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Author Topic: afraid to tell anyone  (Read 5917 times)

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Offline Pam

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
afraid to tell anyone
« on: June 03, 2007, 09:03:37 PM »
For one thing, I am glad that this forum exists. I am afraid to tell anyone that I am Poz. I know 4 other people who is positive but I refuse to tell anyone. I don't want the pity look that I know I will receive. I don't want everyone constantly calling me because they think that I will soon die. I Know this will happen because 7 yrs ago I had colon cancer and I barely could get through a week without a friend calling me crying over the phone. My house is a hub for all children and I don't want it to be any different because I have a grandchild living with me and children in group homes that are constantly here and I don't want them affected because of me. I do wish for a positive friend just to talk to. So I am very happy this forum exists although I don't have a lot of time to get on the computer. Is anyone going through the same thing or is everyone talking?

Please don't get me wrong, I appreciate what everyone has done for me. I just don't think I could go through all the sadness again without heading straight into depression since I'm not too far from it now. I need upbeat positive people that will keep me going.

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: afraid to tell anyone
« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2007, 11:38:29 PM »
Pam~~

First, let me say WELCOME to the Forums. It is a good place to chat with people who shares the same virus and to give support when needed. I can understand you not wanting to disclose. But are you a foster parent? You said your house is a hub for children. I am wondering that if this is the case, wouldn't you have to disclose to the agency that is placing the children with you? Also, how long have you been poz? If you don't mind me asking..

Personally, I have had bad experiences with disclosing which now makes it hard for me to be honest. My family knows and a few friends. But please don't go by my experiences. Plenty of people here have had no problems with disclosure. In the end, it is your decision to make. Wishing you the best...
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline catwoman

  • Member
  • Posts: 111
Re: afraid to tell anyone
« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2007, 11:53:21 PM »
Hi Pam,
I understand how you feel.  I've only disclosed to my parents, brothers, and husband.  My in-laws don't even know.  My closest girlfriends don't know.  When I first found out (Dec. 2005), I thought I wanted to tell my friends, but after some time, I realized that I truly didn't.  I don't anyone around worrying constantly about me.  That affects me and I am a very strong believer of body-mind connection.  This forum has been God sent.  I'm glad you have joined us and I think, over time too, you will feel a lot better, knowing that you have a place to talk.

Offline Pam

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: afraid to tell anyone
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2007, 01:49:31 PM »
Hi Queen Akasha and Catwoman
I've been positive since 1997. I am not a foster parent but since my neice and nephew are in Dss care, they will allow me to keep them most anytime I want up to 72 hours. All neices and nephews have lived here at one time or another. All grands stay for a period of time. The neighbors children are also welcomed anytime. All family gatherings are also here. I am also a strong person and prefer no pity party.                                 SMILE

Offline Christine

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,069
Re: afraid to tell anyone
« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2007, 05:39:37 PM »
Hi Pam,
Disclosure is a very personal thing. If you do it, when you it, should be on your terms. For many years, only my husband knew. Then I disclosed to my Mom and brother, then last year to a few close friends.

I am glad you found us. Your home sounds lovely and welcoming.

Christine

Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: afraid to tell anyone
« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2007, 08:05:25 PM »
Hi Queen Akasha and Catwoman
I've been positive since 1997. I am not a foster parent but since my neice and nephew are in Dss care, they will allow me to keep them most anytime I want up to 72 hours. All neices and nephews have lived here at one time or another. All grands stay for a period of time. The neighbors children are also welcomed anytime. All family gatherings are also here. I am also a strong person and prefer no pity party.                                 SMILE

Oh ok, I understand now, thanks for clearing that up for me. Basically your home is the spot for family events. You must be working on getting custody of the niece and nephew, I hope it works out for you. I see you have been poz for as long as I have. Are you seeing a doctor? Forgive me, I guess I am being like a mother hen. Keep us posted on what you decide to do...
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline camille07

  • Member
  • Posts: 570
Re: afraid to tell anyone
« Reply #6 on: June 19, 2007, 08:54:35 PM »
Welcome, you sound like a wonderful foundation for your family.   

I agree with the other ladies that disclosure is really such a personal thing.  So even if you choose never to reveal your status to family or friends you have this wonder place. 

Offline Fky

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: afraid to tell anyone
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2007, 08:39:35 PM »
Even after 17 yrs, most of my friends, and some family members dont know my status. There is such a stigma still attatched to having this, its sad, really. Im less worried abut pity, and more worried about jobs, and the way people may treat my son. You tell who you want, and in your own time. :}
Where am I and why am I in this handbasket?!

Offline poz13mn

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
  • recently diagnosed female, looking for support
Re: afraid to tell anyone
« Reply #8 on: June 29, 2013, 06:41:01 PM »
I am 27 and was diagnosed 5/31/13. Worst part was, I left the Doc office with them telling me I had all tests come back negative. 36 hours later my Doctor called me back, "Oops, looks like we didn't have all the tests back at that time and you are positive for HIV". Needless to say, that was the worst night of my life. I told my family and boyfriend right away, but have not told any friends. I don't think I ever will... but it would be nice to have an open conversation about what I'm going through with another poz woman. I have looked into a few support groups and am looking to go, just need a little courage...

Offline mskandy01

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: afraid to tell anyone
« Reply #9 on: November 29, 2013, 11:32:38 AM »
Well I can say when I found out I told my family which was the worse thing i could ever do. They started treating me differently. However that was Jun 2009 and i waa undetectable. Now im  really undetectable with less then 40 copies and cd4 of 550.
Last yr is when I ended up telling my friends I wish i would have told them before but I was way too scared. My friends are my support team and backbone.
As for a relationship I told my ex a few mos back and i just told my current boyfriend 2mos ago and we've been together for almost 2yrs and he took it better then i thought also.

#1 thing take your time when it comes to telling someone you need a support team only.
#2 if your not ready to be serious with this person you dont have to tell him yet only the one you want to give your heart too.
#3 make sure your happy, content, ready to let anybody know about your special treat that you have lol

Take Care

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,955
Re: afraid to tell anyone
« Reply #10 on: November 30, 2013, 03:42:26 AM »
poz13mn and mskandy01, why don't you two introduce yourselves to us in other threads, as this one is over 6 years old. ;)
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

 


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