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Author Topic: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN  (Read 9210 times)

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Offline viewer1977

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HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« on: June 09, 2007, 05:38:09 AM »
:)
THERE IS SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN NOTICING ALOT SINCE I GOT HIV IN 1995.
MY LIFE HAS CHANGED ALOT, BUT ONE OF THE THINGS I HAVE NOTICED IS:
TRYING TO FIND A WOMAN WITH HIV, TO BE ABLE TO DATE , IS ALMOST INPOSSIBLE.
NOW THIS COULD BE JUST ME, BUT I REALLY DON'T THINK SO.
HOPEFULLY I WILL GET SOME FEED BACK FROM OTHER HIV WOMEN AND FROM SOME MEN ON THIS TOPIC.
I DON'T GET TO THIS BOARD VERY OFTEN, SO FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME AT viewer1977@AOL.com
LET ME KNOW WHAT YOUR FEELINGS AND OPIONS ARE.
ALSO IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO JOIN MY HIV GROUP ON AOL, FEEL FREE!
ITS HIVAIDSLOVE.COM OR JUST GOOGLE HIV GROUPS AND YOU WILL FIND IT.
I ALWAYS WRITE BACK TO ANY MEMEMBERS THAT JOIN MY GROP AND THEY ARE ALL SPECIAL AND GOOD FRIENDS TO ME.
BY THE WAY! I AM STILL LOOKING FOR THAT SPECIAL WOMAN HERE IN SEATTLE.
HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON!
« Last Edit: June 09, 2007, 05:41:53 AM by viewer1977 »
LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!
viewer1977@aol.com

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2007, 01:00:18 PM »
I'm going to move your thread over to LIVING WITH as it seems to me it's more appropriate to have it there.

Please don't use all caps when you write a thread. Doing that is considered to be the equivalent of shouting here. What you write will actually get more attenion if you follow the rule and use regular old up and down lettering.

Thanks for your cooperation.

Andy Velez

Offline goatwriter

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2007, 05:01:41 PM »
Well, being a poz man myself who was looking for a poz women, I'd have to agree with you, kind of. While not impossible ,it was pretty difficult.  I've heard many men say the same thing.
 But you know the funny thing. The poz women are complaining there are no good poz men out there either
 What can the problem be?
 I think its just a matter of limited choice. Its hard enough to meet someone out there in the wide world, when you limit yourself to only poz mates, then you really have to change your view. That could mean opening your mind, or lowering your standards (if being negative about it). It seems almost for sure some kind of compromise would be in order.
 Another thing I've noticed is a lot of poz women have got something going on somewhere, a bit on the side or whatever, usually with a neg guy, so they don't feel the desperation that a lot of poz strait guys feel. The strait guys come over a bit needy, and the women cant see through that. The women come over a bit serious, like "I need a man to be committed to me " and the men can't see through that.
 And hiv kind of screws with your head. So when two screwed up people are trying to connect, its gonna be difficult.
 Only thing to do is keep on banging away. send out those winks and emails and if one don't work , move on to the next one.
 Oh yeah. And don't forget about the neggies. They can love you too .
 
 

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #3 on: June 12, 2007, 05:05:08 PM »
Another thing I've noticed is a lot of poz women have got something going on somewhere, a bit on the side or whatever, usually with a neg guy, so they don't feel the desperation that a lot of poz strait guys feel.

I see . . .

MtD

Offline emeraldize

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2007, 06:04:22 PM »
Another thing I've noticed is a lot of poz women have got something going on somewhere, a bit on the side or whatever, usually with a neg guy, so they don't feel the desperation that a lot of poz strait guys feel.

I see . . .

MtD

Hi Goatwriter

I'm in agreement with Matty's ultra-subtle pondering of your assessment, broad brush I might add, of poz women. Have you conducted a survey? Had one bad experience? Or, just decided to surmise this because you've had turndowns and figure there must be a reason and action on the side might be it. Frankly, I think you've got it upside down and sideways. Can you try to envision taking each person as an individual and not lumping everyone into behaving similarly?

And, Viewer?, Hello to you as well,
I have to note that your initial post, caps and all, gave me a slight case of the giggles because of your typo in the phrase "join my grop" which is close to "grope" and, to me, reads as such. I know you meant to write "group." Ya takes ya humah where ya can gets it.

Best of luck to each of you, to everyone, man/woman, wherever you are, poz/neg, that you may find someone who matches you---that you not have to lower your standards, if you have standards, that you be inspired to create standards, if you think they'll help. Or, abandon all standards!

To quote M. Scott Peck  " Life is difficult."  and some poster from last week--"Every bucket has a lid." I thought the latter was quite interesting because I've never owned a bucket that came with a lid. Plastic containers? Yes. Buckets, no. I must be going to the wrong bucket store.

To close with goatwriter's quote...how appropos...keep banging away, or better yet, hoping to bang away.  :D


 Only thing to do is keep on banging away. send out those winks  ;)and emails and if one don't work , move on to the next one.
 Oh yeah. And don't forget about the neggies. They can love you too .  :-*
 
 

Hey, GhostWriter, I mean GoatWriter, maybe you'll find that the neggie women generally have something going on the side with a poz dude!! Wouldn't that be shocking? :o

« Last Edit: June 12, 2007, 06:08:18 PM by emeraldize »

Offline anniebc

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2007, 07:04:49 PM »
Quote
Another thing I've noticed is a lot of poz women have got something going on somewhere, a bit on the side or whatever, usually with a neg guy, so they don't feel the desperation that a lot of poz strait guys feel.

I see . . .

I find that Quote very insulting.

Thanks Emeraldize..great post very well said and very well written.

Hugs to you
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Mike2008

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2007, 09:16:00 PM »
Wow!  What a title!  Global Moderater!  Shouldn't you be in the Middle East?
4-27-07  cd4 490  vl 1857
6-28-07  cd4 418  vl 993
started Atripla 9-17-07
10-9-07  cd4 502  vl,<75
1-15-08   cd4 473 vl< 75
blood platlets 31-26-79-20 -0-63-109

Offline milker

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #7 on: June 12, 2007, 09:44:13 PM »
There is no HIVAIDSLOVE.COM and googling it leads to dead links.

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjasô

Offline 404error

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #8 on: June 12, 2007, 10:31:32 PM »
There are a lot of factors to consider here.  How long have you been poz?  What sort of lifestyle have you lived?  Did this in some way lead to your infection?  If you contracted the disease from IV drug use, then not only are you seen as being poz but also as either; A) A junkie, or B) A former junkie.  Women (and men as well I would have to assume) generally aren't attracted to those who have had or do have serious substance abuse problems.  Perhaps you are bisexual and contracted the disease while having sex with men?  Some women are completely turned off by the thought of being with a man who has also been with men.  A further possiblity is that you got the disease through having unprotected sex with a positive female.  

One must also consider the roles of men and women within a relationship.  Women, generally, want someone who is; strong, healthy and will make her feel safe as well as cared for.  If you have HIV, your health is always going to be a concern.  Bad health could equal terrible financial prospects and you could end up in debt or filing for bankruptcy (especially those of you in America) should medical expenses start to pile up.  Women (and men as well I will once again assume) generally aren't interested in building relationships with people who could one day become a financial liability.

How do you see yourself in relation to how you saw yourself prior to being diagnosed?  I know for me, I see myself as being the exact same person I was before.  I still eat the same things, enjoy the same social activities, laugh at the same jokes and socialize with the same people I always had.  I've been single since being diagnosed.  Part of it is circumstance but another is my unwillingness to settle.  I choose not to get involved in relationships with women I find; unintelligent, unattractive, or unsuitable to my tastes in some other aspect not mentioned.  This is my choice.  I'd rather not "settle" for someone because the one thing we have in common is that we're both living with HIV.  I feel that in the end I would end up resenting her because she wasn't what I was looking for and I just latched onto something out of fear of being alone.  Some may argue that this makes me shallow or selfish, personally I feel it makes me true to myself and that's very important to me.

A social critic who promotes equality...

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #9 on: June 12, 2007, 10:49:38 PM »
Women, generally, want someone who is; strong, healthy and will make her feel safe as well as cared for. 

You know boys, maybe you should take the time to read what the HIV positive heterosexual women are saying. In each of these threads, I've noticed that a number of our women have come in and explained what they want, need or see as desirable in a relationship.

Yet not one of you straight guys ever seems to take a blind bit of notice. You just go on telling the rest of us how women are, what they want and expect - blah blah blah blah blah.

And you wonder why you're single.

Oy!

MtD

Offline Sky

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #10 on: June 12, 2007, 10:55:07 PM »
Women, generally, want someone who is; strong, healthy and will make her feel safe as well as cared for. 

You know boys, maybe you should take the time to read what the HIV positive heterosexual women are saying. In each of these threads, I've noticed that a number of our women have come in and explained what they want, need or see as desirable in a relationship.

Yet not one of you straight guys ever seems to take a blind bit of notice. You just go on telling the rest of us how women are, what they want and expect - blah blah blah blah blah.

And you wonder why you're single.

Oy!

MtD

This made me lol your grace.  Very well said indeed!  ;D
Poz since 2003.

Offline Ann

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2007, 04:09:30 AM »
Quote
Women, generally, want someone who is; strong, healthy and will make her feel safe as well as cared for.

Most women I know want an equal partner - one who doesn't treat them like the local babysitting, maid service and massage parlour all rolled into one.

For most women I know, feeling safe means having their own income and autonomy. Feeling cared for means being respected as a strong person in our own right.

As far as the healthy bit goes, who says a person with hiv can't be healthy? I know hiv positive people who are healthier than a lot of the hiv negative people I know. I'm more interested in a healthy mind than a healthy body anyway.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline anniebc

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2007, 05:00:12 AM »
Awww Ann..I was going to say that... ;)

Well said my friend...and to Matty for caring and understanding what we, the ladies of this forum, are really all about.

Hugs to you both
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Ann

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #13 on: June 13, 2007, 05:09:19 AM »
Big, strong, womanly hugs back at ya Jan! ;)

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline jack

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #14 on: June 13, 2007, 06:10:19 AM »
Buy a good pet. I am looking at a Golden Doodle. Pets are cheaper,dont tell you what to do,dont talk,and dont fuck with you when you are working the television flicker. This is from a guy who lives with three women and loves women.

Offline sweetasmeli

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #15 on: June 13, 2007, 06:46:46 AM »
The poz women are complaining there are no good poz men out there either
What can the problem be?

Sheesh, Goatwriter. I think part of the problem could be the fact that you make sweeping statements and assumptions like the one above. Which women? What is the extent of your experience of positive women? I havenít heard any women here say that and there are more than a handful of us here. Some may have commented on bad experiences theyíve had or the fact that there doesnít seem to be many positive heterosexual guys out there. But Iíve never heard one positive woman here complain that ďthere are no good poz men out thereĒ.

Another thing I've noticed is a lot of poz women have got something going on somewhere, a bit on the side or whatever, usually with a neg guy, so they don't feel the desperation that a lot of poz strait guys feel.

What? What?? Again, I must ask you, how many positive women do you actually know? You say youíve noticed ďa lotĒ, so am I correct in presuming you know a lot?

In all honesty, Goatwriter, your post stings of ignorance and sweeping assumptions, as far as your knowledge and understanding of women goes. Although saying that, I do agree with this part:

And hiv kind of screws with your head. So when two screwed up people are trying to connect, its gonna be difficult.

Except it isnít just HIV that screws with your head; it can be but one of many things. Many people enter into relationships when theyíre not actually ready, hence the divorce statistics and number of dysfunctional relationships out there. 

UpAllNight, I have to respond to this part of your post:

One must also consider the roles of men and women within a relationship.  Women, generally, want someone who is; strong, healthy and will make her feel safe as well as cared for.  If you have HIV, your health is always going to be a concern.  Bad health could equal terrible financial prospects and you could end up in debt or filing for bankruptcy (especially those of you in America) should medical expenses start to pile up.  Women (and men as well I will once again assume) generally aren't interested in building relationships with people who could one day become a financial liability.

Ditto to what Ann said. :-* I personally strive to be financially independent, regardless of whether or not Iím single or in a relationship. Although Iím not delusional and am fully aware that it does happen, the idea that anyone would enter a relationship for financial security from another just reinforces my belief about how dysfunctional many people and relationships are. Any person (man or woman, positive or negative) worth knowing will not go into a relationship depending on the financial security available to them. Seriously.

As a woman I have 2 pieces of advice for anyone out there who may have pre-conceived ideas or misconceptions about women and what they want:

1) One of the biggest turn offs in a potential partner for any guy or a woman, positive or negative, is desperation. Well, it is for anyone who has got their head together, anyway.

And

2) Stop making such sweeping generalizations about women or you might NEVER end up with anyone. Well not anyone worth having anyway.

And for those of you who say youíre Ďlookingí but canít seem to find Mr or Miss Right, maybe you need to try stopping actively looking and wait to see what life brings you.

Oh and ditto to what Matty said too. :-*

Or maybe just do what Jack suggests and get a pet, if company is what youíre after.

Big strong womanly hugs indeed to one and all!

Melia :)
« Last Edit: June 13, 2007, 06:49:02 AM by sweetasmeli »
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline goatwriter

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #16 on: June 13, 2007, 08:31:13 AM »
Hi There
   I do actually know quite a lot of positive women, and poz people in general. I live in London and we have a very active support network with regular meetings. Plus i was in a wonderful relationship with a poz women for 5 years, and got to know a lot of her friends as well.
 After the relationship en ed I dated on the internet, I had quite a few dates, a lot of long distance Internet chat  , and some good casual sex.
 So, in answer to how many poz women i know. I know quite a lot. maybe more than you, maybe not.
    Have I conducted a survey regarding my views. Well, kind of ... at meetings in London this topic has come up, about poz women having a regular bit on the side, and in a show of hands that night , every women in the room said they were getting regular sex (although not always good sex) and nearly all of the men said they were not getting anything . Of course, its complete unscientific so doesn't count for much. But also , in the pub , just from conversation it is often the case that the women have got a man somewhere and are going to meetings or internet dating to find a better poz replacement. In fact one night it was the same. I talked to three attractive women, only to find out they all had neg "boyfriends". but they still wanted to meet poz men. OK, good luck to them . Not saying there is anything wrong with it, just saying what i see.
 
This is what i see on the ground. I'm sorry if it doesn't fit your view.
 As for women complaining about not being able to find a good poz man, I'm going by what I read in forums, letters pages and what friends tell me.

There are obvious reasons for this. The average women, any women, going out and about is far more likely to be approached and offered the chance of sexual relations.  Being passive  and letting men come to you, you don't have to feel so guilty about being poz and either not disclosing, or disclosing later.
 For men, it hardly ever happens that women pursue us. We have to make the effort to pursue them . being poz , this has a rather guilt inducing quality about it. Like we are aggressive somehow, that we don't have the right to pursue women. So we wait, and wait...
 Of course , there are always exceptions . I am one of them i hope. Although i have most certainly had my dry spells, I've had a pretty good mix of loving relationship and hot sex , with poz and neg women, disclosing and not disclosing.
 I'm sorry , I don't know how to do quotes ( and i think they look rude anyway) , so I hope you can follow this.
 And I really shouldn't have to say this, but.. I am friends with nearly all my ex girlfriends and sex partners, most of my friends are women, I am in the most wonderful relationship, and I am a super great in bed. So there.
 

Offline sweetasmeli

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #17 on: June 13, 2007, 11:33:57 AM »
viewer1977
I wish you good health and all the best luck in your quest for a loving and happy relationship.

Melia :)
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline sweetasmeli

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #18 on: June 13, 2007, 11:35:08 AM »
Goatwriter
The average women, any women, going out and about is far more likely to be approached and offered the chance of sexual relations.  Being passive and letting men come to you, you don't have to feel so guilty about being poz and either not disclosing, or disclosing later.

As you are a man, I can tell you that you know nothing firsthand about what it is like to be a positive woman and how guilty women do or don't feel about being positive and either disclosing/not disclosing, apart from what some women may have told you. I would never presume to suggest I know what it's like for a positive man in that position. Yet there you go again, tossing your assumptions around.

It has to be said that the only time banging oneís head against a brick wall is any fun at all is when youíre having a good romp between the sheets or wherever. Any other time itís just not worth it.

So, on that note, to borrow a saying of a dear friend of mine: I respectfully withdraw from this discussion.

Melia
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #19 on: June 13, 2007, 12:15:18 PM »

 I'm sorry , I don't know how to do quotes ( and i think they look rude anyway) , so I hope you can follow this.
 And I really shouldn't have to say this, but.. I am friends with nearly all my ex girlfriends and sex partners, most of my friends are women, I am in the most wonderful relationship, and I am a super great in bed. So there.
 

Hey Goat!
To make a quote (which may appear rude to you, but functionally for the readers it helps to clarify what a reply regards) Place your cursor at the beginning of the text you wish to quote, and (if using a mouse) hold the left button down, darkening the text, then go to the upper right quadrant of the poster's block, hit quote and it will immediately copy into a ready-made reply template. Try it. It's easy. You don't have to send it--just try it.

Regarding the last paragraph? You're right, you shouldn't have to. I was always taught that those who brag about prowess, don't pack it. Hmmmm.

Em

Offline goatwriter

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #20 on: June 13, 2007, 12:46:19 PM »
Goatwriter
As you are a man, I can tell you that you know nothing firsthand about what it is like to be a positive woman and how guilty women do or don't feel about being positive and either disclosing/not disclosing, apart from what some women may have told you. I would never presume to suggest I know what it's like for a positive man in that position. Yet there you go again, tossing your assumptions around.

It has to be said that the only time banging oneís head against a brick wall is any fun at all is when youíre having a good romp between the sheets or wherever. Any other time itís just not worth it.

So, on that note, to borrow a saying of a dear friend of mine: I respectfully withdraw from this discussion.

Melia

                Whatever.. .

Offline goatwriter

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #21 on: June 13, 2007, 12:54:50 PM »


Regarding the last paragraph? You're right, you shouldn't have to. I was always taught that those who brag about prowess, don't pack it. Hmmmm.

Em
             come on . Lighten up people. Just trying to make you smile.

Offline englishgirl

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #22 on: June 13, 2007, 03:57:06 PM »
apologies viewer1977 but it appears your thread has not turned out quite as you hoped. i wish you all the best in your search.

goatwriter

as you might have guessed from the indignation you have provoked, your comments appear extremely ill-considered, very generalistic, and a tad misogynistic,

i dont know where you find these women you refer to (please dont be facetious and reply 'london') but if you read ANY of our posts on here you will notice that we women on these forums, rather than having a different guy every night, often have problems getting to a second date due to our positive status. sadly there are not many poz guys out there and sadly many negative guys are still too afraid of being with a positive woman.

and FYI i (and 99% of women i know - poz and neg) have never had a 'bit on the side' and not about to start now.

also, interesting in the fact you describe poz guys as 'desperate'... maybe you are trying to piss off everyone with one post?!?...

you may not like quotes, but they are very useful in keeping track of which piece of a post someone is replying/referring to. eg:

The average women, any women, going out and about is far more likely to be approached and offered the chance of sexual relations. 
no more likely than a man i think. unless you are saying that all men are dogs and will offer any woman a shag...

Being passive and letting men come to you, you don't have to feel so guilty about being poz and either not disclosing, or disclosing later.
NONONONONONONO!! have you ever READ our opinions on these very forums? we are not 'passive' and certainly DO think about disclosure

For men, it hardly ever happens that women pursue us. We have to make the effort to pursue them .
speak for yourself, i know a lot of guys who are pursued/chatted up

being poz , this has a rather guilt inducing quality about it. Like we are aggressive somehow, that we don't have the right to pursue women. So we wait, and wait...
maybe you need some help with these issues... it sounds like you have not yet dealt with your status

Of course , there are always exceptions . I am one of them i hope.
think you've pretty much blown your chances with every woman on these forums

Although i have most certainly had my dry spells, I've had a pretty good mix of loving relationship and hot sex , with poz and neg women, disclosing and not disclosing.
not particularly interested in your sexlife thanks, but interested to see you view your single time as 'dry spells' - do you have a problem with your own company?

I am friends with nearly all my ex girlfriends and sex partners, most of my friends are women, I am in the most wonderful relationship
lucky them...do they know about your rather misogynistic view of women? or is it only poz women you have a downer on?

i sincerely hope that you see the error of your opinions, but if not please feel free not to respond.

and like my wise, inspiring, positive sisters here, i respectfully withdraw from the discussion
ACT NOW TO CAMPAIGN AGAINST THE TRAVEL BAN:
http://campaigning.tht.org.uk/cms/cmsloader?WfJVLp&view=11,301,1385,0,-html

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=17352.0


"I'm not keen on the idea of the afterlife - not without knowing who else will be there and what the entertainment will be. Personally I'd rather just take a rest." Oscar Berger, PWA: Looking AIDS in the Face, 1996. RIP.

Offline PRMike

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #23 on: June 20, 2007, 10:45:38 AM »
Hi as for me I know that it has been hard meeting a woman that is also hiv+  but thanks to my doctor that surgested that I get a computer and join some sites I have met a few ladies and even though I still do not have  a love in my life I will not lose faith, I know that I will find that speacial lady that will make my heart skip a beat and be filled with happiness again so please dont lose your hopes I know I wont.
thank you bye always PRMike
PRMike

Offline Lisa

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #24 on: June 20, 2007, 01:42:59 PM »
A thousand thanks to Amelia, Ann, Annie, and His Evilness........


Lisa
::banging head on keyboard::

PS added on edit...Dear Author, Please don't think this is a cruising place....I love my family too much to cheapen it with sweeping invitiations cloaked in "support speak".
« Last Edit: June 20, 2007, 01:48:17 PM by Lisa »
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline Denver Toad

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #25 on: June 20, 2007, 04:57:54 PM »
Quote
For men, it hardly ever happens that women pursue us. We have to make the effort to pursue them. Being poz, this has a rather guilt inducing quality about it. Like we are aggressive somehow, that we don't have the right to pursue women. So we wait, and wait...
 

I’ve sat back, read and reread your last post and these lines in particular. I keep coming back to the statement about “a rather guilt inducing quality.” What about being poz, wanting companionship, and pursuing that desire is guilt inducing? Maybe I’m thick but that’s just flat out ludicrous. There is absolutely nothing in any of the above that’s in any way guilt inducing.
Am I poz, yeah I am. Do I feel guilty about it? Hell no. That’s tantamount to feeling guilty over who and what I am. Were there feeling of guilt early on in my diagnosis? Sure, but as I grew and matured with the diagnosis any feeling of guilt has long since been left behind. To let feelings of guilt follow me over contracting HIV for the rest of my life would be allowing a virus to define me. Either that or I’m stuck in the past burdened by regrets and an inability to live in the present.
My impression is that if you have a guilty quality about having HIV and dating there’s something maladaptive in your thought process. Either you’ve esteem issues or have never resolved the question of who you really are. Lastly, why do you have to pursue women? Are they running away from you? A self confident, assured man will attract women. He won’t have to pursue them. And he sure as hell won’t have to aggrandize sexual exploits in sophomoric fashion in his posts.
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Offline zeb

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #26 on: June 20, 2007, 05:56:31 PM »
I met some poz women! Man, do these girls have balls! They absolutely don't dwell on death or self pity!
They study, work and the ones I know also raise their kids. They have had several relations with poz and neg dudes. I think they wish the same as neg women. A relation based on mutal respect, commitment, love and attraction.

Zeb,
(who respects poz women because of their strength)

Offline Lis

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #27 on: June 20, 2007, 06:04:55 PM »
Check your game man..... I am a pozzie , and I gotta tell you, just because a man is + doesnt make instant mojo...


good luck
poz 1986....

Offline camille07

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #28 on: June 20, 2007, 06:43:23 PM »
Matty-

Thanks, you summed it up perfectly in your first post.

Offline tigger2376

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #29 on: June 20, 2007, 06:54:23 PM »
personally, dont care whether any man I meet is positive or not. Yes, it may make it easier re disclosure etc, but as many more erudite than me have already explained its a positive attitude, and whats between a mans EARS thats a turn on! Maybe try widening your search, not just HIV positive women, you may be pleasantly suprised. Good luck x
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #30 on: June 20, 2007, 09:48:26 PM »
"Another thing I've noticed is a lot of poz women have got something going on somewhere, a bit on the side or whatever, usually with a neg guy....."


Hmm, poz woman here and I don't have jack going on the side...And with a neg guy, what? As I have said before, if I do get in a relationship, it will have to be with a poz guy. Not because of past rejection but because I don't think I could live with myself if I got someone infected. I know that narrows things down for me but just being picky narrows things down for me. And if I did come across a poz man, just being poz would not make him a shoo in to be my man. He would have to have something to offer and I'm not talking financially, even though let's be real, no one wants to be with a broke mofo. A relationship should be 50-50 across the board....I am curious to where you are getting your info from. Care to share?
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
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01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

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Offline goatwriter

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #31 on: June 25, 2007, 10:18:54 AM »
Iíve sat back, read and reread your last post and these lines in particular. I keep coming back to the statement about ďa rather guilt inducing quality.Ē What about being poz, wanting companionship, and pursuing that desire is guilt inducing? Maybe Iím thick but thatís just flat out ludicrous. There is absolutely nothing in any of the above thatís in any way guilt inducing.
Am I poz, yeah I am. Do I feel guilty about it? Hell no. Thatís tantamount to feeling guilty over who and what I am. Were there feeling of guilt early on in my diagnosis? Sure, but as I grew and matured with the diagnosis any feeling of guilt has long since been left behind. To let feelings of guilt follow me over contracting HIV for the rest of my life would be allowing a virus to define me. Either that or Iím stuck in the past burdened by regrets and an inability to live in the present.
My impression is that if you have a guilty quality about having HIV and dating thereís something maladaptive in your thought process. Either youíve esteem issues or have never resolved the question of who you really are. Lastly, why do you have to pursue women? Are they running away from you? A self confident, assured man will attract women. He wonít have to pursue them. And he sure as hell wonít have to aggrandize sexual exploits in sophomoric fashion in his posts.

This is pretty pathetic. Its like englishgirls comment about me 'having issues' or whatever. Of course I have issues. And so do you englishgirl, and the rest of you. Take a look at the forums here, its people with issues about hiv.
 and whats with all this picking my words apart, 'pursuing women' and ' having a dry spell' , these are phrases of speech. I'm sorry they don't corespond with your narrow P.C definitions of poz speak.
 A lot of you are getting pretty personal. And so I might ask you some of the same questions. Exactly how many poz women do you know?  hey englishgirl? Are you dating anyone? Do you actually know any hetero men?
 I'm not a misogamist and resent being called one.
 Any hiv poz people out there dating, trying to date, having sex or not and not getting torn up about it every now and then?, i.e , having a few issues?  No? I don't believe it.
 And englishgirl? I'm not actually using these forums for dating. I think that comment says more about yourself.
I've been living with this for 13 years. Its an evolution. I've tried just about every combo there is in the dating game ( oh sorry, did i say game?). I think I've become pretty good at living with hiv. I don't get depressed very often about it, I'm with the love of my life ( who is negative by the way) and I have a balance of neg and poz friends , men and women.
So, analyse that. Or you might try looking at your own  life for awhile
 

Offline Dragonette

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #32 on: June 25, 2007, 01:39:19 PM »
I wrote you a very sharp reply but on second thought I am not intersted in hurting your feelings or getting mixed up in more negativity. I just hope that you will take your intelligence and humor and use them for something positive on this board, and that you will apologize to all the people you tried to insult.





"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Ulong

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #33 on: June 25, 2007, 04:47:17 PM »
I will try to follow Dragonette's example and not take the low road.

 But geez, Goatwriter....I was offended as hell when you started talking about what all poz women are thinking, doing, and wanting. It smacked of a high school locker room discussion where a 17 year old explains all about women to a 15 year old.

Quote
I'm not a misogamist and resent being called one.
It's misogynistic to tell women that you know more about them than they do about themselves. We need a man to tell us what's going on in our pretty little empty heads? And I resent a man who says something misogynistic and then implies that offended women are being too "P.C."

Quote
A lot of you are getting pretty personal. And so I might ask you some of the same questions. Exactly how many poz women do you know?  hey englishgirl? Are you dating anyone? Do you actually know any hetero men?

Quote
Have I conducted a survey regarding my views. Well, kind of ... at meetings in London this topic has come up, about poz women having a regular bit on the side, and in a show of hands that night , every women in the room said they were getting regular sex (although not always good sex) and nearly all of the men said they were not getting anything . Of course, its complete unscientific so doesn't count for much. But also , in the pub , just from conversation it is often the case that the women have got a man somewhere and are going to meetings or internet dating to find a better poz replacement. In fact one night it was the same. I talked to three attractive women, only to find out they all had neg "boyfriends". but they still wanted to meet poz men.

I know a lot of poz women, I volunteered and worked at an ASO, including women's retreats of 50-60 at a time. So I've most likely spoken in an open manner with many more than you. I think your view of all of us "getting a bit on the side" is way off base, IMHO.
Maybe London is violently different, seeing as how you say y'all ask in mixed-group meetings: "who's getting some? A show of hands, please." I personally wouldn't do such a thing, and would consider it rude and serving no purpose beyond satisfying the questioners voyeuristic curiosity. Maybe it's my silly female point of view.

The thread wasn't started so that you could prove you know more, it was supposed to provide help and advice for viewer1977. Many women (and several men) didn't think he should listen to you. Challenging Englishgirl on her current sexual activity or knowledge of hetero men has nothing to do with that. It's belligerent and immature. She's not presuming to tell us what all hetero men are thinking or doing over the protests of the same. And I don't like to speak for her, but she may not be interested in competing on how many numbers she can rack up on the bedpost.

 I again agree with Dragonette, you seem to have a sense of intelligence and humor, and may be very charming in person. But I think you're not serving anyone well (including yourself) by digging in your heels instead of admitting you may have crossed a line or two. I thought you had some good and kind words for viewer, when you weren't making sweeping generalizations. But at this point you seem to be arguing out of a sense of ego. Which, y'know, all men are doing all the time.  ::)


Offline goatwriter

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #34 on: June 25, 2007, 05:13:57 PM »
 I'm sorry if anyones feelings have been hurt here, I know mine sure have. It wasn't my intention to come here and make enemies. I may be a bit brusque the way I speak.  Part of my evolution is being working class and living on the streets.
 I can only go by my experience and  that of the people i meet. It just seemed to me, going to meetings, meeting women on the internet ,etc ,that a lot (not most , or all, ) but a lot of the poz women I met - and that poz guys I talked to had met- were having an easier time getting some action than the guys. If my experience doesn't tally with your own, I'm sorry about that.
 I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone, even unintentionally. Sorry about that.  I only picked on englishgirl because of the vehemence of her attack on me. I was talking in general terms about my experience, but people were getting very personal about me.

Offline emeraldize

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #35 on: June 25, 2007, 10:39:07 PM »
  Part of my evolution is being working class and living on the streets.
 I can only go by my experience...

I appreciate your apology and appreciate even more that you can acknowledge your evolution. Working class is a fine class from which and in which to be and is not an obstacle when it comes to developing awareness. I'm confident you've added this experience of reading our views to your understanding of women, regardless of their health.

Offline Dragonette

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #36 on: June 26, 2007, 09:49:14 AM »
Thanks for apologizing goaty...

Working Class Hero
by John Lennon
As soon as you're born they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be

They hurt you at home and they hit you at school
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be

When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career
When you can't really function you're so full of fear
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be

Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV
And you think you're so clever and class less and free
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be

There's room at the top they are telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
If you want to be a hero well just follow me
If you want to be a hero well just follow me


"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline nunii

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #37 on: June 26, 2007, 08:17:03 PM »
I am a poz woman who is raising her kids, has had relationships with a poz man and a neg one and am still looking for the commietment, respect, and loyalty Zeb talked about, it doesn't matter if he's poz or neg, but what comes out of his mouth and actions.

Being poz doesn't give you exclusive rights and once I felt comftroable in sharing with all people who come into my life I found that my dating became frequent and the stigmas were my own perceptions.

I was just at a wedding on Sat, where a poz woman married a neg man who are working on getting pregnant, it's not neg or pos its chemistry, attraction, and all that other stuff involved in dating. 

best of luck
Nunii
every 60 secs of anger are 60 secs lost of happiness

Offline viewer1977

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #38 on: November 22, 2009, 03:37:55 AM »
I did not mean to give women the wrong idea, which it seems i did.
i am not trying to use this thread  to try to find a date, that is not the reason i put this thread up to begin with.
I am not desprate , nor do i think any of the women are either.
i was very upset at the time, i wrote this thread.
all i was trying to say was in my particular case it is hard to find a woman that has hiv, because the ones i have talk to have told me they would rather not talk about it for lots of differant reasons, and yes there are women that have hiv that are great mothers ,
and btw, since i first posted this,, i have dated a women with hiv and she was very nice, but things didn't work out, so i move on, but i am not giving up. but i do prefer a women with hiv. it may not be your preference , but its mine, and no, i am not trying to see how many people i can piss off.
like someone else was saying, i just  say whats on my mind and think about it later and usually its too late, to change it. good luck women and thank you all for at least talking about this subject and now i see what happened and how people feel about this subject.
have a great day everyone.
LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!
viewer1977@aol.com

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #39 on: November 22, 2009, 05:09:46 AM »


  Hey viewer!!  I guess the term better late than never would kinda apply here... what took you so long?

  Anyways, I missed your thread when you originally posted it,  I was off traveling the high seas or something of that nature I'm sure. ;)  I would like to ask you a question though regarding your plight here.  Before you were diagnosed did you find it difficult to find dates?  As many single women as there are in this world I find it difficult to understand how one would have a hard time at least finding a person to have a nice dinner with.  I think I look like crap and I still think I wouldn't have a hard time finding someone to spend some quality time with if I were single.  It's all about the tude man, you have to adjust it and just be....  a nice guy I guess.  Man I don't know what to tell you....  I think they have classes for this stuff though.

  I know you said you were not desperate and I am not trying to be condescending but I actually think you might be a bit.  It's nothing to be ashamed of and if you could admit to it you may be able to adjust your approach when it comes to the ladies.  Why not throw out all this relationship talk with the ladies you are  meeting with and just be friends?  I jumped into a relationship when I was first diagnosed and admit I was not emotionally stable enough for it.  Hell I was still trying to recover from my diagnosis and here I was trying to get involved with someone who could give me the time emotionally but I was not fit enough to do the same.

  Once I got through that I decided to take a few steps back and spend some time by myself with only my daughters to keep me company.  As I slowly came out of the grey clouds after diagnosis I did start to desire  some company and got back into the dating scene.  I was up front and painfully honest regarding my own issues and even made sure to express that my only desire was for platonic friendships.  One of these friendships became my wife and mother to my third child...

  All I can say is that if you are struggling with the dating scene and having a difficult time with it then you are doing something wrong.  I don't mean to sound harsh, just being honest.  These are things that can be changed but those changes must be sincere.

  None of this probably helps... but then again it might give you something to think about.

 
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline viewer1977

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #40 on: November 23, 2009, 12:24:39 AM »
Skeebo1969, thx for your prospective,
but to answer your question, before i was diagnoised, i was married, for 20 yrs. at that.
I didn't take what you had to say personal at all.
I will say i am not desprate, its just i have not been in the dating scene for awhlie and if you noticed in my last post, i did say i had a date and we met, but things didn't work.
but we are still are friends to this day! but thanks again for replying to the post!!!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!
LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!
viewer1977@aol.com

Offline TheRoof

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #41 on: November 24, 2009, 12:45:18 PM »
Skeebo1969, thx for your prospective,
but to answer your question, before i was diagnoised, i was married, for 20 yrs. at that.
I didn't take what you had to say personal at all.
I will say i am not desprate, its just i have not been in the dating scene for awhlie and if you noticed in my last post, i did say i had a date and we met, but things didn't work.
but we are still are friends to this day! but thanks again for replying to the post!!!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!

hey did you find a female companion since you last posted in 2007? As it's 2009 now.

Offline viewer1977

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #42 on: November 25, 2009, 03:35:36 AM »
Roof, i can't believe you even ask that question. either you didn't read my last post or your trying to be funny! yes i have and we are now friends.
hey did you find a female companion since you last posted in 2007? As it's 2009 now.
LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!
viewer1977@aol.com

Offline donna2008

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #43 on: November 25, 2009, 03:57:43 AM »
Wow... This is one heck of a thread as a women I can actually relate to the guys when it comes to difficulties finding a relationship with an hiv+ man. It feels like it is worse considering that most of the men who are positive, swing to the other side, It probably also has to do with insecurities that I face when it comes to meeting someone online. ::)
Viral Load <20 undetectable / tcells 710

Offline MarcoPoz

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #44 on: November 25, 2009, 03:06:08 PM »
hmmmm...

I wonder if we have even begun to discuss the issue of HIV positive men being 'fetishized' by negative gay men and straight women?????????

Offline next2u

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #45 on: November 26, 2009, 04:58:33 AM »
marco...

don't go there. it was ugly the first 10 times.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Desertguy

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #46 on: November 26, 2009, 05:38:48 PM »
 :)Ok several weeks back I posted a thread about dating/telling a - neg woman that I have HIV!  Well I told her and she accepted my situation nmuch to my surpise!!!   So there is life after HIV  I think.  Yes it is hard dating having HIV but I now believe that you can date a neg woman and have a relation, dosen't hurt ot try!!

We have been together for almost 2 months now and "IT's ALL GOOD"

Offline donna2008

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #47 on: November 28, 2009, 01:14:12 AM »
RIGHT ON DESERT GUY!!! I am sincerely am happy that you were able to find a relationship with somebody and that you didn't let this stand in your way. Maybe one day I can be strong like you and find words to say when it comes time. I have had men ask me out but it is hard to disclose your status even when you feel a connection, I feel ashamed so I always have to cut ties with the person it really does suck 

But great job anyways and I hope you and your chick stay together and make it work  :-X

Viral Load <20 undetectable / tcells 710

Offline PRMike

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Re: HIV POZ WOMAN FOR HIVPOZ MEN
« Reply #48 on: November 28, 2009, 09:34:47 AM »
RIGHT ON DESERT GUY!!! I am sincerely am happy that you were able to find a relationship with somebody and that you didn't let this stand in your way. Maybe one day I can be strong like you and find words to say when it comes time. I have had men ask me out but it is hard to disclose your status even when you feel a connection, I feel ashamed so I always have to cut ties with the person it really does suck 

But great job anyways and I hope you and your chick stay together and make it work  :-X


HI donna2008, Sweetie you should not feel Ashamed, the way I look at it is that if and when you tell that guy that your Poz and he can not deal with it then he's not for you, I recently have meet a few ladies and I have told them that I'm Hiv + and they still wanted to be my friend, I even was romanticly involved with one until she moved to Boston so know life looks a little better and I have hopes that I will someday be able to fall in love again weather she will be Hiv+ or not.. so please don't lose faith.. as always your friend PRMike
PRMike

 


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