Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
July 23, 2014, 02:03:39 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 631522
  • Total Topics: 47804
  • Online Today: 244
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: 10 years of friendship vanished?  (Read 2525 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline dixieman

  • Member
  • Posts: 889
10 years of friendship vanished?
« on: June 01, 2007, 02:44:52 PM »
I have a friend of more than 10 years... I have never told him about my situation... until I had enough of listening to his ignorant remarks about people who are hiv+ poz...

Last week while over dinner a good friend of mine was passing judgment about how people became infected with hiv+ and about survival of the human race and natural selection... etc... etc.. how people with hiv have initiated the spread of hiv with intent... while agreed that a small group may have done so but, many people have been infected from various other reasons from their mistakes, to others mistakes and so on...

Well to make it short the whole coversation Climaxed when he stated everyone who was hiv poz should die out and the unifected population would just be better for it... I announced to this person who held my opinions up to his own... that I was indeed myself hiv+ and that I was sorry I never told them before this particular coversation... and that I've only told a few close friends and immediate family members of my status... for fear of repercussions... unfortunately I think I've lost a valuable friendship creating alittle more isolation in my life... so here I am typing out some frustration...

Offline englishgirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 387
  • ACT NOW TO CAMPAIGN AGAINST THE TRAVEL BAN
Re: 10 years of friendship vanished?
« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2007, 03:41:34 PM »
sorry youve had this bad experience, but i think you did the right thing, and hopefully once your friend has had time to think your friend will gain some insight and modify his beliefs.

you may well have taught him a valuable lesson, and if you have not i still think that you have done the right thing by yourself, your conscience, and by the rest of us with hiv. so i thank you and give you a lot of respect for  standing up and telling it like it is.

i hope your friendship endures and that your friend realises his ignorance and respects the huge amount of courage it must have taken for you to disclose to him knowing his beliefs, but even this doesnt happen then please dont think that his beliefs are typical of the population at large. i believe that in the long run you will feel more isolated if you live a lie out of fear than if you tell the truth.

best wishes xxxx
ACT NOW TO CAMPAIGN AGAINST THE TRAVEL BAN:
http://campaigning.tht.org.uk/cms/cmsloader?WfJVLp&view=11,301,1385,0,-html

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=17352.0


"I'm not keen on the idea of the afterlife - not without knowing who else will be there and what the entertainment will be. Personally I'd rather just take a rest." Oscar Berger, PWA: Looking AIDS in the Face, 1996. RIP.

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 23,872
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: 10 years of friendship vanished?
« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2007, 03:45:07 PM »
It's quite clear you don't need this person in your life dixieman.  I'd not give it a 2nd thought, isolation or not.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline allanq

  • Member
  • Posts: 689
  • still life with pills
Re: 10 years of friendship vanished?
« Reply #3 on: June 01, 2007, 04:11:55 PM »
When you find that you're uncomfortable and hurt being around a person, it's best to stop being around that person. I had such an experience about 16 years ago, when a good friend took it on himself to frequently remind me that I was living under a death sentence. I told him to stop, but he didn't. I finally ditched that friend because I couldn't stand his taking away my hope. It hurt a lot, because I had trusted him and had even made him the executor of my will. Looking back, I have no regrets about ending the friendship.

I hope you'll find people in your life who are more supportive and accepting, who will allow you to be yourself without passing judgment.

Allan

Top (Breakfast): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress, Zoloft (2), Glyburide (2), Aspirin
Bottom right (Dinner): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress
Bottom left (Bedtime): Sustiva, Trazodone (2), Lipitor, Septra (no longer taking this)
Center: Alprazolam (Xanax)
Not shown: various vitamins & supplements

Offline marc11864

  • Member
  • Posts: 440
  • I apologize for nothing!
Re: 10 years of friendship vanished?
« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2007, 05:26:13 PM »
I have a friend of more than 10 years... I have never told him about my situation... until I had enough of listening to his ignorant remarks about people who are hiv+ poz... unfortunately I think I've lost a valuable friendship creating a little more isolation in my life...

FRIENDSHIP??? You call that friendship? I ditched those kinds of friends once I left high school and I have to say that regardless of where life has led since then my life has been all the better for it. I prefer isolation to that kind of friendship. A friend is courageous, supportive and compassionate under these circumstances.

The friendship you described was none of the latter.

Your immune system, even if it is in the best of shape now will suffer under that kind of friendship and you don't need that. Believe it or not, you deserve much better.  :)

That being said, if this person or similar persons are really that important to you, you need to give them just as much time to accept you for who you are and what you have as passed from the time you became positive until your current disclosure. Keep in mind that he may feel somewhat embarrassed at the moment and unsure how to proceed with the friendship in light of his prior ignorance of your condition. If you want to maintain the friendship, I'd approach him about what happened and what you expect in the future at your next regularly scheduled meeting time. Tell him that you are willing to overlook his previous rudeness but that he should refrain from making those kinds of comments about you in the future.

Anyway: My 2 cents worth  :)
Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean.

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: 10 years of friendship vanished?
« Reply #5 on: June 01, 2007, 05:51:51 PM »
Way down south in....dixie. Hey it does not matter where you are,  there are ignorant unthinking people everywhere.  I had to do something similar 15 years ago with a good friend.  I still miss his friendhip but I do NOT miss his negativity.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline dixieman

  • Member
  • Posts: 889
Re: 10 years of friendship vanished?
« Reply #6 on: June 01, 2007, 05:52:13 PM »
I want to thank everyone for taking out the time to respond.. I'll see where this friendship either moves forward and or ends... I just have to keep this as one of life unexpected learning experiences... sincerely, John

Offline Central79

  • Member
  • Posts: 527
Re: 10 years of friendship vanished?
« Reply #7 on: June 03, 2007, 09:52:50 AM »
I just wonder if your friend is gay? And if so, what business he has talking about natural selection?! Gay or straight, I wonder if he feels the same about heart disease, diabetes or cancer? Or does he just disapprove of the behaviour he associates with HIV?

Generally I think that quite decent people can have some really horrible opinions. My father spent 30 years in the police force and managed to pick up quite a bit of homophobia, which made me feel pretty shitty as a kid. But when I told him I was gay he really turned it around, educated himself and he's pretty at ease with it now. If your friend is able to do this, and maybe apologise, then it says something about how much he values you.

If he sticks to his guns, then he's clearly got a problem, especially if it's coming up regularly in conversation. I never talked about HIV before I got it - so maybe there are some issues there you don't know about. Either way, it sounds like a negative thing to have in your life. If you respect yourself enough to not have that shit in your life, I think you're on the right path to ending those feelings of isolation long term.

All the best,

Matt.
Diagnosed January 2006
26/1/06 - 860 (22%), VL > 500,000
24/4/06 - 820 (24.6%), VL 158,000
13/7/06 - 840 (22%), VL 268,000
1/11/06 - 680 (21%), VL 93,100
29/1/07 - 1,020 (27.5%), VL 46,500
15/5/07 - 1,140 (22.8%), VL not done.
13/10/07 - 759 (23.2%), VL 170,000
6/11/07 - 630 (25%), VL 19,324
14/1/08 - 650 (21%), VL 16,192
15/4/08 - 590 (21%), VL 40, 832

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,941
Re: 10 years of friendship vanished?
« Reply #8 on: June 03, 2007, 10:06:22 AM »
I want to thank everyone for taking out the time to respond.. I'll see where this friendship either moves forward and or ends... I just have to keep this as one of life unexpected learning experiences... sincerely, John


I'm glad you are keeping an open mind. Ten years of friendship is a long time and ending it is always a difficult decision to make. It does sadden me when people are quick to suggest a quick ending. I'm sure you will make a decision best fitting you and your situation.

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: 10 years of friendship vanished?
« Reply #9 on: June 03, 2007, 10:38:56 AM »
I am sure your "friend" is re-thinking his position, if he is truly a friend...  Thanks for sticking up for youself and us.... 

Hugs,

Eric

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: 10 years of friendship vanished?
« Reply #10 on: June 03, 2007, 03:24:16 PM »
John,

Friends don't abandon friends over health problems. If this one is truly that heartless and cold (or just uninformed and likely afraid) then it would seem he's not good for you. It would be dreadful if ten years of friendship could dissolve just because you are HIV positive, but sometimes it happens and it hurts I know.

I hope given enough time to reflect he will come back to truly being a friend again, or still. Donít make any rush decisions that you might not be able to undo is all Iím saying.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Dragonette

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,190
  • Spring symptoms
    • NotPerfectAtAll
Re: 10 years of friendship vanished?
« Reply #11 on: June 03, 2007, 08:04:55 PM »
You were very brave.
I know I have been in situations where I wanted to tell people I am HIV+ because they were talking rubbish about HIV (though not to this extent), and I wasn't brave enough........

And you didn't lose a "friend"; he lost you...........
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline otherplaces

  • Member
  • Posts: 398
  • Mutant Super Hero
Re: 10 years of friendship vanished?
« Reply #12 on: June 03, 2007, 08:44:49 PM »

John,

You are no doubt strong and brave to stand up to your friend.  Perhaps he'll offer a true apology and mend the breach he caused, maybe he won't and the friendship will end.  Either way you've taken a gigantic step forward and I think you'll find great strength in this decision.  I too have lost decade long friendships because alot of my friends couldn't deal with me contracting HIV.  And yes, it is painful, but also their loss, not mine.  Looking back they seem like such small, weak, sad sad people.

"If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine" - Obi Wan Kenobi  ;D

best,
brian

Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
Re: 10 years of friendship vanished?
« Reply #13 on: June 03, 2007, 10:35:20 PM »
Quote
I have a friend of more than 10 years... I have never told him about my situation... until I had enough of listening to his ignorant remarks about people who are hiv+ poz...

Just curious if he has been spouting ignorance about HIV for the whole 10 years that you've known him?

Offline sdcabincrew74

  • Member
  • Posts: 540
    • My Manhunt account
Re: 10 years of friendship vanished?
« Reply #14 on: June 04, 2007, 02:28:14 AM »
WOW sorry to hear that.  My status only left me with two less friends.  But seriously, with that kind of attitude, was he/she really someone you needed in your life?  We poz folks have enough in our life bringing us down, we do not need people like that helping us "down" so to speak. 

Take care.
The difference between an overnight and a layover is luck!

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.