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i feel like the world is against me

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snoofle:
hi again. well i feel really upset/angry/sad/anyother negative emotion right now. my mom just called me and asked if i was coming home this weekend and then she proceeded to ask "what is wrong with Jay (my boyfriend)"? to which i replied..nothing and started to get a little heated bc shes always trying to ask me whats wrong with him, bc if she really knew what was wrong with him..shed freakkk out and probably tell me to stop talking to him. then she told me about how she went to get a salon and met someone there that claimed to be his aunt or in his family or knowing his family really well..im not sure and at this salon, she told my mother that he had lost alot of weight and had AIDS (this is the second time..someone has told my mom that he has AIDS) so my mom told me about this and said that this "family" member said he had AIDS..and once again, i got really heated and angry and told her to stop listening to stupid idle gossip that these stupid women have nothing better to do. and i got so angry that i just hung up on her and told her to leave me alone. afterwards, i just started crying, because i realize that this is just not going to end..the endless gossip, chatter, about why is he so skinny..why did his mom die so fast..why didnt he or his siblings tell other people ab how sick his mom was til she died. and its always going to come back to the AIDS thing. i dont want to tell my mom, because like i said..she and my dad would be more concerned with how everyone else is perceiving me rather than understanding this illness. im so angry and upset, because i feel like ill never be left alone..i hate every person in this world that have nothing better than to try to ruin his life by talking about him essentially making him a pariah in our community. i honestly just want to run away..i want me and him to just leave this stupid city and start over where noone can constantly speculate what he has..and we can just be a normal couple. and i honestly feel that if i dont get out of this city soon..i know that the pressure and constant scrutiny from everyone including my mom will either cause me a mental breakdown or just end this relationship out of fear that all this shit will never end.   :'(

milker:
Hi snoofle,

I'm sorry you have to endure this from your family. Maybe it is time to actually tell the truth in a face to face conversation with your mum, because the "secret is out", and all you're doing now is damage control, which will not help anyone. I personally think that at this time it is better for you to take control of the situation. This forum is called "Someone I care about has HIV". This is what you could start with: "Someone I care about has HIV, and his is my boyfriend, Jay. Now let me explain to you what is HIV, what we're doing about it", etc.. etc..

Others may disagree, so hang on before other members chime in about your situation.

Good luck :)

Milker.

snoofle:
i sometimes think about telling my parents..but then theres that constant fear that if i do come clean about it, then theyll just freak out and forbid me to see him and for my culture, its realllly important to get your parents approval in order to move on in a relationship (engagement, marriage), so i really dont want anything to happen to us.

kellyspoppi:
hey snoofle,

been a while since i last spoke to you, and although i am sorry to hear things are still stressing you out, i'm glad to see you are staying connected to this site.

as i recall, your past position was that you were remaining good friends with him because you wanted to support him through this ordeal. you said you needed time to mull over whether or not you wanted the relationship aspect to continue, but for the meantime you had no intentions of abandoning him.

if i have misspoken here, please feel free to set me straight, but if i am correct in my recollection, i have to side with milker here. as he says, and as you have clearly pointed out, these rumors are only going to continue to fester an already agonizing period in your life. continuing to try to avoid the inevitable will only bring on more stress, something that is already taking its' toll on you psyche.

so my question to you at this point is " how important is it that you keep this secret from your parents, as opposed to keeping your sanity?"

only you know what is most important to you in your life. this man, or the support of your family. if it is this man, then you need to go to your parents and tell them the truth and that, for now, you wish to give this man the support you feel he deserves. if they can not support you in your decision, then that is their choice. although you respect them and their need to protect their daughter, you must be there for him at this time because you feel it is the right thing for you to do.

if they cannot understand your wanting to care for another human being, then you must have misunderstood the values they tried to instill in you when you were growing up.

assure them that you realize there are issues you are trying to deal with pertaining to whether or not you plan on maintaining this relationship, that you are not taking this thing lightly. but not having parents who are being supportive of your process is not helping the situation any, and if that is how they plan to deal with your situation, then you will do it on your own, and in your own way.

then i would turn around and walk out that door. the ball is then in their court and they will need time to calmly reason what their next move will be. as a parent, and as a son who was not the easiest kid in the world to raise, my experience has been that once the shock, anger, and all the other ill feelings subside, more rationale thought will prevail. if it doesn't, THEIR LOSS!

continue to live life on your terms and, by all means, find happiness. you are much too young for all this drama. enjoy some alone time, with or without this man, and do something fun.

good luck and god bless!

kellyspoppi

   

Mike2008:
Starting over in a large  city within 4 - 5 hour drive sounds like the best thing to me.  You have just got to put some distance between your curent day to day existance and the hateful rumors.  MOVE - MOVE - MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know where you can get an apartment in SF where I lve.

Hang in there Mike

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