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Author Topic: I thought I had a handle on this  (Read 227 times)

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Offline crazyturns

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
I thought I had a handle on this
« on: September 25, 2016, 12:06:36 PM »
I was diagnosed going on three months ago. After the initial week or so of shock and many up and down feelings, my feelings more or less stabilised and I was even feeling positive about the future. I was lucky to be diagnosed a few months after seroconversion and my CD4 count was above 500 and viral load was under 3500, which made me feel better. I started medication about a month ago and felt even better for being proactive and doing what I should be doing for my health. I  felt as if I was doing all the right things and even felt hopeful about the future.

But the past few weeks Iíve been feeling less positive and more down about this entire situation. Depression would be appropriate word. It seems to be getting worse by week. Itís starting to impact my job. Not noticeable to my boss yet, but I have zero interest in the job and since itís high pressure, itís only a while before it starts to show. It takes so much out of me to keep it together at work and to complete my work when all I want to do is stay in bed. Socially, Iím not in the mood to socialise with many outside of a few very good friends occasionally and even then Iíve been cancelling more and more. Iím losing interest in things that I like and find it extremely hard to be productive with anything. Itís weird because some days Iím Ďnormalí and will feel hopeful again and then the very next day I wonít be able to concentrate at all and will just be down and feel like my life is crashing and burning.

I think that the first month after going to the doctor filled me with hope that I could get through this easily and now as time goes on Iím realising that itís not going to be that easy. It was easy to think that starting to take medication would solve my problems. The only problem with that logic is that it disregarded mental health considerations. I don't have a history of clinical depression, but I have had circumstantial depression in the past when facing certain life events. I've usually bounced back fairly quickly. I really thought that I would avoid it this time around, but now I'm starting to think it's unavoidable and I'm not confident that I'll bounce back as fast.

Anyone else experience this pattern? One of hope that later turned more depressive and pessimistic as time went on? Iím not sure if the medication is influencing my mood or if Iím just genuinely down. Anyone experience depression as a result of rilpivirine? 

Offline JimDublin

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 2,697
Re: I thought I had a handle on this
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2016, 12:32:00 PM »
Hi

Really sorry to hear your feeling this way.

Sounds like you have a combination of things going on and often I think mental well-being is overlooked when we start treatment and care for our HIV diagnosis.
 
Now I am stressing that depression is not something to wait with, or to think it will be okay because it can be devastating. The upside to this is proper treatment really can help and if your feeling depressed you need to flag this with your doctor ASAP.

You mentioned your meds and wondering if it can be a factor, well yes it can be,* but does not mean it is or is the route of the issue but it certainly worth keep in mind and again this is why its important to talk about such things and make it clear how your feeling when talking to your HIV doctor.

Take care and keep us posted.

Jim

*
http://www.edurant.com/patients/about-edurant/side-effects
https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/hiv-depression
HIV 101 - Basics
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Tonny2

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,413
Re: I thought I had a handle on this
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2016, 12:44:10 PM »
I was diagnosed going on three months ago. After the initial week or so of shock and many up and down feelings, my feelings more or less stabilised and I was even feeling positive about the future. I was lucky to be diagnosed a few months after seroconversion and my CD4 count was above 500 and viral load was under 3500, which made me feel better. I started medication about a month ago and felt even better for being proactive and doing what I should be doing for my health. I  felt as if I was doing all the right things and even felt hopeful about the future.

But the past few weeks Iíve been feeling less positive and more down about this entire situation. Depression would be appropriate word. It seems to be getting worse by week. Itís starting to impact my job. Not noticeable to my boss yet, but I have zero interest in the job and since itís high pressure, itís only a while before it starts to show. It takes so much out of me to keep it together at work and to complete my work when all I want to do is stay in bed. Socially, Iím not in the mood to socialise with many outside of a few very good friends occasionally and even then Iíve been cancelling more and more. Iím losing interest in things that I like and find it extremely hard to be productive with anything. Itís weird because some days Iím Ďnormalí and will feel hopeful again and then the very next day I wonít be able to concentrate at all and will just be down and feel like my life is crashing and burning.

I think that the first month after going to the doctor filled me with hope that I could get through this easily and now as time goes on Iím realising that itís not going to be that easy. It was easy to think that starting to take medication would solve my problems. The only problem with that logic is that it disregarded mental health considerations. I don't have a history of clinical depression, but I have had circumstantial depression in the past when facing certain life events. I've usually bounced back fairly quickly. I really thought that I would avoid it this time around, but now I'm starting to think it's unavoidable and I'm not confident that I'll bounce back as fast.

Anyone else experience this pattern? One of hope that later turned more depressive and pessimistic as time went on? Iím not sure if the medication is influencing my mood or if Iím just genuinely down. Anyone experience depression as a result of rilpivirine?

          OJO         HELLO CRAZYTURNS...WHAT MEDS ARE YOU ON?...I'M SORRY YOU ARE FEELING THIS WAY...HAVE YOU TALKED TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT HOW YOU ARE FEELING?, MAYBE SEEING A COUNSELOR AND SOME ANTIDEPRESSION MED HELPS YOU FOR A WHILE.

I'VE BEEN LIVING WITH HIV/AIDS AND TAKING MEDS FOR ALMOST 22 YEARS, I NEVER FELT DEPRESSED FOR HAVING HIV, ON THE CONTRARY, I TOOK IT AS A CHALLENGE, MY FAMILY NEEDED ME, SO, I COULDN'T FAIL THEM, ESPECIALLY TO MY MOM, WHO SHE WAS WITH ME SINCE THE BEGINING, I DON'T REMEMBER HOW MANY TIMES I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL AND SHE WAS WITH ME EVERYDAY, EVEN ONE TIME, ONE OF THE NURSES WHO KNEW ME FOR MY FRECUENT VISITS TO THE HOSPITAL, ALMOST DIEYIN, TOLD ME ONE TIME IF IT WASN'T EASIER TO JUST LET GO, STOP SUFFERING, I TOLD HER, YES, IT WAS EASIER BUT I SHOWED HER TO SEE THE LADY SITTING BY THE CORNER OF MY ROOM, AND I TOLD THE NURSE, IF SHE DOESN'T QUIET, I WILL NOT QUIET...SOMETIME WE HAVE TO THINK ABOUT OUR LOVE ONES, THEY SUFFER WITH US, SO WE HAVE TO MAKE THE EXTRRA EFFORT TO STAY HAPPY AND WELL, NO JUST THINK ABOUT OURSELVES, WE GOT OURSELVES IN THIS SITUATION WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT OUR FAMILIES, NOW, THAT THEY HAVE ACCEPTED US WITH THIS VIRUS, I THINK WE OWE THEM TO BE STRONGER...I HOPE YOUR FAMILY IS SUPPORTING YOU, IF THEY ARE DOING IT, THINK ABOUT THEM, TALK TO YOUR SOCTOR, THERE IS HELP, SUPPORT GROUPS, PHYCOLOGIST, MEDS, AND PLEASE, DO NOT ISOLATE YOURSELF, MAKE THE EFFORT TO GO OUT...I WONDER WHAT CHANGED SINCE YOU WERE FEELING BETTER, ESPECIALLY IF YOU CAOUGHT THE VIRUS EARLIER...WERE YOU FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF?, WHY?, YOU ARE DEALING WITH A MANEGABLE VIRUS, NO MORE DEATH SENTENCE...LET'S SEE WHAT MEDS YOU ARE TAKING AND PLEASE, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR, NOBODY SAID THAT LIVING WWWITH HIV WAS EASY, FOR SOME IT'S EASIER BUT FOR  OTHER IT'S NOT BUT THERE IS HELP...WISHING YOU THE BEST...KEEP US POSTED...BIG HUG, YOU NEED IT                                                                                                                 OJO   

Offline harleymc

  • Member
  • Posts: 580
Re: I thought I had a handle on this
« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2016, 07:06:50 PM »
Get an urgent appointment with your doctor.
Let him or her know what you are feeling like and how it is impacting your life, but make sure that the focus of the appointment is to plan a way forward to you.

Some people (i'm one) thrive on Rilpivirine but others get depressed. So a review of your medications has to be part of looking after your mental health.

HUGS






Offline crazyturns

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: I thought I had a handle on this
« Reply #4 on: September 26, 2016, 02:06:10 AM »
Thank you for the responses. I will bring this up with my doctor at my next appointment. I do not live in the same location as my doctor. But I do have communication channels with him, so until I have a check up with my first labs since starting medication, I will use other methods. I agree that it's a combination of things that are contributing to these feelings. I'm just surprised since I thought I was handling everything well given the circumstances.

Offline harleymc

  • Member
  • Posts: 580
Re: I thought I had a handle on this
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2016, 07:35:17 AM »
I feel like I skate on ice. 99% of the time I'm fine and I revel in the speed, the beauty, the sound of the blades on the ice. But I've gone through into that black cold water on a couple of occasions.
I've learned to hear the faintest of cracks now, I know my triggers and when I'm blue or anxious I am doing all I can to use all the 'tricks' at my disposal to keep mentally well.
We don't have to be miserable surviving, we can aim to thrive.

Have I got the scenario right, that you haven't had a set of bloods done since starting your medication? If so, you will be in for a nice surprise when that comes.

Try hard not to ruminate on the 'what ifs', they are a killer.

If you can't get to your doctor immediately give moodgym a try, it's a self paced free online cognitive behavior and neuro-linguistic package. It has helped me in the past

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

 


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