Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr Instagram
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 22, 2014, 12:23:39 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 643014
  • Total Topics: 48924
  • Online Today: 184
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 4
Guests: 154
Total: 158

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: i feel like the world is against me  (Read 3925 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline snoofle

  • Member
  • Posts: 54
i feel like the world is against me
« on: June 14, 2007, 09:01:23 PM »
hi again. well i feel really upset/angry/sad/anyother negative emotion right now. my mom just called me and asked if i was coming home this weekend and then she proceeded to ask "what is wrong with Jay (my boyfriend)"? to which i replied..nothing and started to get a little heated bc shes always trying to ask me whats wrong with him, bc if she really knew what was wrong with him..shed freakkk out and probably tell me to stop talking to him. then she told me about how she went to get a salon and met someone there that claimed to be his aunt or in his family or knowing his family really well..im not sure and at this salon, she told my mother that he had lost alot of weight and had AIDS (this is the second time..someone has told my mom that he has AIDS) so my mom told me about this and said that this "family" member said he had AIDS..and once again, i got really heated and angry and told her to stop listening to stupid idle gossip that these stupid women have nothing better to do. and i got so angry that i just hung up on her and told her to leave me alone. afterwards, i just started crying, because i realize that this is just not going to end..the endless gossip, chatter, about why is he so skinny..why did his mom die so fast..why didnt he or his siblings tell other people ab how sick his mom was til she died. and its always going to come back to the AIDS thing. i dont want to tell my mom, because like i said..she and my dad would be more concerned with how everyone else is perceiving me rather than understanding this illness. im so angry and upset, because i feel like ill never be left alone..i hate every person in this world that have nothing better than to try to ruin his life by talking about him essentially making him a pariah in our community. i honestly just want to run away..i want me and him to just leave this stupid city and start over where noone can constantly speculate what he has..and we can just be a normal couple. and i honestly feel that if i dont get out of this city soon..i know that the pressure and constant scrutiny from everyone including my mom will either cause me a mental breakdown or just end this relationship out of fear that all this shit will never end.   :'(

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: i feel like the world is against me
« Reply #1 on: June 14, 2007, 09:09:49 PM »
Hi snoofle,

I'm sorry you have to endure this from your family. Maybe it is time to actually tell the truth in a face to face conversation with your mum, because the "secret is out", and all you're doing now is damage control, which will not help anyone. I personally think that at this time it is better for you to take control of the situation. This forum is called "Someone I care about has HIV". This is what you could start with: "Someone I care about has HIV, and his is my boyfriend, Jay. Now let me explain to you what is HIV, what we're doing about it", etc.. etc..

Others may disagree, so hang on before other members chime in about your situation.

Good luck :)

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline snoofle

  • Member
  • Posts: 54
Re: i feel like the world is against me
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2007, 01:44:10 AM »
i sometimes think about telling my parents..but then theres that constant fear that if i do come clean about it, then theyll just freak out and forbid me to see him and for my culture, its realllly important to get your parents approval in order to move on in a relationship (engagement, marriage), so i really dont want anything to happen to us.

Offline kellyspoppi

  • Member
  • Posts: 153
Re: i feel like the world is against me
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2007, 11:14:11 PM »
hey snoofle,

been a while since i last spoke to you, and although i am sorry to hear things are still stressing you out, i'm glad to see you are staying connected to this site.

as i recall, your past position was that you were remaining good friends with him because you wanted to support him through this ordeal. you said you needed time to mull over whether or not you wanted the relationship aspect to continue, but for the meantime you had no intentions of abandoning him.

if i have misspoken here, please feel free to set me straight, but if i am correct in my recollection, i have to side with milker here. as he says, and as you have clearly pointed out, these rumors are only going to continue to fester an already agonizing period in your life. continuing to try to avoid the inevitable will only bring on more stress, something that is already taking its' toll on you psyche.

so my question to you at this point is " how important is it that you keep this secret from your parents, as opposed to keeping your sanity?"

only you know what is most important to you in your life. this man, or the support of your family. if it is this man, then you need to go to your parents and tell them the truth and that, for now, you wish to give this man the support you feel he deserves. if they can not support you in your decision, then that is their choice. although you respect them and their need to protect their daughter, you must be there for him at this time because you feel it is the right thing for you to do.

if they cannot understand your wanting to care for another human being, then you must have misunderstood the values they tried to instill in you when you were growing up.

assure them that you realize there are issues you are trying to deal with pertaining to whether or not you plan on maintaining this relationship, that you are not taking this thing lightly. but not having parents who are being supportive of your process is not helping the situation any, and if that is how they plan to deal with your situation, then you will do it on your own, and in your own way.

then i would turn around and walk out that door. the ball is then in their court and they will need time to calmly reason what their next move will be. as a parent, and as a son who was not the easiest kid in the world to raise, my experience has been that once the shock, anger, and all the other ill feelings subside, more rationale thought will prevail. if it doesn't, THEIR LOSS!

continue to live life on your terms and, by all means, find happiness. you are much too young for all this drama. enjoy some alone time, with or without this man, and do something fun.

good luck and god bless!

kellyspoppi

   

Offline Mike2008

  • Member
  • Posts: 76
Re: i feel like the world is against me
« Reply #4 on: June 16, 2007, 03:39:53 AM »
Starting over in a large  city within 4 - 5 hour drive sounds like the best thing to me.  You have just got to put some distance between your curent day to day existance and the hateful rumors.  MOVE - MOVE - MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know where you can get an apartment in SF where I lve.

Hang in there Mike
4-27-07  cd4 490  vl 1857
6-28-07  cd4 418  vl 993
started Atripla 9-17-07
10-9-07  cd4 502  vl,<75
1-15-08   cd4 473 vl< 75
blood platlets 31-26-79-20 -0-63-109

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,890
Re: i feel like the world is against me
« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2007, 04:38:22 PM »
Snoof, it's not clear to me from your comments whether you are legally of age or not. If you are, then your parents can huff and puff all they want to, but you are entitled to make your own decision about whom you want to be with.

I's not easy to handle this kind of situation. You have to decide what you want. If you want to continue the relationship with your friend, (and I am not clear if  it is a romantic one or not -- are YOU clear about that?), then that's your committment. As others have suggested you might be at the point where you draw a line in the sand and say this is my friend and he's going to remain my friend no matter what.

I don't know if your friend realizes what's going on. You might need to discuss with him if it's ok for you to reveal his status to your folks. 

This is a situation which tests your character. Are you willing to stand up for what is important to  you? This is really as important an important an issue for you as it is for your friend.
Andy Velez

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.