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Author Topic: Why must I be emotionally attached to my old highschool?  (Read 2128 times)

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Offline Mouse

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Why must I be emotionally attached to my old highschool?
« on: June 10, 2007, 11:48:03 AM »
Some of you know that for reasons beyond my control I decided to be homeschooled for my junior year, this year. Where I was attending public school, the bullying was just intolerable and there were very little people sticking up for me. The administration was doing absolutely zip and I was finding it difficult to concentrate on classes while I was worried about who was going to inconspicuously shove themselves into me at the top of the stairs or unzip my backpack while I was walking down the hall so all of my things fell onto the floor. Hell, I was even pondering what variation of gay-oriented insults they were going to fling at me in english class.

The point is, I thought if I really gave a shit about school I would jump on the homeschooling thing and just get it done and not worry about stupid highschool nonsense.

I'm almost finished with my junior year now and I think I've done pretty damn well. My grades are As and Bs,  I understand the material (geometry doesn't count) and I have a lot more free time now.

But, next year is my last year of highschool. I feel this sense of longing to suck it up and just go through my senior year at my old highschool because it's the last ever year of highschool I've have. I want to graduate with my friends who are still there, and try to enjoy all the stuff they have at a real highschool that being homeschooled doesn't offer me. I want to be in a musical next year instead of just doing costume crew like I did last year. I want to rejoin the Art Honor Society. I want to take my lunches with my gay Creative Writing teacher again so I don't have to sit through a 45 minute lunch period of people hiding my food or taking my seat whenever I get up.

I think I'm probably crazy for wanting to go back, but I really need to weigh the pros and cons before I decide what I'll be doing next year. I miss feeling like a normal teenager and going to a normal highschool, even though it sucked. I guess what's really eating away at me is I feel so isolated and left out that there MUST be something wrong with me. I have way too much free time to think about the shit that depresses me and how much my life is annoyingly different from the average 16 year old. Dwelling on this shit is not healthy.

So, I guess I'm either looking for people to tell me I have the right idea in wanting to go back or that I'm fucking nuts for even considering it. Feel free to throw your own opinion in there.

Online Ann

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Re: Why must I be emotionally attached to my old highschool?
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2007, 11:54:45 AM »
Jaser,

I think you should print-out what you just wrote (without changing a word of it) and send it to your high school principal. If you don't want it to be obvious where you posted it, C&P it into Word and print it.

You have the right to access education and just as importantly, the right to be safe while doing so.

Hugs,
Ann
xxx
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Offline Dachshund

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Re: Why must I be emotionally attached to my old highschool?
« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2007, 12:12:04 PM »
That's a tough one little man...first thing I would have to know...can they guarantee a certain degree of security?

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Why must I be emotionally attached to my old highschool?
« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2007, 12:23:04 PM »
It's just shameful that in 2007 high school is still this way for many.  My heart goes out to you and hope you find some sort of resolution.  Ann's idea is, as usual, spot on.

How do the administrators in your school system respond to this issue.  I'm quite curious, as both my parents worked in public schools and my father at one time was a principal.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline xyahka

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Re: Why must I be emotionally attached to my old highschool?
« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2007, 12:37:57 PM »
Hi boy, listen,.... i agree with Ann. Print it and deliver it there.

Damn if you even need we emailing the principal to make him understand he has to respect your rights you only give us his email and i will give him a big lesson. Talk to your parents if you have them on your side and they go along with you to the principal office he might understand. I wish i could be there i would go with you to the school and talk to this man.

whatever happens, let us know. Still... you know it won't be easy but i understand that sometimes there are things in life we have to do despite they are not easy, i am with you.

Juan Carlos
13/03/07 1er diagnóstico /Peso: 79kg
19/04/07 CD4: 494 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 80kg
19/07/07 CD4: 659 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79.5kg
06/03/08 CD4: 573 (después de meses muy deprimido) /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79kg
17/09/08 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 84Kg
06/02/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 85Kg /HCV: Neg /HBV: Neg.
07/03/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg / Gym 3días/semana y Natación 2días/semana.
12/05/09 CD4: 470 /Cviral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg.
08/07/09 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 77Kg.
09/12/09 CD4: 510 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg. No medicinas aún
10/01/10 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
15/05/10 CD4: 320 /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
01/02/11 CD4: 291 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
05/05/11 CD4: 366 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
27/07/11 CD4: 255 /CViral: 138000 /Peso: 78kg.

Disfrutando y aceptando una nueva vida...

Offline Mouse

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Re: Why must I be emotionally attached to my old highschool?
« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2007, 12:52:56 PM »
My school district is notoriously screwed up. Since I started speaking to other kids from the area that go to different highschools, I got a good perspective of what everyone else really thinks of us. There are rumors of fights and violence and drugs and all manner of stuf going on.

Last year, I took part in http://dayofsilence.org/. I even told my teachers ahead of time that I'd be doing it, but one teacher did everything he could to try and tempt me to talk during one class, and the rest of the class spent the period talking about how stupid it was and how it wouldn't work and if I really thought that those things (gays and trans people) were okay.

There used to be a lot of gang violence in my school also but they cracked down on that in a second. Everytime a fight broke out in the hallway or something it was broken up in seconds. But everytime someone was picked on because they were gay or bi or trans or from some other country or god forbid was of some other religion but Christianity they seemed to be blind to it.

And I mean, that's not to say everyone was horrible. My guidance counselor was an absolute angel and I won the affection of a lot of my teachers (especially a lesbian teacher of mine, who thought I was just the shit) and if I ever needed something to be taken care of they'd do it in an instant. There are a lot of things that I feel like I've wimped out on by not continuing to attend. There are a lot of other queer kids at my highschool that I feel like I've kind of just left behind to rot and I feel really bad about it. Everytime I got excited about doing something to get people off of our backs, everyone went along with it and got excited, too, and it usually worked out.

I do worry about what colleges will think of me not having graduated from a normal highschool and I wonder how that will affect me getting into one I like. I also worry about the lack of extracurricular activities when I apply for colleges, too. Among other things that I just can't get out of homeschooling.

There is an option to go to a different highschool (I had attended it before, but for a short, short time) but my experience there was worse. I don't know. I just want to do what's best for me in this situation.

And as far as speaking to the admin thing, if I decide to go back I have a Jewish mother to throw a shit storm to anyone who would suggest that I not be defended and treated properly this time. She is more formidable than most angry torch-bearing mobs.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Why must I be emotionally attached to my old highschool?
« Reply #6 on: June 10, 2007, 01:15:03 PM »
Jaser-

Man, I've got a lot of respect for you.  I can't help but me struck by your post, especially that sense that "something is wrong with you".  You're one courageous guy in my book.  I think Ann's suggestion was great.  Perhaps contacting the Lambda Legal Defense Network might also help?  They might be able to draft up a letter for the administration on behalf of yourself and the other queer kids at your school to try to put pressure on the administration to do something about the abuses going on at your school.  Just a thought.

I can completely understand you wanting to take part in some of the "last" experiences of high school.  I can also understand how taxing it must be on you to have to put up with the moronic bullying of so many of the bozos that inhabit that environment.  One good thing I can tell you is this:  You will be pleasently astonished by how much of that crap fades away once you grab your diploma and leave high school behind.

I'm rooting for you, kid. 
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Carolann

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Re: Why must I be emotionally attached to my old highschool?
« Reply #7 on: June 10, 2007, 01:57:40 PM »
Jaser,

I don\'t think any amount of \"high school\" experience is worth mental torture. The bad memories will stand out more than anything. If you really don\'t feel safe, you should not return. College will hopefully be a better experience, depending on where you end up going. I guess the biggest question for you is, \"will I be happy?\" It is only a decision you can make. And yes, you are a courageous guy.

Carolann

Offline fearless

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Re: Why must I be emotionally attached to my old highschool?
« Reply #8 on: June 12, 2007, 02:56:10 AM »
I like Ann and Thunter's suggestions.

I'm curious - wouldn't your high school have a legal obligation to protect your safety while you are there?

One thing you should take into consideration is that everyone will be just that little bit older if you go back, and maybe a little more mature. You may find that in your final year the bullying has calmed down. Remembering back to my school days, I seem to recall things were a lot worse in regard to bullying and the like in years 9 and 10 than they were in my senior year, year 12.
Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline CaptCarl

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Re: Why must I be emotionally attached to my old highschool?
« Reply #9 on: June 12, 2007, 05:46:04 PM »
Jaser,
  I wish that I had the option of homeschooling, but I didn't. I had to stick it out. I agree with Ann, and the others that you should approach your school with your original posting here. The question though is this, do you think that anything has changed in one year? I understand about your missing some aspects of being in school, but ask yourself if they outweigh the negatives of being there. I find for myself, that when my 25th class reunion comes up next year, I have no desire to see any of those folks whatsoever.(Well, actually, I wouldn't mind going just to see who got fat and who went bald ;D)  Good luck in making your decision. Ultimately you must follow you own heart...

Capt.Carl
The only thing I can do straight is shoot..

Offline thunter34

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Re: Why must I be emotionally attached to my old highschool?
« Reply #10 on: June 12, 2007, 06:04:35 PM »
Yup.  Capt. Carl speaks the truth.  I could probably count on one hand the people that I would give 1/2 damn about seeing at some reunion. 

(Incidentally, I have happened upon one or two in the years since.  Without fail, the little queer kids looked better now than they did then...and the high school jock hot shots have all let themeselves go to hell.  One lesbian girl in particular looked FLAWLESS when I encountered her last spring.)
AIDS isn't for sissies.

 


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