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Author Topic: Unsafe sex???  (Read 2485 times)

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Offline bubble

  • Member
  • Posts: 70
  • hanging in there.
Unsafe sex???
« on: May 31, 2007, 03:35:46 AM »
I am HIV+ and want to have unprotected sex with my HIV negative boyfriend but I don't want to put him at risk. If my viral load is undetectable and I am the bottom/reciever how risky is it for him if he is only the top?? Is this just stupid to even think about??
diagnosed 03/08/05
reluctantly started my first combo (Kaletra/Truvada) on 09/28/06 cause my tcells were dropping and vl increasing.
01/26/07 - undetectable!
12/01/08 - started new combo because of problems with Kaletra. Now on Truvada/Isentress.
Still undetectable. :)

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: Unsafe sex???
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2007, 05:22:58 AM »
Quote
how risky is it for him if he is only the top?? Is this just stupid to even think about?

No, there are no stupid questions.

From the Lessons section:

Is the insertive partner (the "top") also at risk during unprotected anal intercourse? At least eight studies conducted over the years were unable to demonstrate a clear link between insertive anal sex and a risk for HIV infection among MSM. However, these studies should not be interpreted to mean that being the top during anal intercourse – and not using a condom – is without risk. We know that men can be infected with HIV through vaginal intercourse – an activity in which they are the insertive partner. Based on this knowledge, it is also believed that the insertive partner during unprotected anal intercourse can also be infected with HIV. Studies, using mathematical estimates, suggest that unprotected insertive anal sex is roughly four to 14 times less risky than unprotected receptive anal sex. However, experts still believe that the risk for transmission is noteworthy.

Hope this helps.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: Unsafe sex???
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2007, 05:44:47 AM »
Bubble,

I just want to say I agree with Daniel when he says this is not a stupid question and also that you should read our Lessons on HIV transmission. It might be a good idea for your partner to do so as well.

I am HIV+ and want to have unprotected sex with my HIV negative boyfriend but I don't want to put him at risk.

Well the succinct answer to this is that if you have unprotected anal sex with your boyfriend there's a certain degree of risk. The fact that you're the bottom and your VL is undetectable certainly does mitigate that risk but it's there nonetheless. Tops can and do get HIV.

The chances of getting infected in this way from a single sexual encounter is not high. But if you guys make unprotected anal sex a regular event, well then one day he will be infected.

Ultimately this is a decision for you two alone. Matty the Damned makes no judgement about what goes on between consenting adults in the privacy of the bed-chamber and urges others who might comment on this to do the same.

Best regards,

MtD

Offline chemistry001

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  • Posts: 142
    • http://www.mygaydar.com/chemistry001
Re: Unsafe sex???
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2007, 09:21:51 AM »
Hi Bubble

I guess you will find it difficult to get replies like the one you want to hear.

My experience is that I have had unprotected sex with my partner for 2 years while I was infected and did not know about it. In the relationship I am the bottom and my partner is still negative, I truly believe someone was looking out for him (guardian angel if you will). Now we only have safe sex together. So it is possible for the top to remain negative but its a game of Russian roulette, it will only be a matter of time before he becomes infected.

If your partner is prepared for and happy to become infected then I would say go ahead, but as i would guess this is not the case then I would not take the chance.

Think carefully before you make a choice and talk through with your partner, explore all avenues and make an informed choice, because as we are aware there is no second chance with HIV.

Good luck

Paul xXx
Diagnosed 01/08/06
CD4-9, VL->500,000, CD4% 1
Started on Sustiva/combivir 22/08/06 changed to kivexa 18/09/06
02/10/06
CD4-50, VL-1496, CD4% 5
04/12/06
CD4-112, VL-125, CD4% 7.5
22/02/07
CD4-121, VL-<50, CD4% 9
29/05/07
CD4-125, VL-71,(re-done 149), CD4% 11
25/09/07
CD4 -231, VL-74, CD4% 15
Cant remember the next few dates
17/01/08  Kaletra and Truvada
CD4 - 281, VL-115
06/03/08
CD4 - 287, VL-178

Offline carousel

  • Member
  • Posts: 821
Re: Unsafe sex???
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2007, 09:35:17 AM »
I was in a relationship for a year.  We never had protected sex, although he then found out he'd been HIV during that time.

I did not get HIV.  I was lucky.

The next time, I wasn't.

Offline ACinKC

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  • Posts: 2,994
  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: Unsafe sex???
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2007, 10:25:30 AM »
Matty speaks good magic on this subject.

I agree with him 100%.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline LT

  • Member
  • Posts: 56
Re: Unsafe sex???
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2007, 10:36:49 AM »
Of course it is risky for your partner.  Slightly less risky than being the receptive person, but only Slightly!

If there was no risk, how did all the straight men, who are not IV drug abusers, get infected in Africa, and Asia?  Of course I mean the rest of the world too, but those are the places where it is primarily a heterosexual disease.

You might call me a safe sex Nazi, but how would you feel if your guy did become infected?  Have you considered the legal ramifications of placing your partner at risk?

---- Edited to add ---

Remember, an undetectable VL doesn't mean the virus is gone.  It just means the counts are at a level below which our current tests can measure.  I believe that lower limit currently is 40 copies of the virus per ml of blood.   Besides floating freely in the blood, this tenacious little beast can also hide out in other cells in out body, for example the lining of the intestines, the fluid enclosing our brains and spinal cord.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2007, 11:59:17 AM by LT »

Offline ACinKC

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  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: Unsafe sex???
« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2007, 10:45:17 AM »
You might call me a safe sex Nazi, but how would you feel if your guy did become infected?  Have you considered the legal ramifications of placing your partner at risk?

If he is in the United States the fact that he informed him will protect him from any legal action.  And it should stay that way.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: Unsafe sex???
« Reply #8 on: May 31, 2007, 11:12:20 AM »
Well,

here is my feeling. You both know the risks, but do you really want to feel like playing the russian roulette everytime you fuck? I wouldn't, but it's my own point of view.

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline bubble

  • Member
  • Posts: 70
  • hanging in there.
Re: Unsafe sex???
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2007, 02:38:24 PM »
Thanks everyone. ...well getting him infected is NOT AN OPTION so i guess we will contine to be "safe" i'm just curious about how necessary the condom is when he's always the top and doesn't have cuts on his dick and i'm not bleeding out of my ass.  we've been together for 15 years... we broke up and had a rocky getting back together period about 3 years ago (when i got infected) so it's just annoying to use condoms but to keep him safe i will continue to insist on it.
diagnosed 03/08/05
reluctantly started my first combo (Kaletra/Truvada) on 09/28/06 cause my tcells were dropping and vl increasing.
01/26/07 - undetectable!
12/01/08 - started new combo because of problems with Kaletra. Now on Truvada/Isentress.
Still undetectable. :)

Offline RobT

  • Member
  • Posts: 319
Re: Unsafe sex???
« Reply #10 on: May 31, 2007, 06:54:21 PM »
From my own personal opinion, I wud consider a condom a necessity since my parter is neg and I want him to stay that way. True, we both discussed going bareback many of times; but that was b4 I got diagnosed. We continually have safe sex and I wud continue to do so, just out of fear of possibly infecting him. I wud h8 to have unsafe sex w/ him just cuz of the possibility of infection.
Like so many ppl on here, I will not pass judgement to others that disagree to how I feel.

Rob


Current meds: Atripla
VL: undetectable
CD4: 630

Offline thirtysomething

  • Member
  • Posts: 124
Re: Unsafe sex???
« Reply #11 on: June 01, 2007, 12:06:55 AM »
Practice safe sex bud! That's all I'd say!

Offline MitchMiller

  • Member
  • Posts: 471
Re: Unsafe sex???
« Reply #12 on: June 03, 2007, 10:53:49 PM »
ACinKC:

Admittedly I haven't checked the statute in a couple years.... but here in the deep south (GA), even if you inform, you can be arrested for reckless endangerment for knowingly exposing an uninfected sexual partner.  In fact, I went to a seminar on AIDS and one of the participants had spent some time in jail for this... and gave us a little speech to make us aware.  A legal representative confirmed the risk of arrest as well.
I looked up the statute and it was vague enough to give law enforcement a pretty broad reach, based on their interpretation.

 


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