-1 +.
Counts when starting treatment:
V.L.:80.200 copies. CD4: 25%=503
Started Sustiva-Truvada 14/August/2006
Last V.L.count (Oct 2013): Undetectable
Last CD4 count (OCT 2013): 52%= 933

Offline redhotmuslbear

  • Member
  • Posts: 605
  • A genuine certified freak of nature, and a hot one
What delusional thinking and condescending BS!  I'm sure he'll jump at the chance to oversee "HIVer containment camps" when an American Executive Branch more nutty that the present one is installed.

Yet another time I wish I was still friends with my now-WWW renegade buddies who live offshore and run denial of service attacks on or wholly hack websites.
"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." - BF Skinner
12-31-09   222wks VL  2430 CD4 690 (37%)
09-30-09   208wks VL  2050  CD4 925 (42%)
06-25-08   143wks VL  1359  CD4 668 (32%)  CD8 885
02-11-08   123wks off meds:  VL 1364 CD4 892(40%/0.99 ratio)
10-19-07   112wks off meds:   VL 292  CD4 857(37%/0.85 ratio)

One copy of delta-32 for f*****d up CCR5 receptors, and an HLA B44+ allele for "CD8-mediated immunity"... beteer than winning Powerball, almost!

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,358
  • 28 years positive, 56 years a pain in the butt
I scanned it. I'm with Ann and Juan. As soon as I hit the section stating Hep C isn't treatable, I just ignored the rest.

What a load of manure.

"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline dtwpuck

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,013
  • дано мне тело, что мне делать с ним?
The following statement is true:

"Those of us who are Negative and barebackers walk a thin line. "

But to him all i would say, and I've said it a million times, is that all anyone has to do to get someone to bareback is to lie to him.  (or just simply not to know that he/she is poz). 

If someone chooses to bareback, then it's their life.  However, to hold others accountable to your own personal code of ethics is simply stupid... especially when that code of ethics is based on nothing more than a selfish desire to get off.
Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline racingmind

  • Member
  • Posts: 236
this guy is what my mother sometimes calls a "nincompoop. "   ;)
Tested Negative: 5/06
Tested Positive: 9/06 
9/06: CD4: 442 (28%) VL: +100,000
10/06: CD4: 323 (25%) VL: 243,440
11/06: CD4: 405 (28%) VL: 124,324
12/06: CD4: 450 (29%) VL: 114,600
1/07: CD4: 440 (27%) VL: 75,286
3/07: CD4: 459 (30%) VL: 44,860
5/07: CD4: 353 (24%) VL: 50,852
7/07: CD4: 437 (29%) VL: 39,475
9/07: CD4: 237 (32%) VL: 372,774
10/07: CD4: 324 (27%) VL: 115,454 
Started Atripla: 10/07
11/07: CD4: 524 (?%) VL: Undetectable!
2/08: CD4: 653 (35%) VL: undetectable
5/08: CD4: 822 (40%) VL: undetectable
8/08: CD4: 626 (35%) VL: undetectable
12/08: CD4: 619 (36%) VL: undetectable
3/09: CD4: 802 (38%) VL: undetectable
7/09: CD4: 1027 (43%) VL: not tested
10/09: CD4: 1045 (43%) VL: undetectable

Offline Florida69

  • Member
  • Posts: 428
I stopped reading when he proclaimed that hep C isn't treatable. Not only is it treatable, but it can also be cured. I know this first hand.

This guy doesn't know his ass from his elbow.

What a jerk. How about the false assurances of positive men who DON'T KNOW THEY'RE POSITIVE? I'm quite certain they outnumber, by far, the men who knowingly lie.

This guy's nothing more than an ignorant, bombastic twit. If he isn't positive yet, he will be one day - and he'll blame everyone but himself.


I totally agree, with your take on this one.  What a stupid head is old bare back jack, you are right he will surely get his one day...  D

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Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

 


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