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Author Topic: (feeling blah today)  (Read 3341 times)

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Offline xtente

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  • Posts: 52
(feeling blah today)
« on: May 29, 2007, 12:46:35 PM »
In 1999 I got kicked out of my house because of a disagreement with my dad. I had broken up with my first GF and was heartbroken. I had lost my job and couldnt pay the rent my dad was charging me, so he and my half brother put all of my belongings in the street and told me not to come back.

I went to stay with a friend and tried to drown my sorrows with sex. 1 month later I got infected with HIV and gonorhea and the person who had it KNEW they had it.

8 years later, I am on the same meds, which i  but have had very many emotional ups and downs. I am currently married and am thinkign of moving to France. unfortunately, I dont know HOW i will pay for meds abroad. In the states I am covered by ADAP. 

My counts have been good. I mean, I found out I was infected a month after it happened so it was caught early.

Unfortunately, there was a period of depression that I went through during which i contracted herpes. That, i hear, complicates things.

8 years into it, I am still on meds, which i cycle, 4 months on, 3 months off. last time i got bloods done my viral load was 400 and my t cells were 800.

I have all of these questions, life questions that I dont know what the answers will be. I mean, how can I have kids. I still wonder if the latest cold i contract will get me.

Its tough some times.

I could use some support.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2007, 12:54:12 PM by xtente »

Offline ACinKC

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  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: Here is my Story of HIV (feeling blah today)
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2007, 12:54:20 PM »
I am sorry to welcome you to our little site.  But I do welcome you all the same.

If you want kids, you can have them.  And I wouldnt worry about a cold with CD4's in the 800's.  Live your life.

What meds are you currently on?
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline xtente

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  • Posts: 52
Re: (feeling blah today)
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2007, 12:58:07 PM »
i have been on epivir viramune and zerit since sept 1999. I cycle them, four months on three months off. Before I got herpes i could stay off longer. I used to stay off for 6 months. now I have cut that down to three.

The hard part is, on some days i think "i did this to MYSELF!"

Offline James1941

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  • Posts: 29
Re: (feeling blah today)
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2007, 05:36:08 PM »
Sorry to read that you are feeling so down.

Also sorry that I have no advice for you, I can only tell you how I deal with it.  It works for me, maybe it can also work for other people.

I believe (truly believe) that in everything that happens there is good news and bad news.  Sure, sometimes it can be damned hard to realise what the good news is, but once defined I prefer to concentrate on the good news.  Definitely cannot forget the bad news but by concentrating on the good news then it is that good news which controls my moods, not the bad news.

Infected in March or April 2005 by one or both of two girls that I went-down on, diagnosed September 2005.  The bad news = I was infected.  The good news = I can still remember the three encounters and they were bloody enjoyable.  Then again, sometimes there is good news, good news and bad news.  The bad news = I was infected.  The good news is that I was infected at 63 years old when it is only a minor inconvenience, the other good news is that I didn't pick it up at 23 when it really could have been a life sentence.

I can see a couple of pieces of good news for you: the meds seem to be working: you are married apparently happily as you are thinking of having kids.  I live on my own.  The bad news = it can be bloody lonely.  The good news = I can smoke as much as I want, I can drink as much as I want, I can go out and come home when I want, there ain't no partner to nag, nag, nag.

I guess that it can be hard thinking "I did this to myself".  Another part of me is that I refuse to worry.  Worrying never helped anyone in any situation, just makes you feel bad, I refuse to make myself feel bad, I refuse to beat-up on myself.

Hope this at least gives you something to think about.

James

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Ninja Please
Re: (feeling blah today)
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2007, 05:42:52 PM »
Infected in March or April 2005 by one or both of two girls that I went-down on, diagnosed September 2005.

James,

Are you claiming that you contracted HIV from performing oral sex on a woman?

MtD

Offline lucas clay

  • Member
  • Posts: 518
Re: (feeling blah today)
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2007, 06:05:46 PM »
bro
i get blah as you call it and have to take stock of all my blessing, this sounds bad but i get the dumbs from the meds, mornings are hard. i stagger to the bathroom and while I'm sitting there trying to wake up i give thanks for all my blessings. yes on the pot. hope the lord forgives me for that l.m.a.o
 one horrible day at work a coworker said man you have to have bad days or you will never appreciate the good ones hmmmm.
well today started out bad didn't sleep and was pretty sick this morning, but i went to work and the day went from bad to worse, but i turned it into a good day. so i have a little extra mojo or carma going and I'm sending it your way bro. hope tomorrow your mood will be a little brighter.
besides remember in my morning talk i always include the forum members and all the other people that have a large cross to bear, due to health problems or whatever.
yes its tough sometimes so i hope it gets a Little better for you. and who knows tomorrow you may have to send me a little hope

Offline James1941

  • Member
  • Posts: 29
Re: (feeling blah today)
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2007, 01:06:40 PM »
Infected in March or April 2005 by one or both of two girls that I went-down on, diagnosed September 2005.

James,

Are you claiming that you contracted HIV from performing oral sex on a woman?

MtD

Only way I could have got it.

James

Offline Carolann

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  • Posts: 233
Re: (feeling blah today)
« Reply #7 on: June 03, 2007, 01:15:20 PM »
Once again,

Miss information rears her ugly head. Go sell crazy somewhere else.

Got any more urban myths to share.

(Carolann, who can be a bitch when looking bullshit right in the eye.)

Offline James1941

  • Member
  • Posts: 29
Re: (feeling blah today)
« Reply #8 on: June 03, 2007, 01:19:51 PM »
Infected in March or April 2005 by one or both of two girls that I went-down on, diagnosed September 2005.

James,

Are you claiming that you contracted HIV from performing oral sex on a woman?

MtD

Wish I could edit, I would delete that previous post.  Sometimes the mouth spouts off well before the brain catches up.

First MtD, not 'claiming' anything, just trying to give whoever started this thread a different perspective = difference between positive thinking and negative thinking.
Second, yes, that is how I got it, only possible way, one of them must have had a really, really bad case.  Do I blame them?  No bloody way, was my choice to take them my bed, do what we did.

Why you want to know?

James

Offline James1941

  • Member
  • Posts: 29
Re: (feeling blah today)
« Reply #9 on: June 03, 2007, 01:25:41 PM »
Once again,

Miss information rears her ugly head. Go sell crazy somewhere else.

Got any more urban myths to share.

(Carolann, who can be a bitch when looking bullshit right in the eye.)

It is possible that Carolann can be a bitch when 'looking bullshit rigth in the eye'.  Just a pity she don't tell us who's eye she looking in so they can answer her.

James

Offline Carolann

  • Member
  • Posts: 233
Re: (feeling blah today)
« Reply #10 on: June 03, 2007, 01:33:31 PM »
I know a guy who got HIV while going down on a woman. He also had a bare penis up his butt at the time  (my late husband liked to mix it up a bit.).

(Carolann who does not feel like drawing diagrams)

Edited to add \"one of them must have had a really, really bad case\" does not sound like the language someone living with HIV would use.  Something smells fishy here.

« Last Edit: June 03, 2007, 01:49:31 PM by Carolann »

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,894
Re: (feeling blah today)
« Reply #11 on: June 03, 2007, 02:07:28 PM »
OK, before things become more heated, y'all have a right to disagree or to not believe what James has reported about how he became infected.

Please don't get into namecalling or expressions of disbelief wrapped in epithets as in your calling it b******t, Carolann. You're definitely entitled to express an opinion. It's the personal attacks that are not ok.

Thanks for your cooperation.
Andy Velez

Offline kellyspoppi

  • Member
  • Posts: 153
Re: (feeling blah today)
« Reply #12 on: June 03, 2007, 03:31:24 PM »
xtente,

back to your original post.

in regard to your herpes, i would like to respond as someone who, during his period of depression, decided to bring a hooker home and ended up with a bad case of herpes as well.

herpes symptoms in the begining were pretty intense, and constant as well. i have no medical background, so this is only info from my personal experience. i had to take zovoracs/acyclovir for quite a lengthy time to clear up the original outbreak, and any time i was under a great deal of stress or had unprotected sex and didn't clean myself up right away after it, meaning i went to sleep and didn't shower until after i woke up, that would bring on an outbreak.

do not under estimate how stress and depression will bring these outbreaks on. you must deal with your depression to prevent further outbreaks from popping up. if you are a runner/exerciser, take a shower right away....even after a lot of yard work, as waiting for a long time to get cleaned up can bring it on as well after initial diagnosis.

i am now 17 years since initial diagnosis & my outbreaks are few and far between. as soon as i feel the itch, i take a weeks worth of meds and keep it from becoming a major outbreak. once you have cleared things up my doc says stop taking it as you don't want to build up an immunity to the drug. however, just so that we are clear, when initially diagnosed i was taking it on a more regular basis. over time, the need to continue taking the meds on a regular basis diminished.

if you have a regular sex partner who doesn't have it you should be using condoms, and if the partner has it, even with unprotected sex, chances of outbreak are greater if having unprotected sex. my wife and i seemed to have an outbreak almost every time we had unprotected sex because we are both carriers.

in the past 5 years our moments of intercourse have diminished considerably due to her having reoccuring bouts of cancer cells of the labia. back when we were more sexually active, it wasn't unusual for the herpes to show up soon after we had unprotected sex, especially if one little spot of it was hanging around one of us without it rearing it's itchy ugly head. with intercourse out of the equasion, we hardly ever have an outbreak, so life without herpes in the picture is far more realistic.

hopefully i have provided you with some positive info in regard to the herpes part of your post. if you have any further questions, please feel free to ask.

kellyspoppi

 


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