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Author Topic: my husband passed away.  (Read 7369 times)

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Offline belief

  • Member
  • Posts: 72
my husband passed away.
« on: May 26, 2007, 11:46:13 PM »
when i am struggling, writing often helps me and today, i am struggling.  some of you may have followed my story, other maybe not.  i have been dealt some very difficult cards over the past few months and yet another one has fallen on my lap.  my husband of five and a half years is gone.  i am so sad, so crushed and feel so guilty and so responsible for him being gone from our son.  one week ago he took his life.  i saw him that day and he was doing ok and that night he was gone.  he is really gone and i can't even believe i will never see him again, never hear his voice again, never feel his touch again.  nothing.  he killed himself and i feel likeit is all my fault.  i miss him and my son is hurting without him.  how can i do this alone?  i just don't know where else to go right now. 
5/07 - viral load: 28,890  CD4: 514 
8/07 - viral load: 38,710  CD4: 451
9/07 - viral load: 47,000  CD4: 467
11/07 - viral load: 17,600 CD4: 421

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,365
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2007, 09:03:27 AM »
Dear Belief,

I've not followed your story, but I am responding to your current story,the most important story, your post of today.

I would like to suggest several things. First, if you can, talk to someone who specializes in grief counseling as soon as possible. Second, if you can't, or in addition to counseling, research on-line or get a book that will clarify for you the distinct stages of grief especially in relation to suicide. Understanding these stages will help you to realize what you are going through is not only normal but documented and understandable. And, finally, take time to take good care of yourself in the most basic ways: eating, sleeping, bathing, relaxing, spending time with your son and any other loved ones who will support you during this crisis.

The name you chose as your posting name, Belief, indicates to me that you know you can create what reflects a belief. If you believe you will emerge from this very necessary period of grief as a complete person who wants to see her son grow up, that is precisely what will occur. 

Em

Offline Ulong

  • Member
  • Posts: 43
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2007, 12:28:57 PM »
My God. I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry, and you can always come here.

Quote
First, if you can, talk to someone who specializes in grief counseling as soon as possible. Second, if you can't, or in addition to counseling, research on-line or get a book that will clarify for you the distinct stages of grief especially in relation to suicide. Understanding these stages will help you to realize what you are going through is not only normal but documented and understandable.

I am so with Em on this, you are under a huge burden. Losing someone to suicide has its own kind of pain, on top of what you already have to deal with. Feeling guilty and responsible is normal and understandable, and it will most likely take time to understand that you're not guilty or responsible for him dying. Saying that to you right now probably doesn't help, you most likely are totally overloaded now and just trying to endure the pain you're feeling this minute---sometimes that's all you can do. But I feel like I need to say it anyhow even if you can't accept it yet. I hope you eventually can. You have more than enough to deal with. It all must hurt like a mother&$#er right now.  {{{{hugs}}}}






Offline BT65

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  • Member
  • Posts: 10,080
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #3 on: May 27, 2007, 02:19:15 PM »
I am so, so sorry and am keeping you and your son in my thoughts and prayers.  Please get some help!  It's not your fault. 
  Here's a kiss for each of you: :-* :-*
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline catwoman

  • Member
  • Posts: 111
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2007, 09:08:00 PM »
I am praying for you.

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,365
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #5 on: May 27, 2007, 09:41:35 PM »
Hello Belief

I thought about you today and wanted to check back in with you. I think you might even be on-line as I write.

I was hoping your day went gently and given that it is a holiday weekend, that you had a few family members or friends with whom to spend time.

I also hope you'll check in with us and let us know how you are doing. And, please tell us how we may be of support to you.

Em

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,365
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #6 on: May 27, 2007, 10:05:15 PM »
Belief
Please check your PMs. Thanks!
Em

Offline momoftwo

  • Member
  • Posts: 78
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2007, 11:33:07 PM »
I am thinking of you and your son.
Maria

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,956
  • AM member since 2003
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #8 on: May 28, 2007, 12:19:00 AM »
Dear belief

I just wanted to join the other ladies and let you know that I'm thinking of you and your son, please keep in touch and let us know how you are going..I too hope that you have family and friends who will be able help you through this.

BOB...While I'm sure your prayers will be well recieved by Belief please keep in mind that is a Forum for the Ladies.

Hugs to you and your son Belief, please keep in touch with us.

Jan :-*
« Last Edit: May 28, 2007, 03:10:20 AM by anniebc »
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline sweetasmeli

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,052
  • Love what you are...
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #9 on: May 28, 2007, 02:33:13 AM »
Dear Belief
Wise words from Em. I'm sorry for your loss. You and your son are in my thoughts.
Healing hugs
Melia x
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline IzPoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
  • God, grant me the serenity...
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #10 on: May 28, 2007, 07:45:20 AM »
Belief,

Being someone who has lost a loved one through suicide, I echo Emerald's words. Don't be ashamed to seek out grief counselling, and don't be too proud to join a grief group therapy.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son, in the hopes that you will continue to show your strength, and move forward through this tough stage in your life.

One thing helped me through the loss of my husband (not by suicide though) was the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
the courage to change the things that I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.


Just that portion of the prayer, I would repeat, over and over again, because every time I said it, or thought it, I would be calm again and see clearly.

Be well, be calm and please remember to take care of yourself.
« Last Edit: May 28, 2007, 07:52:19 AM by IzPoz »
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Offline Dragonette

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  • Posts: 1,190
  • Spring symptoms
    • NotPerfectAtAll
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #11 on: May 28, 2007, 10:07:42 AM »
Dear Belief

I am so sorry to hear these shocking news.

I pray for you & your son.

Take care & please listen to all the advices here about councelling and looking after yourselves.

I can't imagine that it is your fault in any way or form, it just cannot be.

All the best to you & my deepest condolences,
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline BT65

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  • Member
  • Posts: 10,080
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #12 on: May 28, 2007, 08:54:49 PM »
Belief:
   Please check in with us and let us know how things are going!  Sending continued prayers, peace, and good thoughts your way... :-* :-*
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline purpledragonfly

  • Member
  • Posts: 149
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #13 on: May 28, 2007, 11:34:48 PM »
Belief, I am so sorry for your son and yourself. I can't start to understand what you are going thru.I will keep you and your son in my prayers. Please listen to the other women in here. If you need to talk we are here.

Love,Wendy

Offline englishgirl

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  • Posts: 387
  • ACT NOW TO CAMPAIGN AGAINST THE TRAVEL BAN
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #14 on: May 29, 2007, 03:21:03 AM »
i just dont know what to say other than im so sorry for your loss and my thoughts are with you xxx
i echo the others on recommending some counselling so you can deal with this horrible experience. please continue to share your thoughts with us so we can be there in what little way we can.
much love to you and your son xxx
ACT NOW TO CAMPAIGN AGAINST THE TRAVEL BAN:
http://campaigning.tht.org.uk/cms/cmsloader?WfJVLp&view=11,301,1385,0,-html

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=17352.0


"I'm not keen on the idea of the afterlife - not without knowing who else will be there and what the entertainment will be. Personally I'd rather just take a rest." Oscar Berger, PWA: Looking AIDS in the Face, 1996. RIP.

Offline tigger2376

  • Member
  • Posts: 462
  • too bad to die youngish!
Re: my husband passed away.
« Reply #15 on: May 29, 2007, 07:32:28 PM »
I can't begin to say that I know how how you feel, so just know, we are here. You are NOT alone, I know it may feel like it now but whatever you need/want we can try and help. All my love to you both, please let us know you are still around when you feel strong enough
xxxx
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

 


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