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Author Topic: A bit of humour for you guys...........  (Read 1758 times)

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Offline Angel-Ronnie

  • Member
  • Posts: 434
A bit of humour for you guys...........
« on: June 05, 2007, 05:59:28 AM »
BLOW JOBS!!!! 
 
WHAT A GIRL HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful. 

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face. 

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow. 

5. My ears are NOT handles. 

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?   

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.   

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.   

9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" mig! ht have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.   

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you. 

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.   

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. ! See also rule #2 about gratitude. 

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about
the protein content. 

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV. 

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.   

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning."   
                           
WHAT A MAN HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will. 

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier
than licking a dead fish. 

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you? 

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.   

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up! 

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. Trust me.   

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country. 

8. At least there is no danger ! of a dick bleeding in your mouth. 

9. Play with the balls. 

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better. 

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that! 

12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep." 

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you? 
Bide the Wiccan law ye must,
In perfect love and perfect trust
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill
An' ye harm none, do what ye will.

What ye send forth comes back to thee,
so ever mind the Law of three,
follow this with mind and heart,
Merry ye meet, and merry ye part.

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,198
  • Ninja Please
Re: A bit of humour for you guys...........
« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2007, 07:15:32 AM »
Angel,

I hate to say it, but this is really unfunny.

MtD

Offline redhotmuslbear

  • Member
  • Posts: 605
  • A genuine certified freak of nature, and a hot one
Re: A bit of humour for you guys...........
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2007, 08:26:37 AM »
Borderline misogyny.  Why wasn't this MOVED OFF THE BOARDS?
"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." - BF Skinner
12-31-09   222wks VL  2430 CD4 690 (37%)
09-30-09   208wks VL  2050  CD4 925 (42%)
06-25-08   143wks VL  1359  CD4 668 (32%)  CD8 885
02-11-08   123wks off meds:  VL 1364 CD4 892(40%/0.99 ratio)
10-19-07   112wks off meds:   VL 292  CD4 857(37%/0.85 ratio)

One copy of delta-32 for f*****d up CCR5 receptors, and an HLA B44+ allele for "CD8-mediated immunity"... beteer than winning Powerball, almost!

Offline wishihadacat

  • Member
  • Posts: 220
    • Therainstorm.com
Re: A bit of humour for you guys...........
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2007, 11:53:30 AM »
Very misogynistic and not particularly funny. You sound like a very angry guy and you might want to have the message deleted.
Your name here  X_______________

Offline Basquo

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,251
Re: A bit of humour for you guys...........
« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2007, 12:23:39 PM »
Lighten up people! It's a joke. We have a post with a link to vagina-embellished rubber feet, and folks are just chuckling away at that one.

Offline ACinKC

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,994
  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: A bit of humour for you guys...........
« Reply #5 on: June 05, 2007, 12:45:25 PM »
I giggled at some of it.  It wasnt THAT bad.

I think some of you need a blow job.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,941
Re: A bit of humour for you guys...........
« Reply #6 on: June 05, 2007, 12:56:28 PM »
I giggled at some of it.  It wasnt THAT bad.

I think some of you need a blow job.

If you giggled then we rest our case. It ain't funny, just filler from a bad soft porn rag.

Offline ACinKC

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,994
  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: A bit of humour for you guys...........
« Reply #7 on: June 05, 2007, 01:05:24 PM »
Bunch a crotchety old queens!
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,941
Re: A bit of humour for you guys...........
« Reply #8 on: June 05, 2007, 01:08:50 PM »
Silly ol' bottom-breeder...now be gone before someone drops a dirty bookstore on you.

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: A bit of humour for you guys...........
« Reply #9 on: June 05, 2007, 02:00:14 PM »
Silly ol' bottom-breeder...now be gone before someone drops a dirty bookstore on you.

If a dirty bookstore dropped on me I would be in heaven and have no problem giving all the blowjobs I could!!!
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Rockit

  • Member
  • Posts: 71
  • i want it all - i will shine
Re: A bit of humour for you guys...........
« Reply #10 on: June 06, 2007, 02:34:53 AM »
lmaolmao hehe haha i loved it i have to repost ...if ok. on another phorum more !
...after the storm, the calm......

 


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